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I'm not sure where I'm going with this. We're in couples counseling now with a great therapist and she's promised not to help us stay together, but to help us figure out if our needs and personalities are actually aligned, or if there's incompatibility. I get the feeling though that my girlfriend is the kind of person where if she's confronted with any of this, either she's going to get extremely angry and find a way to turn it around on me, or try to cop to it/downplay it/promise to work on it but then nothing will actually change. She's very self-assured, confident, and assertive in ways I am not, and previously has said she really doesn't think she needs to change anything about herself and that she's happy with the way things are.

My question at the end of all of this is, are all women like this to some degree? Are my problems unique to this relationship, or should I accept that if I want to be with someone, I'm going to need to deal with this sort of behavior? My fear is that if I do break up with her and go back to being alone, that's where I'm going to stay forever. I keep seeing articles about how >=60% of women under 40 are projected to be single and childless which means I'm competing with chads and chad-lites for the remaining 40%. I'm an empathetic, sensitive, probably overly-socialized beta/whatever the new designation is (omega? epsilon?). I don't live for conflict, I enjoy soft and cute things, tend to present in a more feminine way. That's who I am and I'm not interested in pretending to be someone I'm not, in fact despite my disdainful way of presenting it, I actually think my personality qualities are good things. But I know for most women, they probably give "the ick" even if they won't admit to it. I fear I got "lucky" with my current partner and the prospect of actually being alone forever scares me.

Bump

>>34545186
>So now we're again talking about moving back in together and idk, I feel like every time I try to set a boundary it ends up becoming about her wants, needs, etc.
Huge fuckin' red flag. Everyone deserves privacy and space if they need it. Granted, you shouldn't isolate yourself which it sounds like you're not doing that. She sounds like she has a child like mentality and it guilt tripping into destroying your own comfort zone (which is wrong and not acceptable).
>At the same time, isn't it expected to live with a partner after a year of being together?
No?
>She's very self-assured, confident, and assertive in ways I am not, and previously has said she really doesn't think she needs to change anything about herself and that she's happy with the way things are.
She will never give you an inch but will keep taking miles from you.
>My question at the end of all of this is, are all women like this to some degree?
Only low quality women are consistently like this. That said, all women have this kind of shit happen because women are women and they cannot control their emotions from time to time.
>I fear I got "lucky" with my current partner and the prospect of actually being alone forever scares me.
Listen to me. It is better to be alone then to be with a woman who will suck your soul out of your body and turn you into a husk of man (only for her to drop you because now you're boring). I guarantee with every single fiber in my being that if you continue to allow this to happen, you will be eaten up and spat out and you will be a broken man. I mean look at what she's doing to you. She thinks she's always right. She's "very self-assured, confident, and assertive" in ways you're not (which is FUCKING INSUFFERABLE in a woman). She is disrespecting your need for autonomy and independence. Here's an idea. Take away her independence and autonomy and see how she reacts. She would have a fucking aneurysm and flip out. I guarantee it.
Basically, you got a bad one.

>>34545234
cont
What I'm curious about is this couples counseling and how that's going. What have you all talked about? Is she actually getting extremely angry like you said she might? Did you actually do counseling?
At the end of the day, you've been with her for little over a year or so. It's not as committed as you think and you already have your own place. It would be pretty easy to cut ties if needed.

>>34545234
Already kinda happened. I expressed that I wasn't happy with how she and a guy friend of hers were having... basically little dinner dates every month or two at his place. She's always been upfront about making plans with him and she's always home at a reasonable time, but it made me uncomfortable. I asked that we change the parameters of that, and she exploded. Eventually I managed to work out a compromise, namely that we're going to keep our opposite-sex friendships to public spaces. But in the process she said and did things that really upset me, which is what always happens when we fight.

To your other post, our therapy has really only just begun. We're going to have a follow-up group session again just as soon as she schedules and goes to her 1-on-1 session. I've already had mine and aired most if not all of my grievances in the space of an hour which I wasn't sure I'd have the time to do lol.

You hit the nail on the head, though. I find her to be insufferable, but not constantly so. I wish so much I could take all of her good qualities and throw away the bad ones, but I think she probably wishes the same about me.

>>34545247
Read your entire first paragraph and disassociate from yourself for a second. Read that and pretend it's someone else who typed that. What would you think? Do you think that a good partner would react the way she did with you?
And what do you mean "home at a reasonable time"? Let's not beat around the bush, if she's cheating on you she doesn't need until late night. She just needs enough time to get fucked, which can literally just take minutes. There is no reasonable time. Even if she didn't cheat, she broke your comfort zone and she got mad at you for it. She did something wrong and its your fault.
There should be no compromise. Something makes you feel uncomfortable and it's a completely rational thing to feel uncomfortable about. I bet she said shit like, "you just want to control me, you don't trust me, you hate me" etc. It's disgusting and disrespectful. At the core of it all she just doesn't respect you, dude.
>I find her to be insufferable, but not constantly so. I wish so much I could take all of her good qualities and throw away the bad ones, but I think she probably wishes the same about me.
EVERYONE has good and bad about them. That's not a reason to accept this treatment.
I'm begging you to really think about this situation you're in right now. It genuinely hurts my heart when I see dudes in your shoes.

>>34545278
Thanks anon, I appreciate you. Things are already headed in this direction I feel like, so I appreciate you validating what I kind of already know. Helps to know I'm not crazy. I think when we really get into therapy soon I will say something like "I don't feel respected by you" and see what she says about that. At the same time, I don't know if her copping to it will even matter, the damage has kind of already been done.

Thanks again.

>>34545300
>At the same time, I don't know if her copping to it will even matter, the damage has kind of already been done.
I agree with this. I doubt you'll ever be able to truly accept what she did to you because no self-respecting man would nor should.
By the way; who came up with the idea for relationship counseling?
Women (low quality ones) will do this thing where they want relationship counseling but it's just an excuse to vent their frustrations to an "unbaised" 3rd party and try to get that person to brow beat you into changing who you are instead of actually trying to find a middle ground.
If this happens to you though you need to drop her. This would be confirmation that there is no hope in repairing the relationship. She just wants you to be a different, more subservient, you, which is unacceptable.