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>>34541907
I think I need sex..

I love you Anthony

I am a little pissed off that people were right that losers stayed losers. I don't care if you want revenge because you found the guy mumbling to himself and slurring was annoying in class, that is just fucking horrible. The guy in class who was a loser should go through his character arc to be a awesome person, not a fucking homeless fuck-up living off his parents and the government. I mean, what the fuck? Reality is just the fucking prediction in Wall-E?

I'm not sure I'm ready to be a dad but she really wants a baby. I'm scared to ask her to get on the pill I think she will resent me, even though she says she will do anything for me.

>>34541968
You know what fuck your careful thinking. Raise a kid in a good world and make sure they turn out to be a great person. Stop doing fucking stupid shit like having gay ass get togethers about a magic the gathering game and removing what could be your kid's room for a fucking collection room.

Just please try to raise a kid. I am getting so tired of everyone avoiding responsibility and the chance to do something great because their ability to let them get away with things allows them too and when confronted they just have a ,no you need to do it, type of bullshit as usual.

>>34541955
Just get a job, minimalism, save and invest. Keep living with your parents to minnmax.

>>34541990
hey if I made more money I'd be more open to it but I don't want to raise them in some situation where I can barely afford to clothe them... We just need to live somewhere cheaper I guess

I DO want kids, I'm just scared :(

>>34542003
My world is gonna turn to shit one day. You actually have the god given blessing of being right in circumstances. I just deal with brainwashed people who say I have a chance to leave me as scraps to the wolves outside who will tear me to pieces to face the awful truth.

There's an add on craigslist for a fucking truck that's rolled

I'm too scared and lazy to take the first step, and I hate myself for it. I'm not getting any younger and it just seems like the opportunities for success have been slipping for the past few years which makes me terrified of the future. I want to be better, but I keep holding myself back.

i fucking hate niggers. i dont want to see them on the subway tomorrow morning. i dont want to see them on the street when im walking around. i dont want them to try to sell me their shitty rap cd full of bullshit. i dont want to see them in my restaurant later when im getting food. i dont want to see them on my way home. i never want to see niggers. i hate them. every single one.

>>34542211
dick sucking ass white boy

>>34542188
the first step's the hardest

>>34541968
My two cents, when my wife and I decided we wanted kids it took us a little over a year to conceive naturally making sure to have sex during her more fertile days
>>34542211
Kek. Well, what are you gonna do about. We need solutions

Alright I realize there's like 20 things I want to do before I kill myself but part of those things is being uplifting for others so that kinda makes it hard to kill myself, but like maybe I could do risky stuff like skydiving and skiing down insane inclines.

Wasted potential and opportunity is truly in the top ten sufferings

Vindictiveness and envy from being weak is never healthy. Reason why the bible said to forgive your enemies.

January 2026 I submitted several more pictures of people in my house who don’t match to the Everett police out of Snohomish county Washington and they told me that the pictures don’t count as evidence. They won’t even get a search warrant for the remainder of pictures that “derek” refuses to let me access. They tell me that I need to file a court petition for a dna test. A dna test doesn’t explain the imposters. WHAT MUST BE DONE TO SOLVE THIS?!

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25M, incel here, yes virgin and no friendship, no sex, no gf, no love. No memories made of anything worthwhile, I've been a shut in for 7 years, still going on now.

With the pathetic foundation now established, I thought I knew myself better than I really do. I've got no concept of my own emotions, none other than rage. Rage that I use and abuse online on time wasted getting angry at things or trolling/shitposting for one bit of emotion. I'm so shy I even lurk online, I haven't made online friends either.

OVERINTELLECTUALIZATION. To dissect your thoughts, to dissect your life and vivisect all life experienced. To me the day is a blur of one computer screen showing me many things, reading-games-movies-online-porn-books-etc. One huge zigzag nowhere, hobbies abandoned and mentally explored. Daydreaming, research on what makes me an incel and what other thing the sun carries every day with every single sunset and dawn. What other new excuse or new thing to focus on and see myself as lesser for or worse than. Day after day. I've never cried at being alone and having no girlfriend or sex or friends. I have felt...little. I have memories of even less on my feelings.

I don't allow myself to be spontaneous even alone. I tried drawing with love and got burnt out, I never drew anything I wanted to actually write, for fun. Just endless practice, endless grinding fundamentals but never anything fun or personal. I am ashamed of being someone who exists and takes space and volume in life. I am ashamed of having been born for the reasons I endlessly research (oh not tall enough, not hot enough, your face, your looks, this and that) and the more honest that I just carry a huge sense of embarrassment about merely being.

I don't allow myself to feel, I dissect. I analyze, I research, I ponder and ponder and probe and with "analysis" the rape of any emotion that could surface. I don't know what to do.

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>>34542249
>a little over a year
is it really that hard to coceive naturally? you guys do it every day? honestly I am not educated and just last night learned how ovulation works... how am I in my thirties and just now learning about how this works... When I read online "20-30%" chance of pregnancy I assume that meant EVERY time you do it

what the fuck sean

>>34542236
why are niggers so obsessed with sucking dick? between kanye and the rest of them its embarrassing. niggers on the subway are always saying "sug muh dig nigga dug muh dig", its so weird. im assuming all niggers have sucked dick in their lives.

>>34542249
im going to move to vermont or northern alabama and vote republican for the rest of my life

i miss boyfren :C

>>34542511
I have never seen a vagina. I've kissed a girl, but that's when I found out that I'm Asexual.

