How do you deal with a younger sibling with borderline personality disorder? My little sister abruptly cut me out of her life and has been giving the silent treatment to me for about 2 months now. She doesn't even consider she may have it, since she's a doctor shopper who chased a few different diagnoses and identities (nonbinary) before settling on autism (lol). I miss my sister, my friend, and it's like she was consumed by this fruitless search for identities. Now she's someone's discord kitten after constantly breaking from old friends due to the drama she causes. I've done what I could to not encourage this kind of behavior, and I guess she sought her supply elsewhere. Most advice I find is to simply cut people like her from my mind, but I do care for her. It's up to her to help herself, and I don't know what I can do.
>>34496160If she actually has BPD, there isn't anything you can do. Try to limit contact so she doesn't fuck up your life. She is on her own journey of hopefully eventually being medicated enough to maintain stable relationships
>>34496160>I miss my sisterMental illness is a terrible thing. You have to accept that she's gone now, as gone as if she had actually died, even though her body is still walking around. One of Pink Floyd's greatest songs was on this very topic.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84Tq-eAJIk4One of their founding members - who had named the band after two of his favorite blues musicians - was lost to adult onset schizophrenia several years before.
>>34496160The prognosis for BPD is a lot better now than it used to be. In one study, about 75% of BPD sufferers were in remission within six years once they got the right help. The problem, of course, is getting them to get the right kind of help. I should point out that doctors don't hand out autism diagnoses on demand, and if she hasn't been diagnosed as BPD despite seeing doctors, she most likely isn't. It's easy for a layperson to mistake other neurodivergent conditions for BPD.
>>34496346I guess there's a chance she might figure herself out on her own. She's on her own journey, as you say. >>34496728Worst part is it's a personality disorder, so there's no pill that can restore chemical balance. >>34496735You are entirely correct about autism diagnoses, and I thought the same. But I have to doubt it because of what I've seen. When she was obsessed with adhd, she cried and coerced my mother and I into filling out the questionnaires with max severity for all symptoms because she was just so sure she had it. I should have stood my ground. The night before her autism test, she stayed up all night studying the condition and flimsily recontextualizing her life and never-ending drama as autism symptoms. This also isn't the first time she did this. For previous medical issues she thought she had, she switches doctors until she finds one that gives her the diagnosis she is currently fixated on. She has a constant need for validation and she seeks people out online for it when I don't encourage her shitty behavior. When she info dumps for hours, it isn't about interests external to herself like with autists, only her feelings and "lived experience". She used to keep me abreast of the drama in her friend groups, and most of the time, she leaves out the details of what she even did, very conspicuously. She even shifts from favorite person to favorite person, shifting after a year or so when they get sick of her or she abruptly gets sick of them, ghosting them. Also our dad had BPD and was abusive, both of which cause it. I'm not a psychologist and even now I don't know if I am even right, but it seems to fit better than anything else. I can't help but worry she has filled out our side of the paperwork for the autism DX after she reacted negatively to us not exaggerating her "adhd". I know there is a genetic test for autism, and I'm considering convincing her to get it while I foot the bill to put the issue to rest.
>>34497202She lies a lot, is what I mean to say. She doctor shops, so I can't even trust her autism diagnosis. Especially when she stayed up all night studying it and practicing getting her story straight so she could dupe her therapist. I don't know for sure, but her previous patterns of behavior invite high scrutiny, and aligns more closely with bpd, alongside the genetic factor of our dad. You are correct that it's easy for a layperson to misread the symptoms, however.
>>34496160I'm an older sister to someone like this too. I have to just keep bringing up my boundaries every time my sister talks to me. Some of it is just youth, and she'll likely grow out of it. But some of it probably is inherent personality... Just keep her at arms length to protect yourself from the drama while still letting her know you love her. I tell my sister I love her and I do have good conversations with her, but once they get to that place where I'm not comfortable I say "don't talk to me about this" and end the convo. I have to do it every time. Boundaries are the only way with a BPD family member.
>>34497236Unfortunately, she's 28 this year. She was actually better as a teen. Now she's gone full NEET. It's funny because she's in the family house, just sequestered in her room, and puts on noise cancelling headphones and turns her face away whenever she has to come downstairs for any reason. She didn't act like this before. Even if she was autistic, she's using the diagnosis as an excuse to spiral downwards and entertain her worst behaviors. My go-to reaction for when she tried to bring up stuff I personally was uncomfortable with was to become uninteresting and give short answers. Maybe it is better to firmly let her know my boundaries instead. I hope it's not too late, since she only communicates with her current discord boy now. I'm gonna break the embargo and message her that despite this current state of affairs, our mom and I do love her and she can depend on us. Though I cannot expect it to be better. Just the same. She'll have to come to the conclusion of improvement on her own, but at least this uneasy stalemate she imposed can ease up a little. Hopefully.
>>34497387She may eventually get tired of having to do the autism song-and-dance, who knows. At some point your responsibility to help her do better does effectively end when it comes to an adult sibling. It sucks because when you're young you have a right to say "cut that shit out" to a sibling, but once you become adults it changes to "I won't be part of you doing that shit yet ultimately have no control over whether you continue doing that shit."
>>34496160>borderlineThe best you can do is cut her off yourself. You should want distance from people like this, they are called BPD **demons** for a reason
>>34497401I'm certain it will end, though she will probably go through a few more different identities before realizing it's all dumb. This may take upwards of a decade, who knows? She and I have probably been drifting apart slowly for a while ever since she went to a private liberal arts school. That's probably where she picked up the whole non-binary, then adhd, then autism thing. If I could go back in time and undo that situation, I would. I don't know where my responsibilities end with her, though. I would go through hell for her, since I'm her big brother, but though I want to barge into her room and talk, or apologize for everything to appease her just so things can go back to normal, I know every action has consequences and it's ultimately up to her to decide to get better. It's not like we haven't talked before, but I haven't seen her mental health regress this much until now. I can hear her talk to her e-boy through her wall when I pass by, and it's all self-absorbed talk about roleplay and OCs. He probably has a screw loose as well, if he is fine talking to her up to 11 hours a day. This situation is not tenable, and will break at some point, somehow, by her or him. It's difficult to restrain myself from telling her what I want her to know, but it is as you say, she and I are adults, and I can only be there for her when it crashes down, instead of trying to prevent it crashing in the first place. >>34497446I know, but it's not that simple. She isn't an ex-girlfriend I can kick out. And I'm sure she's suffering as well, though she tries to make her face and tone neutral as much as possible. When we did communicate, she ended up in an outburst over this silent treatment after maintaining it for a month, so I can tell she's still sore. I want to give her a piece of my mind over this emotional blackmail, and her constant victim mentality, but I care about her and don't want to make things worse. I want to help her, but only she can do that, I suppose.
