I apologize in advance if any of the context sounds like a vent, this is not my intention.A habit of self sabotage plagues me. I am driven by a fear of failure, all endeavors of mine are abandoned as soon as any difficulties arise. There is also my bad habit of zoning out, daydreaming, and getting bored quickly.The presence of girls triggers an intense dread in me, and their gazes give me anxiety. Conversations with them are panic inducing. As a result of all this, I avoid interactions with women whenever possible, even ignoring them when they try to talk to me.Working out at the gym also became another abandoned project, even though I was able to achieve a sixpack and bigger + defined arms. I got bored of the gym and just spend my last month there counting the time until I went home. I've done a total of ten sports throughout my dull life.No friendship of mine has lasted for more than a year as people lose interest in me quicker than I lose interest in new hobbies. Although, there was one time that I managed to be part of a friendgroup for more than a year, but I ghosted and blocked them all out of fear of them potentially losing interest and drifting away like the others. A recent attempt to reconnect with this old friend group ended in the usual way: they ended up ghosting me and hanging out many more times without ever inviting me.
Last year, I considered ending it all, but decided to give life one more go and try looksmaxing, working out, and finally accepting the rare invitations of the absolute last friend I had left (he was a childhood friend). The dread receded during my self improvement journey, but the feeling of being stuck / underdeveloped constantly plagued me. In the year I tried tried looksmaxing, I never managed to develop any hobbies, get hired for a job, talk to a girl. Also, I failed a course I was doing twice due to constant loss of motivation and zoning out.On New Years, I had nothing to celebrate, and spent many days in a dreadful daze (on new years eve I became withdrawn and stopped talking to anyone and stopped taking care of myself).Everything ends in failure or abandonment; I am so tired of all this bullshit and don't know what to do anymore.My parents are sick of me and I am so ashamed of myself. There were so many expectations for me back when I used to be normal, now there is nothing, even though I am actually decent looking and somewhat mentally sharp due to an incredible memory and quick ability to process information.Lost doesn't begin to describe it. Even tears won't come, I lack the energy for even that.I never saw any of this coming. Can this be undone at all?I will accept any advice and give further details if needed.
>>34525022>What is wrong with me?You grew up without a father or with a deadbeat father, that's the problem.
>>34525031He is an alcoholic and an emotional guy, like a "nice guy" who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way.
>>34525075>He is an alcoholic and an emotional guy, like a "nice guy" who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way.I knew something was wrong with your father as soon as you described the symptoms... You have to integrate your shadow, confronting the buried wounds, denied anger, inherited fears, and fractured parts of yourself that pain has forced into darkness. Until a person faces what has been repressed, those hidden forces often continue shaping thoughts, relationships, and suffering from behind the curtain. Reclaim the parts of yourself that were exiled in order to survive.
>>34525022>>34525027The worst that could happen has already happened to you. Are you going to wallow in your failure, or are you going to fight against this fate with everything you got? Start developing habits you can do an hour or 2 a day that actively improve yourself physically and mentally. It will feel pointless, awkward, and ineffectual at first but those slight improvements will grow into a tree over time. Setbacks are bound to happen but dont let them discourage you, use it as an excuse to work harder. It is hard but nothing good in life comes easy, you know that. Channel your sadness into something meaningful. It is all up to you anon.
>>34525088This whole time I have been improve myself externally. I guess it would not hurt to try looking within and confronting my subconscious issues. Could reading Schopenhauer help with that? I saw Schopenhauer get recommended to someone over in /lit/ who had a similar problem to me.>>34525103I did do the whole 'good habit' and active improvement thing. I guess my problem is that I become disengaged when I do not see a clear future goal relating to the thing I am doing at the time.It is not really sadness that I am experiencing in the present but dread and emptiness. I would much rather prefer to feel sadness or anger as they definitely can serve as good motivation.
>>34525088How exactly did you pin my father as the cause of my symptoms?And do you think my mother is horrible to me because my father is passive and forgiving with her?