I sent you a wiener video
Please respond

I need help

it's over.

I make fun of so many BPD dumb bitches but it took me only now to realize that I am also like that normally. Fuck me.

I cause my own problems with everything.
Like I have a nice family with no problems whatsoever, I have friends who care about me, and a good amount of other collogues.

But no matter WHAT I do, I will always never think and fuck up everything. All the opportunities I receive can never capitalize. I will always have poor skill and no dicipline.

I wish I could die early for a replacement.

My love is just that, mine. In the context of us, it did what it was. I wish I could go back to it and hold it again, but I also am okay with letting it go. But being with you feels so right, it’s weird. Not always good, but that’s what made it right. I don’t want this.

>>34542651
It's okay. You have to understand. There's dbt therapy journals if you cannot afford a legit good psychologist

>>34542624
What's wrong?
>>34542626
What's wrong?

I know what I must do

On god senpai I hate myself fr fr

>>34542777
got tripz THO

>>34542777
Don't.

>namefags still shit up these threads daily
What pathetic and boring lives you losers live. Go be productive.

>>34542856
I don't know what you are talking about?

>>34542471
I'm sorry, I just talked to a friend and feel a bit better. I basically regret a section of my life in such a way that it makes it difficult to move on, but I'll likely make it past this phase without doing anything dramatic, and find something to distract myself with and possibly care about in the future one day again.
>>34542856
I go outside but I don't feel very good about my life right now so your criticism feels warranted

>>34542874
Sean, he's just obsessed with trying to be cool. He can't get out of this odd funk that twists and turns everything into a clusterfuck. He does this with everything he disagrees with. He's essentially just an amgulamation of "look at me I am a guy who has a life unlike you all" as usual. What's sad is he doesn't want people to be up there with them, but just tears them down childishly all the time. Like how boring and pathetic it is to try to tear people down to just show you have a life, when you can instead show it by example. Maybe this anon would have done better had he just showed us him playing basketball.

I mean really how on 4chan can we really know this guy who told us how boring and pathetic our lives are... Is living a productive life?

>>34542884
That's a lot to read into it, Zach. Maybe. Don't feed the trolls THO. 4chan is a loving place of calmness.

>>34542891
Yeah he's giving off a lot of Reddit energy.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman

>>34542897
Like 80% of anons use reddit.

>>34542897
People could be bantering. Give them a few chances or ignore, I currently think.

I can tell she's stalking me again.

>>34543125
How?

>>34543127
That's a secret.

>>34543135
You're stalking her too, huh

>>34543140
My methods are far more elaborate.

>>34543154
How so

>>34543173
That's also a secret.

They made my Twitter feed ridden with gooner and creep shit again.

Is buying a house as a single person retarded? It's a small house under 1000 sqft and I got it for less than $200k. I've had to spend like $50k cash in repairs and upkeep. I have less than $100k left on the mortgage but I feel retarded for making this decision. I'm also envious of other people's nice, big homes that are around my age (34). But I didn't want to buy a giant house and become house poor. Life is so much harder when you're alone and retarded like me

i wish i didnt waste my life like really really bad

>>34543312
They were pulling a lot of twisted and malicious tricks while I was living in the rv and it looks like all I had to do was start muting every account that posted a long winded riddle, mostly regurgitated shit from news sources for them to try and make me back out of using Twitter with demented tricks again. I unmuted some accounts and it’s back to normal for now.

I woke up multiple times last night, i'm gonna be tired as shit after a couple of hours.

i'm like 95% sure im going to die alone

>>34543125
Acting like you are me

>biggest complaints about a wagie job are that they're repetitive and boring
But this is exactly what I want. I've already tried the contractor job.
I've done the job where the front door was being replaced and I had to walk through someone's goat pen around the back to remodel their home.
I've done the job where everything goes perfect but the customer is a self-admitted bipolar schizo.
I've done the job where everyone is super nice but when you're up to the third day in their home on a job scheduled for a week, they start turning on you.
I've done the job where you're all ready to work but it turns out the product was defective and the manufacturer doesn't want to cover it.
You cannot tell me that walking in every day and stacking some boxes on a shelf is worse. Maybe the pay is worth, but do not fucking tell me it's worse because it's boring. It's my fucking dream to have a boring job.

good morning sean

I don't know why i can't take criticism at all.

Everytime someone tells me anything, I just get so irrationally angry now. It's really bad.

I lie and tell so many half truths that I can't even trust myself with really anything that I say anymore.

It's like I got 100% replaced. But it feels very right. Curious.

Why is every day just a continuation of absolute failure from my part?
I wish I can pass all my obligations to others so they can actually have success with their goals.
Trust in me will always be a losing battle.

>>34542700
I just don't know. I feel like with how stubborn my mind is, it will be a waste of time or i might forget about trying this.

I've ran out of my ADHD meds and I've just realized how much they helped me in my day to day function. My morning routine, my study, my order, everything. I'm back to how I was pre-meds, as in paralyzed by anxiety and just overall inactive. I have to get a new prescription asap, I don't wanna feel like this

Why ask me anything anymore? I have displayed my incompetence in everything useful and yet you still insist to ask me questions. Is your goal just to entertain yourself with my failures as a person?

