>>34490335
>wife developed issues that prevent us from having sex
What sort of issues?

>>34490350
Health. I've seen the diagnosis/prescription/stuff she's taking. It'll also resolve relatively soon as well.

But I'm not interested any more, if I'm honest. She's not the most attractive person and she doesn't take care of herself that much. Not unattractive, just not that attractive. I was attracted to her because of just general love, comfort etc., but now that it's emotionally quite fucked, feels totally pointless in general.

>>34490335
Resentment is the most sure death-knell of any relationship. The moment it starts to fester, it becomes a wall between the two of you, and ultimately becomes a lack of respect on part of the resentful one. You shouldn't have let it go this far; it's understandable that you were hopeful that things were getting better, but clearly appearances were deceiving. Now you have to either re-establish respect, which is very hard and will take you setting some difficult boundaries with her as well as conscious effort to reform the relationship, or end it before it becomes outright bitterness and contempt, which won't be a good environment for your kids to be in. Don't use the kids as an excuse to be miserable, because they're learning everything from you, including about how a relationship should look. If you let them grow up seeing their mom berate and disapprove of their dad, it could seriously warp their path forward in the world, or cause them to end up with unhealthy relationships of their own, or also lose respect for you. What's best for the both of you and what's best for the kids are much the same thing most of the time. That means that, either you BOTH get on board with acknowledging and fixing the problems so you can have a healthy household for them with parents who respect one another and treat each other properly, or you separate and make good households of your own. Step 1 is probably going to be telling her directly how you feel, and that you're not going to be treated that way. Consider counseling, if she's also on board with trying to make things work, but let her know in no uncertain terms that it's not working right now. In the future, never "bear" disrespect. You don't have to raise your voice, but you shouldn't tolerate it and you have to call it out when you see it; trying to "keep the peace" won't give you any peace, and it will eventually break the relationship anyway. That may even be part of why she lost respect in the first place.

>>34490335
You need to, somehow and this will be difficult, communicate this to your wife. That you are trying and that unnecessary criticism, like how you organize your office, really hurts and saddens you and that it impacts you wanting to spend time with her. Throw a few I love yous in there too

>>34490430
She doesn't "berate" me that often, to be fair. This is something she has a tendency to slap out on occasion, rarely in front of them. And I do confront her immediately. This instance was one where there wasn't much to say - not like I'm going to change her mind if she's decided it's not normal. Forcing her to apologize would have been hollow since it felt like she really thought that way.
>>34490433
I've known her long enough to know how it goes. I confront her, she's completely apologetic but finds a few reasons why I should be sorry too, I put my foot down, she becomes the victim, ultimately she caves and apologizes but not before it's drawn out a lot. The issue with that is, I'm willing to go through it most times, but I just feel like she's been honest here and what good will her apologizing for it do? I'll still feel she thinks I'm not "normal" as she put it.

>>34490424
>But I'm not interested any more, if I'm honest. She's not the most attractive person and she doesn't take care of herself that much. Not unattractive, just not that attractive. I was attracted to her because of just general love, comfort etc., but now that it's emotionally quite fucked, feels totally pointless in general.

Reignite the flame then, start making dates and outings to go together and have fun just the two of you. Revisit old locations where you had travelled to, restaurants you dined at, when you first met before marriage before the kids. Have pillow talks and go down memory lane and talk about the memories of talking for the first time when you met. If you had any inside jokes or weird cute let names for each other back then during the first year of dating, call each other those pet names again.

What helps me and my wife get out of emotional ruts is we rewind the emotional clock back to where we used to be by taking about the old times.

>>34490488
And I was planning to do that. All of it. But after her nasty comment I just don't want to.She doesn't deserve it any more, I'm sorry. That's the issue I have.

>>34490468
That is how it starts, but if you're still being left without resolution then clearly things aren't going well, and usually it only grows from there. It is not about the topic of the moment, whatever she feels the need to disrespect you over, but how she's addressing you in the first place. Disagreements are normal, there's a proper way to handle those, disrespect and resentment isn't. If putting your foot down, whatever that looks like, didn't work, then you have to actually offer consequences for that behavior. Boundaries without consequences are meaningless; you might be setting the boundary when you confront her, but the reason she feels safe to keep doing it is because she knows, whatever she says, you'll put up with it, because "I'm not going to change her mind anyway", or "I'm keeping the peace for the kids".

