I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He's disabled, and he was disabled when we got together, but he's only gotten worse. We used to be able to have more sex and go on trails every once in a while. We used to go to the game store. Now he needs help up the stairs more and more. Some days he doesnt really get out of bed. He can't work. We've been going to the doctor's, but nothing is making it better. Its just the same. His mental is bad too. Now he's developed arachnophobia so bad he has me check for spiders even when I mention them in a video game while playing with friends. I'm getting tired. I love him but I'm getting tired and I find myself fantasizing about someone I can have a more involved life with. Someone who would make our financial situation easier. I dont earn a lot of money and i'm still in school. He says I can go out on my own and do stuff but I'm in a city with no friends and I don't even know where to start to find them. We're both 23. I feel like I signed up for this and I shouldnt break his heart by leaving, and I feel like no one else could love me. There's one other guy who I think would, we've been talking, but he's an ocean away and I get a feeling he must be taken, too. So what do I do? Am i evil for leaving a relationship with someone I knew was disabled but I didnt know it would get this bad?
Once again first reply, I just broke this thread's hymen. Anyone else who posts after me is getting my sloppy seconds, my leftovers.Just remember that the first reply is the most special reply and you'll never experience this thread the way I did and this thread will never feel the way it felt about me about you.It's Over. You might as weIl just go post on Reddit and talk about how much of a badass you are for replying on a thread that I pump and dumped. Have fun with my scraps, cucks.
>>34535055First of all, how much of this have you discussed with him?
>>34535122We've discussed sex, going out together, going on walks. Sex, he just says he cant do anything. Walks on trails arent existent cuz he has to use a wheelchair now.I tell him i dont have friends and hes like just go out.
maybe break up with him instead of playing nurse for the rest of your lifeyeah, you love him and you'll experience guilt, but he should be with someone who is also disabledImagine living the rest of your life without sex, children, or just going for a walk with a man who can help YOU for onceI would become a horrible human if that was my fate. Probably cheat and neglect them
>>34535122>>34535161And like idk i feel like i cant just talk to him about being tired for taking care of him because he already feels so bad about needing help and always apologizes already. He knows and can tell how tired I am already or I feel like he must know. He cant make any money and hes just like well my parents will pay for your school. But i could make 80k a year and it would probably still be too little for two people.>>34535191How do you just do that thoughHe told me he wants to marry me and all I can say is idk thats scaryAnd if I leave his parents will just neglect him like they did before.
>>34535199>How do you just do that though>He told me he wants to marry me and all I can say is idk thats scaryThat's tough...
>>34535055honest question, how beat are you that you are desperate enough to stay in a situation like that? what led you to being someones nurse?
>>34535055If you leave him, you are an evil whore(much more than the average white female). Hope he acid faces you if you leave.
>>34535682Nothing really led me to it. Four years ago he could drive on his own and do stuff. He could walk with me at the mall. It's just gotten worse. I wasnt led to it, it was more or less dropped on my lap. I thought he just had bad joints and a sleep problem and pain.
>>34535055Like with most things in life, this question does not really require input from other people; rather, it requires the hard work of introspection.What is your terminal goal in life? For me, it is to live a fulfilling life—a life that all my present and future selves would be proud to have lived; to die with no regrets. Once you figure out your terminal goal, you then need to determine your instrumental goals (intermediate goals) in life. For most people, having a fulfilling life requires challenging themselves and overcoming those challenges. In the modern era, the domain most people choose for that challenge is the professional arena.Many people yearn for a family, which often means having children. Most also desire money, as it is an instrumental goal that helps achieve one’s terminal goals and other intermediate goals (e.g., traveling the world). Whether it is traveling the world, having children, pursuing a career, or accumulating vast resources or skills, you need to determine what your priorities are in the present moment and what they should be for your future self.Once you figure that out, your actions will become clear. It will become clear whether your current boyfriend fits into that picture. If he fits into your vision (perhaps with some changes), then continue being with him. Otherwise, you need to break up with him. You are young and still have time to achieve what you desire.
>>34535055He's getting worse? What exactly is his affliction?
>>34535055Is there a reason he cannot work? There ate plenty of at-home jobs these days. Has he tried looking at all?