>>34543761
Same
Honestly me dying would probably make the world a better place

There's no chance I'm living through adulthood. I give myself until the ages of 25-30 until I kill myself

Is it gay to let another man cut your hair?

>>34543795
Why would it be gay
Do you get aroused by it?

>>34543801
Not really. I guess it just seems like a weird thing for male friends to do, but I felt obligated to agree to it

>>34543811
nta but getting your hair cut by someone you're not related to or very closely intimate is weird by definition because it's supposed to be a bonding grooming behavior but in our modern world it has become an impersonal thing you pay for, it's similar to prostitution and therapy in that regard but what can one do

>>34543820
>it's similar to prostitution
Don't be silly
That's like saying calling a repairman is like prostitution because back then the family used to repair their own houses
It's a service like any other, it doesn't carry the same emotional or social weight as selling your own body for several reasons.

>>34543828
it would be correct, it is
any service that has now become a purely monetary transaction that used to be covered by community is like prostitution

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I realized some things
>80% of my personality (compulsive need to perform, bitter humor, etc) was a trauma response
>even if my jokes all land and my compensatory behaviors do what they're "supposed" to do, doing all that shit makes me appear fundamentally broken, and people still treat me like a broken freak over it
>I can simply stop doing those things and be me and live my life instead

>>34543829
No, it is not, prostitution is not bad because it used to be covered by the community, but for completely different reasons. You are taking a very superficial similarity and using it as the complete argument. There is nothing correct about that, you are making the featherless biped argument. You may think yourself clever until someone enters the room with a shaved chicken.

Prostitution destroys the normal use for sex, which would be reproduction, and since reproduction is the basis of every species, it deeply affects the species at its core, and the individual psychologically. Cutting your hair has the final purpose of cutting your hair, your hair getting cut by someone else has no societal or psychological effect.

>>34543836
thats what you think
both prostitution and paying someone for a service are the same symptoms of a destroyed community

>>34543839
Buying milk from the local farmer destroys the community, because back then the community used to hunt for prey together! Farming has destroyed humanity!
Don't be fucking retarded, and stop with the pseud arguments. No, a barber is not prostitution nor is it a symptom for anything. If anything, the local barber can be a member of the community, because unlike the prostitute, he does not harm it by warping the purpose of something.

>>34543844
>Farming has destroyed humanity
this but unironically

>>34543836
It's even more simple: prostitution spreads STD's like crazy and can entrap vulnerable women into a career they can't escape from.

High end call girls are not the normal sex workers. In reality it tends to be addicts and homeless women with no options. It really destroys lives. I know a mentally ill lady who dabbled in it and the stories she has are just heartbreaking.

>>34543655
mornin' anon

>>34541907
I guess i kind of quit a relationship by being distant instead of confronting.

Getting sexually assaulted once is like having a favorite restaurant then one day the waiter holds you down behind the restaurant and tries to anally rape you and you just don't feel like going back and everybody is like whaaaat I LOVE the food there and never get sick

>>34543878
To add my ass is just gonna cook at home (masturbate)

It’s all real. Not a movie. I never agreed for this to be a movie and I never will because that will just confuse people even more. It’s like u want the problem to persist because u won’t ask me anything.

>>34543878
I think it'a really hard in this case because getting over trauma and/or "pink elephants" and/or the game is to just acknowledge and accept them as a thing that effects you in some way and not analyze it.

I'm good with being out of society

>>34543877
Don't be retarded. Just break up. Tell them it is literally you that is having a crisis

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Whoever may have been breaching my privacy knows that just between me and my phone I had approved of a documentary being made on me for targeted individuals during 2023. This was before I had realized how bad things are during August of 2024.

>>34543960
What is society anymore anyway? This place is all fucked. We just not supposed to notice.

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Well... seems things have taken the worst turn. My ED has taken my job from me. My job is very fast-paced, constant movement. Even eating at 1200k cals, I was losing about 3 pounds a week and you can see where that was heading. It's become too dangerous to continue and they've forced me to leave for my own safety. In response, I've been on an unemployment work out binge, thus nothing has changed and it's actually probably gotten worse.

I'll probably be returning to my state insurance next month and with it, the ability to go into inpatient care. Whether I have the courage to do so is another story, but that's a bridge to cross another day. This was a good gig, one of the best. And my disorder has taken it from me. It will continue to take from me and I'm worried that my life is next on the list. Yet I cannot stop. I feel relief because now it get to indulge it at its very worst. With work not preocupying my time, i'm now free to indulge it to the most extreme it can get, which is... very extreme. I'm in a dark place, darker than dark. Part of me hopes this'll just kill me and do it soon. I don't even know if I can live without my ED. I don't know anything else.

>>34544114
That can also mean erectile dysfunction.

>>34544114
I hope you learn to just be kind of skinny and eat at least one egg every day. I love you.

Co-workers always keep teasing me about "my girlfriend(s)".

I go anywhere, and they are like oh you are going on a date, and shit.

Do they know about my powers, or are they genuinely retarded?

I want to die because I wasted almost all my romantic opportunities while I had them and the ones I did go with didn't work out and now I am old and undesirable

>>34544138
They're just teasing. If they're older it's probably a form of cope or nostalgia.

>>34544139
Anon, its okay, life is unfair and we don't have enough to find the perfect one.

Although I feel the status quo is preferrable to the people getting divorced, it has truly traumatized me and led to paralysis in my actions.

>>34544141
Yeah, now that you mention, they are mostly the married ones.

