>>34491528
People online have called me things like an evil douchebag and told me to seek therapy and so I did but it was honestly a waste of time. I told the therapist straight up that I'm only seeing them because random internet people told me to but that I don't see anything wrong with the way I am and don't plan on changing and the therapist themself told me change wouldn't happen if I didn't put any work into it.

I wouldn't say I'm 100% emotionless as when something bad happens to me I do get pretty pissed but when something bad happens to others I don't care. I've had several family members die and I didn't even care despite having a decent relationship with them.

All in all I would definitely describe myself as a nihilist and definitely a massive asshole though I'm not sure if I'm evil since I'm not a murderer or a rapist.

I wanted to post this somewhere for a long time. I don't know what specific advice I'm looking for but I'm just curious what you people will say here.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed because I don't feel unhappy and I can enjoy things just fine but I also wouldn't mind if I died tomorrow because to me sleep is just eternal sleep, exactly what it was like before you were born, and I don't see that as so bad. I also wouldn't mind living forever either though.

>>34491528
Honestly sounds like you might of watched too much porn, or some gore shit.

Try getting off the internet, and read the Bible. I was a shitlord for awhile too but grew out of it. You clearly are recognizing something which is a good sign. We are all born barbarians and separated from God, and the path back requires effort, which is what you're showing now.

My lack of empathy and things were 100% from porn, alcohol, and gore basically numbing me to things.

I believe in violence as a solution so I understand what you feel in some way. You can be very violent and very holy at the same time. Being a cop and killing pedos type thing. Dont go vigilante and I'm not saying that you shouldn't learn to discipline yourself.

You're either going to be a helluva man or a fucking nigger, so be sure to walk the line little bro. Look into MMA or boxing etc. Sometimes insecurities can be the root of those types of issues, and learning your weaknesses and being humbled by a bigger badder dude can help you understand your place in life.

There are quite literally two wolves, the devil and god raging inside of you. The devil tempts you, God does not. Philippians 4:8

>>34491528
self-centered.

nothing else to it. Don't bother psychoanalyzing it.

To change this you might have to change your perspective. And if you want the reward of having real relationships that are meaningful or rewarding with others, you might have to consider satisfying anything else that isn't you. And beyond satisfaction, consider considering the needs and feelings of others.

if you don't wanna do that, then you might have to live with the consequences of not forming real, intimate relationship relationships in your life.

>>34491574
lots of typos sorry, voice to texting because my wrist is fucked lol

Honestly you don't sound all that abnormal. There are lots of people like you out there. All over the place. The only difference is that you admit to it. Ironically or not that actually makes you somewhat better than them because there are people out there who do what you do but do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to convince themselves that they're a good person and that everything they do is for a good reason. At the very least you're self-aware about it. Not trying to praise you or say you're a good person, in fact I still hate you for being such an inconsiderate douche, but honesty and self-awareness are good qualities to have just in general.

tl;dr you're just an asshole

>>34491532
>and the therapist themself told me change wouldn't happen if I didn't put any work into it.
I mean that's basically the end of it. If you don't wanna change it's not like anyone can force you to change. Just don't be too sad if by the time you're 80 years old you're lonely and sick with no one who cares about you.

>>34491528
It sounds like you are a sociopath. Very similar to this guy being interviewed: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bdPMUX8_8Ms&pp=ygUTc29jaW9wYXRoIGludGVydmlldw%3D%3D

>>34491975
Sociopaths are unfortunately way more common than we all realize and we all have probably met several. Remember those bullies in school who would make life a living hell for their victims? Most likely sociopaths. Remember that asshole neighbor who's always starting shit with everyone for no reason? Most likely a sociopath. Remember that coworker who would lie about literally everything all the time even when they didn't need to? Most likely a sociopath. Remember that terrible friend who would act really nice in front of you but constantly talk shit about you behind your back for no reason even if you did everything in your power to support them? Most likely a sociopath.

And I don't remember exactly where I read this but I read it several times that most of the people in power in society like the government or leaders of big corporations are all sociopaths because to get to that position you need to sort of be willing to play dirty and empathy is a weakness in that context.

Also read similar about how people who make insane amounts of money such as millions or billions of dollars a year are also likely sociopaths because there's no ethical way to get that amount of money without taking advantage of people or something like that.

