is it possible to be addicted to love? when i meet someone that I click with i get kind of crazy, and would do anything to appease them. it never lasts long because they are probably scared of me or dont want anything long term which is all I want. I hardly ever do anything with a sustained for myself I have to have the motivation of doing it for someone else
>>34510282I'd say it is possible to be "addicted" to love, perhaps not in the truest/strictest sense of the word but something like it.Love feels good and people wanna feel good. What's worse about love on that front is that it gives people goals and purpose, so you can become obsessed with it and center your life around it easier. You know, idealize relationships, love itself, people, situations, etc. just because you have the idea of it being good and something you want in your life, think of all the people who marry the wrong person just because they have the goal of being married.As very general advice, just try to remember love is something you build up with the other person, you can't live a deluded fantasy where you devote yourself to someone who's not even aware of your feelings or even you as a person, that's not healthy. Of course you might develop feelings but be aware that they're yours and they are not known unless you speak about them, and you have to manage them like you'd do any other emotion.
>>34510282That's just being an average woman. If you're a man, yes that's trou lesome because that means you're a needy fuck and nobody wants that kind of people around.
>>34510282Join the club buddy, me and you and every single non-clanker on this god damn clanker infested website. The avoidance loop. With a love twist.That's me.
>>34510599thank u anon>>34510608i am le womban, would love to date my male counterpart *SIGH*
>>34510282sustained effort*i didn't ask to be born retarded>>34510619whats an avoidance loop
>>34510621I'll tell you something, When I was 18 in uni I met a girl who shared my last name, thus was with me in every assignment. She had a 10/10 cheerful personality, she looked real sexy and had the skin of an angel. I was madly in love with her but I couldn't tell her. Still I wanted to show it, be at her side always, look at her and what not. My family was all autistic overprotectors so I couldn't spend time with her outside uni to not worry them. She got a boyfriend 2 years after meeting her, I still was by her side for an entire 5 more years. I started to feel suicidal and had to get on SSRIs to get through, my psychiatrist finally told me to just forget about her and avoid her. I had to do that and I still felt strongly for her. One day she joked about giving me some piece of paper and returning it to her when we graduated. I kept my promise. She said she would give it back the next time we saw each other but forgot. She ended up starting life with that other guy.This shit sounds great in books you read for a week and throw them in the bookshelf later. In real life it's a constant source of suffering and intoxicating desire. I fear If I had to spend a day with her again, I would fall in love again like a dumbass.
>>34510635dude why did you not do anything? crazyi am pretty forward when i like someone
>>34510282that's called being needy, it's older than humans having societies
>>34510653give to da needy anon
>>34510623>whats an avoidance loopI'm glad you asked friend, it's when you have something you have to do, or someone you have to contact, or even reply to. Objectively, you know that this is good for you. Irrationally however, you avoid the thing that's good for you, and instead seek a gf to motivate you. I'm in the exact, same, boat. I'm dysfunctional to the point of not cleaning my house, when I don't have a girl. As soon as a girl is involved in my life, I still don't clean my house, but I get motivated to do other stuff, and if I become really successful and steady with a girl? Suddenly I'm a functioning human being. So yeah dude. Avoidance loop. Read up on it, the more that piles on, the harder it feels to break out of. You think it's because of how much you need a girl, and I agree, a girl will solve it. But getting a girl is so difficult, so I suggest trying from now because it will take a while until you get one. Especially a steady one.
>>34510684what if 2 people like that got together? what would happen
>>34510720Wonderful relationship if they are actually just like you - avoidant until they get a partner. I know because I had a gf for 5 years like that, and we were each other's EVERYTHING every living waking moment and it was wonderful. Until she moved into another dudes house and now doing it with him for 2 years already. But we exist in girl form it's just extremely hard to find us
>>34510749>5 yearswhy didn't you marry her? no wonder she left
>>34510645Autistic overprotective parents didn't give me a reason to challenge avoidant traits. I still struggle with it but now I have a jaded mind that distances me from people.
>>34510886can't keep blaming your parents as an adult
>>34510894It's a lot more complicated than that you know. You don't get it because of culture shock. My home was a microculture itself. Anyways that's the past now.
>>34510926my parents weren't great either and it has impacted my life, but blaming them well into adulthood isn't acceptable
>>34510282I'm the same sis. The worst is as an anxiously attached person all the guys I've fallen for are avoidants... So the more I try to appease/get their attention the more they pull away. I don't fucking get it, there's no red flags that they are avoidant from the get go but somehow they all end up being that way. Maybe I'm just too much. I just wish there was a way to tell how intense someone is going to be from the get go so I can find a nice secure or equally anxiously attached bf who's not a sub looking for a mommy
>>34511186you are not too much!