>>34544138
>>34544151
Boomers are out of touch

>>34543407
No, you're not, s. Stop.

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Any of you guys ever have thoughts so loud you think people might hear it? It's really embarrassing because I can't tell if it's loud because I said it out loud or if my thought is just loud

>>34544156

I think I will have to gather the courage to ask my parents, and fall for the trad girl fad. I don't see any other way, the girls in my radar are all trash and I don't even like them.

>>34544173
take your fucking meds schizo

>>34544223
Don't be mean to that anon.

>>34544173
Once is a blue moon, yeah brain farts do happen.

Or is it a regular happening for you? If yes, you need some rest and chill out, it usually happens when your brain is overclocked.

>>34544227
Yeah, please be kind to any and all anons.

There is no point to being in a relationship unless you are a lonely retard. Everyone who is in a relationship has huge problems with each other. Every couple on earth is retarded with problems.

The only point is for sex. Which I do not need you permanently around for. And I look at most people and do not want to fuck them. You are not worth fucking, what a waste of time and energy. At least be sexy like myself. Your welcome

These days, all I do is
Wonder if you're bendin' over backwards for someone else...

I wish no ill will on anyone who chooses to make a movie on my story as long as it represents the truth. I’m not approving of it unless it’s honest. I don’t know what the truth is so I can’t know if it’s honest or not so I can’t approve of it. Even if someone finally provided me an explanation that I could trust which I can’t, I would be simply opening more problems into my life if I signed off on that. It takes away the effectiveness of asking people what they’re talking about when they want to confront me about what may or may not reflect my private life.

I am a retarded failure.
Good goy.
Hated by all, loved by none.
Only working for others.
No respect, only fear.
No sex either.
Only myself, a fucking loser.

I might be more tired than what I'm currently feeling

>>34544253
Hopefully you get some rest soon.

>>34544223
Is it a psychotic symptom? Usually it's more obvious like suddenly discovering I have a super obscure disease or learning some truth that x or y people are out to get me

I've been hang out with a autistic girl and I have a crush on her. She honestly has more emotional and mental intelligence than any fucking person I've met in my 35 years on this earth.

>>34544260
might go to bed early later, other than that i should be ok enough

>>34544151
Older generations tend to normalize what we might call bullying as a form of entertainment. In their time people were more like to banter back and while it could lead to harsh feelings it also can just be fun and even lead to frenemies and eventually friends. They're not very conscious of this though and are just acting on social norms from their life experience.
>>34544156
I agree but so are we somehow.

Lads, is it over for me ?
I recently went on several dates and found myself disgusted by these women. I don't mean mild discomfort, one of them sent me a pic of her in a dress and it made me physically ill, like I was about to puke. And, no, she wasnt a whale, just a 4/10 that talked to me in the street and I foolishly gave her my number. Another had a slightly bad breath and I couldn"t handle it, the other had a few imperfection that looked huge to me, i was hyperfocusing on it.
I never had this issue before but it seems my days of fucking vapid 5s just to get it out of my system are over. Also I'm not gay or bi, never felt anything like that.
Anyone ever had the same feelings ? kinda scary

Reach me, baby
Call my phone and say you need me, baby

>>34544349
You gotta muster up the cajones to hit on 7s and 8s eventually, anon

>>34544378
Who even uses landlines any more?

>>34544395
I have a cellphone.

>>34544395
Me so I can unplug it when I need

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Man Chris Chan was right. Learning to just focus on getting through the day with a smile on your face is definitely worth it as opposed to absorbing massive negativity. I'm so glad I'm enjoying life for the little things as opposed to everyone else miserable for not being cool enough or having enough things or when they turn entitled for having things I don't care about having. I'm gonna keep enjoying life. Who cares about being smart and impressive when life is too beautiful to miss.

>>34544454
Zach you're trying to hard. Just literally play it cool. Show, don't tell. The rewards are delayed but real.

TOO*

>>34544516
He's trying to hard what? How do you hard something?

>>34544516
Okay.

>>34544520
Ya got me.

>>34541990
Nah I hate kids they are annoying af and modern life makes raising a kid as annoying as fucking possible and as inconvenient as possible. Never. I'm getting snipped I'd rather kill myself then raise some little piece of shit

>>34544548
Ironically you're gonna deal with kids more than me.

Yeah

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“It doesn’t matter who i am. i’m here for you James. see? i’m real.”

first time I ever got cheated on was with a younger, loser tranny. was her first relationship and her first time having sex. kinda weird.

>>34544698
At least it wasn't with a dog.

>>34544698
That's some wild shit. Biological women have to compete with Transwomen, and sometimes they lose. Crazy concept for me.

>>34544521
It WASN'T meant to be an infinitive

>>34544772
I'm just messing with you.

>>34544796
I was just showing off I KNOW what an infinitive is

>>34544810
I didn't doubt that. I didn't know what it was.

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DAAAAAAAAAMN I got blasted bad

>At family gathering
>Friend group calls me to ask when I'm back
>Tell them I'll be around in like an hour
>Realize friend didn't hang up the phone
>Can hear him talking to other people
>They just take turns bashing me
>Calling me insults and making fun of me and my family
>Some of these people I've known for 20+ Years
>End up texting the group saying I heard everything
>One says "Hahaha" and another says "Damn that sucks lol"
>Leave all group chats
>Suddenly have zero friends

Fuuuuuck...guess it's time to find new friends, don't know what I did wrong, and I'm too scared to really ask.

