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I wish I was never born. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself and I can't keep living like this either. I am filled with so much impotent rage and hatred. The loneliness is crushing, but I have a blind hatred towards my fellow men. I want to scream and break things but I can't move that to the surface. It's boiling inside me, destroying me like a cancer

You know, I don't understand why a female manager would go so into me she's proposing for dates and playing games with her, and then she suddenly gets cold. And yet she assigns me shit like being a receptionist even though my skillset does not match at all to that job.

I'm tired of this shit and I got what I needed anyway. I'm only going to maintain cold but acknowledging words, or concerns like "hey, this fucking disease is spreading, shouldn't that be of concern?". Anything further isn't worth my time. I can tell she's fucking my boss at this point and I can't believe I was falling for whatever the hell she was doing.

I'm only this pissed off and huffing and puffing about it because I love having excess legal stimulants in my system.

I'm going to save everyone or something but it's not a big deal if I don't.

>>34513040
I FUCKING HATE WOMEN SO GOD DAM MUCH FUCK FUCK FUCK THEY"RE ALL CUNTS AND BITCHES AND SLUTS AND THEY PRETEND I DON"T EXIST

Some prick keeps pacing around my building

it's over.

>>34513745 i like hunting the ones wearing hi-vis gear around my property

>>34513827
With the reflectors? They're easy targets

>>34513040
I want a worthy wome who loves me and cares for me. I just want to be held and cuddled. I'm tired of being single, I want to share my life with a good women that with me until death and be loyal. I'm not ok, I feel like im losing it

>>34513827
Let me guess, with a pepper ball gun?

I need to eat her pussy.

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I had to hold our mom as she cried when you mutilated yourself into a gender clown. I have to watch her grow older and grumble every day as she and I miss you. You shut yourself into your room because you get thrown into an idiot trance anytime someone doesn't dumbly and fully agree with you, and you perceive it as an attack. You cry out in pain as you strike us, and think you're the victim.

You like your victim mentality so much, and yet you are not a victim. Even among the other gender idiots you once called friends, you were a drama queen. Your online vampire role-playing groups and friends all break apart because of controversies surrounding you, and you're too wilfully blind to see the common factor. You will cry and cry about how nobody understands you when the truth is they know you're trouble.

You most likely have BPD. I think the current PC term is cPTSD. You even admitted the latter to me and I was a fool to not realize how similar it is. You have the answer right in front of you, but you doctor shop every time you want to find a new identity. First it was depression, which I kept open-minded on because living with our dad would do that to anyone. Then you became non-binary, then you wanted us to call you by a shitty nickname, then you swore you had adhd, then you got diagnosed with ptsd, then you settled on autism. You study the illness deeply so that you can convincingly lie about the symptoms, completely undermining diagnosis. If a doctor doesnt give it to you, you find another. Yet you're too scared for tests that you cannot study for. You know you have none of these, and then insist we indulge you when your habits worsen with every diagnosis.

I've had to deal with our dad's BPD half my life and yours the other half. When the emotional tampon you are currently attached to inevitably grows tired of you or you of him, and you come crawling back to me, I will hold you accountable for all you have done. You are wilfully weak, and not a victim.

i keep thinking every negative post that sounds like it could be him badmouthing or talking shit about me on here is him doing just that even though it's probably not

what he says fit my description but obviously that's not proof. iim just constantly on edge, paranoid and suspicious. I fucking hat e this so much FUCK

anyone else used to eat dog food?

like as a guest in someone's house

i didn't like asking for food so i'd just grab a palm of kibble

>>34513040
I don't know how to phrase this exactly I'm sure it'll be rambly
But I chatted to a friend of mine who knows of my ex and whilst she doesn't speak to her on a regular basis whatsoever but her name comes up in passing occasionally when we speak and when it does I still feel a duty to be gentlemanly when I talk about her.
What I find strange is normally I let go pretty fast, if not a bit childishly - I cope a bit, say some nasty things and get it out of my system and move on.
But with that specific Ex I really thought she was the one, I did love her unconditionally, I opine and reflect, how I wish I could have married her, how I wish that I was more mature, more secured financially, all of these things that could have saved the relationship
I find myself, not even in passing, for my name to come up and have it be known I talked awfully about her, because deep down I think I never stopped loving her or stopped having the dream of emigrating and living a life with her that I hoped would be the beginning for the rest of my life.

I wish I was a better man, AL

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I need people to talk to. Not much because of boredom, mainly because I like knowing others and talking with them and knowing them to a deeper level.
But I cant do that irl, because the people around me are empty and care about superficial things. I know that sounds pedant but it really is like that.
Seems like the only people I can achieve that with are from here

Pic unrelated

My goals this year: new Lexus, couple tats, silver amex, iPhone max

WHY CANT THAT RETARDED WINDOW STAY OPEN? WHY DOES IT KEEP GOING DOWN? WHAT THE FUCK

>>34514032
You're vague and yet you vaguely allude to posts.
Specify which ones are making you crazy. I'd love to see.

I really wanted to like men, and see the good in them, but whenever I get close to one all I see are grown child tyrants , so wildly self centered and entitled. Ungrateful of love, even from their own mothers, they see them as tools or one-dimensional beings there to serve and cater to them and their fathers.

