>>34517216
>How else can I have fun with people, nobody ever invites me for anything so I never learned
you're in no position to ask anyone out to begin with if you haven't done that stuff. no one can just explain that to you, you have to experience it genuinely by yourself so you know how someone with your particular inclinations would respond. people can give broad hints but the core of what makes dating and socializing work changes based on all the little things that make you unique from everyone else

>>34517216
>If dating girls for their appearance is a mistake
What? That's the only reason. What else are you supposed to like them for? Their personality? Their mind? Hahahahahaha.

>>34517239
>you're in no position to ask anyone out
That's not fair and you know it. People have shit relationships all the time. I couldn't have any as a dumb teen so I didn't learn, I learned to be a bitter hard worker and hated it, but couldn't unlearn the bitterness.

I seriously need some pointers to learn how to appreciate people. I can't get out of my headspace, and all there is in it is feelings of never being enough despite constant training.

>>34517216
You do date girls for their appearance, that is animal instinct, that is attraction that is inherent biology.
Ugly women gaslight you with words. Mind you men are more okay with the looks scale than women. Women have a strict above 8 bias where as men range is normally distributed between 4-8.
Anyone who says personality is an NPC. Ai could soon replicate personality, would you fall in love with 1s and 0s? A clanker. In the future a machine could translate animals, but let's say I blindfold you and allow you and the talking animal to have a conversation. Lets say you in the blindfold fall in love with the animals personality. You're now allowed to see the animal behind the personality you said you loved, will you seriously go ahead with dating an animal, these are logical inconsistencies that NPCs and women will gaslight you to.
A woman who's easy on the eyes and easy on the heart. That's all.
For the social part, sadly nobody is obligated to entertain you, you have to do a very hard and painful trial and error to become social

>>34517700
Don't leave me hanging man. There's more to it than trial and error, there's experience. Share the experience. I can share my experience but it's all shit and whining. I cannot get the point across that I need people to point me out beyond sink or swim.

>>34517216
>If dating girls for their appearance is a mistake, what am I supposed to like about them then?
>My ideal date would be finding a girl I find super attractive
>would be content with just telling her how beautiful she is
>"Hey anon, so what do you like doing?"
>"You're gorgeous."
>"Okay... Do you like movies?"
>"Uh... You're pretty!"

Stop blaming life and circumstances for being a fucking loser. I would encourage you to try and muster up courage to break out of your shell, maybe be okay with drinking on a special ocassion and developing a modicum of a personality and be engaging but you're mentality is so fucking backwards you're doing anyone a favor by not engaging in society.

>>34518042
>"Hey anon, so what do you like doing?"
>"Okay... Do you like movies?"
Do women even think these phrases? As far as I know, girls beeline back home. If they're out, they're out with friends or boyfriends. If you approach a group of friends, some male friend or her boyfriend will start addressing you when you ask things to her, while she looks the other way. If they are women, they are visibly uncomfortable and excuse themselves. I can't imagine the scenario where the girl would be the one making questions.

Of course I could talk a shit ton about the things I enjoy, about movies, music, culture, animals and plants, history, advice, fucking anything. And I do, and whenever I do I don't get asked questions back either, it's awkward silence.

Of course my mentality is backwards, I'm fucking tired. I'm treated like a stray dog wherever I go.

>>34518042
>>34517799
Pretty much this. You're acting like a Visual novel character then.
I know what you're saying anon. There are guys where just suave. They can't explain it but they know how to.
I'm autistic too, and it's a lot of trial and error. It doesn't mean you try everything in the bucket. You see the ones that are generally not considered as social etiquette and then from the remaining pool.
It's like a game of volleyball, you have to serve and adjust your wrist and power to make sure the ball even lands in their court. If the player on the other side responds by hitting the ball you know they're worth your time, if not then move on, it's not your fault. As the game proceeds you move over the court, adjust your wrist your power and finally you get then off their feet. There's not right or wrong. What you're doing Is essentially playing chess without looking at the playback and looking at the Grandmasters playing beside you and getting frustrated at how good they're while you don't even know what move to make. Those Grandmasters, some of them genius at birth some of them got hooked to the game later but all of them did one thing. They all had a playbook where all the possible moves of chess, attack defence, is played out. All the Grandmasters have done is remembered the play and practiced it. They've failed many times, but that has been done privately, once they reach a level of competence they become public. You're getting frustrated over that.
There's no panacea. You have to play the ball, you have to learn by moving the piece and reading the play, you have to.
Nothing else will help

>>34518057
Look at Craig Ferguson late late show with his female guests. See how non chalant he is. Emulate him to some extent, as socially relevant

>>34518052
I know I cannot provide evidence (which sucks for you, or maybe it doesn't because people here foam at the mouth at starting arguments) but experiences I've had the last month contradict everything you've said, and I had horrible luck with dating (I've only dated a for a grand total of 6 months before she called it quits and did a little smear campaign).