Also read that kids in general up until a certain age are sociopaths until their brain gets to a certain point and they are taught right from wrong.

So yeah. Kinda scary that so many people are sociopaths and that sociopaths are usually rewarded. Sometimes they don't even need to pretend to be a good person as long as they're rich and famous enough. See many celebrities.

>>34492154
Sociopathy isn't used as a diagnostic term in clinical psychology anymore.

>>34492195
I know that. The correct term is antisocial personality disorder (ASPD for short) like it literally says in the title of the linked video. Terms like sociopath and psychopath are just casual terms.

Similarly the way the word narcissist is casually used versus actually having narcissist personality disorder (NPD). There is a difference but most people don't know it.

>>34491528
I don't think you are a horrible person, because I'm like you. Similar shit, lack of empathy and remorse, and a past history of being an asshole. Where I intended to be an asshole on purpose and I knew people would hurt and most days I didn't care about it, the only time I cared was when I felt happy and glad I made them hurt. I never went to the shrink as a kid, or an adult. I do know that people have called me "Psychopath" a few times in my life. Like you, I haven't committed a murder or rape or anything obscene, I don't believe in rape or murder. I do believe in killing but only if it is justified in self defense or capital punishment or sometimes street justice.

My life works like this: I don't "feel" anything in my chest, where people say there is a heart or whatever like the emotions someone is supposed to feel, mine ain't there. All of my "feeling" happens up in my skull, in my thoughts. And my thoughts don't have feelings, but my mind emulates them anyway. My mind will just make a copy of it and I use that unfeeling copy to try and function.

I got no affective empathy, I only have cognitive empathy which is empathy I have to make up myself in my mind.

Also similar to you I was scared to hurt others or fight others after a certain age because I was terrified what I'd do to them I wasn't scared of what could happen to me but I am scared I could accidentally hurt someone too far that they'd die and I'd be imprisoned my life ruined. In a fight I don't think I can stop at a punch, my mind sees red and wants the threat to stop moving and stop breathing before I feel safe.

It's annoying because I didn't intend or want to be this way. I have very blurry memories of being 3 or 4 and wanting to be a hero or a knight or a superhero. I never wanted to live in a way people would call "villain". I don't know what happened and I lost the ability to care anyway

>>34491528
At least you don’t have BPD or something where your emotions rule you. I wish I felt less of everything.

>>34491528
Okay. If you wanna manipulate people and use them then fine, do it. Just don't complain when other people do the same to you.

>>34491528
>I'm probably the worst a person can possibly be if you don't count murderers or rapists or people like that
The fact that you even see rapists as bad people probably means you aren't that bad

>>34491528
This sounds like archetypal psychopath/sociopath behaviour. (As others have pointed out, the technical diagnosis nowadays would be a severe case of Antisocial Personality Disorder; and, as others have also mentioned, it's more common than many people realise - many company CEOs are psychopaths).

The question you have to ask, I guess, is: does it actually bother you that you're like this? Psychopaths generally like being psychopaths; they regard themselves as wolves in a world full of sheep, and regard other people as convenient objects to be utilised rather than as something you should care about. So, do you want to be different? Do you want to care about people? If you do, and you're willing to put a lot of work in, then change is possible; but it's hard work, and it's got to be something you actually want.

>>34492211
>I know that. The correct term is antisocial personality disorder (ASPD for short) like it literally says in the title of the linked video. Terms like sociopath and psychopath are just casual terms.

Okay makes sense I didn't click the video. I liked your post anyway: >>34492154

Specifically the part where you said sociopaths are more common than people think, or people with ASPD or Psychopathic inclinations, I can testify it's true because in my upbringing that's what I grew up around, half of my relatives were that way and every other family in my neighbourhood had at least one or two of them. I'm not sure if people even see a difference between 'psychopath' vs. 'sociopath' any more but from how I witnessed it the difference was in the temperament. Sociopaths were more stone-like and intense with a hair trigger temper, spoke few words, "harassed" basically. Only thing on their mind was getting pussy and getting paid. Whenever they commit violence they took both pleasure from it but they didn't feel upset or remorseful either to them it's just like a house chore. Psychopaths were similar but there was no hair trigger temper it was usually they'd be the nicest or chillest people you'd meet but you could sense something fucked up or something off about them and when they'd snap it was always spooky as shit they'd go into manic rage or even laugh as they would do fucked up shit like they were a kid finally being allowed to go to a theme park.