>>34514107
There's a little mechanism hole that is supposed to be connected to the slider on the sides of the window. If you take the window out you'll see it and you'll see the little metal pin that is supposed to go in the hole. Look it up on youtube. It takes a couple minutes to fix.

>Took up a really cool job, Moved back to an area I love that I have a lot of ties to near the mountains in Nov

>Ends up being the worst winter ever
>Weird roommate setup
>Work hours were ass
>Season ends, friend offers me a job and a place to stay
>Get a DUI around the same timefrime, spent a night in jail with a dude shitting next to my head on the toilet
>Interview, lie about my DUI
>Go to court, plead guilty but my lawyer worked out a good deal
>Lease on my housing ends right around that time just because it was the end of terms for the 6-month duration
>Homeless, can't find housing and living out of hotel rooms
>Get denied housing for being on probation
>Get shitcanned at work
>Have to move back in with my parents at 30

Just take an Uber or walk, bros. But my life has been pure-hell in the last 3 years and being around a good support network will be okay

>>34514194
You can rebuild from this and have a good life. Lucky you have parents to soften the blow. We all have lost potential gains but life events that seem bad can have unknowable positive consequences.

>>34514159
Well I did want to share my life with you until it seemed like you showed your disloyalty.
Yeah if you're banging a fat fugly ass manchild yourself, and he's married? I'm not in the mood to play anymore. I'm done.
Your motives confuse me, and I'm in no mood to figure your shit out or stew on it. I feel like such a fucking idiot for trying. All I can do now is eat humble pie until my just desserts come in the form of the best fucking job I will ever get.

I'll maintain cordiality with you to keep the reference handy, but when I win, we are done forever. I will make sure of that.

>>34514081
>empty and care about superficial things
I pretend to be like that irl so I fit in and appear normal. Lots of people are the same way, you need to gain trust before irl people open up whereas that can happen immediately here because of anonymity

>>34514285
You are right, but trust me, these are a sheet of white paper with nothing written on. But otherwise I agree with you in all you said

I'm scared of being vulnerable, falling in love, and then the other person falls out of love with me... I crave intimacy but I fear the eventual and inevitable rejection. No-one seems to want to work on love any more, it's all just as soon as you drift apart you break up

>>34514317
How do you tell the difference between someone pretending to be empty and someone who truly is empty? Perfect mimicry is my art

>>34514322
Better than getting fucking cheated on.
At least drifting gives you a massive heads up.
Like how I'm going to drift right now, because fuck games.

>>34514328
Hard to describe it, but it is as if they lacked ideas of their own, cant hold eye contact, spend half the time looking at their phones scrolling mindlessly.
Does it never happened to you before?

>>34514159
As a man, this is everyone including women. After all this generation has made it abundantly clear that how you make them feel is your worth. How could it even be otherwise? You cannot love without feeling it? Something as simple as icks reveal the truth. As soon as you define how a man should act you define his value, his value as a person. People try to disguise their shallowness to position themselves over those who succeed where they haven't

>>34514339
I'd never cheat, but I'd tolerate an open relationship if it meant they'd stay with me... I'm pathetic and honest all I'm worth is to be someone side-piece

>>34513306
We got it covered.

>>34514377
A male side piece is never possible.
It's either the whole ass chicken or into the trash.

You're a petulant child who wants a mommy and an assistant. Didn't know that's what a wife was...marriage is hardly worth it then.

>>34514403
Get 'em.

>>34514345
>cant hold eye contact, spend half the time looking at their phones scrolling mindlessly.
No, because I am that person. I wait for others to voice an idea so I can second it, never revealing my own preferences. I only suggest things I know will be universally accepted. I mindlessly scroll and avoid eye contact so people won't bother me and catch on to how I'm faking it all

>>34514403
Hell nah.
If I wanted a mommy, I'd go to a strip club downtown.
If I want an assistant, I'd be a boss of my own company.
Hell, I don't even want a wife. At least not yet. That would require both of us to be mature.

>>34514387
Why do you assume I'm male? Men are the gatekeepers of relationships not women

Man, this Vietnamese Pho food sucks.

>>34514412
At least you gave me an actual back and forth, thanks for that

>>34514427
Fuh.

>>34514421
>Pathetic and honest
Men with a small penis tend to say this.

If you're really a woman, you must be brown then. But what flavor of brown is a mystery.

>>34514430
I wouldn't if you expressed similar thoughts in irl life. I'd wait for other's reactions to you and follow suite, maybe they'll bully you, I'd join in, maybe they'll laugh it of, I'd join in too. I wouldn't give you a back and forth, especially not one on one unless we've known each other for years and you've shown enough of yourself to me and demonstrated your ability to keep secrets. Many people out there are just like me.

>>34514447
In in real life life...

This is just temporary calm. The pressure is still on.

>>34514475
Yes, I can see that.

>>34514447
A "your welcome" was enough but one can expect so much

>>34514413
Then you're a better man than most for realizing that.

>>34514482
Should have prefaced with:
>NTA

>>34514493
And yet I'm a lovelorn loser. Even if I get to the point of finally mastering my dream job, there's nobody I can share that feeling with.

