Why do people only see the worst in me and have such negative perceptions of me? Does that mean I'm both unlikable and a punching bag? It happens so often
>>34493932I don't know you, don't know what you do, or your situations with other people, so i don't know how i'm supposed to answer this. You're allowed to spend more than ten seconds making a post.
>>34493952Okay. I'm not really sure what else to say
>>34493959I literally don't understand what your OP is asking, how do you expect to get advice without people projecting?
>>34493959He can't give you an answer because there is nothing to go off of. There is probably something wrong with you but you are unable to figure it out. Because you can not figure it you we can not really give advice. Do you smell bad? Do you have poor social skills (autism or something)? Questionable beliefs? Something else?
>>34493970I do have poor social skills, I don't think I have full blown autism but I was pretty undersocialized and have PTSD. I want to connect with others, but it hasn't gone well for me. At work I get bullied/ostracized or trying to talk to people online, I run into some pretty malicious people. I'm not really sure what to do since isolation is pretty bad for me too.
>>34493979There we go, that's the problem. I would see a professional. Can you explain what you say and how the people respond (work and online)?
>>34493979well what are the characteristics of your relationships with others? do you just 'get bullied' out of thin air or is there some prevalent attitude, topic or something else that you share with others? >onlinenot real socializationYou ever try to join a hobby group irl of people with shared interests?
>>34493932You are projecting. Has nothing to do with me.
>>34493984At work, it's mixed signals. Sometimes it seems like someone likes me and then I hear them talking about me behind my back or making fun of me. So I'm really not sure, I try to do nice things like help people where I can or bring in goodies, but I'm not sure what I'm doing to rub people the wrong way. I'm not super talkative, because then I would be annoying, but then (with women especially) if i'm not talkative enough, they see that as weird or that I don't like them. Online, I mostly just talk to people off 4chan and usually it's the standard ghosting, which i'm okay with. But with others it feels like when I open up, they twist my words against me and want to paint me as a bad person for some reason and I really don't get it. Like for example, someone was asking me questions about my race, I gave my candid responses but it was kind of clear they already had their mind made-up and wanted to paint me as racist for certain views I have (I'm not a polfag and i'm not an SJW). I just can't hack it and I'm not even sure how a professional could help me. I've seen a few before and it's always 2 extremes, "you did nothing wrong" or "you're overexaggerating". Both drive me nuts because the first one isn't helpful at all, and the second one just feels like they're writing me off or treating me like I'm hysterical, and I'm not.
>>34493987>well what are the characteristics of your relationships with others?It's hard for me to get close to people in the first place, so I'm not really sure how to paint it. I do often feel like I'm the odd one out, and it happens before I can even realize because in social settings, it takes me a bit to warm up to people. My attitude is pretty neutral, I'm not a person of many words but I know sometimes people can perceive my tone as aggressive when I'm not. I'm a pretty shy person and I don't share anything inappropriate.I have gone to some irl hobby groups. The last one I stopped going to because the host is a bit odd in a really touchy "can dish it out" but can't take it kind of way. I didn't really have problems with anyone else, I know 1 of the girls didn't like me but I think it's because she feels intimidated by me and thinks I'm some genius when I'm not.
>>34494006eh, my advice is to ignore the work freaks and focus on your shared interests with others IRL, keep it up until something sticks and maybe to think about the idea of humility? that you and others are generally equal. and to intentionally not have a frame of mind of like, victim and victimizer; thinking either that others are trying to victimize you, or that you are affecting others negatively and that either of these are a measure of your worth I think you can do it, don't let the sensitivity rule your emotions or decisions
>>34494037>and maybe to think about the idea of humility? that you and others are generally equal.This one's hard for me, not because I think i'm better than everyone else, but because I struggle with my self-esteem and to tell myself that I do deserve to be somewhere. And yeah, I probably do think of myself as a victim more than I should which is something I want to get out of, because it does me no favors and it's also tiresome and probably something I turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. What do I do if someone says something to me directly that may arouse these feelings? Let's say I go to the hobby group and someone says something that to me *feels* like I'm being singled out when it may not necessarily be true, what should I do?
>>34494044hard question. well, you can feel like a victim but you don't have to act on it. maybe let it pass, examine it later if it was justified, and then try not to carry the resentment or prevalent belief of like -- "they are just like all the others, this is who i am, it will never change." and focusing on people who are actually nice or friendly go read about transference for a fun bonus
>>34494052Good advice, thank you.>transferenceOne of my therapists said I did this, but I'm not sure what she meant by it. Weirdly enough she made an assumption that I thought that she was my friend and not my therapist.
>>34494077assumption is a great other word for transference, why didn't i ever think of that. my take on it is transference is the way we learned or associated something and how we transfer past experiences or people onto the present. not that this matters but there's fantastic writing on it by jung / shedler
>>34494137Not this guy again.
>>34494137I don't think I could do that and also feel like my life improved for feel at peace personally
>>34494052Read about narcs making larp threads like op because he is throwing a tizzy over someone he is jealous of and it makes him so insecure he makes these threads
>>34496020why bump a so called narc thread then
>>34493932Because you only see the worst in yourself, and thus project it.Learning to love yourself and see the best in yourself is a lot easier said than done. But if you can do it, people's perception of you will improve along with your own.
