>>34569058
I’m 22 years old and despite being 6’4 and 198 pounds (relatively fit) I’m struggling with heavy body dysmorphia due to teenage pictures of me being super chubby and unattractive and idk what to do. I feel so narcissistic only caring about my image.

>>34569087
Tbh some girls prefer the cute chubby look and appreciate seeing you grow into how you want to see yourself.
like a 2016 v 2026
btw i hate seeing old pics of myself too

>>34569099
>>34569094
I’ve managed to delete all old pictures and managed to get it off most peoples phone without sounding like a creep, it took me over 3 years to get it done however there’s obviously a few left. I know no one cares but whatever. It’s just that I can’t do anything without feeling like a fat Dork. I’m obsessed with keeping a perfect image, it’s exhausting, I’m terrified of being in embarrassed.

>>34569191
Everyone thinks they are the victim.

I was a victim and a fool and a coward and naive and petty and judgemental and guarded.

I don't know where to post this so I'm posting it here.

I recently turned 34 after consecutive years of tripping about death. When I was 23 or 24 I began visiting this board heavily and left here and there for different stuff, but here's the thing. I can't imagine many of you are the same people.

Regardless I tried to get out of my bad habits and change my life around and it didn't take at all. It has been 10 years and I have ended up in a worse life position than before.

Everything seems empty. I think of my body and other people. This thing just walks, talks, shits and dies.

I turned to alcohol in order to party and relieve some cognitive stress and while this worked, I ended up turning into this mess of a person. I can't focus or get along with people.

I decided to pick up some marijuana and I can say that all this drug does is help me process guilt. It brings back childhood and repressed memories of positive times when I was a teen. I am remembering stuff vividly that I forgot about years ago.

I am 34 and I feel old as fuck. Really old. Pissing away the last 10 years of my life was not. And just the judgement from peers who didn't go through what I went through. Those people are scum. I don't really want to do this whole life thing.

I'm not suicidal at all. But the entire thing has been mostly sad and painful and this cannabis high is reminding me of all the good times I had but they were all over 10 fucking years ago. The most exciting thing I did in 10 years was play Doom Eternal.

I hit something. This is a changing point. I haven't aged at all since 20. I don't feel older at all. I am actually less well adjusted than my 20 year old self.

I decided to start acting 15, and the modality of thought from my "old style of guitar playing" and some of my teenage mannerism just came flooding back out of nowhere at all.

It's like I left myself in my teenage years and was trying to get back to that person, only to find that he is incompatible with society.

>>34569326
So It's still the same poster.

I find that in high school I would just coexist around people and not think anything of them. I would notice them and they wouldn't bother me. These days though everyone is constantly hypervigilant of every microexpression and I can't get by without people fucking with my over just breathing basically.

The only alternative is that I am a literal psychotic genius that puts everything together with synesthesia, which is totally cool and possible. like a cool poison dart frog or something I have this unusual thing going on.

Really though, I think people are all latent geniuses and they can subconsciously detect awkward movement on a basic nervous level like in my spine and regardless of my perspective or thoughts or anything I am judged too often for microexpressions or something. Like I'm not conscious of every mean thing I do to the extent that like.

Anyone so writing teenage love songs at 34 is awful. It's just terrible. I didn't get to experience a lot of love. People hurt me and took pleasure in it. That's a pretty bizarre thing to occur when you grew up semi-normal.

Like, I see all these white people (I am also white if that matters), but I just don't identify with them at all. Other white people look like a different race to me. I can tell I'm for sure not black or hispanic but white people are just as foreign and unrelatable for all of their convention. I am white and I don't feel closer to whites. I feel victimised by racism in this way. I don't want to be like traditionally white.

Look so, in 2010 where I live it was easier for me and my clique to get psychedelic drugs and I remember that rave culture was this thing and I was jealous of ecstacy. None of that is magical, it's like coffee table conversation. That's extreme for some people I think.