I treat marriage like a blood oath. It's important enough to me to find only the right partner, and for me to be the right partner alongside her. Shit requires balance.

I graduated HS almost a year ago and I have done nothing since. No new skills learned. Read like 4 books. Fucked around in Europe for a while. "I'm just enjoying my gap semester before college starts" I thought. Now, I'm close to ending my first semester of uni and even though my grades are all fine I feel awful about not having done any of the things I thought I'd do. I have made no friends and joined no clubs.

>>34514534
nigga you're only in your first year of college and you're worried you haven't done anything with your life?

I'm a total fuckup.
Everything I touch turns to shit
I struggle to keep the dishes washed
My house is a mess
If it weren't for family situation I'd be homeless or dead.
But I don't understand why. I wasn't dropped on my head as a baby. I'm reasonably clever. But I can't do anything with it. I'm a total loser. Life is just happening to me. I'm not in control of my life. I don't know what to do. It's not fair to my family to be such a fuckup. If you told me the people I care about would split 1 million dollars on my death I'd really really consider dying. 2 mil or more and I couldn't say no. I've thought about seeing a therapist but what for "hey uhh.. doc.. I'm a fucking loser" probably isn't something they can help with.

I'm going to surprise you in person next week. I'm excited.

>>34514519
Nobody *yet.
Wishing you well anon, I hope you find the lady best for you, and you for her.

>>34514712
Like last time?
I wasn't impressed and I felt fucking insulted.
I'm not looking forward at all to you or that fat retard coming back.

Yeah, I'm done. I don't like you. I don't care about you at all anymore, I just act like I do to avoid you freaking the fuck out at me.

>>34514751
In other news, a black guy won basketball.
I'm not gonna "freak the fuck out" at you, I'm simply disappointed in you.
Glad we came to this conclusion.
We will never speak or see each other again when we're done.

>>34514131
stuff like this: >>34514751 I guess. i worry it's him talking about me because I see myself in the person they complain about

Been stealing uber eats orders lately
>start doing Uber eats like 2 weeks ago
>lots of restaurants just scream out the name if there’s a lot of drivers
>”order for Melanie? Melanie? No Melanie?” and set bag aside
>basically I’ll go pick up my order for say Bob
>they say it’s not ready so I just wait
>hear them call for Melanie and no response
>then they say “order for bob” and I walk to counter
>then I say “I also have an order for Melanie”
>hand me the second bag

I’m a piece of shit I know. But it’s a free meal. And desu, every few deliveries I’ll make sure it’s 100% accurate, and customer then reports me to uber eats saying I never delivered the food and I get some warning.

>perfectly balance, as all things should be

>>34514776
If you're a literal boss lady, and you're flirting with a subordinate, I can see where that would come from. I'd be fucking scared of you too, because pissing you off would mean I die in the street.

Otherwise, you don't seem like the type that would go ballistic and hurt people. You seem calm enough to compose yourself to whoever you think hates you.

And why are you concerned for his distaste for you? Is he a crush, your boyfriend, or what?

>>34514559
I'd say most people have at least done or tried something by this age. I never explored any of my interest too deeply or developed proper skills during my school years nor did I form relationships with my peers.
I picked up a few things like drawing and music production, but I always dropped them within a few months at most. Now I open TikTok and see kids younger than me that have clearly spent lots of time and effort into their hobbies in ways that I never did.
So yeah, I do feel behind.

I remember this one jackass hispanic guy I picked up when I drove for uber. EVERYTHING I said he seemed to misinterpret and got weird. I would ask him if the gym I was dropping him off at was any damn good. He started giving me a lecture on "Well ge I donno is maintaining your health any good?" Everything I said had NOTHING to do with what his weird ass replies were. Easiest 1 I ever gave a guy. This nation is full of fucking retards

>>34514776
do you know for sure they post here? the odds of someone you actually know posting here are slim to none.

>>34514831
Not OP. But years ago I had this one friend show me a meme. Days later I see a post on /adv/ with the same meme as the OP image. It described this anon going through a very specific situation, and I instantly knew it was my friend. I commented on the post, giving my honest feedback. Like a day or two later my friend mentioned he posted online and got some really good advice from a stranger. He never knew it was me.

No longer in contact with him. But hope he’s doing well.

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Im scared ill never be able to truely love someone

When i have fantasies about other guys i just get bored if i think about them too much but i want to keep thinking about them and love them, i dont wanna keep thinking about different guys

>>34514858
I was that friend

>>34513040
>>Atonement
>>Grace
>>Goals
lmaooo why the fuck would atonement and grace come before goals? you'd get nowhere in life

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>>34513083
Get some pizza.

If he finds someone else before I manage to tell him how I feel I'm gonna fucking neck myself

They permabanned my reddit account of over 12 years for implying bi men should be avoided after a woman posted about her dl bf cheating on her and abusing her, probably hurt some gay guy's feelings. But people are still responding to my posts all the time and I'm unable to reply back. I looked it up and nobody should be allowed to do this. I just keep sending appeals because it makes 0 sense

I feel like there's nothing I can do for this world.