>>34492273
>Harassed
Hard-assed*

>>34492273
>They took both pleasure
They didn't take pleasure*
I am going to nail my phone to a tree, fuck Steve jobs

>>34492266
>as others have also mentioned, it's more common than many people realise - many company CEOs are psychopaths

Not just CEOs. In reality the most likely place you will encounter them is at hospitals and doctor clinics. The kids who cut open animals as kids got good at it and became surgeons lol the people who could look suffering people in the eye and feel nothing got good at it and becane doctors who can tell you to your face your little boy has cancer and is gonna die while they feeling nothing, just a Tuesday for them. Psychopathy is beneficial in the medical field, it means less mistakes are made due to emotions or empathy clouding judgement calls or sabotaging the surgeons dexterity during operations

>>34491528
Alright I gotta go rewatch The Boondocks real quick lol

>>34493789
i don't think i've ever been so creeped out by a fictional child. not even eric cartman is as scary as this kid

>>34493865
Sorry to freak you out but that kid (an adult by now, in his 20s I think) is real and most definitely can hurt you. He was based on a real life case of a psychopathic 7 year old who beat up his grandma in the middle of the grocery store for not buying him chicken and who then stole his grandma's car and took it for a joyride while crashing into several things and almost hurting/killing some people. And since then he hasn't gotten any better as he got older either. He's apparently carjacked many times and is in prison now I think. I don't think he's ever killed anyone but he definitely did injure people for sure.

While he seems to have been born a psychopath I can't help but feel that his family enabled him somewhat. Even if he was born a psychopath he most likely would've ended up more likable if he had a stricter family who taught him more discipline. After pulling this shit at 7 years old he probably should've been grounded for like 5 years. I've been grounded for a year as a kid for way less (though still deserved).

>>34491528
>>34491532
I can actually kinda relate to a certain extent. Not really on the violence when growing up or the psychological manipulation as an adult but more so on the part of just not caring. I care about my family, friends, and girlfriend but everyone else is basically completely irrelevant to me. If I see a random old lady in the grocery store fall and break her back I won't even help her get up because I don't even know her. I'll just walk away. If a lost child comes to me in the grocery store I also won't help them. I also won't help acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers, etc if they come to me for help because I'm not close to them. I won't go out of my way to hurt or manipulate them but I just won't help them. I don't care for other people by default unless it's someone I'm close to.

>>34491528
>What does this say about me?
That you're probably ASPD - Antisocial Personality Disorder
>About my existence
That you're 1% of all humans. Most people are process based thinkers. You are outcome based.
>I literally can't recall ever feeling any amount of empathy towards anyone, animals included.
Because empathy requires a mutual process of connection. You aren't process based.
>I told them no because I just didn't see what I did wrong.
Because that would require recognising process: Disliking him > Your actions > His actions > Recollection of the event > Your attack > Your feelings > Your lack of them. You are outcome based. So your mind skips all the steps: Disliking him > Attacking him and that's it. Two steps instead of several.

>As in I'd present a certain version of myself to a person just to get something out of them
Because you were focused on an outcome, getting something out of them.
>also change friend groups all the time and have ghosted all of my family members because people just become boring to me really fast and I stop caring about them. I only go back to them when I need money.
Because your mind seeks outcomes. Once you get the outcome, you get bored and you leave until you seek an outcome again.

When you remove the morality and remove the Hollywood hype and just see Sociopathy for what it actually is, it's just a human mind that only focuses on goals and outcomes, and ignores process.

Here's how normies think:
( A, B, B1, C, C1, C2, D, E, E1, E2..)
They think in steps of process with sometimes nuance or extra side processes branching off from the steps of thought.

Here's how Autists think:
(A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N ...)
Straight forward, no nuances, just blunt and forward.

Here's how sociopaths (ASPDs) think:
A, Z.

Straight to the point, straight to the outcome, no wasting time and no time for empathy or processes just straight in for the cognitive kill.