1/3>>34525334>How exactly did you pin my father as the cause of my symptoms?A father is often not just "another parent." A father functions as a boundary setter, external validator, model of discipline and risk tolerance, protector from enmeshment, social confidence template, and a symbolic bridge to autonomy. Lack of a boundary setter:> All endeavors of mine are abandoned as soon as any difficulties arise.> Everything ends in failure or abandonment.> Repeated quitting of sports, gym, and courses suggests difficulty tolerating frustration, boredom, or delayed reward.> Difficulty appears to trigger retreat rather than adaptation, which can correlate with underdeveloped internalized structure and persistence.Lack of external validation:> My parents are sick of me and I am so ashamed of myself.> There were so many expectations for me back when I used to be normal, now there is nothing.> Heavy shame, perceived collapse from former potential, and dependence on external markers like looksmaxing may correlate with unstable internal self worth.> His language suggests he measures himself against disappointment and perceived failure, rather than possessing a stable internal sense of competence.Lack of a model of discipline and risk tolerance:> Working out at the gym also became another abandoned project, even though I was able to achieve a sixpack and bigger + defined arms.> I failed a course I was doing twice due to constant loss of motivation and zoning out.> I never managed to develop any hobbies, get hired for a job, talk to a girl.> Success initiation exists, but maintenance collapses when boredom, fear, or uncertainty arise, which can correlate with weak modeling of sustained discipline.
2/3Lack of protection from enmeshment:> The feeling of being stuck / underdeveloped constantly plagued me.> Lost doesn't begin to describe it.> Zoning out, daydreaming, paralysis, and chronic shame can correlate with developmental stagnation or impaired individuation.> Rather than progressing into autonomous adulthood, he appears psychologically immobilized.Lack of a social confidence template:> The presence of girls triggers an intense dread in me.> Conversations with them are panic inducing.> I avoid interactions with women whenever possible.> No friendship of mine has lasted for more than a year.> Social spaces appear coded as threat heavy, suggesting fear of rejection, humiliation, or social incompetence.Lack of a symbolic bridge to autonomy:> I never managed to develop any hobbies, get hired for a job, talk to a girl.> Even though I am actually decent looking and somewhat mentally sharp.> Competence appears intellectually possible, but action consistently collapses.> This gap between potential and execution can correlate with impaired transition from dependence to autonomous self directed adulthood.Fear of abandonment and insecure attachment:> I ghosted and blocked them all out of fear of them potentially losing interest.> They ended up ghosting me.> Leaving first to avoid being left can correlate with rejection sensitivity, insecure attachment, and protective self sabotage.
3/3I'm sorry I can't help you more. My head is throbbing, and I'm feeling sick right now.
>>34525393You've been very helpful, thank you for the in depth explanations.
>>34525466>You've been very helpful, thank you for the in depth explanations.No problem, I hope you can overcome this, I'm sure you will.
>>34525022hello im the anon that you replied to in the other thread.i apologize as i don't have much helpful advice but I'll give you the best i can think of. tldr is i recommend you try to find activities that are intrinsically cathartic for you. For me personally this is writing and drawing. the goal is that it will keep you sane as well as give you some skill/craft that requires you to focus on it.strangely enough, activities that require me to spend effort/focus while doing them actually make me feel more energized *once* i get over the initial hump of the activation energy required (this energy is both during the actual time im writing/drawing and carries through the rest of the day). it doesn't give make me feel like im on steroids, but it regardless helps me actually feel like i can do stuff. it is pretty common for me to have some serious friction with actually getting started, but like friction, once i actually start doing it the energy to continue is much lower than the period before. this is the main thing i recommend to you and anyone else, especially since you say you are just so tired (i know the feeling).other stuff: i totally understand the dread you feel when you interact with girls. i don't know exactly what you mean by it, but we're probably somewhere on the same wavelength. that said, i would ask that you reciprocate if a girl tries to speak with you. i personally have never had a girl try to speak to me on her own initiative, so i don't know what its like, but regardless if someone (man or woman) tries to talk to you and they are doing it in good faith, its only kind for us to respond to them, otherwise that could make them feel like there's something wrong with them for just trying to talk to another human being. actual human beings like you have never been more isolated than we are now, for all you know they could have all the same feelings you're experiencing, or at least something comparable.
>>34526406Hello anon, thanks for the response.I am sorry that I could not quite find any advice that could directly address loneliness, tanking grades, lost concentration, nostalgia / longing for the past, lack of social interaction, bad sleep, and inconsistent grooming. These are things that also affect me on a daily basis, but I did not fully address them in the OP post since I was worried that other anons might get distracted by these symptoms rather than focus on my 'main failures' (that and the fact that I did not want my OP post to be too long or sound like a vent).The most constructive response I got in this thread, apart from yours (very very helpful by the way), is to integrate the shadow self and confront any subdued negative emotions, and to channel sadness into consistent hard work. I will probably share those in your thread to bump it and hope that someone can drop a nugget of wisdom that can help us both.