I slept through my Friday night. Feels bad man

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I got arrested last night for public intoxication and trespassing. I was drinking on railroad tracks after a fight at work and ended up making worse decisions. I have nobody in my life that gives a shit, and the only person I really talk to family wise is my aunt, who still verbally abuses me and takes advantage of me.

I wish the gun didn’t jam and the bag didn’t rip sometimes.

I keep wasting time or messing up. I want to rebuild a social life or at least go out and be a regular at some places.

>>34515191
tell him goes you feel. dont waste time

I feel like everyone I talk to just kind of watches tv and doesn't want to talk about much else. I don't watch tv. I should watch some popular shows perhaps but they all seem like bad high school plays with amazing special effects.

>>34514777
Maybe make Melanie a home cooked meal if you end up seeing her, someone. Buy her breakfast and apologize. Could be serendipity and end up being your best friend or long lost sister.

>>34515378
It may be too late

What do Buddhas do all day

>>34515330
>attentionwhoring by drinking on public access
Typical male

>>34514107
Make a new window that slides open instead or buy a window prop stick

>>34513040
I'm 23 and I got fired from my job last monday. I feel like I'll never have financial stability. I shouldn't be living with my parents I should be doing something with my life. I just wanna die lol but I'm too much of a coward to kill myself.

I have a huge problem and its quite serious. I whenever experience racism online I just start dangling the christian cross from my cock and post pictures of it online in response to the racist troll.
I do this to cope and make sure they cant top it off. I have on occasion busted a nut on my cross and dangled it off my cock.

It's a serious problem and I really need to fix my impulsiveness. I do it on the cross because I want to see that bastard getting killed again.
Anyways have a great day people.

>>34514421
>Men are the gatekeepers of relationships not women
I don't know if you walked in from Bizarro World, but on Earth It's the other way around.

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One of these days I'll be the gazelle and the two hot women I'll meet be the two leopards in this picture.

>>34514421
No men aren't.

I’m gonna sign my first lease to the first apartment I’ll be living alone in today.

>>34515724
Those are cheetahs and mistakes like that are the reason you will never get in a hot f/m/f threesome.

>>34515751
Congrats anon! My first lease was a bit scary but came as a huge relief when I finally realized I was moving out.

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What did they mean by that?

>>34514828
"Everything I said had NOTHING to do with what his weird ass replies were."

What I meant was:
Everything he said had nothing to do with what I told him. Its like he manipulated what I said just to be a dick.

Pretty sure I'm about to get broken up with
I just got out of detox for alcohol and have been sober since monday
She said she could support me through it and it was fine and things wouldn't change, but then they did in little ways right when I got out and we had this big talk yesterday and are about to have another one tonight and I'm pretty sure she's gonna rip the bandaid off. I don't blame someone for not being able or willing to be with a recovering addict. I guess she thought she could do it until she saw what it was going to look like
I guess it's just weird that it was easier to be with me when I was drunk out of my mind every night for months

Fuck it, I'll keep getting better and then get something good going when I've been stable for a long time, it is what it is

I THINK I might kill myself soon.
My life has slowly deteriorated to the point that there's nothing worthwhile. I dropped out of university, I have no friends, I live with my parents who are going to kick me out soon and I have zero prospects in life.
I have reached the point where I don't even feel like drinking alcohol.

All I wanted was to be around you more, spend more time with you, you said you wanted to be with me then proceeded to avoid me, to ignore me, not wanting to spend time with me, not wanting to talk to me.
Yes, it was wrong of me to be mad that day and ignore you irl, but idk, it's not like you really meant it when you said all those things, you never really liked me, you just led me on, I put in so much effort, part of me would still embrace you if you came back, but I know I shouldn't, you don't want me around, you'll just ignore me, you'll just lead me on again.

It's so ridiculous that I ever felt this way, that I ever allowed myself to feel this way, I tried so hard but you just don't wanna be with me despite saying you want to, I'm done with love and dating for good.
I closed off my heart last time, but I thought this time I wouldn't suffer, yet here I am, again, suffering.

seems like people get resentful if you're protective of your time.
fuck those grubs.

I wonder where she goes everyday
Shes always leaving. Coming back. Leaving. Coming back and leaving coming back . Every single day.
What could she be possibly doing going in and out back and forth like this???

>>34514769
What do you mean "we are done"
You might be.
Im not.
Oh im just getting started

>>34514828
Hes smart.
He doesnt want you in his gym. So he played stupid. You rerard

>>34515701
Women can gatekeep sex but it's ALWAYS men who refuse to commit to real love and lasting relationship. They can and will leave a woman once she's old and/or used up. They'll date a woman and keep her on the hook with the possibility of marriage and family for 5+ years until she's wasted away her times and good looks before trading her in for a younger model

Going to read a stupid book, drink a fuck ton of coffee, and play a shitty game. In this will be one amall addition that might move my dumb ass in the direction of something productive. Many days of my life is existential dysphoria.

>>34516607
That's the spirit. At least spend your time on something. Know you can program yourself if you want to be different. Maybe practice an instrument, language, or some random skill for 20mins a day every day, and you will start to see progress after several months to a year, and that might make you see yourself different too. It sounds like you are already somewhat financially comfortable, and if so you are on the higher questlines.