I should be wearing weird african clothes and stuff. And playing drums and just being weird. 34 though.

34569326
34569350
So much was typed and yet it wound up being nothing lmao

>>34569350
So people are insipid in the way they communicate. That's like a lead in or something right.

Like is it okay for me to just dress like that? You know where am I going? It's just people right so why not?

There are not many acceptable male styles of dress right now. It's all padded jackets, hip hop street wear. I have these shabby clothes.

I think the confusion about culture is that maybe the majority are not as concerned with things looking nice or a certain way. Cognitively those people might be more geared to something lamer or less extravagant.

Imagine me as a man admitting I was jealous about something. Does that register? Only one fucking life and you have to fuck up the entire flow of things by demanding that social convention take precedence over your humanity. I must have that emotion. You are taking away my ability to just breathe by not letting me wince in public. Every single fucking twitch of the face or emotion is met with reactive criticism. There are no "correct moves" in the court of public opinion.

Traditional family is something that I'm not sure if people are still worried about, but I notice that fathers are seldom happy. I do not notice happy men. Just angry, spiteful, solomn, empty, or controlling of strangers.

I feel a sincere lack of choice in society and none of this is particularly new. Freedom of thought is not real. Your roommate expects you to think a certain way and so does your neighbor and so does everyone else on the sidewalk.

Everyone has a plan for how YOU should act.

I don't know what I'm going to do. The magic of life is dead. It's been dead for like 10 entire years. Everything is grey and not fun.

I gained 40 lbs drinking booze and listening to old music. An entire year of my life vanished while I pissed away another shot around the sun.

I was so fucked up that I avoided wearing my tighter pants without realizing it for an entire month or two and now they just do not fit.

34569389
That's cool Chris Chan, please shut the fuck up. We get it, you're an old sperg.

>>34569366
You are just too lazy to read. Or maybe you want people to ignore me. Either way this is worth a read.

>>34569389
I am eating only one meal a day indefinitely. All other food after this must be vegetables unless I am dating someone.

I think what I'm trying to extend to people here is just that 10 years of my life went by, I tried my best to fill it with something adventurous and it just didn't take. I made so many serious attempts to get off the ground and it did not happen.

I can't express to you how sad it is to be this aware of death at 34. My life circumstances are just fucked. They kept me on this cycle for so long. Worrying about myself and the future. It was my fault but I was also manipulated.

The only thing I needed was enough money to live in an apartment. I would shop for groceries, a lot of vegetables and I would dedicate myself too cooking.

I am not allowed to use the coffee machine or pots and pans at my parents house and I'm 34.

I'm drinking instant coffee.

One year of studying, eating one meal a day, and complete sobriety will fix all of this.

I am so positive and everything in my life is a complete fuck up. It's totally how you relate to people and nothing else. Someone else might be able to do it while not sober. It's how your relate to people and how they receive you. That's all.

I love 4chan <3 thx for giving me all the lolz, u losers :3

34569438
Hell fucking no, it isn't. You're blogging about some boring bullshit any teenager graduating sophomore year would ramble about but with the sadness of being 20 years older.

Again, Pamperchu, it's chill, we got the message

>>34569389
you sound like a bitch. You should transition. Whine and get fucked

Schizophrenics still haven't been killed off of the planet?

Can I lie about being a virgin if I’ve only had sex twice in my life and both times were shitty and I didn’t cum?

>>34569546
I might have to go buy a pack of cigarettes.

>>34569510
And a pack of lucky strikes.

>>34569517
You are a troll. The context of 34 is totally different. You are a troll. don't feed this troll.

I just ate my second OMAD for the entire forseeable future until I lose 70 lbs.

Just one meal a day at noon and vegetables in the evening. Or just go to be hungry.

