I don't know if I should break up with my girlfriend.We've been dating for 2 years this June, and half of it has been long distance. We met while she was doing an exchange internship in my country, and she's since gone back home. We still make time for each other: daily FaceTimes, and at least twice a year we alternate flying to visit. It sucks being apart, but we genuinely love each other.The issue is that we still have many more years before we can close the distance. We're both still in education, and I still have to complete mandatory military service after my degree. By itself, that isn't a reason to end it. If she's the right person, I'd endure almost anything to end up together. That was our mentality from the start, but now I'm doubting whether we truly are right for each other.The most obvious conflict is that she's a North American liberal and I'm a European right winger. On top of that, this is my first relationship, while I am not her first boyfriend. I've had severe retroactive jealousy over her past compared to mine. I tried therapy, but honestly it felt like a waste of money more than anything.The jealousy has probably been the most corrosive thing from my side. It’s not mild discomfort, but a recurring obsession where I have fits of anger and disgust that make me want to disconnect. Rationally, I know she did nothing wrong. But emotionally it has eaten away at me.Because this is my first serious relationship, I attached symbolic meaning to things being “equal” or “special” in a way reality doesn't work. I wanted a mutual first grand love story, and instead I’ve had to accept that she had a life before me.I genuinely love her and can imagine a future with her. But I’m scared that distance, years of waiting, political/value differences, and my jealousy might slowly turn us bitter. I don’t want to waste her time, but I’m terrified of throwing away someone great because of my own insecurity and fear of missing out.
>>34516129You have recognized many of these things being a you-problem, the only thing I can attribute to compatibility is your differing political views.OP, you're gonna have to come to terms with the fact she is a complex human with her past like any other person. And complex humans can like different types of people, and people with a past have gone through many things, love included. This is insecurity (not saying that with hatred or pointing the finger at you, as I've been through a similar enough experience) and you'll have to work on it. You're not the only person she could love, either, she may have other types of guys she can be atracted to, some more or less than you. But right now, she chose you, she is choosing you and you should find happiness in that alone, not in a grandiose "match made in heaven" type mentality that dictates two people were destined for eachother from the start and that dating other people has made it less "pure".In a 300 years you and her won't be more than a pile of dust, if lucky, just enjoy the time you got here with someone special before that happens without focusing on how "pure" the connection is.Hope that helps.
>>34516248Rationally I know all this.What I struggle with know is comparing the opportunity cost of being with her through all these years of long distance versus being single and finding someone else with closer values or to just have my fun so to say since I wasn't able to before. (I wasn't able to date for years since I was taking care of my sick father in a very remote part of my country)
>>34516379Well that is a more nuanced question. I suppose it comes down to sacrifice, but I have little experience in relationships (as it is customary in here).The way I see it, nothing is promised aside from death and taxes, there are tons of people out there that can match you equal or better than your gf, but nothing says you'll meet them, or that they'll like you. It may sound like you're settling, but there's also something else. You already have a connection with your girlfriend, and I hold the belief that each love you experience is unique because there's so many factors at play, so this love you won't find anywhere else.I'm not pressuring or suggesting you should not break up, maybe that's what your heart tells you to do to ease your worries, but I'm trying to mention that is a bit more nuanced that "there's bigger fish in the sea."
>>34516391This was very well said, thank you.I suppose there's nothing anyone can tell me here that can really point me towards a decision. Even in these moments I truly love this girl and don't want to hurt her.
>>34516402You're welcome.As I said, it is a really nuanced question, you may be right. I'm not saying to follow my steps, but considering you do truly love her, don't wanna hurt her, don't seem to in an a jsive relationship and already made it work for so long, then why not stay? I'd do that at least.Providing that's your final choice, you'll have to work on your jealousy, as you were very right about it possibly creating resentment or bitterness, you already mentioned therapy but if money is not an issue maybe you could try with another one, sadly it's hard to come across a therapist that truly fits, but it is not the only solution available, it's just that they tend to be better equipped than any 4chan incel schizo or average friend would be.Best of luck anon.
>>34516424*don't seem to be in an abusive relationshipexcuse my dumbass fingers
