>>34501199
You are now breathing manually
You are now blinking manually
You are now aware of your mortality
You are now thinking about the responsibilities you have not fulfilled
You are now remembering the most cringe thing you’ve ever done

The teacher just wrote back to me. I wonder what she wants

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Life is tragedy itself. From the moment of birth, we are condemned to suffer. Men imagine that joy is their natural state, and that suffering merely visits them from time to time as an unwelcome guest. I hold the contrary to be true: suffering is the natural condition of man, while joy is but a fleeting reprieve, a brief intermission in an otherwise unending torment. We suffer not only through the cruelties of the world, but within the chambers of our own minds, where thought itself often becomes an instrument of anguish. Rare indeed are those moments when pain loosens its grip, and even then, such relief endures only briefly before we are cast once more into the familiar depths of sorrow.

schizophrenics are always right about everything

>>34501214
your left kidney is now rotating in the wrong way

I fucked my girlfriend in the ass 2 days ago.

it's over.

Every person I talk to about you tells me that you just aren't a good person and I need to stop defending you. They even say you are abusing me. The crazy part is I'm aware I'm trying my best to make you sound good too. Hmmm

Better to be pissed off than pissed on

>>34503745
A combo of the two is hot though

I didn't realize you liked me back, and now I'm afraid I hurt you by playing it too cool.

if not in 2 days, then i'm done. it's not for me, it's not in my cards. i'm done, for good. i dont care anymore.

>>34505046
Not unless I kill you first

>>34505109
welcome to try, friend.

Everyone keeps yelling at me. doesn't feel great

Why are you ignoring me? Did you meet someone else? I really miss you.

>>34505223
If you really missed me, I shouldn't be the one initiating texts like a needy puppy.
If you really missed me, you wouldn't just leave me neglected while I'm playing receptionist for a dead fucking building.
If you really missed me, you'd explain why, because it's fucking weird you miss me when I'm a nobody in your totem pole.

You didn't. And I realized I wasted my time and was a dumbass yet again. I should've asked for your thing 3 months earlier so I could've had a headstart with my plans and skedaddle with no issue.

I'm gonna go back to obsessing on my career now, and leave this shit ass job, and never talking to you or anyone else there again.

>>34505223
I didn't meet someone else, no. Being alone is better than being with you

You only miss me because you're bored and your life sucks

i am ghosting you not because of the pedophilia but because you are annoying af. you give the same speech about it every time we talk. how do you forget you told me this every single time?

>>34501199
Kinda early. I want to silent protest the bump limit to 360ish.

>>34503597
Did it smell

>>34505532
That's disgusting

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Other tammy from childhood has been gone since April 2025 and I don’t know if derek is dead or if he even is or was my biological father, same goes for tammy I don’t know if either Tammy is my biological mother. I just know that they do everything they can to fuck me up and pretend to be victims each time the police arrive. I told u about everything else they did to me, documented everything and they did something yesterday that will only cause more damage to me if I explain. Tamara is sitting on two properties and refuses to let me sleep in one because of “what happened” and isn’t willing to explain it any further than that. I can blow my brain with a slug at any time and I don’t see the point in going on any longer.
Why live anymore? Looks like It’s either kill myself now or continue being spirit cooked until I do. Nobody fucking cares.
Give me one reason to keep living.
All I am is five seconds away from suicide. Are u sure this is what u want?
This will be going in my head by the end of today if someone doesn’t do something. I’m done fuckin around.
The 3/4” is sliding thru the entirety of the 1” and I have a perfectly centered screw in the cap that lines up with the primer.

>>34503637
Talking to friends and family is always going to end up a hug box for you. Their bias reinforces dysfunction instead of accountability and understanding the reality of what's going on.
Go to therapy for an unbiased take.

If I don’t live to see tomorrow once more it will be your fault. All u care about is removing people’s guilt once they truly understand what is happening and what they are doing. It’s killing me.

Everything I’ve done. Everything I’ve felt. Everything I’ve seen. All for nothing. Somehow I didn’t think it would go to waste but I know now that I was surely wrong. Sons of God, sons of man failed me equally. Make peace with that.

I told my psychiatrist I'm not taking the meds anymore. She was concerned and then begged me to see a therapist and still check in with her.

Fuck off. I'm not that ill

Drank a pint of 8.4% I think I’m going to “do it” once the feeling wears off.

I want to live but if u don’t fix this now then I’m dying today.

Im not wasting my energy on any of your cryptic garbage. Either do the right thing or let me die today.

>>34506084

And when I die consider that I’m likely not their first victim of this, just the loudest. Consider that in every follow up they have about me reaching for righteousness and glory. Don’t be deceived.

I told “Derek” that if he doesn’t end this game today then I will be dying today and they will never see me alive again. “There is no game” he says.
He just re approached me saying something about if I’m obedient then I can come back to the house. I demanded him to tell me what the imposters are for and he denied their existence. I told him that I am going to die today because of him and he repeatedly told me that I’m going to die because of me in all three responses and told me I belong in a hospital.
>legacy

Approached derek my slave master because my bum ass wants some alcohol to cope with my inevitable suicide.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE REAL HEROES? NO?! I GUESS ITS GOODBYE.

>>34506196
You're not talking like someone who wants to change his mind. Of course, death just means those problems were never solved. You'll never feel joy again. No hobbies. No comfort food. No music you just stop existing. Not sure that's really worth it. But you have to make your own decisions

Finally pulling the trigger on getting tested for ADHD. Wish I did it before I fell off parent’s insurance. Such is life.
When did they add the lifeline number?

>>34506233
I’m eating lunch. Headed to the tavern to get fucked up one last time. I’m done.

>>34506233
Existing isn’t worth it. I’ll take my gamble.

>>34506272
You've gotta decide if you want to live. But if you don't stay alive then you'll never do anything fun again. Not a single moment of joy for yourself ever again.

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>>34501199
I still miss her, and I'm denial she's gone; I just don't like when people leave me, even though she has a valid reason.

>>34506233
>You'll never feel joy again. No hobbies. No comfort food. No music you just stop existing. Not sure that's really worth it.
I don’t believe what u believe

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I suggest that u try to stop believing Paul once I’m gone and believe in your fellow man to do the same.

Once the clock hits 4:18 I’m gone

Be more righteous than scribes and Pharisees and humble yourself to go to heaven, yeah yeah I know.

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I accept God’s love and I accept myself.

I'm starting to hate this site....

Bruh, how am I supposed to believe in love when it is so shallow and short lived
The love and affection now is destined to fade away

>>34503637
Don't defend me. If you want to join the side of hating me, go ahead. How am I abusing you?

>>34506372
What convinced you

>>34506454
The fact that people know shit about me and I don't even know who they are really.