If i could rip open my skull and tear out every piece of grey matter responsible for my sexuality I would do it in a heartbeat. The closest I could ever possibly get to removing my sex drive would be to go the castration route but that has a million other adverse side effects that would NOT be worth it
>just don’t fap bro
But here’s the thing, I can abstain as long as I want, but it won’t make the thoughts go away

34569615
Has Summer Vacation already started? Damn, the fuck is wrong with these kids?

>>34569558
>>34569570
Oh!

but my point was is that if you are stuck in your 20s, and you can't get past some life block.

First try using marijuana or cannabis. Seriously consider using this drug in excess for a month or two. People look down on you in public for using it, but the effect of the drug is highly therapeutic for me. So these people are just wrong. So be careful of that.

The second thing you are going to want to do is to find a stopping place (this is arguably the most difficult part. That drug is addictive)

- If you are fat, literally just eat one meal a day. This I discern is the easiest way to do it. Two meals is twice the temptation to overeat. Only overeat vegetables and you're fine.
- No one is enjoying themselves as much as you think they are.
- Cannabis sometimes for therapeutic effects. A ton of repressed thoughts and emotions will come to the surface.

I have so much to say but not enough time or energy to articulate all of it.

>>34569555
No but it doesn't matter

I made elderflower and lemon balm syrup today. It's delicious.

it's over.

i am so in loooove #happycamper

He made 10k come out of thin air just because I asked. Astonishing.

I am very in love but I’m stressed af because I keep glitching. My brain keeps tracking for minimal behaviours that to the normal human would mean nothing just to confirm the idea that “he’s just playing with my feelings” the relationship is already difficult because of very big distance and both not knowing how to navigate. I’m trying my best but I’m afraid I’ll accidentally sabotage this love. He has reassured me but sometimes I feel like maybe the message is mixed. The relationship is also very new. I’m so afraid of ruining this love. He has done so well he really has, I’m worried I won’t be able to do it right.

>>34569721
I wish this was about meeeeeeee

>>34569191
If I was really pathetic, then you would ignore me. Be real, for once. If you can't be honest with yourself, then who can you be honest with?

I bought a beautiful lace crochet blanket at the thrift store today. I love it.

>>34569721
This could very well be about me but it's obviously not because I doubt she posts here. If it helps, I'm too big an idiot to say something that means anything beyond face value, so maybe he's the same? Also I'm afraid this girl thinks I'm testing her or that she's always on thin ice when really there's absolutely no pressure on her at all and I'd basically do whatever I can to make things work with her.

I hope things work out for you, anon!

>>34569738
You're like someone's grandma. Jokes, obviously.

>>34569738
ooh exciting! i love thrifting

>>34569752
I heard someone found a first edition book while thrifting.

>>34569749
That's the exact vibe I'm going for, so I'm glad it's working.
>>34569752
It's better than any therapy or meds could ever be.

>>34569796
Nailed it.

>talk to woman
>she goes cold, takes days to respond, cites too much work
>eventually messages me back when i stop replying
it keeps happening, it's like i get hooked again and i don't know if she's doing it on purpose or she's genuinely struggling, but i end up just waiting for her message and then it doesn't come that day, and not the next day, and it starts over again and i think she's not honest because why would she message me and get my attention and get the conversation going only to drop it again until i'm fed up? maybe she had time during the weekend and that's why...

>>34569827
It sounds like she's using you for a dopamine hit.

File: mori old man.jpg (222 KB, 823x1200)

222 KB JPG

I'm eating like shit again and not doing gym or even running. I get fat very fast. Stress from working I guess. I hate this shit, I just wanna go hiking.

>>34569857
i've been talking to her for months

I remembered a bunch of things I did and I think I love/respect myself again, but I still fucked up and let a lot of amazing women go because I was just stupid or emotional overwhelmed by all the gaslighting my "friends" were doing. Everyone probably thinks I'm crazy now. It's a lot easier to take risks when it feels like everything is over anyway though.