>>34535161>I tell him i dont have friends and hes like just go out.This is probably something you should rectify regardles of your situation. Having him be your only source of companionship is likely exacerbating your issue.> i feel like i cant just talk to him about being tired for taking care of him because he already feels so bad about needing help I know you're hesitant to broach the subject but you'll need to address your feelings with him. You don't have to posit it as if he's the problem, just let him know you're tired and that your current course will lead to your eventual resentment and burnout. Try to find a solution. He probably doesn't like his current lifestyle either. He may react poorly. It may even end your relationship, but better sooner than several years out.
>>34535888I dont buy it but his dr at a nationally well regarded hospital says its fibromyalgia. But that diagnoses means maybe lots of things. >>34535891He hasnt really looked at wfh options. Whenever its brought up he gets a certain type of way. He says the stress would make him worse, and that his sleep disorder would make him exhausted trying to stay on a consistent schedule. He sleeps 11 hours a day and it constantly shifts through the week. He cant make himself go to bed or get up at a certain time. When we tried the treatment the sleep specialist prescribed, he said the medicine was too much and we quit after two days. Thats another thing that makes everything so exhausting. Treatment doesnt work, whether we stick to it for a while or we quit after a day, it never improves.
Just leave him. Men leave women for less, even when married with children they leave. Do it for your sanity, you dont owe him anything and at 23 you really don't deserve it. Look at the next 10 years of your life and really think about how you'll end up his personal maid for nothing. You are not obligated to him, he's a grown man despite his disability. Do not let his parent's neglect of him cloud your judgement.I tell you this having worked with legit retards and some of them have a decent life with jobs and dont make up excuses, he's using you to his benefit whether you both admit it. He knows you wont leave so he's comfy and won't bother doing shit anymore. Legit retards and disabled, unstable vets are doing more than your fucktard of a bf. Leave him
>>34536033You deserve acid in your face. Your underage female relatives deserve rape.
>>34535813>>34536057Stfu, she didn't marry him, she has no duty to take care of him. You guys are retard.
>>34535055man, women make terrible decisions. you need to find a worthy man.
I feel like if the roles were reversed everyone would be shitting on a guy anon for "abandoning his disabled gf" but because it's a woman wanting to leave her bf it's "you go girl, he should've pulled himself up by his bootstraps!!" (he can't even walk btw)TLDR, You're a dickhead retard OP stop leading this dude on if you don't truly want to be with him/take care of him. He's got enough on his plate already after slowly watching his ability to do the normal things he used to do go away. He probably always feels awful and now he has you posting shit behind his back about whether or not you should leave him.
>>34535945> He says the stress would make him worseSo better to get you to work for him than even try? I think he should at least give it a shot.>said the medicine was too much and we quit after two days.That was hardly a meaningful period to adjust to any medication.>Treatment doesnt work, whether we stick to it for a while or we quit after a day, it never improvesI'm getting the impression he hasn't the interest in putting forth the necessary effort to improve. He leans on the diagnosis given by a doctor but ignores their subsequent directions. He isn't willing to endure the sacrifices needed to move forward. Quite frankly, it sounds like he's given up. I couldn't blame you for wanting to leave.Talk to him. Tell him that it matters to you that he at least make an attempt to change his present predicament. Figure out why he's unwilling to try. If he insists on standing still then leave. You're young. You're not married yet. You don't have to martyr yourself for someone who has chosen hopelessness.
>>34535945>fibromyalgiaLiterally a placeholder diagnosis.No one knows what the cause of it is or if anyone with the label is definitively suffering from the same affliction.
>>34535055If you really can't handle it, go. You will hurt him and you will feel like shit. But a painful clean break is better than lingering and festering resentment on both sides.
>>34535055I can't judge you bc you're a woman. All I can tell you is that I, as a man, was in a similar situation years ago. I drcided her life was worth more than mine and sacrificed school, my friends, my family, my dreamd, everything for her. She was, had been, and to this day still is, engaged in behavior that most would consider "manipulative" and "abusive ". It doesn't matter. It never mattered. All that ever has mattered is that she needs me to sacrifice for her. I will no matter what. She long ago stopped pretending to care about me. I will do what she needs no matter what.
>>34535055Yeah. Being disabled means you can't do anything with your life.
>>34535055well, flat out, it seems like you aren't the right people for each other. there's nothing you can do to change that. if my wife became a mentally retarded vegetable i would stay and care for her for the rest of my life. that does NOT make me a better person than you. it just means she's the one. your boyfriend isn't the one for you, and that's not your faultjust leave asap, there's no other way out of this and letting resentment fester isn't constructive whatsoever
>>34535055is he handsome thought? model? pic? because if you break up he would hanging himself i can till...