>>34510282Definitely possible. Being in love - or at least in limerence - is very emotionally intense. A lot of people want to feel it all the time. It's what leads to serial monogamy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE&list=RDXcATvu5f9vE&start_radio=1
>>34510282Pace it correctly. This one girl messaged me once. The first message was her asking to be my boyfriend. That's not appropriate.
>>34511732In the male case that has to happen to trick one into spending time with a woman.>>34511186>sub looking for a mommyI'm a dom looking for a mommy
>>34511732i'm failing at the serial monogamy part since i haven't fonud anyone since my last relationship>>34512579it's not about pacing, it's just about finding someone who would want to do date me, i would never ask someone that so quickly lmao
>>34512728What would you do to keep your man happy
>>34510282No woman will ever love you anon, 90% of women out there do not love their man, they don't know how to love anyway; they only tolerate him as long as he provides.Learn to be stoic and get by without their fake and subpar love therefore about 90% of women should be invisible to you. Rise up above your biological programming.Take care of your health anons and find distractions to help pass the time, that's all most people do anyway, the difference is they do it with somebody so time spent together flows differently. It's merely an illusion though
>>34512747(almost) anything>>34512748i'm a woman but that's very cruel of you nonetheless anon
>>34512754>(almost) anythingI would just want to be the sexually dominant one and to have the woman be financially independent (i'm underemployed)
>>34512804i'm unemployed right now too twin
>>34512808Bums. I sometimes message this woman who will likely eventually be a high skilled professional. My dream is to ascend through her. Obviously not happening, but still would be nice.
>>34512821why are you unable to work? i'm just in between jobs
>>34512849Too far from neurotypical. But i may get some jobs actually. I'm just very poor when it comes to attention span. I am too freedom loving too. Not good at teamwork.
>>34510282it's possible & common to be addicted to fast-paced """relationships""" but that's not love
>>34512886I just want any desu
>>34512594>I'm a dom looking for a mommyYou're probably avoidant, I can sense it. I wanna ask for your contacts which means you're bound to be another guy who rejects all emotional intimacy and open communication. I just KNOW it and I'm not gonna fall for it this time
>>34513188This isn't soc, dont contactfag here please
>>34510282thats kinda cute op dont stop doing that
>>34513817its hard to keep going when i can't meet anyone receptive who won't just waste my time and emotions
>tfw no obsessed needy gf for me
>>34510282That's not love; that's obsessive infatuation.
>>34513980why does it matter how it starts? ive been in years long relationships before so it can turn into something more
>>34513985Because you're basing your relationships on shaky premises and will act mistakenly as a result. That's the nice way of saying that you're guaranteed to be a slut, which is going to disproportionately repel exactly the men who value long-term commitment.
>>34513997that's where you're wrong, i think people expect that but i've only slept with one guy kek
>>34514103One too many
>>34514139lmao
>>34514103>i've only slept with one guy kekThat's too many already, clown
>>34514166>>>/r9k/>>>
>>34514204Funny how whores that fucked one guy think they're better than whores that fucked two or three... A whore is still a whore.
>>34514231having sex in a relationship doesn't make me a whore lol, stop being retarded. anyway whores still are valued by men regardless so i'm not sure why you're trying to make it seem like a bad thing regardless. give me advice or leave the thread you incel freak. no virgin will ever want you
>>34514238Sex without commitment makes you a whore. That you do it in a relationship simply cheapens the relationship.
>>34514263we were committed you dummy. can you fuck off already?
>>34514263That's not me, and his arguments are terrible.>>34514238>having sex in a relationship...Excuses. Did you know that in Saudi Arabia guys marry a woman just to have once night stand and divorce her the next day? It's a way these women found as a loophole to their marriage laws and religious laws. I guess they aren't whores then.
>>34514276>we were committed I highly doubt you were married. The entire point of dating is that you aren't committed, so that you can evaluate a potential spouse without being bound to them. Things didn't work out, and now here you are.
>>34514330what does Saudi Arabia have to do with me getting in a relationship tho? >>34514370the type of guy I'd want to date would not expect me to be a virgin and I wouldnt care if a guy was a virgin or not so what are we doing here buddy
>>34514506>so what are we doing here I simply explained that you have a poor grasp of what "love" is, and the consequence of that.I can't control what you do, and I don't want to.
>>34513188I'm not avoidant. I'd describe in graphic detail what i want to do to you in private.
