I'm going to be turning 30 soon. I've never had a relationship before. I'm pretty scared of approaching people because in my head, it's "not okay to bother others" or to talk to someone with an ulterior motive. I don't want to just pay for sex, but actually just have someone find me desirable. Is it just a matter of making myself just go about being more proactive with starting conversations and inviting people to do stuff? I've always been an overthinker, and I thought sex was something you directly aim for to avoid the friendzone. But now that I think about it, maybe things are more simple than I thought?
yes you should always be doing will i won't i with anyone that could possibly be a 1 on your sexual binaryyou ever notice how black guys never complain about the friendzone? because it only exists if you act like a eunuch for months and then start showing interest. if you have been saying forward things to her the whole time, you can be friends, but something can still happen later because you're never moved out of the sex haver category
>>34506802Yes you are overthinking. You won't think your way into getting laid. Getting laid is not something that happens as the reward for a carefully executed plan (unless you're somz kind of psycho). It is something that naturally happen to people who are social. This is about action: having hobbies, meeting people, being someone. Yes you're attractive enough. You're just a nerd. Get out. I lost my virginity at 24 so I went through the struggle even though yours is worse.
>>34506802Alot of people will tell and have told you to "go out, meet people", I'm going to assume that, having gotten to 30, you know how to be friendly with people. You know how to "go outside".That's all good and well, but it's not getting you a girlfriend. I personally have a huge fear of talking to girls in a romantic context from irl. The guessing if they're single, if they want a partner, if they want me specifically, is killing me. I simply cannot do it.The only time that I can do something like that, is if I met the girl off a dating app, then it's natural - I know she's looking, I don't need to push much. Things just happen.You need to recognize the fact that because you've never behaved this way in highschool, you've never learned this sort of self confidence that you CAN fuck, that it IS within reach, that you ARE worthy of a girl, that you're NOT bothering anyone, and that girls DO find you attractive, and that love and sex are not magic, they just feel like the next closest thing.So my advice to you, as a guy about to turn 30 shortly, is to lose weight, get good photos, and get on the apps. That's what I did, and I got into a short relationship with a girl recently, set up a couple dates that never got executed, but the thing is I got something. It worked for me, I got matches now, whereas before my weight loss I got nothing.So I'm not saying to go only for the apps, do both. Do irl and have the dating apps too. Let the apps be your training wheels. When you eventually meet girls you'll see that you CAN be THAT GUY.You ARE that guy. You just need to be there in the right context, with the right lady, at the time when she is ready, and suddenly - YOU'RE THAT GUY.Nearly every fucking friend from school met his gf on apps, rarely do they meet irl unless the boy had experience from childhood.We're both incels but we CAN make it with good photos & cutting to the chase by suggesting a date quickly. Don't dilly dally. If she is serious you'll know
>>34506802>Is sex a goal or a byproduct of something else?it's something which should take care of itself, during the course of a "well-lived life", whatever that may meanif you think of it as a goal or achievement you'll just set yourself up to feel resentful, it's a bad ideai wish i had advice but yeah, try to think of it as something which should take care of itself
>>34507213And just to clarify, I met her plenty of times. I meant that she was a success, and additionally to her I also set up 2 dates with other ladies, that were unfortunately cancelled. And had a plan for 2 other dates with other ladies, that went nowhere. That's 4 dates from 4 ladies dude. And I've only had the apps since the end of March. But I lost 20kg to get to this point, and I have at least another 14 to get to normal BMI so yeah man, continue!! Or in your case, start!!! And invest in your clothes!Oh and another tip, if you get matches on the free version, real matches like real girls, then pay. Free matches means you are interesting, that means when you pay and shown to general population - you'll actually get even more matches. Currently I get anywhere from 2 to 4 real matches a week from a series of 5-7 apps. It's going good. Better than the 0 real matches I had from a year ago when I was mega fat
