this has been on my mind a lot lately but i havent seriously brought it up with my therapist yet. i fear i might have bpd and im scared ''it'' is going to get worse once start living with someone i love. im really scared of my feelings ruining the single most important relationship in my life and having people hate me because of it.in trying to read up on this topic i came across so many people talking about how horrible people with BPD are and how theyre the worst and im scared i might be like the people who those discussions are about because i relate to their experiences quite a bit.i used to go to a psychiatrist too but only for medication related check-ups and i never mentioned this there. SSRIs dont seem to work on me or atleast the 3 ive tried so far with varying doses didnt so i dont think getting a diagnosis to get medicated would be of any use anyway.i seem to fit the criteria for a diagnosis except for my lack of outbursts but apparently that is subjective so i dont knowl. even if i dont have BPD in specific i know what kind of problems i have and im scared of them hurting people i love and worsening my problem with self injury(and in turn emotionally hurting others) which is already on the severe side of things.ive been too embarassed to bring this up at therapy as a serious concern but im worried so i will have to do that during my next session.i dont even know why im posting this im just worried. would appreciate some words of advice from people who have been in a similar situation or those who have been diagnosed with BPD.
>>34539675BPD is highly treatable these days. 75% of people who have it are much improved after 5 or 6 years of targeted therapy. You need to stop pretending you don't have a problem and get help. DBT might be an option.
>>34539675>i havent seriously brought it up with my therapist yet.Yeah, God forbid the one person most likely to be able to help you should ever find out what's bothering you.
>>34540469she knows about the symptoms i experience i just havent brought up BPD itself because i thought they were simply a result of my other mental problems and i didnt want to seem like im trying to get pity points by self diagnosing
>>34539675I had signs of BPD. I figure mainly from two bad experiences with girls. One: someone I liked a lot since primary school that became my girlfriend just so she could get back with her old friends that ditched her then had broken up wit me, she got ditched again and I took her back until that stopped. Two: a girl that got gang raped by rapefugees and other classmates at high school. The first one I felt depressed, the second one felt acutely anxious and hostile. Maybe "double trauma". Depending on the material, BPDs have been researched as having two very different personalities like night and day/dark and light, and do not care for other people other than a utility. I dealt with it by being outwardly day/white and inwardly night/dark. I thought to restrain myself since I sought to respect, understand and be kind to people and protect them from hurt. The issue was that despite my deliberate good intentions, meaning and deeds I generally felt night/dark on the inside and at times other had felt that I was more or less kinked or "something about him". While I genuinely yearned for reciprocation and empathy I had been regarded and mocked as kinked. As such I left from quite a few relationships and I expressed strong rage to the shock of those that witnessed it which was rare. Which I refrained from expressing any feeling other than politeness, kindness and respect. It was bad when I met someone who also had signs of BPD, they were textbook/actual BPD and were *pissed* when a little thing or something did not go their way. I felt drained being around them and tired from containing a myriad of feelings even from years ago. Definitely seek counseling and only let your family know (parents). I went to the doctor and he referred me to a psychologist covered by universal healthcare for 10 sessions. He said I am doing very well and even asked me whether to continue the sessions. I have been continuing them and maybe next year I may just "graduate".
>>34539675You're allowed to have problems, especially of you're intent on fixing them
