I'm severely autistic. I couldn't make friends and socializing was a struggle through my childhood. I made my first friend at 15. and I was able to outgrow my autism through my teenage years and my 20s by conditioning myself.Anytime I struggled in a social interaction, for the rest of the day I would train myself to do better by telling myself stuff like "you're a retarded faggot" and "you're a worthless retard" and "you should kill yourself faggot nobody likes you". and it worked really well and now I'm pretty good at socializing, I have a pretty decently important job and it's pretty easy for me to make friends. I'm not sure why people like me though. maybe it's cause I'm calm. I dunno. everyone at work wants to be my friend and all my bosses like me.at any rate now that I'm more or less functional outside of not understanding why people like me. I don't need my brain saying stuff like that but it still does. it's not conscious or voluntary but it's still my voice in my brain. I dunno how else to explain it. But it'll say that stuff randomly throughout the day and it's been getting pretty annoying. on top of that it's pretty confusing too because I don't struggle in social situations anymore but my brain is still saying it over and over. I've been trying to tune it out over the past few years but it's not really been working. Sorry for the blogpost but how do you guys get your brain to stop saying things you don't need to hear anymore?
It never stops, ha! I, too, am retarded and it does not go away no matter what I do. I've used it in my advantage the same ways you have, and so on. It often reaches a point where I beat my head in, but I am learning not to do that just now. Lol.I'm just learning to be content with it. Try to tell it to be silent or start humming in your head. Trying to drown it out could make it worse though, too much going on up there, and it could anger you further as it does to I sometimes.My reply is most definitely useless, but you are not alone here.
>>34503161I appreciate it thank you
>>34503021Either most 4chan users are autistic or this is not an autism trait.
>>34503240sorry I don't follow
>>34503293What you're describing is a very common thing, it's just in 4chan speak for you. I hope that's not a major contributing factor to why you think you're autistic.
>>34503021I'm a spectrum adjacent lunatic with superior intellect that's been misdiagnosed as normal. With an ingrained mental habit like that, you can't just remove it.You need to shift it You have to train your brain to say something else instead. I'd recommend saying a phrase in your head, or even out loud, as a correction whenever it chimes up.I used to blurt out insane shit and shifted it to socially acceptable explicatives. When I'm depressed, I silently correct the nonsense my brain tries to lie to me with, pointing out the falsehoods.
>>34503301oh I already do that but its faggot (not intentionally). I dont know why. whenever my brain starts saying those things I say or shout faggot to try to distract myself. I should probably retrain myself to say a different word for distraction though.
>>34503795That doesn't seem like redirection at all.Calling yourself faggot is just more of the same.The idea is to redirect the thought to something vaguely positive or at least neutral.For a while, I said "I live for kissing toast!" Because I am a cringe esoteric pop culture reference faggot.
Get off 4chan/social media and start positive affirmations, contrary to popular belief being around negative assholes all the time doesn't make you "stronger", it makes you bitter and miserable
>>34505534I'm not bitter though. I try to be nice to people.
>>34503021Youve created a mindset for yourself where deep down you think youre a retarded faggot who needs to be yelled at, because at some point you were, but that mindset was created so young that its going to be very difficult to get rid of now.It can get worse too. You have to actively fight against those words. You cannot ever let them win again. When they arrive, you have to tell yourself thats an old defense mechanism you dont need anymore.