>>34506004
By every person I also mean strangers, the internet, and yes therapists too. Part of me thinks I manipulated everyone by making it sound like you are abusing me because really I am abusing YOU. What if I am so deep in npd bpd 4D chess puppet master psychopath bullshittery that I do not realize just how bad I am and am convinced I am a victim no matter what? Maybe I am delusional and cannot trust my own perception of reality like you keep trying to communicate with me over and over again. And maybe I /do/ keep trying to gaslight you as a defense mechanism BUT because you care for me so much you are willing to look past my attempts at manipulation and try to help me. You might be right that it's for the best if I stay away from everyone I know right now, they likely do have an agenda and that is to make you out to be the villain. Oh my God. I am so sorry. You are the only person who truly cares about me after all. Thank you so much for being there for me. I'll try my best to stop doubting and sabotaging our relationship due to my own mental illness and projecting. I love you and I'll try to be better for you

>>34506481
Mr. Worldwide?

One day I won't need your love
One day I won't define myself by the one I'm thinking of
And if one day I I won't need it
Then one day you won't need it

>>34506515
Dead. That's the funniest name ever.

>>34505223
I miss you too but you don't respect me. You keep treating me like shit over and over again and all you do is apologize but keep doing it. Do you understand that no part of me WANTS to nag you? You think this makes me feel good about myself or more attracted to you? It's humiliating that I keep having to beg for you to respect me because you keep begging me to just give you another chance. The thing I'm avoiding saying to you is please can you just act right for once? I don't see where you are struggling. The basic stuff CANNOT be this hard for you.

It is not Sydney’s fault or Evan’s fault that derek and tammy are fucked up. I hope u know I always knew that.

FUCK CATHOLICISM

Jesus Christ is King.

>>34506568
let's not go that far it is a little bit evan's fault if you think about it

>>34506579
No

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Unless I receive good news before 4:18pm today it’s happening

>>34506589
I love you.

I'm heartbroken

>>34506678
Why?

Beat women

>>34506698
I love someone very much but I can't be with him

>>34506705
Why not?

>>34506678
>>34506705
Damn that makes two of us

My bf forces me to peg him even though I don't want to do it. Am I being raped?

>>34506705
I love someone very much but I can't be with her

Shrill yapping cunts raise my stress and then I feel like I can't even fucking eat food lest I choke to death on it.

>>34506709
He's married

>>34506762
So? Are you going to let that get in the way of true love?

>>34506762
I'm so sorry.

i'm lonely af. if only she was here. she could make it better

I melt when I'm around you, and I can never find the right words or the right time to tell you how I feel, or what you mean to me. You've made me a better person, and I have nothing to give you in return but my time. Now I don't know how much time I have left with you and it's killing me. Please don't leave.

>>34505403
What did I do to deserve this? One day you tell me you love me, the next you act like I don’t exist. And now you’re deliberately ignoring me. Before you used to block me. I must mean so little to you for you to see my texts and not do anything.
>>34506552
You don’t even beg me. You just shun me. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. It’s very hurtful what you’re doing.

>>34506790
Can I pretend this is for me?

>>34506765
He's happy, and if he dumped his wife over nothing then he wouldn't be the person I fell in love with
>>34506767
Thanks anon

>>34506798
Damn, a man with morals. I'm falling for him too

BPD girl here
i just ruined another promising relationship. in under a week this time, it's a new record. i think i should just give up

Man, I also have a crush on someone at work, but because she's either busy or the boss seems like he's fucking her, I'm not bothering and I'm busy accelerating my exit.
What's weird is originally, I felt nothing to her other than "wow, she works hard, but she's friendly, and that's all." She did weird little shit I over-think and now feelings are weird.

I'm squashing those now. I'm just mentally treating her like a Starbucks barista or some shit now. Not harassing, just gonna be "regular" with her.

>>34506795
Sure. I hope whatever's going on in your life works out for the best. But if you want someone to not want you to leave, maybe tell them you want to spend more time with them before you go.

>>34506816
That's too reasonable I can't do it

>>34506510
>>34506510
Sounds like you've really weighed the possibility that you've some abusive/narcissistic behaviors in yourself. Joint therapy with someone familiar with narcissistic personalities/cluster Bs/psychological abuse may help. And if they're refusing going with you, that strongly implies them being the problem and not you.

If u don’t understand how serious this is then now would be a good time to realize. 1 hour. Don’t make me do this.

>>34506819
Suit yourself. But if it helps, if that person reached out to me and said they wanted to spend more time with me, I'd drop whatever I was doing to spend more time with them.

Recognizing that red pill male ideology is a massive cope for crippling insecurity and raging victim mentality

>>34506804
Hey bpd girl
I've been dating this girl for like 2 months and she is really cool and very pretty. Like 3 times so far she has went from red hot to ice cold and I couldn't figure out what was happening at first. But then I read about bpd and she fits the signs perfectly. I'm a bit older than her so I've handled it but now she's hot again for me and I'm just waiting for the turn. Any tips??? I really like her and want to be there for her.

>>34501199
where can I find a man with a deep voice to read me porn on call?

>>34506510
Same fag comment attempt to try to make her feel this way and manipulate what she does. You are toxic trash

I goon thinking about my male friend

>>34506886
Nta. Can you explain further?

>>34506886
>>34506904
Samefag

>>34506879
Pretty evil to be gleeful over infants being abused, desu.

>>34506909
No, I'm female and want to be able to notice this as manipulative and not actually being apologetic if that's the case, I'm pretty naive and hopeful and tend to get taken advantage of in that way by narcissistic types

>>34506879
i wonder what kind of person you

8 minutes

All it takes is for the police or derek and tammy to do the right thing. derek and tammy will never do the right thing.

https://youtu.be/E0pkHBVznLA?si=ildQFRqOc8f6f5Wd
Goodbye, anons.
<3

I love my autistic niggers. Thank you for existing.

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Slammed it 3 times but it wouldn’t fire. Not sure I should try again.

Feeling pretty good but really disappointed in myself for my actions throughout most of my life. I could have been a lot better off than I am.

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I should have done it with the camera facing me but I slammed it against my head 3 times eager to go and I guess I fucked it up. Not sure what to do now.

>>34506969
>>34507021
What is that

I wish it worked instead. Nothing that persistence can’t fix.

i fucking hate women so god damn much, but i love vodka

>>34507113
I'm feeling similarly. Gonna go search for myself in a bottle of booze, probably.

>>34507113
F who is coming around to hating men. I'd share a couple shots with you.

>Burned everything I had to give to get what I wanted.
>Got like half of it. The other half might never happen.
>It's possible that I'm so horrible, it shouldn't.