I feel like I'll never find a gf

>>34516682
But you can... if you lower your standards... or raise yourself. Which sounds more fun to try? You might end up enjoying the process and chase than dating most women you fawn over now.

>>34516537
Really?
And what the hell might you do? Sabotage me?
I've had my fair share of that, anything you do is nothing special.
You gonna stalk my shit until I acknowledge you as my girlfriend and wife forever and ever? My little golden brown caramel Cleopatra that needs cuddles and plaps? Make you a little dominatrix? Choke you consentually?

Nah, I'm going ghost on you unless it's proven without a doubt you ain't fucking as often as I breathe.

>>34516350
>>34516438
Nigga I avoided you for one day, and I still texted you, even though I resent you now.
If this is how you feel, I can't imagine how it be if we're together.

I need to win, and I don't ever want to be in this type of work again, wasting my fucking life energy and time for a company that's just a shell being passed between court and retarded owners.
I'm tired of shady shit.
I need real work, with real companies, and real union backing, and fucking benefits.

Besides, I thought what was between us was already burning out because I don't already see you ever unless I'm forced to see you flirting with others. I ain't playing that shit, I ain't gonna Junko Furuta your ass, I'm just evading, and I will keep evading, as I myself already closed my fucking heart until it felt like you wanted to split it back open to get inside it, too.

https://youtu.be/5st2pxUBj0w?si=S62Jovh0SwfWdQXE

https://youtu.be/qbbQb9bEcDQ?si=6y71t5dr3DZue9fS

>>34516589
I wanted real love and a lasting relationship with a lady 5 years older than me and far more professionally into her life than me and having like asstons of things to do even on her days off.

Her energy is high, but so are her spirits.
Unfortunately, so is her libido, apparently, and she can fuck married men without a problem.

Now imagine seeing that like 30 other times.
Can you see why that is?
This goes beyond "chad gets all the pussy", loyalty is just fucking dead regardless.

Nonsense
https://youtu.be/VKqiZo2gEgY?si=vOYoOpH90d-JLrjn

34516775
34516788
34516907
Now I appreciate you being a spammy retard, but your taste in music sucks.

>>34513040
I need rest but I also do not deserve it, I wish I was better and not lazy

How is it that I'm able to acknowledge and define and take accountability for my toxic/harmful patterns in the relationship and male progress in stopping them, but you're not? Everytime we talk about fixing things and what we're doing to make that happen, it's all about what I've done wrong, all about how I need to get better, and you actively avoiding owning your part in things even when I spell them out for you with exact quotes and moments. And then you accuse *me* of being a narcissist? You kick me out then get upset at me when I agree to leaving, tell me I'm giving up on us, on you, abandoning you, I just want to dominate you, etc.
You're controlling and emotionally manipulative. You lack accountability, you lack empathy. You want me to cater endlessly to your needs and expect my needs to be satisfied in catering to yours. You dangle promises of being able to meet mine if only I would just satisfy yours first, ignoring that even when I've done that (to the point of further damaging myself) you haven't been able to meet mine! Not to mention, when your needs completely invalidate mine and the boundaries I've been upholding to protect myself!
I need to fucking take care of myself now, so I can at least be bare minimum functional for our child. Sucks you see that as such a disrespectful insult to you.
Screenshot this one too, there, something else for you to berate me for.

>>34517070
Oh damn, you had a kid with a discord boyfriend?
That's fucking hilarious, I'm sorry, Jesus Christ died to ensure such comedy was possible, and I thank him.

God fucking damnit, OCD is kicking my ass lately. I don't even have a formal diagnosis because talking about this shit in therapy is embarrassing AS FUCK. I was on antidepressants for a while and it was so peaceful. But also my OCD thing is episodic/intermittent and not chronic so I don't really think meds are the way to go here.

Damn but I wish I would stop losing 6 hours straight of my day to compulsive rumination, reassurance seeking, googling, checking, and some other weird shit.

tl;dr: am stoopid

There's just no talking to you about it. It hasn't helped. You just say you feel attacked.

>>34517155
Stop raping her.

It's not technically over but I've lost my own plot so it's difficult.

These ho's is nasty, y'all niggas is trippin'

I would prefer not to live most of my life alone

>>34517244
I hope you find your good looking dream person, s.

>>34517249
Thank you. Same to you. Only so many available. Not one for everyone.

>>34517260
It helps that you're young and good looking yourself. Have no worries.

>>34513040
hey cum guzzler

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>>34517076
4chan bf now husband*

She’s a stay at home mom and we live in a nice little house and I make good money. Trying to work through the hard times, but probably going to get separated.

Impossible to dump the entire lore here, and somewhat inappropriate, but I needed to at least correct the cuckcord portion.

>>34517070
We both have faults and I’ve readily admitted mine. I hope animal crossing has been fun.

I've been making a lot of negative posts questioning my relationship over the past year, but for the first time I feel completely confident and safe with my girlfriend and I love her more than words can say.

>>34517265
I am not young even if I am not old. My window is closing. I am decent looking. I have been quite socially savvy but currently I am VERY rusty. I genuinely have a coin-flip or so chance of dating a person that would excite me before it is too late. Even if I succeed the chances of lasting love are probably worse than another coin-flip, but I will try regardless for my dreams, and I will make the most of things as they are. This is my resolution.