>>34544899
im sorry

>>34544912
You have nothing to be sorry for.

I hold possession of a manuscript regarding “aliens” that may or may not be declassified information by a government agency. I’ve read the first 20 pages out of 251 as well as page 100. Can’t even remember what I’ve read. If someone doesn’t want this information read or shared then I ask that u obtain this document from me immediately as I do intend to read it or share it with someone someday unless it will get me into trouble.

The first time that I saw your face
Time stood still, I found my place
Now I'm watching it tear out of my arms

I found out my manager has a boyfriend, and after all that good shit she told me and she wants me to play chess with her and meet her at a forest, I'm fucking disgusted with myself.
My fault for thinking someone of her caliber is single, but she flirted really hard, and she did me a solid.

Why does she keep telling me where and when she'll be? Why does she want me to know every moment she's at my workplace even though I'm not her boyfriend? Why do my collar in front of my boss like that? And she even called one of her friends a total fucking slut.

I feel like I watched Ron Jeremy dressed as Santa Claus film porn. I heard and saw something I shouldn't have, and it's gonna eat at me until I go somewhere else. Likely therapy.

>>34544964
You have nothing to worry about.

>>34544910
Fuck em. You can and will make new friends.
That’s some psychotic high school shit.

>>34545034
I don't know how much longer I have with her.

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I will keep posting more until u directly tell me to stop.

>>34544962
Share it here

can you give me permission to reach out to you? i'm scared to make you feel uncomfortable if you want to be alone

>>34545157
You have my permission.
The bigger question is why do you care?

>>34545157
Have I ever done anything that made you think I don't like hearing from you?

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>>34545129

>>34545062
Yeahhhh the fucked up thing is we are all 30+ And I overheard them making jokes about my dead dad and my mom having cancer, so it's kind of hard to just let go.

One of them did text me since I posted and said they were "riffing" and didn't mean anything but it, whatever that means.

>>34545157
Go for it anon

>>34545157
You pussy, you didn't even bother "reaching out" to anyone.
We gave you the floor and you a goner.

>>34545157
Eh, I don't think that's a good idea. I have no idea who you are. I don't want to be attached to someone in which I have no idea about.

This is regarding Walnut

>>34545252
Wouldn't know who that is.

>>34545252
Oh, a discordfag.
Fun.

>>34545255
The city

Considering using an AI language learning app, but not sure yet. My pronunciation is terrible but that is a natural side effect of the tism.

>>34544916
i was showing off
i still might do it again in the future
but i should say sorry after

>>34545264
I've been made aware of its existence, arrangements will be made on my word. There's nothing further to discuss, is there?

>>34545275
You wanna bail your brother out and he's in Walnut?

>>34545274
Ah, that makes sense. You also were being a know-it-all.
>>34545280
I think we got our signals crossed.

it hurts to cut off friends who have been there for me in rough times, but i know its what i must do for the person i love

>>34545284
Dammit

>>34545294
Dead, I didn't think you'd be worried about that stuff.

>>34545298
Dead? I'm still alive but dying. Doc says I only got about 45 years left.

>>34545302
Oh, that's you being facetious? Pretty sure that's a thing too.

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You can't always make people happy. People have to be happy themselves.

>>34545258
Discord loves Walnut?

>>34545309
I'm working on that one but sometimes you cross the line while trying to trace it

I don't want a smart girlfriend anymore.

>>34545440
This is spam

>>34545453
If it's important that he gets it out, let him. I've skimmed some of it, he's declassifying. He'll probably be hunted down and killed soon.

I can't express any emotion less pleasant than utter, uncaring neutrality or everyone in my life acts like I ate a baby in front of them. I'm forced to bottle it or face social isolation and rejection from my loved ones. I can't talk to fucking anyone and I hate the fact that I'm treated like a fucking animal for having feelings

>>34545462
Why?

>>34545479
If it's actual Intel, you would need permission to declassify, just the name of the game.

fuck number namefagging is genius

the most frustrating part of all of this is that i still don't understand why i care so much. i feel like it shouldn't be this way. every single person i've ever felt close to, i've felt like running away from. i feel like running towards you, and i always have, and that made it so much worse and more confusing. it's horrifying and i don't know what to do about it and all i can think about is how that feeling is betraying me and going to make me hurt. but it has never gone away no matter how hard i tried to forget about it from the moment i met you. and through all of it, you still were everything i could ask for and more. did i ever tell you i really like watching birds?

>>34545157
i know you want to kill me. go ahead and do it. pull the fucking trigger

>>34545498
>did i ever tell you i really like watching birds?
i know you do. all you ever did was look at other women

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I dont know, maybe your son needs you more than anything right now. I just made two drinks, I didnt want to. I'm anxious, unrestful, and stressed. I have nothing and no one. Now I feel bad, I feel like shit, and Im tired of these feelings I cant fucking run away from. It doesn't help me, and how can you not see that the only reason I started drinking again was because of this same behavior?

People hurt me a lot, I still have those open wounds and scars. I never got to heal, and the home environment kept those wounds open more than anything.

You never know what you have until it's gone.