I've talked with a girl friend about her interests to the point I can name what they are without even thinking due to how inherent or intrinsic they are to me, and she can do the same about various facts about me.

A common guy friend we both have recently helped her get a guys number, granted, this guy friend did the approaching for her in this instance, but she has repeatedly and consistenly asked guys out by her own accord. That's how we met, she introduced herself to me (but she clarified she did not want to date, she just had a feeling about me being friendly).

To have had bad luck is not an excuse to be reductionist and bitter.

Let's assume you meet a girl that's just like you, she would think everything you think about her displayed here and be shitty, not mean, just have a very bad outlook of you. It would go south inmediately quickly.

I understand being wary or hopeless, I've been there and I needed to take things slow socially speaking until I was ready to trust again, but to shut yourself off and then treat everything in such a simple minded manner is essentially a contributing factor to a self fulfilling prophecy where you're gonna remain alone and bitter.

>>34518063
Brother you already have a network of friends set. See, people omit to say things like this all the time and start blabbering about "just put yourself out there more" and whatever.

I know people here are not geniuses, they post here for a giggle, but hell, it almost takes a sociologist or something like that to explain to someone like me what's actually going on.

Bad luck doesn't make justice to it, I have basically been raised in outlier cultural conditions, my situation is more alike with those kids with chronic kidney disease who basically live in a hospital 4 days out of 7 every week of their lives. Complete alienation.

So yeah, it would be cool if I had friends who are at the very least willing to watch anime beyond JJK, or if they looked eager to know about a country's culture beyond eyeballing it for H1B Visa. I've tried getting into soccer and it doesn't stick, fine you say but that's like the only shit that make people stick here.

At the end that was the entire point of the thread. From here on out it seems like paying bills is the only thing I have in common with anyone. I refuse to believe that's where things end, I want friends and share in on the fun.

Whatever, in the end it's all the same. I keep being bitten in the ass by a string of bad luck that started with my parents developing complexes. No fucking way anyone's gonna get this or offer some rehabilitation plan. At the end it's indeed sink or fake it till you swim, meditate and gaslight yourself into cope and take your dick numbing antidepressants, just leave the people having a blast alone.

>>34518061
Fair advice. Currently I hate this style of humor, but I think I get it. It's all about a fast paced rhythm and building pressure. A cultural difference is that the girls are doing their part to keep the ball rolling. I'll keep an eye on this stuff.

>>34518125
You're ragebaiting. What the actual fuck does "a network of friends" have to do with anything I mentioned?
You asked if women asked about hobbies, I told you they do based on my experience. You argued women instantly say things like "I have a boyfriend" or a guy friend would jump to protect them if approached, I told you that is not as common based on my experience, and that they might even approach guys themselves.
At no point did having friends contribute to anything for me in any lf these stories, they were isolated experiences of behaviour related to other people, not me. And I did not tell you to put yourself out there, I told you to change that mentality before even considering interacting with people, as it stands, you're a defeatist that wants to be a victim. You won't get rejected by any and all people as some sort of cosmic/universe abiding law, you're bound to call at least a single person's attention that would like to at least have a conversation if you are a decent human being.
To add to this, they cannot help me get a girl even if I wanted to, as I live far away from them (these 2 friends, at least) and it'd be impossible to set up a date or something, then again, I haven't thought much about it as I don't wanna date anyone right now.

>>34518383
I'm trying to work something here. If I have misunderstood you I don't get why you get on edge and start pointing out my flaws like being "defeatist", as if I didn't have enough of those.

Something else is going on, like where do these conversations happen, what are you doing, what sort of image do you have around people. There's a lot of untalked difference and nuance between an outgoing guy and a brooding incel at first glance, and it can't be reduced to "this guy talks, the other doesn't", we're talking about two different lifetimes here.