There's so much more opportunity out there, but I don't know if I can bring myself to go after it. I'm 33 and married, and I feel awful half the time from gerds, and everything moves so fast all the time.

My whole body hurts after trying to fix that stupid window

I can sleep in my room again

i wish the schizo would find something better to do than shit up a thread with lots of creative potential

The holy universe is playing a cruel joke again. Pissing me off. Ill get it on Friday just so I fucking have it.

Turning off the internet at fucking 3 PM FOR THIS SHIT IS RE TARDED

Im doing what I was doing for more pay, I'm honestly not too mad about it. I get one extra step and almost double my yearly pay. I cannot complaign. The internet being fucked with is really getting on my nerves due to everything.

Might be a router problem. I have to buy the new pc anyways so I might as well get a new router/modem if that is why his pc works and everything else doesnt. If it doesn't work tomorrow morning then that is the issue. Maybe.

God I'm so tired

After all this time it makes sense she moved on
Although, I never got any closure, she never came back to apologize, the last time I saw her she kept flaunting being with that dude, and she ran away with the same ole POS that she cheated on me with

>>34507647
It's not like it mattered much anyways
It was a shitty shallow relationship
I was excited because it was my first one even though I wasn't ready for it
She was excited because I was taking her seriously and wasn't just messing around with her like the other guys
Later she treated me like a footstool and cheated on me multiple times because she was narcissistic and immature

She was special to me because she was my first. I was just one of many to her.

It meant nothing in the end

HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN
GOING DOWN THE ONLY ROAD I'VE EVER KNOWN
LIKE A DRIFTER I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE

I killed a man in Asia by accident

>>34507712
That's not all.

Confession: I'm a total fuck up but now I'm being told I'm bipolar and I'm like.. whatever dude. That's not gonna make me feel better. What does "being better" look like? Do I even want to be better ? I don't fucking know.

I think a lot of these diagnosis are bull shit

>>34506790
why not just tell them directly

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I WISH ANIME GIRLS WERE REAL

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>>34501199
I got demoralized on trying to socialize since I was a child, that let me having troubles on doing so now as an adult. No matter how hard I try it just doesn't work. Doesn't help that I got the 'tism. I see my dad and my brother being able to do proper comunication carelessly and without problems, I can at best do some small talk but no more than that, awkard silences, out of topics to talk about, you name it. Hell, I even went onto those "comunication" courses my uni did for free to improve my skills, went for a full year, even the career I chose depends a lot on comunication (hell, I've seen fellow students get into the job because they knew how to sweet-talk the company members who visit the university). I think there's something wrong with me.

>>34507821
They are real. I see them in anime all the time

I get nervous before every performance, but I need that feeling
The hunger of chasing a bitch is what drives me forward

I'm being fucking shit tested 2 years into my relationship.

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When i was 13-14, my older sister, whom i had been dating since i was around six, took me to a party, got me drunk (which was a regular occurrence for us) and took me and several of her adult friends (two guys and three girls) into a room.

I didn't come back out of that room. Spiritually, little teen me was killed by the things I did in there and i have never walked back out of that room. The joy, the love and the person who i used to be died and now only the body remains. I will never escape that room or what happened to me. My sister didn't participate. She just watched and smiled. The person i trusted let everything happen and she smiled. I can't get out of that room not matter how hard I try, because i genuinely think i died a psychological and spiritual death there and no medication or therapeutic approach is ever going to fix that. I can't leave that room.

>>34508032
>When i was 13-14, my older sister, whom i had been dating since i was around six,
huh?

>>34508067
Well we didn't start dating at six. We'd been doing light sexual stuff up unto about twelve when she and i first had sex. After that we became a couple, secretly, of course.

>>34508080
I'm surprised you haven't offed yourself

what do you enjoy in life

How I would have handled life differently if I didn't turn out to be a god damn autistic neet fuck up.

1. Infant years:
Quiet kid who enjoys playing with toys.
2. 1 to 5:
Quiet kid who enjoys the company of others and has a passion for baseball.
3. 6-10
Plays baseball a lot and is in boy scouts and is so academically well that he is in honorz
10-15
Honor roll student and made it far to eagle scouts. Knows every news event on TV and is familiar with sports. Has a girlfriend he met at a party he impressed with his life.
15-20
Overtime built a strong introverted relationship with the girl he met in high school. His only real friend. Goes to special forces in reserves and pursues criminal justice as a college major.
20-25
Graduates and is top honors. Has a kid and is in a good position with his wife. Is familiar with tools, cleaning, house things, can fix a car, do plumbing all of it.
26-30
After a duty in the military comes home and is now able to apply to FBI. Is picked out of all of them for outstanding performance.
Now my age 31
Trying to figure out how to save kidnapped kids from drug lords in Mexico as a part of the FBI while supporting 2 kids and a wife in a good middle class home.

>>34508083
I've tried three times but somehow something always manages to keep me living.

I have lots of hobbies, you kinda have to otherwise it just... eats you alive or you start doing drugs and drinking and all that. I'm too poor for a drug addiction and drinking just reminds me of me and my sis getting drunk together. I don't even know how i manage to keep going, i just kinda do.

>>34508089
no dad growing up?

>>34508097
Two parents and both fairly attentive. It's complicated but I was the black sheep of the three of us (and to the best of my knowledge, little sis was never touched by big sis thank god). My parents just assumed we had a strong bond and we did just in a way more twisted sense.

https://youtu.be/3k91TGBrYz4

>>34508189
Later gator

I am definitely an example of judge least ye be judged. I judged so many people I turned into what I judged.

Im gonna text my ex gf who dumped me 5 months ago tomorrow night after my finals. I didn't want to do it before that because I didn't want to fuck my emotional state. Once they're done I will get drunk to celebrate and then text her some inane question about her pin collection to see if she replies. I'm banging a new girl but she's Asian so I cant marry her. This whole thing is fucking retarded but it's the only way I can truly move on from my ex. She dumped me 3 days after meeting my parents which was genuinely one of the most insulting things ever. But I'm still gonna text her like a betacuck.

>>34508213
Don't despair. You're alive, it's not over. In my experience by the way, it's good to refrain, at least to some degree, from posting in places like this, especially if you've developed a character out of it (you associate a name with your posts for example). This site, especially these threads are kind of, I guess you could say, mindslop. Your putting things out that that maybe isn't that great, but in action by doing so, communicating to yourself it's worth it, as if to say, it's all your capable of. It works against introspection in my opinion. It often is a habbit that doesn't help you attain self knowledge. I don't know why I'm saying this to be honest.... but maybe it will help someone here, I don't know lol. I'm not special, I'm guilty as anyone, I'm a goofy sinner... LOL. God bless.