>>34545515
Only miss the sun when it start to snow

>>34545512
But how can you be pissed when the youre acting the same way? I saw my brother, I get bitched out by him, telling me I didnt "go look for jobs" as hes staying home from work from gas station Kratos pill withdrawal. I got my mom breathing down my neck all the time and constantly bitching about disability, and I got my dad that's an asshole in general. I have had my life revolve around them and it hasnt fucking stopped.

>>34545523
Oh, andbhaving an interview tomorrow, ive been treated like trash for some reason. Told I haven't been doing anything, I dont care, etc, and saying and telling me the same thing when its been the opposite. And then they have the audacity because they actually did this.

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had some alcohol left but i want enough so took a dph dose nut it wasnt working so i took another

>>34545526
Im doing everything i can and legitimately trying, and it's still not good enough. And I have to hear it everyday, YOURE A DRUNK

Wonder fuckin why

It's okay if you need time to figure yourself out and decide if you can be with me or not but I would like to explore my feelings for other guys in the meantime. I deserve love and good dick too. Otherwise I might end up like one of Sean's women aka dead due to loneliness and neglect. I am saving you from having to deal with the guilt of that. You're welcome

>>34545532
I got sober, and it pissed my mom off because she couldn't make phone calls to family shitty vodka drunk about how much of an asshole I am. When they know the truth, I could have, and should have been let out of the bucket to do and be better because I had it in me. Just everytime it was something, getting a car, moving out, going back to school for what I wanted. And there was always road blocks they set up, and have the balls to talk down to me because they have done nothing but made me the blacksheep and scapegoat when my bother and dad are the actual peices of shit?

Yeah, let's walk into my grandmother's house that's dying from a fucking brain tumor, steal her jewelry, and blame me because I was living there shortly. No shit it was them, but there's still family that think I did it or helped them..and I would never. They can go die too.

>>34545515
She's gone for real. She died. I'll never be able to tell her the truth because I waited too long and she's dead now

>>34545548
My dad was so bad off and crack and meth at the hotel we lived at, he got me in a car with 3 men intimidating me with himself also, running his mouth, and forced me to get money off my card.

But he did that before, stole my card and literally watched my money being spent in real time as they took money out at 711s and atms. His own son, stole from his own son, or used my brother against me and he'd beat my ass until I gave them money. They'd destroy and steal/sell my property too, and get pissed when I get pissed like im the asshole the stole money and property from me, and even had destroyed some to get money from me.

im gonna cry

>>34545560
Why?

>>34545561
i blocked him on everything and told him to get out of my life forever and he really never reached out to me again

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>>34545557
Oh, one night I accidentally broke their TV when they were on vacation. I bought a $700 HDTV for my parents.

That didnt last two weeks, all that work, and cared enough to buy them a rad new TV and then sell it for drugs? Fuck those motherfuckers, and they'd say sometimes in arguments "WHAT GIFT HAVE YOU GIVENNTO ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY", Im like that the fuck, you dont expect a gift, and the one I did buy you you sold it for drugs.

Fuuuuuccckkkk yoooouu

>>34545564
blocking him = based
crying about it = cringe

>>34545549
Dude, same, twice.

>>34545564
I'm male and I've done this

>>34545492
sean if you start number namefagging it should be the number of people you've killed. we'll still know it's you bc the number will keep increasing

>>34545587
That wouldn't work because then I would intrude on other people's namefags as I accrue souls AND stealing other people's namefags on purpose is WRONG.

I feel cursed everyday for being a kid. The amount of women I could have spent a life with who rejected me because I wasn't at their level. The opportunities I could have had to make my father happy when he told me to do chores around the house. The fact that my grandmother could have seen me with a girlfriend in the house like my brothers. And the fact that everyday I kept wishing my parents were right that if I believed in myself reward would come. Sadly, I live in a world where to people I am just this broken experiment that people don't want to bother with. Women wish I was a homosexual so they don't have to be burdened with the fact it is their fault they don't love me, and I find it cowardly they try to find loopholes away from it. I wish they'd come to terms that it does feel upsetting. People can't understand what I tell them in my life. I slurr, mumble, and stumble and we argue about what is a mistake and not all the time. I have my grandfather telling me how far I've gone in life, but he has no idea it is like giving a kid a wooden sword and shield against a gladiator army. I know people tell me to have gratitude and be grateful, but frankly the ending to every story of an autistic person that everyone likes where he ends up finding joy in a silly hobby with a pet while running around in the backyard is getting tiring and old to me. It makes me feel like I'm not human, but an animal just meant to entertain people that I'm an intriguing example of life. Sometimes I wish my psychiatrist or therapist would know how fortunate they were to meet a love at a party after dancing with her and taking her home to love again, but they'd rather twist it with a bad ending to make it out as a sad story of addiction and harmful behavior missing the point. I wish that people would give people smaller than them a chance, but they're always stuck in a rat race of what is in it for me. Sadly, everyone has no idea that the rat race caused sadness in me.

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>>34545566
>when you get a job, youre helping with bills
Nope, you literally had a six figure job and you spent it on junk food and getting high than any of it going to your family. Im not paying shit, and I should have reported mom to the irs when she stole my irs money twice.
B BUT BRANDONS THE BAD GUY, nah, sometimes I hope for a carbon monoxide leak to happen when im not home. And they sold a guitar i had to a pawn shop that was stolen for over a decade and returned to me literally a day after and gave me a bullahit story about how someone was going to kill them and in my head was like "that Parker fly is worth more than the both of your lives"

>>34545581
What happened with you? I ghosted her because I was confused. Took two years to try to find her again and she died the week before I came back. She was begging me to stay and help her the last time we interacted too but I was just too scared and I also kinda just didn't give a fuck because I was immature. I can't believe she died believing I just didn't care enough

>>34545598
Have you decided if you're getting the hair yet

>>34545586
why?