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I can hear screaming dogs right now and it's pissing me off

>>34517281
>I am not young even if I am not old
You are knowledgeable for your age, yes.
Do you want a family of your own? That's the only reason someone would measure it as too late. Or are you just African of growing old? Paiting, s.

>>34517297
African is supposed to be 'Afraid' and I'm not saying an African is supposed to be Afraid.

i hate you

>>34517329
What's new?

>>34517297
I just romanticize a particular THING, I feel VERY satisfied with my life when I have it, and I would HATE to spend the rest of my life without it. But I will abide as the window closes, and thereafter as it closes, I will then become engrossed with creative output and video-gamic consumption for sublimative distraction. This is my second resolution(pending future edits).
>>34517302
This makes me think of that show Naked and Afraid

>>34516526
probably other men's assholes

>>34517348
>I just romanticize a particular THING, I feel VERY satisfied with my life when I have it, and I would HATE to spend the rest of my life without it
Ideals can bite you.
>But I will abide as the window closes, and thereafter as it closes, I will then become engrossed with creative output and video-gamic consumption for sublimative distraction
How many of the things you want in a person are viable?
>This is my second resolution(pending future edits)
Well, paiting.

I finally worked up the courage to be with her and I find out she died

>>34517360
You killed her

>>34516716
You sound like a pathetic someone I'd ghost and feel better after I'm free of you

>>34517357
I'm an all or nothing sort of person. I'll just find something else to focus on if this fails. I have probably three years left for this dream.

If I fail than I will become obsessed with optimizing every moment of my life as a hobby, while also going out to comfy bars a couple times each week to prevent madness from setting in due to isolation.

If I succeed than I will try to maintain the relationship as best I can, and start a family if she wanted, while also doing my interests, but to varying degrees less so.

This is my ultimatum.

>>34517275
Sounds like she made a mistake being with you. Ruined her life. Good luck to her living that one

>>34517360
dude same thing happened to me twice

>>34517357
Oh, paiting to you too. I looked it up.

>>34517386
Oh, we're doing that, okay.
>If I fail than I will become obsessed with optimizing every moment of my life as a hobby, while also going out to comfy bars a couple times each week to prevent madness from setting in due to isolation
Stir craziness only affects people who care about being social.
>If I succeed than I will try to maintain the relationship as best I can, and start a family if she wanted, while also doing my interests, but to varying degrees less so
Never change yourself for a woman, always change you for you.
>This is my ultimatum
You have no choice, since women have the monopoly on relationships, dating, etc.

>>34517381
That would mean you're "imprisoned", you dumbass bitch.
Nobody's imprisoning you. You're just a little shitstain yourself.

>>34517394
>Stir craziness only affects people who care about being social.
I think it's really good for my psyche to go out at least a couple times a week
>Never change yourself for a woman, always change you for you.
That's true, I guess
>You have no choice, since women have the monopoly on relationships, dating, etc.
Women have an advantage in youth but there are leagues and both genders occupy each league

>>34517422
>I think it's really good for my psyche to go out at least a couple times a week
Because you think you were weird in High School.
>That's true, I guess
That's the truest thing you're gonna get on /adv/ on 4chan.
>Women have an advantage in youth but there are leagues and both genders occupy each league
That would make sense, except women have more advantages when it comes to dating, sex and having children. Men solely have the advantage of choosing who they marry, but if no girl wants you no matter what, then there's no advantage at all.

>>34517395
Imprisoned is exactly the word of what it feels like with you. Being trapped and feeling the need to run

>>34517442
Sounds to me like he's imprisoned by you, and not the other way around. Again, you're cancer given a body.

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I have fought in at least three interdimensional wars against the giant extradimensional guinea pigs.

>>34517545
thank you for your service

>>34517545
Wait until you see the roaches.

>green text
Fart
>Yellow text
Burp
>Red text
Cum

>>34517275
>has a child together
shit bro if this wasn't the case i'd say you should have left her yesterday

I hate retards who use the term "tranime", why the fuck are you on anime website in the first place? How do you not know that Yotsuba is the mascot of 4chan?

>>34517668
to be fair there hasn't been a lot of tranime, it's usually the exception and not the norm

>>34517668
At least they don't say Tranga...

>>34517449
You are projecting because you are upset that she recognizes what a waste of her life you were.

>>34517723
Nigger you're the one projecting first.

See? Thought a dumbass faggot would knock it off. Now stay down.

>>34517442
I hope one day you feel truly alive and like you can fly while still keeping it in a positive manner.

>>34517812
Don't ping that cunt, it's just one of those useless threadshitters.

>>34517818
Yeah and you say the same thing about people with names and a lot of other things. She is free to vent here if she wants to. Stop being a gatekeeper.

>>34517875
I ain't gatekeeping shit, she decided to be a cunt first.
You'd know this if you read the fucking thread.

Venting is for weak minded fools who dont understand that they can just talk to animals and that the animals wont say anything mean back

>>34517757
No, I'm observing. I would be interested if she agrees when she relates to the perspective of how she feels about you.