I'm kinda tardposting, because I'm an insomniac.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjW6kLsTCrc

>>34507647
>>34507672
I don't think she's with anyone

>>34507719
Being bipolar isn't fake. Do find a good male psychiatrist and male psychologist if you're a guy, don't end up hurting anyone or yourself. I've seen people use their diagnoses of whatever mental illness to get away with being fucked up, dont be that type of person.

>>34508261
K

>>34508396
>I've seen people use their diagnoses of whatever mental illness to get away with being fucked up
Yeah? Like who?

6 years I caused the world to go to shit because

1. I wanted a vacation from last months in HS
2. I want humanity to suffer

Now on /pol/ it’s giving me the same option again but I think genuinely think right and wrong was destroyed enough by myself and Satan so I’m gonna decline another 6 years of pandemic and suffering

Despite all the threads they make it’s really up to me God and Satan and not them despite all the old fag language and paragraphs of info they use to feel at control

>>34508646
>”What is anon talking about?”

6 years ago the world didn’t want a pandemic and I did. I caused it to happen. Now it’s giving me the choice and the world wants it. Now I don’t. I learned my lesson God

>>34508649
>>34508646
3/3
Also all the rich fags exploited those who were inside the whole time hyping up Covid like it was Black Death so really there’s no need for another pandemic. The middle class and lower class got screwed over but good and evil depend on the person. You might as well just go all in and kill off humanity or at least a big chunk. But no. It’s not up to them.

4/4

The show must go on God. Better to be a Mad Dreamer than a Lazy NEET or Slave Wagie. The last 6 years showed me the real world.

https://youtu.be/ghjMNCAw43c

5/5

Also too much darkness in the story doesn’t make it fun. You need both light and darkness. To be limitless

6/6 it started off with me wanting a pandemic and the world didn’t. Now the world wants a pandemic and I don’t. Humans

appearing online after I sent a birthday wishes to be ignored confirms how petty all of this is

one and a half more hours

>>34508237
I dont know why im awake neither.

>>34501199
>confession
F off mr s glowie.

I will say too, I did not know how to say this but it made me feel very bad when you downplayed my art
I was only telling you about it because you are my mom, I was trying to trust you, and I was telling you the things I love about life
Instead of being like "you are doing something you love so I'm happy for you" or "that is great, I am glad you can do stuff that makes you happy" it was "Is that it? I don't know if that is a lot." and "Maybe it will be something someday..."
You are a cunt. An evil fucking cunt. You should have never acted like you cared about me at all
I only told you those things because you were lying and saying you cared about me.
I will probably die first because I am always so stressed and was hurt so long by you and your lies and bullshit, but I never would have thought I would have to worry so much about telling people about anything that makes me want to live or happy.
Fuck you :(

Good morning to all the men I am currently ghosting. I might come back today. Get ready

I genuinely don't like people and just want to ghost my family and be alone for the rest of my life so I can have solitude and meditate deeply, but I feel bad causing suffering to my mom like that. So I force myself to be unhappy just to make her happy and I really hate living like this

>>34508779
Just ghost

It sounds so pathetic but the fact my old wireless earbuds broke and my headphone jack doesn't work right is constantly making me run on fumes.
There's constant soap opera spam.
There's constant whiny talking.
There's constant bullshit from all sides through these paper thin walls.
I live in a bullshit tiny village so getting anywhere takes time and I'm constantly running into people.
It takes hours each day doing breathing exercises just so my stomach doesn't seize up and I spend the whole night throwing up and trying not to scream.
Everything is announced at best 48 hours in advance.
I just feel helpless and overstressed and overstimulated constantly and if I leave for too long my entire room gets taken apart and random stuff thrown out and a nonstop series of bullshit tasks blows up my phone.
I want to do stuff. I want to get better.
But each day sets me back a little bit more.

Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.

stop hitting me, you are absolutely the problem.

>>34501199
What is this thread?

>t. newfag

>>34508939
ranting into the void

>>34507961
Did you think shit tests ended past a certain point? Lmao.

>>34508939
GIOYC general.
It stands for

Guys
Imagine
Owning
Young
Cunny

On the origin of "baroque" music. Quoted from Wikipedia:
>May 1734, the critic implied that the novelty of this opera was "du barocque," complaining that the music lacked coherent melody, was filled with unremitting dissonances, constantly changed key and meter, and speedily ran through every compositional device.[132] Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who was a musician and noted composer as well as philosopher, made a very similar observation in 1768 in the famous Encyclopédie of Denis Diderot: "Baroque music is that in which the harmony is confused, and loaded with modulations and dissonances. The singing is harsh and unnatural, the intonation difficult, and the movement limited. It appears that term comes from the word 'baroco' used by logicians."[15]

That sounds quite metal.

>>34501199
>Confession Edition
I regret being an annoying creep to the boy I had a crush on in high school. It was so stupidly embarrassing and cringe for both him and I. I'm sorry for being retarded.

>>34509342
Not that boy, but if I were I'd forgive you. You learned something from that.

I'm in my 30's and feel like I've wasted my life.

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>>34509403

>>34509381
I genuinely don't deserve to be forgiven by him because it was so unfathomably cringe.
>Drew a picture of him in art class and it got hung up by the teacher (she didn't know)
>try to message him all the time
>Watch his relationship status like a hawk and try to shoot my shot every time he was single
I guess the only good that came out of it was that in order to try to be more likeable to him, I tried to get interested in science, only to actually develop a genuine interest and earn a science degree.

I need to work but I was soul crushed from a kitchen job that made me hate getting up in the morning and led to awful work life balance and drugs. Its been years and my family has suffered from me being a leech and need. They blame everything on me even if it's their own fault like their health. I need to get out of this mind funk and get back out in the world. Im in my 30s and never finished college and have low work experience. I know its going to be hard and maybe that's why my brain and body would rather not try and stay home and smoke weed. But im tired of these wasted years but I don't trust my therapist and medications only make me angry and affect my libido but I think i have to go back on them. Im so lost

>>34509451
This post reads more cute than cringe to me.

>>34509460
get a job at little ceasars

>>34509460
Work as a voice reader if you have a decent voice. Also lose weight and sell your feet pictures if you have narrow feet, hands too. Women like that.

Two nights now you've appeared in my dreams, both times you called out to me, I wonder if you would do the same in person.

I only had one relationship and now I never want one again. It was better being a true femcel than knowing someone can love you and throw you away like nothing. Having zero friends also means humanity should die rn. I want to have children but pragmata and any media with children just shows that like my one ex most men would do anything to rape a child 6 or under. Remember when men wanted to rape 16 year olds, in the next decade it will be mainstream to rape your kindergartner for them. I should be used to this as a former anime otaku but sometimes one should be able to at least state frustration over degeneracy going too far.