>>34545598
Imagine slaying 46 or 451 women by avoiding them holy shit

>>34545601
The two girls basically barely knew me but we had chemistry and crushes on each other and one found my number to try and date me, but I accidentally deleted my phone history impulsively before saving her number, and she OD'd a while later. The other one was actually really successful, but I was told to contact her by her brothers because apparently she was getting really addicted to drugs and I had already recently entered a relationship and I had like 50 very stressful things going on and then she OD'd a while later. I'm not sure if they were my soulmates or if I could have saved them but I feel a lot of emotions about it.

>>34545600
My uncle
>is your mom helping out be honest
Yeah, shes letting my brother, my dad, and his friends steal all the families money. I got none of it, their ira, everything, gone. And they look at me as rhe bad guy because I was in the middle all the time trying to get the fuck away from it.

>>34545607
Yeah, I'm probably going to get it. I have to see what the clinic says though. I feel like it will help me enjoy my life a bit more while I can still call myself youngish.

>>34545609
When I was younger and ignorant I just tried things to see if they would work. Sometimes I would even try slight variations to make sure. I'm something of a scientist.

>>34545617
I didn't avoid them. I would have liked to talk to them. That's what made it such a gut punch both times when I found out. It's not even about dating. They were really nice girls.

as someone who overdosed once someone just being there for me would've prevented it. i wasn't even addicted addicted because the moment i had someone who actually cared i stopped using

>>34545626
I couldn't lie to him, I couldnt. I knew it, he knew it, just admit it. Yeah, she was helping out, and despite what they did still kept them out of prison. And turning the attention on me that has since made my life worse.

>>34545607
>>34545627
what hair sean?

NIGGERS. niggers. NiGgErs. N. Niggerinos.

Damn, Sean got mad ho's talkin' to him, that's crazy work.

>>34545632
did you ever think about who you were hurting

>>34545651
I've had good streaks but long dry spells. Also, I lost my hair and got old.

>>34545643
Having drug dealers follow me home, armed, as a kid and a when I was in my early 20s? Yeah. Great guy and dad to subject your kid to that and put him in that kind of danger. A real father would never put their son in that situation, or drive him around as a kid using him as a prop to beg for Crack money. Those weren't fun car rides with daddy.
>dad why are they yelling at you? I love you!
As hes using me to get money for crack. That..uh really breaks my heart to look back on that..I was so innocent, I didnt know or understand what he was doing.

>>34545651
Does he really kill people or is it a joke?

>>34545656
How old and how bald are you?

>>34545652
I felt like the women had all the power and I didn't realize till I was older that like a lot of them were retarded, insecure, and bad at communicating. Also girls bullied me in elementary school and that affected my when I was a younger teen and felt like a lot of them were starting to be into me, but that was a short phase.

>>34545658
All I know is what he says.
>>34545656
You really can't see when it's a girl talking to you, you and I know why. But we'll keep that between us.

>>34545639
fuck you that's so fucked up these girls literally just wanted someone to be there for them and possibly latched onto me and fuck man i fucking suck i hate myself

>>34545661
literally me but with the genders switched

>>34545663
What do you mean besides the potentially doxxing me part?

>>34545671
I wouldn't do that to you. I mean that you can't read auras too well.

>>34545673
Don't talk to Sean like that

>>34545657
I dont know why, but that was so fucking difficult to type out.

>>34545680
Just telling The Truth.

>>34545667
I feel like I ruined my life about how many girls I would have successfully loved if I just knew the right sentence to say at the time. Some of these girls really liked me and went on to date horrible people that abused them which I feel bad about. Some found mediocre men that I am sometimes jealous/envious of, but I try to be happy for them and accept it wasn't meant to be because I had to learn. Some found men that were better than me but these girls never seemed THAT interested in me. It's really like a grief I am starting to process as I begin to age as a single man. I think I maybe made a lot of progress on that grief today by talking to a robot and then some old friends. Sorry to rant. Hopefully you found some of this information useful, entertaining, or you stopped reading quickly at the beginning.

>>34545673
Sometimes I CAN

>>34545686
I don't count. We have a connection.

>>34545682
Being told id get ice cream if I laid down in the backseat. He was picking up someone for a drug deal(I wasnt stupid), I coughed and the guy saw me in the back seat with a look of shock. Yells at my dad to pull over, he comes around the side of the car and just rocks my dad through the open window.

He thought I was crying, nah, I was actually laughing.

One time this girl saw a cool picture of online standing on a pole that would have really hurt or killed me if I fell, and I asked her to hang out, and she took me to a balcony and climbed over the edge while we were drunk and I didn't want to look like a bitch so I went on the other side of the slippery balcony in the rain with her, and I thought she was going to kill herself but she was just trying to impress me apparently or something because of the picture someone took of me online, and I got her to come back to the other side, and was panicking but I literally said "Heh I can't let a girl beat me", and then I just sort of went home and messaged her the next day to never do that again, and that I was sorry and she didn't have to talk to me anymore, and she apparently thought that meant I didn't want to talk to her anymore, and she was embarrassed that I thought she was trying to kill herself. This is one of the coolest most anime things to ever happen in my life. I am TERRIFIED of heights.