>>34494366
>>34491528
>Continued
So if you want to have a good life with ASPD sociopathy here's what you do:

Don't change a thing. Stay as you are. Just understand that life is a transaction, life is give and take, life is either your outcome is a benefit, or your outcome is a deficit, or your outcome is a benefit that has deficits later.

Focus on only benefits. Develop a sense of sociopathic morality using sociopathic rules. So for example:
>Don't manipulate people for money
A normie won't do it because of feelings and empathy.
A sociopath who understands the game won't do it. But not because of empathy but because of practicality. If you manipulate someone and they find out, they run away. That means you lose your source of outcome forever. That doesn't benefit you long term.

Sociopathy that works is where you continue to use others for your outcomes but you make sure they get something in return. But make sure you always win each transaction, aka you always come out better off each trade. That way you get to keep seeking and winning outcomes but without hitting obstacles.

>>34494295
op sounds pretty fucked up but you sound pretty normal. we only have so much energy might as well spend it on the ones we truly care about. life's too short to spend time helping people who most likely wouldn't help us either if we were in their position
>If a lost child comes to me in the grocery store I also won't help them.
this is actually the smart thing to do especially as a man and especially if you're a minority man. pedo accusations are no joke
>If I see a random old lady in the grocery store fall and break her back I won't even help her get up because I don't even know her. I'll just walk away.
this part is kinda going a bit far but i have actually met some people who get offended if you ask if they need help so i'd stick around for a few seconds and if she asked me for help i'd help her but if she didn't i wouldn't help her
>I also won't help acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers, etc if they come to me for help because I'm not close to them.
those kinds of people usually only come to you when they need something from you anyway. from my experience they don't come to you when they don't want something from you
so i'd personally say your attitude is actually pretty healthy. only a little bit too radical at times at worst but that's it

>>34494403
>this is actually the smart thing to do especially as a man and especially if you're a minority man. pedo accusations are no joke
Oh yeah that's a huge thing. I'm afraid to even look in the direction of children because the world has become so cynical and assumes that any adult who isn't a parent interacting with their own child wants to fuck the child.

>>34491528
Well it’s a horrible world so you’ll fit right in
Don’t ever leave your community. You belong with the people who created you

>>34494773
People on the internet say this all the time but I've never experienced this in real life. People will hate you for sure if you say something explicitly sexual to a kid but no one will really mind you talking to a child just in general as long as you don't have obvious ulterior motives.

Besides this would make certain jobs like being a teacher or child counselor literally impossible lol. Some cynicism is understandable but too much is too much.

>>34494845
like with anything else depends on where you live. if you live in a safe neighborhood then people will likely be less cynical but if you live in a dangerous neighborhood where kids always go missing then people are more cynical and rightfully so

>>34491528
>The best example of this type of manipulation could be literally any romantic relationship I've ever had
how often did this work? i dont think any sane 'hot' woman would so easily fall for lies of some asshole, you would need pretty high social skills to do this unless they were all retarded

>>34494991
nta but you'd be surprised at how retarded the average person is, or at least in america. the average person can't even read beyond a 3rd grade level. plus if you've ever worked in customer service you'll literally want to stop and strangle kittens because people are so dumb, rude, and annoying. i used to think the elderly were very wise and sweet but from my experience the elderly customers have actually been some of the worst ones of all

>>34494991
>>34495091
From my experience the ditzy dumb blonde stereotype is true except not just for blondes but for all women of all races. If you have a lot of money you can pretty much win literally any woman ever across the globe. Their minds are that simple. Bonus if you're conventionally attractive and have amazing social skills but money comes first.

>>34491528
It's funny because compared to many people I've met you don't even seem that bad. Your case from what you've written here is more you being indifferent and insensitive but you never mentioned taking pleasure in the pain of others. I've known people in my life who would literally brag and laugh about how much they like to hurt other people who they perceive as inferior to them. And a lot of them just doing it for the sake of cruelty not because they have a specific goal in mind. Meanwhile you have specific goals and you don't care who gets hurt in the process but you don't seem to necessarily enjoy hurting others. You just don't care. You're not a good person but there are many people out there who are way worse than you so I'd say you're fine relatively speaking.

>>34496092
i'd say he's just as bad because he's still hurting people either way whether he actively enjoys it or just doesn't care is completely irrelevant because people are still being hurt either way. the damage is still done regardless of intentions