Sorry for the unstructured rant. Going to London for a few weeks with my sister so I need to act normal and happy and not try to murder a vtuber or something lol. Strong sense of justice, self-hatred, savior complex with no where to go.

>>34509899
I need your help

Wish I could meet a decent man who waited until someone was 18 before raping them

I confess I wanted to be a vtuber for a while because my e bf was into Shondo and I wanted him to love me. I am a disgusting cretin. Nothing I could have done would have kept him with me I just simply will never be 16 again, or an alt girl.

>>34509934
I wish I could help her

Why is my dentist office full of baddies bro I'm too awkward for this

I came to a realization on my own within the past couple days. Let's say people like you. What does that mean? It's going to be a couple things. You can be liked because you're a kind and thoughtful person, someone who is generally good. In that particular scenario, you're someone who has worked to not be seen as "dislikable". And you can be liked because you have things that you do that are indicative of who you are that are seen as admirable and inherently attractive, a charisma, confidence, and drive that draws others to you. This kind of like is for who you are, compared to the other which is more about making sure who you aren't.

I realized that I'm the first case, and that I'm not the second case to anybody and never have been. As a result, no matter what I do to minimize the negatives, I will not close any gaps, and I will not be loved outside of a general appreciation for being the first type, even if people treat that first type as really good. I think because of this, I'd rather just let go of the connections I have, because I will never feel seen or appreciated outside of a general sense, and people will see me more as a supporting figure.

I wish men were likable people

I wish women weren't such cunts

I wish I were likeable

I wish I were a cunt

Messed up how the wound of betrayal from being cheated on never seems to go away. I should not miss someone who hurt me,I should not want their attention yet I still do. I did the right thing and told them never to contact me again. Why does it still hurt? It has been almost a year at this point.

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Realizing that she didn't even want to be friends despite telling everyone that we are and had to talk to a former friend to find out that she was just talking behind my back while doing the "don't tell him I told you this but" shit basically putting me on blast to a whole friend group. Its been two months since I quietly cut them off cause I feel like they want me to crash out to justify all of the bad things they said about me.
I would be fine with just not saying anything and going our own ways but she clearly wants to keep me around with all the breadcrumbing she does still don't know why other than she just wants the attention from other guys that aren't her bf

No, I'm never having children, not with these fucked up genetics. Leave me alone.

i fucking HATE women so god damn much but i LOVE walking

When you see something then don't say nothing
Act aloof and wait for it to fall apart on its own
The greatest act of being sneaky is to

>>34510279
*act like a fool when you know everything

I feel incredibly gay some days for some reason. I feel like a mopey trooncoded homo.

>>34510134
6 years here bro. It eventually gets better. I don't miss her anymore. I don't dream about her. I don't often think about her either. But the loss of trust has crippled me and my trust of others. She was everything to me, I trusted her completely and it was broken in an insane way. I don't trust anyone anymore, the second they start acting a bit shady by my standards I cut off my emotions for them. I don't just mean women I'm dating either. My close friends are always at arms length and I never let anyone get too close. If I'm you but from the future, my advice is to not let it just fester, don't just bottle it up until you're over her. That's what I did and it took fucking YEARS and it's robbed me of my trust.

>>34510307
Please pray for me by the way. Being sociable is not great when you probably come off like a homo + have autism.

>>34510375
just accept your true self anon. youll be happier for it.

Why were you so upset when I called you a friend and treated you like one and nothing more? You never showed any interest and you never put in any effort on your side.

That's it, I'm done, I didn't know I was being an asshole to you, you don't deserve this, you deserve better.
I'm not worth much, and I don't deserve someone like you, you probably hate me now, so it's not like you're losing anything of value.

>>34510470
literally just text them sorry nigga it's that easy. cut out all the emotional bullshit about not deserving them and not being worth much tho.

>>34510484
I did, said I won't do it again, but every little thing like this makes me feel like it's the end of the world.

Years from now, my devotion to you will be studied as a textbook example of sunk cost fallacy. I don't know why I'm still thinking about you.

>>34510421
Explain, this situation sounds popcorn worthy.

>>34509403
Same

>>34510552
damn sean i didn't know you were 30. thats too old man

>>34510319
Done with your larp of him bud?

My dick barely works

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>>34501199
I'm 35 and haven't been in a real relationship with a woman in more than 11 years, despite going on my fair share of dates. I've accepted that I'll never have that again because I'm an inferior male specimen that nobody wants. I was simply born weak. My family name will die with me and nobody will care.
That
Being
Said
I am now free to do whatever I want with my time and money. I must keep my garbage meat chassis together long enough that it can be replaced with something stronger. God's greatest challenge to mankind is overcome weakness in all forms, and I will not fail.

>>34510667
Literally the opposite with me and I'm 35 and girls are easy for me

I wish all the people who wronged me died painfully

i feel so bad right now.
life is so, so very awful. i feel like any given moment, i'm two steps away from just breaking down. and i keep finding myself going back to you as a source of comfort.
i wish things weren't so complicated between us, because i could really use a conversation with you right now. nothing heavy, just you telling me about some obscure thing i've never heard of about some japanese subculture or game. or some weird shit you found on the internet, or something you've drawn recently or anything, i'd take anything, i'd give anything for just a no-complicated, no strings attached conversation with you. like literally anything. i can't take this fucking chapter of my life anymore.

They say Americans and Canadians are horrible people to be around with as a Latin American but honestly the best people I’ve become friends with happened to be North Americans meanwhile all my fellow countrymen have been terrible people to be friends with. Maybe I just hate myself.

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I’m genuinely so mentally ill that no legitimate therapist in my area is willing to take me as a client. Every single one of them is referring me to mental hospitals or intensive outpatient care. I can’t even pay someone $175 to talk to me for an hour about my problems because I’m so radioactive.
All I did was have a moment of OCD where I signed a soul-binding debt contract saying I owe $600,000 to a Jewish-Slavic girl from Twitter over the next 7 years. I signed the contract spiritually by invoking 4, invoking 7, and invoking 33. This is enough to make therapists hate you. This is enough to get you locked in a padded room these days.
They didn’t say:
>”we’re going to institutionalize you for being a fucking lunatic”
Instead, they made it sound friendly with professional newspeak:
>“we’d like to collaborate with you on in-patient treatment options because this is beyond our ability to safely handle!”
:^)
I would love to quit therapy but I have a police detective who calls me every few months to make sure I’m not about to snap. Seeing a therapist helps prove that I’m not a threat.

Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.

>>34509411
I want to make something of myself and show the world I can do but I also get stressed and overwhelmed easily.

>>34510866
Yeah, same as the one low effort retard reporting my post for "trolling" even though his post is, again, low effort.