>>34545689
I-i can feel it... Wow, we share the same moon.

>>34545719
>Wow, we share the same moon.
She used to say that...I miss her so much.

The stuff people say in these threads torture me because everything reminds me of her and how badly I messed everything up.

>>34545660
im pretty bald but i have potentially a very large amount of permanent donor hairs it seems

>>34545727
>very large amount of permanent donor hairs
Do you mean...?

>>34545726
i said something like that to the first girl that OD'd when we were walking home from a kegger in the woods, and i thought it was so cheesy and we barely talked the rest of the way home. She gave up getting a ride home to walk 2 miles with me. I was so dumb back then but with grace. Now I'm wise and intelligent, but I lack grace. They showed me a meme as a boy that said something like this would happen.

>>34545557
Oh, and the most shitty thing about watching them steal money from me in real time.

It was the day before I was going to buy a car. I said something about it, and that typical drug addict "YOU CANT SPEAK DOWN TO ME" ego they have because of and projection of insecurities over their drug use and the wrong they've done under the influence or to get under it. Like I was the asshole that they stole my card and literally drained my card into the negatives and thankfully my bank saved my ass from paying out the ass for overdraft fees i would never be able to pay off.

I find it funny the letter thread on r9k has much less schitzos than usual, but they seem to have migrated to this thread.

Sean what kind of girls do you like?

>>34545732
Like I have a lot of hairs on my head that will probably never go bald, and I can move them to the bald part of my head and they might last basically the rest of my life and look alright, but we'll see.

>>34545736
i write to alex here too

Don't bring up Alex right now my heart can't handle it. GIOYC is my distraction from the pain. I just want to vent without addressing Alex directly

>>34545738
Open-minded and conscientious ones with certain kinds of faces that I just like. As I've grown older I can recognize and appreciate wisdom/intelligence though.

What HAPPENED to Alex?
*whispers**whispers*

I don't want to talk about it

>>34545735
But this is the ahit they dont tell people, so when I complain about them it looks like im just being angsty, when I'm actually not. And God, I wish this was all a bullshit story, and none of this ever happened but it did. And because of it, I have to walk out into a world that's not for me anymore, with nothing and no one dreaming of what I could have have had

the thought of your smile keeps me going

*gasps*
*whispers**whispers*

rest in peace alex. hope heaven is kinder to you than your short lived time on earth was.

Don't do this to me I literally don't know if Alex is dead or not. Alex is probably not dead

here lies alex in eternal rest
when it comes to friends you were the best
on sleepless nights i think about you often
although you're gone forever, you're not forgotten.

amen

*gasps*
*silence*
*staring*

I hate men so fucking much it's not even funny. I wish men that wanted to get kicked in the nuts were real. It's just perverts wanting to jack off then they ghost me

>>34545779
>It's just perverts wanting to jack off then they ghost me
Same. I wish they would just ghost without that part. I feel abandoned AND dirty now. Sigh

Should I buy all the Lucifer issues or Malazan Book of the Fallen?

Wait a minute Sean is Bald?

>>34545779
i hope they all go bald and their dicks stop working

>>34545784
Lol abandoned? I just get more mad and I guess disappointed because I still haven't learned that men are flaky as fuck. I will be like alright I like you you like me let's meet up and I'll kick those nuts and he's like oooh teehee oho I have to do x y and z maybe next week and there is never a fucking next week. They don't ACTUALLY want to get hurt irl men are fucking liars and pussies

>>34545117
There’s no aliens.

>>34545791
sean isn't bald he just lets people down constantly

>>34545791
I think Sean is the one that kills women and Zach is the bald one? Zach also has ADHD iirc

>>34545778
oh fuck now we know who did it

>>34545788
Can someone answer my question?

>>34545779
*checks phone*
*sees she hasn't texted me*
Phew, I was worried this might be about me.

>>34545800
>They don't ACTUALLY want to get hurt irl men are fucking liars and pussies
you ever meet a guy who claims hes submissive and/or has a mommy/femdom fetish? its just a way for them to avoid responsibility, those guys are snakes and abusive af

>>34545819
Don't interrupt. We are hating on men right now

There is no such thing as a loyal man. Literally all men cheat, some are just good at hiding it.

>>34545830
maybe you're just really bad at choosing men

Yeah, and all of that, im going to an interview at a fucking convenience store at 8am. So I got that on my mind too.

>>34545830
That's why I feel no guilt for having cheated

>>34545826
I don't have to take this. I'm going home.

The only men who don't cheat with other women are cheating with other men

>>34545830
i wish the men who cheated on me or left me for another woman didn't tell me. why do they feel like they need to do that? they could just leave me and i wouldn't have to be tortured by the thought of the other woman forever. even after they break up i compare myself to her and feel less than forever

>>34545836
Yup, never got to go back to school. Wanted to bad.

>>34545876
You'd feel worse with a bs but still unable to get a job. I wish I had your excuse

>>34545867
it's even worse when they still want to be with me because what's the point then? to be "honest"??? if he really wanted to be with me and make it work why couldn't he just take it to the grave? it's literally not real to me if i don't know about it but i guess i just have live with betrayal trauma forever now because some guy felt bad and wanted to be "honest" lol

>>34545867
interesting concept

Okay I get the message I should just kill myself