There’s a lot that goes into to this so I’m sorry if this turns out kind of long, but I legitimately need help making sense of this situation. I was wondering if someone here has had a similar experience.For context, I’m 25, and I’ve been in one relationship before. She’s 32 and has never been with anyone before me. We are also coworkers and met in June of last year.At first, when we started dating, everything was going great. I came into the relationship knowing it was going to take some time for intimacy since she’s never been with anyone before. It took about four months until she felt comfortable trying anything—that was in October of 2025—and that’s when things started to go left.Like I said, she has never been with anyone before, so when we tried, she said it hurt too much, and we just opted for oral. We talked about it afterward, and she said she still feels nervous about losing her virginity, which is completely understandable. I asked how I could make her feel more comfortable, and she said she just needed more time and that she would let me know when she was ready to try again. Well, almost seven months have gone by, and nothing has happened. 1/2
I still do everything in my power to make her feel comfortable and sexy. We still go on dates almost every week, I talk to her every day, I get her gifts, and I tell her she looks amazing. But every time I try to escalate, she either says “not right now” or changes the subject.What’s really confusing, though, is that she’s still very affectionate when we spend time together. She says she loves spending time with me, and she’ll hold my hand, give me hugs, and kiss me on the cheek. She even lets me grab her ass, but whenever I try to kiss her on the lips, she turns away after the first kiss. And whenever I ask her about sex, she seems to tense up and change the subject.I feel kind of bad for saying this, but it almost feels like I’m putting in all of this effort and not getting anything in return. It feels like I’m stuck in a PG-13 romcom. At this point, I’m confused about what I’m supposed to do or say to make her feel more comfortable. If anyone here has been in a similar situation, could you tell me how you navigated it? It would be a huge help. 2/2
>>34507264you want to marry her?if not, let her have her wish and get pounded by her husband on her wedding night, and cut your losses
>>34507264Unironically, tell her all this. But don't expect answers immediately. You tell her you have something on your mind and you tell her. I guarantee she'll need time to process, and it may end up triggering a break up, or a moment of change. It is a contesting moment. I can't imagine not fucking my girl on the first week, like 2nd or 3rd date, crazy stuff
Imagine having dead bedroom without even being married. Oof
>>34507257"she" is a tranny
>>34507257I don't want to doompost but this is probably a point where you need to be sure how valuable sex is to you. Will you be happy if nothing changes? Either she is asexual or has a very specific reason to why she is avoiding intimacy, which most likely will take a huge amount of time to get over. Most importantly, she will need to WANT to overcome this as well. Not just for the sake of saving the relationship but because she actually wants to experience intimacy.Definitely ask her what's up and decide if you can continue like this or not.
>>34507257Bro, she's 32? Forget about her. She's fucked.
>>34507257>She’s 32 and has never been with anyoneHer problems go beyond virginity
>>34507257There might be ways forward, here, but only if *she* is interested in trying them. If your attempt at sex was painful, she may well have vaginismus. If you go to a sex therapist together, and start doing sensate focus exercises together, while she does gentle dilation, you may get things working. However, this is strongly dependent on her wanting to try. She is probably avoiding discussing the subject because she's scared of losing you. But that may well not be all that is going on. She may simply be asexual, or not sexually attracted to you.You need to try and have a gentle, non-accusing conversation, and ask her (in a more tactful way than this!): "From your perspective, is this actually even a problem? Or are you really happier living the way we do? And if you do see it as a problem, are you willing for the two of us to look for solutions together?"If she is unhappy because she wants to be able to have sex with you but finds it too scary, then there's hope. But if she doesn't really want sex at all, then this is how things are going to continue forever, and you need to ask yourself some hard questions about whether you can live the rest of your life like that.