>>34510421
You said that you wished you dated someone who could be a friend like me.
You told me about a friend from the same country as me that you tried going out with once because "Why not? You never know how the relationship could turn out, a friend could become more"
You started exclusively speaking to me in PMs when you decided you'd break up with your boyfriend and wanted my thoughts and advice. Even when I tried posting in the group chat again, you only responded to me in our PMs and the group chat died.
And when I tried asking you out a few weeks later, you said "Oh sorry you're not my type"
And then when you're telling me about this hot date you're excited for, you're surprised that I drifted away and I'm a bit more curt?

>>34510981
Hey buddy, you're being baited.
Notice how vague it is.
This is for anyone who feels whatever the hell the poster is trying to stir up already.

She didn't specify it's you.
She will never appear here.

>>34511014
I know, I was
Getting
It
Off
My
Cummies

>>34511018
Oh I get it, you're talking to yourself.
That's so Hecking funny.

>>34511031
No, I just happened to see a post that seemed therapeutic to respond to.

>>34511034
Golly, that's fucking amazing, it's so fun to vent in the void

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>>34511038

>>34510557
you shut up >:(

>>34510914
People who are just there by default will be a mixed bag. That's just how it is. Fate would not love you, or any man, enough to drop him in a spot with nothing but good people.

When you have to go out and do something, you filter the lazy. When you have to present yourself well at the venue, you filter the unclean. When you have to hold conversation, you filter the stupid. When you have to call in tomorrow because you're going past midnight, you filter the cowards.

The more you do, whether it's partying or work or charity, art or hard games, you burn off dead wood.
Americans also just love a chill Mexican. Americans are spoiled. Fucking Starbucks bitches marching on Washington because they need full medical to throw a fucking croissant in the microwave.

Calm down, theres nothing to worry about.

I got an idea.

Also, I made another friend.

Live for the thrill of the game if nothing else.

You know, what the actual fuck am I really saying?

The woman that I dream about is within grasp. I feel the anxiety of having just sent a pretty bland text. But in reality I want to grovel at her feet and answer the question she asked me years ago with bearing my child. Never have I had a girl, take pictures of me unknowingly and yet after 4 years I want her over anyone I’ve dated since then. My only critique is hoping she’s matured a bit

Bitch stop yanking my chain with your half in half out shit! Good lord next time I’m not eating pussy until there’s a commitment

>>34511640
Yanking chain is prison day slang

As expected, it’s a repeat of an old, toxic cycle

Fight the future.

And yet she’s the only one who I ever felt that spark for

damn I thought she gave a shit at all about me but clearly not.

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>in bed
>about to go to sleep
>close eyes
>suddenly struck by an extremely vivid memory of when I crashed my motorcycle and right after how I was just laying in the street totally broken and bleeding staring at the sky and that horrible feeling that everything in your life just got ruined

Ahhh. Damn. I dont want to remember that. I dont want to think about those days and weeks and months.

I need you to get back with him or else I'm gonna keep thinking about you. My happiness is dependent on whether you find someone. I'm drunk and I just wanna say I use Arch btw.

I hate how dumb I am. I’m only good at art. I thought I could avoid the starving artist title by learning 3D because it was a good career in my area up until a few years ago, but with outsourcing and AI and the entertainment/gaming industry collapsing, I can’t find anything. It’s so competitive. I’m trapped in a dead end job just trying to survive. I hate every minute of it but there’s no escape. I wish I was smart. I wish there were other jobs I was good at. I wish I was worth something.

I'm not worthy of love and you don't deserve to deal with a shit person like me.
I keep thinking about what my friend said, dating a good friend like you can only end up ruining you and our friendship, it's not worth it, cuz I like you so much I'm gonna let you go.

Tired. You have your ideas of how things should be, and if I don't fit those ideas, it's divorce. There's no room for me in your life, only you and your beliefs. Keeps coming back to the truest thing you ever told me: "you're not what I wanted."

I slowly losing my mind to Schizophrenia each day, and the delusions are getting harder to not believe. I wish no suffering I endured upon no one, it is truly a horrible disease which robs you of yourself.

Go figure. The guy you abandon safety for two months into an LDR isn't safe. I traded my life for you, and you go on and on about sacrifice like you're the only one who's done anything for the other.

I gave more of myself to you than I could bear to, in hopes it would be enough for you. It's not.
You can't love and hold, you command and crush.

I wished you would die, so I could think and remember fondly of you, live in your words "I love you," and ignore the hurts.

A is trying to hurt me in a big way again. Her brother always gives her ideas. He was always a violent abusive shit to everyone including me. Her visit to his house with the bitch wife and kids has given her ideas. She lied screamed and tried to cause serious harm today. And L the enabler was awful like he always is.
They will kill me and cry to the world for sympathy points. Haven't they destroyed enough?

You think you're what *I* wanted? You have nothing you enjoy doing outside of trolling, lolcows, and political commentary talking heads. You are stubborn and rigid and rude and dismissive and see criticism in every word and lash out for it. You lack whimsy and beauty and the appreciation of it. You expected your "gilded cage" as you put it to be enough for me, then hated me for being unable to fly.
Still kept trying, repeated mantra to myself of your good traits, to make things workout, to stay. But you'd never extend the same to me. "Your way or the highway."

And you're going to keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing, for more. Affection, talking, presence. Because you've never respected me. You don't see me as a person, just something to fit the role. Employee. Subordinate.

You never saw me. Not enough of me, at least. You saw the parts you could use, the ones that fit the role you were hiring for.
I never saw all of you, either. I saw the good you put forward. It took longer to see the bad. The control and force and lack of emotional intelligence and emptiness. Yes, I saw you. Then I saw more. The goodness melted away into tool, into mask, for you to get what you want and feel like a good person, above others.

I hadn't attempted suicide since I was a teen. It took being with you to unravel me that way.

Being with you has been the single most destructive, soul-sucking event of my life. I'd rather be raped or choked out again, than endure this.

It would be worth going through that again, if only you, the one that cares for me, loves me, values and respects me, the way I need, would be there for me after.

You're everything I could possibly want from a woman, and if you weren't moving I'd do anything to be with you. I love hearing about everything you do, and I love hearing what you have to say about me and my life because we're so different, even when I think you're wrong. I'm sorry I hesitated so much, because the thought of hurting you or seeing you upset really pains me. You're a beautiful girl with a beautiful mind and a big heart, but I just don't think I can uproot everything to be with you after you go.

I'll never tell you this because I value our friendship and I want to keep in touch. But I will see you again.

Guess I'm used to you not wanting to talk to me, used to being ignored by you, not wanting to look me in the eye, even after you said you wanted to be with me, I tried to take my distance many times but this time it's for good, it's not good for either of us.

