I'm almost 19 and I'm wondering: How can I love properly and love myself? My life is stable, my parents support me, and I'm going back to university, but I'm carrying an emotional burden. Afraid of feeling anything in real life, I sought refuge in online relationships. I'm a confident person, and no one would easily notice that I'm sad, but...My first online girlfriend cheated on me. The second was more damaging: she insisted on virtual sex acts with non-consensual fetishes. Although at first I felt dirty and disgusted, it became a habit, and I ended up "liking" it. After the breakup, I fell into a cycle of fleeting, lust-driven relationships. I even almost sent intimate photos to a 26-year-old woman for money, but I didn't sink that low. I also dated guys thinking I was gay, but they lost interest because they found me unattractive.While waiting to go back to university, I took a short course at a technical college and met a girl who was almost 20. We met and I had my first kiss; it felt good. However, she pointed out my somewhat immature behavior (I only get excited when I see her and try to hide my inexperience). She confided in me about deep problems that no one else knew about, and I supported her. At one point, I got affectionate and asked if I could touch her breasts; she wasn't bothered, but she didn't show any emotion, so I stopped and felt embarrassed. I asked her a super intimate question to see if she had any "boundaries"—I asked if she would like to have her first time with me. She simply didn't answer, and I felt even worse. After that, we broke up and became friends with benefits. We hardly do anything intimate, but then she stopped being close to me, and every now and then, or when she remembers, she's affectionate with me.I feel somewhat disappointed in myself now. Every time I go to school, I tremble and get nervous at the entrance because I feel like I should never have known love,This feels like this stupid meme (I'm terrible):
>>34514367Embrace virtue and chastity.
>>34514367Dude you're 18, chill out. There are a lot of bitter incel virgins in their 30s on this site. You still have plenty of time to get into a relationship and/or get laid. I'm a 22yo virgin and just looking into getting laid now since I didn't care before.For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did. Maybe you were a bit immature about it, which is understandable at your age.I also feel like you should've whored yourself out to the 26yo woman because why not? That sounds fun as fuck, and most guys would be jealousDon't be harsh on yourself, you'll be fine, there are plenty of fish in the sea, etc. etc.
>>34514367>I'm almost 19 and I'm wondering: How can I love properlyLoving properly is simply when you choose to give to that person at least 1 out of the 5 acts of love:Physical touchWords of affirmationActs of serviceGift givingSpending quality time togetherYou just conciously choose to give one or more of these to someone else, and if they have love for you they will do the same in return without being expected to or coerced, they do it because they want to, because they want (you).>And love myself?If you want to avoid bad time in life, give up on loving yourself. It's a new-age narcissistic vanity pipedream. If you try to love yourself you will always fail because everyone has a bad day. People who "love themselves" always hate themselves on their bad days. So don't fall for that self love meme, only focus on loving the (other). When love is returned to you, you will have the benefits of love within. If you try to love yourself + love someone else, you won't love the other person entirely and it will equate to a shit relationship.Like this anon said:>>34515118You're only 18. You've only been an adult for a few seasons. None of us here had this love thing figured out right off the bat. You are allowed to try and fail, because that's how you develop and grow as a person. I gave you the two blueprints required for love: give 1 or more of the 5 love components, and forget about self love, only focus on loving the (other). Love is a choice, and it is more than just a feeling. Love is a rational act at its core, it's something you create and then give to someone consciously and freely. Just be sure to give that to someone who is on the same page.
>>34514367anon this is a vent postyou should tell all this to her, not fucking 4chan.orgget it off your chest & see what she says, maybe, at least you'll have closureit's probably good to feel some shame, but don't beat yourself up, that just makes things worse
>>34514367You should speak with that friends with benefits of yours. The way you describe it, you're staying complacently around her because she drip feeds you affection, and you're not fully comfortable with the state of the relationship. If it's intentional on her part, that's even worse because she's doing it to keep you around, have an honest chat about what you both want with her. You have time to learn, OP. I'm still learning and I have a few years on you. You had a rocky start assuming everything you said is true and that might weight on you, but you can still learn, you're barely an adult, and even a few years can teach you tons about you or the world around you and the people in it. This place is filled with 35+ y/o khhv incels who cannot help you out and would try to sink you deeper, run for the hills and don't look back unless you need help with Sonic The Hedgehog lore or something.