Anyways, yes, this is tiresome, understand I want to save myself some grief, I've had a lifetime of it. In my case being a decent person, saving my parents grief, being good at studying or work didn't translate into feeling self-realized. I had to turn down invitations all the time to not give unnecessary worry to my parents, they couldn't get their eyes off me and it never stopped being uncomfortable because I was mocked in HS over it. These things happened while I was in college. I can't get anybody to relate because nobody had a dad shadowing them as an adult, or a mother telling them having girlfriends was improper if I didn't have a job, and that you must first finish college before getting a job etc. My parents were hurt by poverty, squiggled their way out and coddled me until they would die. Call it bad luck, or call it my fault, but I didn't have the chance to learn what to anyone is child's play. It's not my fault how my parents were, it's not my fault they were shocked by killings and gang violence and were perfectionists. I'm trying to never be what they were but I'm starting old.

>>34518863
cont.
Girls did approach to me in HS, when I had oneitis and any relationship was forbidden. After turning down invitations the first years of college, nobody else bothered inviting me to anything afterwards for the next 7 years of study. Once again I was struck by oneitis because nobody told me I could be happy with other girls, I had already become Snape by that point. When I came down suicidal over it, my dad broke and told me he felt guilty for not being able to talk to me about relationships before, I felt even more emotionally attached and committed to becoming his caretaker instead of looking for my own happiness. By this point the only girls taking the first step were one literal unlikeable BPD hysterical bitch, an older single mother and an innocent ugly girl I would only made her life miserable while being no better myself if I had accepted her.

Man, Life hasn't been easy to me, it has only been duty, work, videogames, porn. My dad died 5 years ago and my mother is a grieving child whose only happiness in the world was having my dad and having eternal baby children. I make her suffer because she ties her happiness to mine, and I suffer because whenever I try to fix myself, I trace my circumstance to my parents' stunted growth.

Well that's it. Sorry if I can't be a more helpful patient. At least I haven't stopped caring. I think it's easy for anyone to say "cope and seethe, kys retard, go get coked up at the psychiatrist, leave happiness to happy people who deserve it, don't be a hypocrite and fuck an ugly girl who will not get you out of this complex so you get children to pass your misery onto, or better yet, keep being forever alone you do the world a favor". I'm still trying to make something out of the shit platter life handed me.

>>34518927
Anon, you've got a good attitude. One thing I'd recommend is hitting the books, learn how this shit works and reverse engineer the outcomes that you'd want. I'm primarily referring to psychology and stuff, the sort of thing that's gonna help you understand yourself, and then eventually how to interact with others in order to get what you want. If you combine that with taking care of your body as well, you're basically set. Also, leave this place, and if you can, eliminate other coping mechanisms like video games etc. Good luck

>>34517216
Just want to say anon, not drinking is the best way to live. Gave up alcohol and yeah I'm lonelier but my money is up and my health is up. Fuck women and dating, live a healthy life and do things that you find fun and it will come (or it won't, but then you'll still have lived a happy life)

Chasing validation from women is never gonna work, we're currently in a dating depression. Ride it out.

>>34518927
Well anon, I have to say this is far more than I anticipated. I guess your views make sense given everything you've said.
Still, I did not tell you to kill yourself, nor do I want to. What I meant by pointing out being defeatist is not mockery, but to mention that being like that is a mentality thing, which you can work towards changing with enough patience. Knowing all of this I suppose I get where you're coming from a bit better, I still think you've been a bit over the place and is hard to understand your explanations at times, and I still think you sprial down a bit too easily depending on the topic (the topic being love/women, meaning you'll have to build up tolerance which you can also do).
Best thing I can tell you then is this: you have to find oportunities somewhere, or go to a place where they can find you. Be it romantic, for friendship, whatever, you'll only learn about those things through exposure, and getting a feel for things as you go.
I also struggle socially, don't have many friends (the ones I do have sometimes I barely feel like calling friends) and started off a bit late in life, but to think you are practically cursed will only leave you feeling like that and not even trying, which is what I meant by saying you're defeatist. As I said though, that has a solution. It will take time but at the very least I'd deem it a step in the right direction.
Also, love is a nice bonus in life, not a need or a requirement, first in order is to be content by yourself. I guess that's where my advice ends.

Good luck anon

>>34517216
Have you tried not dating girls? If you don't like them you can literally just not date them.

>>34519252
>>34519149
>>34519141
Thanks for the support, I mean it. There's a lot to rebuild, there's a lot of ongoing battles. Staying positive through all of it takes more than I can give. Facing people mocking or talking behind me is always a strong blunt hit to my emotional capacity. I often forget myself, as in what I used to think was important, what music I really love, what kind of story cheers me up, etc. I just realized living under constant stress deletes your personality.

And thus I have a lot to learn. I could use the luck you guys wish for me. Maybe all of this is for something, and reaching out to you guys helps any somehow. Thanks.

>>34519432
*anyone else.

Lel, sorry for the broken english.