While her diminishing her own apology by pointing out things you're also wrong for is shitty, it sounds like she has a point, which she isn't making very clearly. You said the marriage is on the backburner, which means you two have probably stopped dating, obviously you've not been able to have sex so physical intimacy and affection has been lacking, so for a while now you two haven't properly been a couple. That is an issue, and at least part of the problem, one which you can both work on together. Most of the couples I've seen fall apart like that, and in my own relationships, complacency has been a huge issue. Dating is an active process, and once you stop dating one another, "settle down" and become domesticated, things like this start to happen. Sometimes it's unavoidable, kids happen, life happens, but if you do want to regain respect and make the relationship work, treating it like a relationship is important. Not saying you do nothing for her obviously, but that's just not how women tend to see it. While men are usually happy with stability and peace in the status-quo, women need a more active effort to keep those feelings alive.

>>34490535
>She doesn't deserve it any more, I'm sorry. That's the issue I have.
Don't be sorry nigga. It's normal to feel that since she pissed you off, you're angry with her. No shit you don't feel motivated to do any of that with her now because it would mean faking emotions right? Well you don't have to pretend to be happy or pleased with her to carry them out. Take her out on a date with a frown on your face or something lol. Because the only way you can shake the anger off with her is you need to experience a positive situation with her again to cool you off.

Maybe you might be blowing up the anger in your own head because of that word "normal". You probably took it as "You are a weird/deficient/odd/freak/loser".

When in actuality she probably just meant "You are not fulfilling my expectations." And her being a woman that means one thing "Give me attention/help me with my mental load". She saw you cooped up in your office isolated from her and she felt you were distant or negligent and she called that behaviour not "normal" aka "this doesn't feel nice"
Figure out if she is simply misspoke. If she did you will find it easier to get over.

>>34490556
I get what you're saying fully. I just honestly have no idea how to do that from the current situation.

>>34490567
She hasn't been fulfilling shit either, to be honest. That's part of it. She was not at all supportive during my health issues, she's n ot backed me in my initiatives.

Yeh yeh I know, women aren't fair...but how does one deal with it when it reaches that point?

>>34490597
>Yeh yeh I know, women aren't fair...but how does one deal with it when it reaches that point?
By finding other men to get support or guidance from, male insights male respect male encouragement. We can't rely on women for everything as sweet as they can be on their good days. Men still require having brotherhood or a pack of guys to go to to talk out men's issues or masculine emotional roadblocks in a way that men intuitively understand. Because women don't get it, brother. Remember they are the dependent sex, they depend on the man to be Mr. strong Mr. competent Mr. attentive Mr. put together Mr. rock Mr. Protective Mr. provider. And women don't exactly understand that it costs a fuck ton of energy to do all of this for a woman and kids. They think our energy and fortitude runs on an infinite stamina bar. And when we buckle and break it burn out or have what you are currently having, the woman has no fucking clue what to do to support a man at that point. Because women cannot encourage men. They genuinely can't.

When was the last time you ever saw a female giving a pep-talk or encouraging speech to a man? Never. They don't know how to problem solve or speak in our mental language. That's why in times like these you are supposed to go to your local tribe of men to hang with and get insights or share troubles. Iron sharpens iron my man

>>34490597
Have you two actually talked about it, all cards on the table? If not that discussion has to come sooner or later, and it's better done from the standpoint of "here's how I've been feeling, here's where we are, here's where I want us to be and what we can do about it, do you want that too and will you help us get there" than as a screaming match on the verge of divorce. I get that you're hurt and don't even want to bother with her at this point due to her rejection of you, but if you leave this alone as it is it's only going one way, not good for either of you. It's not you versus her, or it certainly shouldn't be, it's both of you against the problem. Get her on your team and working against the problems together. Counseling could help with that if you've truly had a communication breakdown, because a good counselor will stop it from being a "he did this, she does that" and keep you two on track towards a resolution. If you do want to try to make this work, the conversation is where I'd start. Ultimately you can't force her to work with you, but if you're at the point of being oppositional in a relationship, it's about over anyway, and you're just waiting for one of you to pull the trigger and end it. If she is willing to work with you, then lead her there. Make sure to actually have the discussion though, not just trying to make desparate last-ditch efforts to reconcile with gifts and dates, those will make her feel good, but they won't make the relationship good.