>>34503021>>34503161I too exist in this. I'm turning 30 shortly, and I find myself screaming shut up!! Shut up!!! To myself, and calling myself a nigger, stuff like that.I literally did it several times today.Its because yesterday I had a social event with people who know me and love me, and I don't think I can handle the cringe that I'm imagining about myself. I just imagine myself as cringy.Everyone loved me yesterday, literally the entire choir hugged me, I made friends with the other choir, I had a hot girl from my school attend with me and everyone thought she was my gf, and yet every time I think about it I am stressed out mentally until I say to myself to shut up. I also have a physical tick now sometimes. I'm telling you, loneliness is so bad. I used to not have this before, I legit think I developed autism. Something's wrong and it's emotional. It's tied to self worth. Unironically all 3 of us have to love ourselves more. I listen to good boy ASMR, I'm aware how much I need the love of a girl who loves me and also lets me fuck her, you can say it's mommy issues if you want to diagnose it that way but I really don't like my mom, so I don't think of these women as mommies but as someone safe who I love who lets me love her and loves me back, and then I fuck her and cum inside of her and bury my nose in her armpit, in her good smell. In her boobs. Or lick her pussy lovingly for a long time so I can taste her.All these things calm me down, and when I had a gf I used to do them and I was such a better person, now alone and sad.Hearing a girl call me a good boy and saying that I'm good and that she loves me is legit like therapy. And I tell myself too - I'm a good boy. And it helps me. Eventually, I'll be a good boy for so long, that it will turn into reality and I'll find another girl like my ex who will call me a good boy and take care of me emotionally and we'll please each other and love one another, and then life is so much easier to deal with and fun
>>34505704buddy I'm not entirely sure I'm in the same boat.
>>34503021You should try to shift the voice in your head from negative self-talk to something more positive and supportive.As for why people like you, don’t overthink it. You’re probably a kind, cool person to be around, and people naturally gravitate toward that energy.
>>34505739no I mean it sounds obvious and simple, but it's completely involuntary. I can't predict when my brain is going to say those things. it's entirely random. If it was even somewhat subconscious I could probably feel when my brain might say those things but it feels like it's someone else living in my brain using my voice. if that makes sense. I appreciate the answer though.
>>34505722I went a little off the track there with the good boy stuff, but whatever your reason for low self esteem is, I think the diagnosis is correct >>34505674You have low self esteem, I've personally arrived into it from shitty childhood with no guidance from my parents + loneliness in adulthood + a chronic medical condition that make it hard to live. We are just suffering
>>34505704I ( >>34503161 ) don't go out nearly as much as you seem to, or relate to the entirety of the second paragraph as a whole hah, but I completely understand the good boy aspect. It gets aggravating though sometimes, doesn't it? My voice says good boy over and over and over again, countless times a day, it's the push for me to do stuff, really. But rarely it'll feel bad or mocking and I'll drive further into anger.I never have felt alone I think, and I have recently repaired my relationship between me and my mother whom fucked me up as a child but ah well, I am a mommas boy and I love it now. And forever. I don't really care for girlfriends or any other type of relationship so I can't comment further...Wouldn't be too horrible to have a chubby girl pat my head and call me good boy though, I suppose Hahah
>>34505781Thanks for your reply, to be fair I also don't go out much nowadays. It gets me really anxious. But yesterday was my first time seeing my choir who I haven't seen for 3 months. I had a bit of a good or manic period where I was outside all the time, and it was great, but it was also an escape from real life responsibilities that I have. Yes haha I can relate with the chubby girl giving me headpats thing. I can't relate to not feeling alone, romantically I feel very alone and it makes me question what are friends good for because they give me none of the actual care I want. I legit get so anxious when people like me. I just want a girlfriend. I don't care for all the people. I only care for a girlfriend. I'm happy for you that you have a nice mom and a good relationship and that you don't feel lonely. I think at the end of the day, time is the only resource we're wasting.I hope that both me and you can go out more, and then the ticks go down. Maybe make some good connections. But until then, good boy! You're a good boy, I'm a good boy, we are doing good things and we don't deserve bad things
>>34505757oh my parents didn't want me either and I have a chronic spine disease.
>>34505808Ygmi my friend, if you want a girlfriend then try to put yourself out there. I'm glad that the choir was enjoyable.And thank you for the kind end message, all of it right back at you. May us all be good boys lol
>>34505903Thank you brother. I redownloaded dating apps and saw some success. I'm thinking the next stage is paying for them, alongside continuing to lose weight (because I used to get 0, and now I get some). We don't know what the future holdsThanks again man, you're gonna make it too