And I think the worst part of all this is, that because I still love, and care about, you, I both see your side of things and understand how you came to feel how you say you feel, but I also keep hoping and praying that you'll be the person I thought you were, that you'll love me the way I need to be loved.
Stuck in empathizing, in grief and mourning, in betrayal and abandonment.

>>34506857
I'm a husband of a BPD-er.

If you have the strength to keep her stable for long enough, she gets better (If she is actually BPD and not Bipolar). You'll still have massive fights over the stupidest shit, but they will be less frequent. But boy will it suck for the first 2 years. You will be forced to mature rapidly to stabilize her or you will be consumed by her. You can imagine it as being in a relationship with a 2 people: one is an adult, and the other is a sociopathic 8 year old. Like or not, you will have to raise her that 8 year old that she is deep inside as though you were the parent she never had in her childhood. If you are an emotional type, swallow your feelings and leave now. She will ruin you, and she won't even know she did it. Just part of the illness. Be prepared for cheating. You don't exist in her mind unless you are next to her, so if she is tempted and doesn't have you there to keep her grounded, you'll get cucked. Lucky for me, my wife developed an unexpected hyperfixation with Catholicism after one of her hypomanic episodes after the first 6 months of our relationship, so I never faced that problem. And I had a fortune of giving her a lot of sentimental gifts she could carry with her to remind her of me; its a good trick, be sure to try it.

I stuck with my wife because on the beautiful-smart-insane chart, she maxed all of them out, so in my case, after she "calmed down" a bit, she was beyond anything I could have ever dreamt of achieving. And because she needed me for emotional regulation, she imprinted on me, so a regular guy like me got a incredibly smart model for a wife.

Our relationship is the manifestation of the hermetic idea of taming chaos. The bigger the chaos you tame, the greater the reward afterwards.

What I found very helpful in my journey is Dr K's(HealthyGamerGG on youtube) video on dating BPD girls, and especially Sam Vaknin's "How to survive your BPD enchantress" video.

Just always that same little girl inside, giving all of herself to someone, in hopes of being loved enough, of being good enough.

The girl you met, the one you mourn and miss and say I lied about being, didn't, couldn't, survive you.

>>34506814
(Husband of BPD-er, still)

Also, Know your limits, son. BPD-ers are dangerous. Don't do anything permanent unless you thought about it for a month at least. Be just, and fair. Be very specific with how you use force with her. Without constraints she will run rampant and destroy both you and herself. You are going to have to be the wall that keeps her constrained. Be too constrictive, and she'll kill you in your sleep; but be too loose and she will become someone you'll kill in her sleep. Explain to her why you do the things you do, explain what you think she is doing and why, and make sure that she keeps trying to understand why she does the things she does.

And if you can't handle her, do not be ashamed, or afraid to cut your losses. Not everyone can be saved. Not everyone who is asking to be saved is intending to get better; they might just want to drag you down with them. They do it because they are lonely in the abyss, or because they need someone weak to lord over.

In dealing with her, you will see the dark side of this world you might not have seen before. It is profoundly traumatic. Pray to be a stronger person. Thats the only way to weather the storms.

May God be with you and grant you good fortune, Anon.

Now I'm tethered to you for life, through her. Every hand-off a reminder of having not been enough, of my foolish reaching for love where it can't have been. Squandered my chance for love.

So yes, I wish we never met. You're offended by that, but it would have been the best thing for either of us. We both deserved what we needed from love. We just were too hopeful, we forced ourselves to see it in the other.

It hurts. So, so fucking much. Agony. I am always a hair's width from tearing at my skin and screaming out my pain and grief. I want nothing more than to crawl into your arms and be held, but I know I'll feel worse for it later. That I'll cease to exist, lose the chance of happiness. It's so...small, as is. Maybe it's already gone.

Maybe I should just give in. Give up. Do what you want to me, with me. Bury myself. Could I live as a ghost? Brainwash myself that that's love? That that's all there is between man and woman? Servitude, transactions, acts.

I wonder how you guys are able to put up with bpd or avoidant or otherwise shitty partners for so long. Maybe I have no loyalty but I'm quick to lose feelings and want out when they suck

Ah. But you'd notice. You'd see the emptiness in my eyes, the forced smiles. Probably not immediately, but you always did, eventually. You'd still be mad at me for not being able to remain the girl I was.

>>34512220
Loyalty. Maybe some projection. That if we just love them enough, show them we'll stick by them even if they hurt us, keep trying to see the good in them, that they'll one day return that in kind.

I'm stuck trailing after you anyways. What's the difference if I stay and just let my spirit die away? Maybe you'll have overtime every single day, and we'll get a basement you love to be in more than you want to be around me. Maybe in those moments alone I'll be able to hang on to scraps of my self.

Maybe I'll just eventually poison you. You'd probably like that anyways.

I'm tired of everything always having to be on your terms. I hate that you don't see it that way. You always think you're the victim in everything just because you have impossibly low self esteem. I'm tired of you thinking you're sacrificing your life for others when you cannot even meet the basics. Man, why are you even in a relationship? Stop it. Go home.

>>34501199
I admit it... (you) ate the baby.

God forbid I ask for half of what I give you. All Hell breaks loose when I do

>>34512327
You give to receive. There's no goodness in what you provide, it's just a thin veneer over manipulation, making me obligated to you. You make up the terms of the trade. You decide the worth of each thing you give (always greater) and what you receive (always lesser.)

Sometimes It seems as if anons are posting to try and speak for me on 4chan still and I don’t know what to do about it. People want to hold me accountable for what I posted anonymously in 2023 and part of what I said was I would rather move this conversation elsewhere as I don’t want anyone to think that anons reflect what I think. I don’t want to be mixed up with them. And then I was gaslit about posting that. The fuck am I supposed to do? Go in every thread like “this guy doesn’t represent me!” On every post? No I’ll look like a fucking crazy person. That’s why I stopped replying to posts as if they’re talking directly to me back in 2023. I did it a lot before the first hospital trip and after returning to 4chan again around June I think I was baited into doing it one more time and got punked again. Hopefully people don’t hold that kind of speculation to any kind of standards where they find it appropriate to act on it, especially in such a passive manner that may or may not reflect the behavior I’m facing. That would simply be unfair and wouldn’t make any sense.

>>34512365
>Sometimes It seems as if anons are posting to try and speak for me on 4chan still and I don’t know what to do about it.
Maybe shut up and try to listen for once. You could learn something. Why do you always have to "do" something? That's why you keep fucking everything up in the first place

>>34512168
Hey buddy, my weird crush-not-crush isn't BPD. She's literally a Director, BPD types don't flourish in sensitive adult positions like that, especially medically sensitive ones.

It's also not my place to bother her like that. I'm not ready to handle whatever the hell she is, when the gloves are off.

she doesn't know what she's missing

You said you'd be there for me.
Liar.