>>34517875
He just doesnt want her to see and recognize that her feelings are the right ones to have when dealing with being around/having to listen to him follow her around.

>>34517886
Still, it's funny to yell at animals in the thread until they back the fuck off in submission.

But not squirrels, those are cute.

>>34517892
Oh you're just a clitsipper "analyzing" like a pompous faggot.
Thought I told you to stay down. Filthy ass maggot.

>>34517545
Kek

I gave you so much but you only fed me breadcrumbs, you gave me hope to keep me hooked, so I could give you attention, so I could be your emotional tampon, in the end I meant nothing to you, you didn't wanna spend time with me, you didn't wanna talk to me.

>>34517965
You get used to it.
It happens a lot with my line of work.
I'm sorry it happened to you too.

>>34517966
Guess it was my fault for trying to date some depressed broken girl.

>>34517968
Honestly they could be successful and content with their life, and you'd still be an emotional tampon.
It takes a while, you just need to know when you're being bled into, and when to pull back without it being jarring. It's best to learn than to be taught.

Words don't work well to explain it.

I'm too fat and ugly for you, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

>>34517985
I realized it a while ago, I tried to pull back many times, organically, but she would then give me hope, last time she said she was into me, then proceeded to not wanna do any of the things I suggested we do, kinda made fun of the fact that I was sick and couldn't hang out with her.
So I got pissed, I couldn't stand looking at her, taking to her, she got really pissed at me for this and doesn't wanna talk to me much at all about, but lol, it's not like she was talking to me much lately.
What a waste of my fucking time, I don't wanna waste my time with romantic endeavors anymore

>>34517896
You need to stop projecting the kind of person you are on others.

34518043
Such a weak, faggy retort, it doesn't deserve the (you).

>>34518013
It's not so much you're wasting time with romance as it is you're wasting time with the wrong women.
You'll get someone worth your time as she make you worth hers. It just takes a long time.
In the meantime though, just focus on yourself until you feel you could call yourself "father" and not "daddy". Women love that energy.

It is extremely difficult everyday to follow my nerd life instructions to just shut up and enjoy life on hobbies without any real interaction with the opposite gender. I keep envying other people's lives, because the opposite gender comes around to them eventually lovingly.

What are some good pills to sleep? mine don't do nothing anymore

>>34518110
They'll take effect soon.

>>34518054
No just accurate to who you are

>>34517275
>readily
Sparingly, infrequently, strategically. It's always you admitting to one or two minor things (with excuses of why it's actually just you trying to love me/do what I want) after denying all else, while also tearing me apart with a dozen things *I'm* doing wrong, have done wrong before you, character attacks. You're the only one "allowed" to be mad or to bring up past problems (that you've supposedly forgiven me for) as evidence of what a bad person I am or make hurtful "observations" of my character or lack thereof.
And when you do finally admit to your own abusive behavior, it's still got a denial mixed in, an excuse or reason for doing it or why it's not that bad, and the behavior fucking continues anyways.
You say this all happened after that one incident, but it hasn't, these patterns of manipulation in you had been there for months before, you've just ramped them up a bit.
You've done and said wildly hurtful things to me on the regular during the most fragile time in my life where I'm profoundly struggling, during a time where you're supposed to take care of me so I can take care of baby (oh, right, pat leave is actually so you can relax!) and then still demand to be catered to, to be endlessly forgiven and endlessly trusted, to never ever be affected by what you say or do in any way that is unpleasant or undesirable to you. You drag me down and down and down with the crazy making until I crack and then point out how bad my reactions are, how I'm unstable. If I stay calm and avoid your argument bait you throw tantrums and stomp around the house glaring at me every chance you get.
It's fucked.

Now I am back to my old self. Phew, took a while.

>>34513040
I have fumbled every opportunity in my life. My career is dead in spite of a promising start, my love life never began, and I barely have anything (property, achievements, experiences) at 32.

>>34518058
I have zero faith any of that is ever gonna happen, I'm not an attractive man, I have my charm and women have noticed I care for kids and animals before, so idk maybe I do have some of that energy, but it's gonna need effort on my part and I just don't wanna give myself to someone, and idk if I wanna do that anytime soon, I take time to heal, it's been 5 years since I've liked someone, and it's gonna take more 5 years to heal again and I'm only getting older and older.
I just wanna have a family, I just want someone to love and hold, sometime with the same values as me, someone who happens to be into dudes with longer hair, you don't find that every day.
I thought I found that here, but nah, it's joever for me.

I'm still ranting about this woman, yeah, but I just remembered the one time I flirted with her, she ignored it and mentioned some other guy at her gym that was buff/jacked.
I'm truly pathetic.

Im okay if you dont like me anymore but dont use emoji reactions to my messages like a work drone slack retard

>>34518452
Mine starts using exclamation marks lmao

>>34518174
No, readily. I’m not ‘allowed’ to get angry with or yell at you the way you have at me. I’ve held my tongue and stopped defending myself for months. The few times I have during and after pregnancy you’ve used as examples of me not caring about you or wanting to help you. How many times have I apologized for how I’ve made you feel even if it was unintentional? Basically all the time and you demand more and more. When I point out problems now it’s abuse? You said you were getting help and happy I got you to go to do so, but now it’s bad? You accuse me of the things you’re doing.


