Everyone in my immediate and extended family are psychotic, abusive and disconnected from love. As a result, I grew up into being a broken man. I never knew my mother because she died from drugs when I was a toddler. My dad dropped me off at my grandparents when I was 13 and disappeared forever. My grandparents would hit me out of frustration and lock me in empty rooms as punishment for failing grades or doing things wrong. My aunts and uncles immediately started flinging shit at each other the second they figured out how to operate facebook, driving to each others houses at night to start fights.I never got a chance dude. I get happy outside sometimes when I see a kid with a happy parent having a good time but at the same time I get this unbelievably strong wave of sadness that I didnt get to have that. I'm a failure now. No job for years. I dropped out of high school cause I had severe social anxiety and was breaking down and crying in class cause I thought everyone was staring at me and mocking me. Likely unemployable do to years of job gap. What the fuck did I do so wrong to deserve this life.
>>34516587>What the fuck did I do so wrong to deserve this life.The universe is a prison designed to extract suffering.Look up loosh matrix.
>>34516587>What the fuck did I do so wrong to deserve this life.Nothing. You were simply dealt a bad hand in life, my friend, and that alone can shape your future more than most care to admit. I know, because I was dealt a bad hand too. I managed to overcome much of it, though not all. Some wounds do not vanish entirely, they merely grow quieter. I still have few friends, online friends at that, and at times I find myself trolling strangers on the internet for reasons I understand better than I’d always like to confess. Perhaps, deep down, I am not so different from you. Beneath all the defenses, the noise, and the mischief, there remains a child within me who still longs to be someone’s favorite person. I cannot advise you to do that, but many people have gaps in their résumés, and some choose to conceal them by extending their tenures rather than admitting the truth. If you have not finished high school, that is not the end; you can still do so now, and in most countries there are programs designed to help you complete it more quickly. As for the burdens that afflict your mind, professional help can make a real difference, and so can surrounding yourself with friends who are willing to share in your pain and remind you that you do not have to bear it alone.
>>34516587When interest rates lower it will be easier to find work. I think you should do trades or military because you just need a life foundation to start building on, and then you can start working on the higher things. A lot of people with parents don't have parents doing much for them besides just providing meal and housing. Your grandparents just don't know what to do and are probably kind of ignorant of the world as it is for the young now. Anyway, it's not too late. Work, minimalism, save/invest. The rest can come after.
>>34516587Don't you ever give up, OP. I want to say so much to you and go over everything I went through in my own childhood that resembles yours, but I want to make my post short if I can. Please understand, I bleed the same dysfunctional blood as you. I know the weight of what you deal with, I still remember what it was like where my own body felt like a puppet I had to drag around, my mind fogged and scattered, my heart dead and numb, all I could do was shrivel up and die emotionally and withdraw from everything. School, work, friends, just holed up in my room for years, over a decade almost two. My past was pain, my present day was suffering, and a the time, the future seemed so very bleak and blurry. Do not give up. You are more capable than you realize. Your life has been full time work, full time stress, full time complication and carrying mental and emotional burden. You have what it takes to create a better future for yourself. You can know this because you had what it took to carry the unbearable weight of the past and the present on either shoulder. You won't get to be that happy kid playing outside with their doting parents that is true.But you can become the doting parent playing outside with their own happy child. You can give to a child the very thing you never got. And you can do that because you are more than qualified for the job already. You know exactly what is needed for a good childhood precisely because you experienced the opposite. You know the shape of the light because you experienced the shape of its shadow. What this means is all your suffering actually has a reason and a purpose. Everything you went through can be fixed to a point that you can choose and create for yourself. I was able to do exactly that OP, got a wife and kids now, and their childhoods were the exact opposite of what I got, because I personally made sure of it. I also had a massive job gap, lack of education.. don't worry about that part yet.
>>34516661>>34516587>ContinuedDon't worry about the job gap, the money, the education. Those will be resolved by themselves on their own accord when the time comes. Right now you need to fight a reason and a purpose, somewhere to leave all the hurt behind, a place to give your suffering it's context and meaning. Once you have that, things like job hunting and education and getting money will be just a formality that you will naturally pursue and accomplish to get the job done, a stepping stone to a greater purpose. (Do voluntary work, it builds the resume without needing to wait for acceptance or interviews. It also gets you in connection with people who can get you into paid work).What your main mission should be is this:Go and find love. Go find what it looks like, find out what it should resemble and how it should be spoken, acted, and felt. Find the opposite of what you grew up with, and embody that, adapt to it, evolve and grow. It will be a painful journey but nothing you can't handle, you've already survived far worse. Once you begin to normalize and internalize the new way of being, you marry this new way of being with your old way, and you strike inner balance, you become indomitable and nothing can stop you from what you wish to achieve. Because all that suffering you got dealt has, and I fucking promise you, built spiritual muscles in you that you've yet to realize. So go and reveal that to yourself. Good luck brother