>>34512365
>>34512379
Posting this makes me look crazy too. I shouldn’t have to respond to what people do and let them direct my energy for people to figure it out and fuck off. I’m posting something that makes me look crazier than I already do because of what u do thus allowing someone to cause me to do something and then Robert will be whispering in my ear like “u can’t let others control u” and people are just dumb as fuck. Either dumb or fucked up.

You saw the knife at my heart and helped me drive it in.

>>34512444
>>34512450
I'm sorry she was busy fucking another dude, anon.
You'll get over it in time. It's common.

>>34512444
I'm allowed to change my mind aren't I?

Everything I’ve ever expressed in reflection of these threads has been built off what I know, not what anons may want people to believe that I assume. It’s like people don’t understand this somehow.

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>>34512522
Except for the day my mind broke of course

>>34512512
No

>>34512522
Right back at you. You just don't understand. Why don't you understand? It's like everyone else gets it but you

>>34512536
>No
This is called abuse

>>34512537
Tell me what I’m supposed to understand or fuck off, please.

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>>34501199
>Confession Edition
I hate current cancerous lefty college kids and the /pol/tards that fester this place now spreading their shitty ideas. Also fuck discord and the communities that use it.

Please forgive me, I'm a mess without you.

>>34512671
Oh please. You just pretend at that to get me back under your heel.

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>>34501199
Today was relatively good.
Why am I so fucking mad tho, like I'm carrying anger just below the surface.
I live in a building and they told me today to take a sign off my door (it's just an emblem from a game) what the fuck is that gonna change? A harmless sign on my door that differentiates it just a little bit from the other factory assembled doors in this soulless building and I have to take it down because "community rules" fuck you and your community rules you can shove them up your ass I'm sick of this control shit can't even put a sign on my fucking door that I'm paying one third of my monthly for in this piece of shit soulless building I fucking hate people

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You tell me to cry.
You say that I should cry.
You say it's good for me.
That it's bad for me to not cry.
You even say girls will like me for it, like you're dangling keys in front of a baby.
Then when the pressure of everything finally cracks me you won't even do or say anything about it. You'll just look at me, probably even take a step back, and wait for me to recompose myself. You didn't like it. You wanted to make me into a burden that you had no interest in carrying.

I wonder if you will ever get to yell my name again. I guess now you know I am loyal and would stick by your side.

I'm gonna be real witchall I don't like being alive

>>34512729
Forgot what your name was actually. Who are you again

>>34512734
I feel this entirely. Like, no one really wants me anyway and I am literaly alone or ignored 9 times out of 10.

I got a small one so it's not like I'm deserving of any love.

>>34512724
Do you cry to get your way?

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>>34501199

I hurt someone I was dating by breaking up with them, I did it all because she made light of a loved ones death. she offered to work through it together and I blocked her.

She stared dating someone new after 38 days, every person I've attempted to date since has ended things just before we start to date.
I feel like this is divine punishment for hurting my ex and just don't know what to do.

>>34512799
I rarely do anything to get my way.

THERES SO MUCH NOISE OUTSIDE JFC

Visited Japan about a month ago. I'm allergic to onions so I ate mostly turkish and other foreign foods while there and was fine. Tell me fucking why half of everyone I talk to either thinks I barged into every traditional japanese eatery and demanded they made me special food and the other half try to reprimand me for eating indian food

>>34512950
They're retarded and dont like Turks/foreigners that look like indians. Tbf indians and other foreign immigrants have been taking advantage of free gimmies and not respecting Japanese culture.

I don't like when I try to be someone who I am not. But I lost myself way too long ago and I don't know who I am anymore. It's like I'm just a mess of things.

decent looking enough to get numbers and women approaching me. autistic enough to get ghosted and friendzoned after a few days of texting. anything more than a hookup just falls apart, i can't text for shit.

Checklist in order of importance, Chanic Advice, First Edition:
>Basic Safety
>Basic Needs
>Security of Safety
>Security of Basic Needs
>Entertaimment
>Mindfullness
>Secure Attachment
>Goals
>Exploration
or something

My neighbor is such a loudmouthed fucking bitch that screams hello at people and baby talks her dog at the top of her lungs and slams her front door. I say a prayer every day that she will get in a horrible car accident

>>34512803
You deserve it

You're all in my head...

I was right, it was time to ruin my day.

Thought as an experimental endeavor.

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>>34512575
Yeah, take a hike.

>overheard my brother get a hj from his gf
>overhear them go to the toilet to wipe the cum off each other

unrelated but y'all know any painless suicide methods?

>>34513455
That's nasty. Your brother and his gf are disgusting

All I’ve done for 20 years is fuck shit up. I’ve ruined my parents relationship, friendships, and am indirectly responsible for at least one person’s suicide. I feel like a failure and I will never experience true happiness.

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I had to hold our mom as she cried when you mutilated yourself into a gender clown. I have to watch her grow older and grumble every day as she and I miss you. You shut yourself into your room because you get thrown into an idiot trance anytime someone doesn't dumbly and fully agree with you, and you perceive it as an attack. You cry out in pain as you strike us, and think you're the victim.

You like your victim mentality so much, and yet you are not a victim. Even among the other gender idiots you once called friends, you were a drama queen. Your online vampire role-playing groups and friends all break apart because of controversies surrounding you, and you're too wilfully blind to see the common factor. You will cry and cry about how nobody understands you when the truth is they know you're trouble.

You most likely have BPD. I think the current PC term is cPTSD. You even admitted the latter to me and I was a fool to not realize how similar it is. You have the answer right in front of you, but you doctor shop every time you want to find a new identity. First it was depression, which I kept open-minded on because living with our dad would do that to anyone. Then you became non-binary, then you wanted us to call you by a shitty nickname, then you swore you had adhd, then you got diagnosed with ptsd, then you settled on autism. You study the illness deeply so that you can convincingly lie about the symptoms, completely undermining diagnosis. If a doctor doesnt give it to you, you find another. Yet you're too scared for tests that you cannot study for. You know you have none of these, and then insist we indulge you when your habits worsen with every diagnosis.

I've had to deal with our dad's BPD half my life and yours the other half. When the emotional tampon you are currently attached to inevitably grows tired of you or you of him, and you come crawling back to me, I will hold you accountable for all you have done. You are wilfully weak, and not a victim.

>>34513821
>and am indirectly responsible for at least one person’s suicide
This is something that kind of looms over me, too. I was in a bit of a love triangle, and the guy who was in love with my ex ended up killing himself shortly after we became official.

I want to force it. Want to squeeze you and make everything right. I hate this. I hate you. Want to throw everything away for someone who hates you.

At least I’m not alone in being retarded.