>bringing up the past

As you have done here, but yes, you not being truthful about things and me finding out hurt me profoundly and made it incredibly difficult to manage my own let alone your emotions. I have forgiven you, in that I don’t want you to suffer for it, but the lack of trust hurts me. It’s not abuse to tell you that I’m hurting and doubtful and hate feeling that way.

Qualify these hurtful things? That you said you’d be trad and Christian and then recanted? Such that gender roles no longer apply for you? You’re obviously a woman biologically, I meant you werent living up to the role culturally by trying to fight decisions I’ve made instead of respecting them. We’ve been over this. I apologize for the hurt I have caused you, I tried and did help through our Pat leave. It’s been stressful because of these fights far moreso than the baby.

I don’t expect you to be unaffected by things, but I do want forgiveness and my needs met, the same as I try to do for you (I have almost never said no to any of your requests aside from some purchases).

You again accuse me of the things you’re doing. You avoid me, stare, give me one word answers or shut yourself down when I don’t submit to you, when I argue my side of things, tell you how I’m impacted by things. Then you say I’m invalidating your hurt. I’m not.

>>34518520
I'm not allowed to harmfully express my anger or yell at you either, I've said it was abusive and haven't done it since. What you don't allow me is *any* anger, even if I say it calmly, "it made me mad when you x..." and try to come to a solution to avoid resentment building up.
The examples I'm using of your lack of help/care have continued happening, even if you yell less. The same patterns of manipulation that I keep pointing out.
It's not abuse when you point out problems. What *is* abusive is that you seldom acknowledge your own, current ongoing harmful patterns of manipulation, while covertly insulting me and making it out as if I'm the *only* one with problems, that I'm the *only* one that needs forgiveness.
I said I'd try to be christian, and I did. I read, prayed with you, went to church. I can't force myself to believe, nor can I pretend. We define trad differently, you in a christian context obviously.
You can say you're hurting and your trust has been damaged without using that as excuse for your manipulative and hurtful behavior. You can say you're hurting and your trust has been damaged without insults. But you don't.
You did not help enough throughout pat leave. You dismissed my request for you to stay home when you offered to. You barely cooked or cleaned while I was healing. I was almost exclusively the one doing the dishes, bottles, animal care, even when I would almost faint standing, was still bleeding.
I don't forgive you yet, because you still display these unsafeties, unreliability in response, your promises of taking things at my pace, the constant push and pull if you don't get more from me than I can give right now (because I am caring for an infant now!) That's not just things you done in the past, these are things, patterns, hurts & reasons not to trust, that you're still showing me on a weekly basis.
I avoid you because it's always a fucking fight, you're always baiting for a fight or pushing me to do more than I can.

>>34518520
>I didn't mean X insult, I meant Y!
Then say what you mean ffs.

>>34518475
At least you need words to go with the !

>>34518520
You didn't do enough, and you repeatedly punished/disincentivised me from asking for what I needed.

I need money.

>>34518598
Manipulation is trying to get someone to do something. Telling you how I feel and what I expect in a relationship is not underhanded and trying to subtly change your behaviour. I don’t mind you yelling, I want to be able to yell too. I’m pointing out the hypocrisy, not condemning you for expressing anger.


You asked if I could get on Pat leave early. I said there was only a few weeks left and that we’d have family coming over to help, and you agreed. I didn’t dismiss you, if you wanted me to come home early I could’ve and would’ve. I’m sorry that made things harder on you. I worked, came home and helped, answered even during my shifts would visit as often as I could to help. It isn’t fair to blame me for child birth and raising a baby being hard. I did as much as I could while working 10-13 hour split shifts to provide for our family. I don’t discount the pain and hardship you went through, I appreciate your effort, I just want you to appreciate instead of dismissing mine. And I always offered to do more, and almost never declined a request from you to do things. Up until recently you even said this.

I cannot fault you for leaving God, but I can point out that it’s caused issues and hurt. This isn’t an insult.

>push and pull

Objectively I think we need space. Subjectively? No. I’m addicted to you, and want to hug everything away. I’m the first to admit this time is difficult, and that I’ve not been able to put my emotions aside. That said, when you came to me crying I cuddled and reassured you. When you offered me sex when you werent feeling well I declined because I didn’t want you to be damaged. This demonstrates care, and I wish you would look at that instead of me wanting things to work and to force healing.

It’s not always a fight. Last night was good.

>>34518607
Assumptions cause miscommunication all the time, for all couples, it’s not unreasonable for that to happen. I explained myself.

The most offputting thing was your constant need for money, or rather stressing about getting more of someone elses money for your expectations. Live for the journey not the checklist in your head that damns anyone that wanted to be involved with you. Also stop hiding away with fantasies of fictional characters. its not maladaptive daydreaming its preventing you from getting the goals you wish for.

>>34518610
Are you talking about on Pat leave? I did way more than most men, and literally always offered to do more. When things were good yiu would tell me you were grateful and happy that I was an active father who stepped up. Was that untrue?

It feels like when you’re angry you just go back and interpret everything through a lens of demonization.

In what way did I disincentivize you from asking for help?