I hope they are okay and happy

It really hurt me when you said that you love me and want to stay with me for now, but the pull of being single and explore your sexuality will pretty much pull you away from me at some point in the future. If that's what you wanted, then why did we spend so many nights up late talking about the future that only involved the two of us? Why did you agree to be in a relationship with me in the first place? Now, I have to choose with feeling like I'm stifling you as a person, or lose someone who I've made a close connection with based on feelings we both shared at the time. You turned it into a ticking time bomb, and you don't even know why you want what you want outside of it just sounding fun. As if this all has no way of being fun and fulfilling for both of us. The worst part is, I can't even tell if you're lying, if it comes from a place of trauma, or whatever else, because if it does, then you've clearly gaslit yourself into thinking that's the answer to whatever you're dealing with inside. Even worse, that you have a hard time deciding between that and me. That you saw all the things we shared and thought that maybe having a bunch of sex with whomever would look better on your tombstone. Fuck me.

When it was your birtday a few months ago I actually forgot that it was that day. It felt really good. I hope you know that I am so much happier without you. You just dragged me into a hole and along with you and your life felt like it lacked meaning and you wanted ME to find an answer for you.
I feel immense relief. And I actually have someone now, who loves me for me and I don't need to fix him or his mental issues. I feel lucky.

I can't believe it, I got led on twice now by the same girl.
Hahaha, fuck I'm such an idiot.
Why did I trust her, why did I believe anything she ever said.
I'm not gonna do anything to her, but I sincerely hope she stays miserable for the rest of her goddamn worthless life.
I overlooked all her fucking problems, but who the fuck says she's into you and wants to have sex with you, and then ghosts you, then comes back, wants to go on another date, and then ghosts you AGAIN.
Holy SHIT, just fucking kill yourself, I genuinely just fucking hate you.
Just, no wonder your fucking marriage went nowhere, you're a fucking liar, playing with people's feelings like this, you just used me.

>>34569952
I forgot your birthday years ago. Not to mention we were in school when we dated. Move on.

>>34569948
I'm sorry anon

>>34569058
i hate my wife and i hate my job and all i want is to fuck young tight pussy & be rich.

one of my coworkers said that our company is the place where talent goes to die. i just want to be surrounding by allstars, not obese lazy slackers who do the bare minimum (like my wife kek).

fuck i wish i could fuck some tight pussy. my wife's pussy has no grip and is starting to stink b/c she's overweight and going through menopause. ugh it's disgusting. i hate the way my dick smells after the 3-4x's/yr we have sex. it smells like death. it's so gross. and i want to have a really enthusiastic blowjob but i haven't had a good blowjob in 30 years...

getting old sucks

>>34569978
Thanks. I'm just trying to hold it together and figure out how to proceed. This kind of thing keeps happening to me. It always starts out loving and nice, but then some deep things that I had no way of predicting come to roost. Every single time. I know I'm not entitled to love or reciprocation, and I won't allow myself to become embittered, but it is getting exhausting having to repeatedly, painfully draw the dagger out of my fucking hand and let go. I just want to love someone simply. I'm willing to work through things, but to be actually able to come to a peaceable resolution.

>>34569630
> marijuana or cannabis

isn't that the same thing anon?

I'm going to make a mosaic and wildflower seed mix paper.

I have a crush on a band guy who complimented me and one time throughout a whole gig I only stared at his arms the whole time (he's a skinny mf who doesn't even lift) and we will never be together because I want to keep up my principles (do not ever date a man who travels regularly or a man who has likely had sex with groupies). but i still think about him a lot, dunno how to stop and simply get over it.

I'm sorry C. I remember the big spectacle we were a part of.

Ok well now I’ve manwhored I still feel empty. I have to self destruct again, or maybe not self destruct but I need to be free and break out of this. Gonna take August off and be a degenerate before school starts, that should work
I’m pretty scared that I’ll end up getting a girl pregnant if I keep doing what I’m doing. All it takes is one
Still, all things considered, I’m doing pretty good. Not blaming her, but I still can’t get over how good it felt to ruin my life for her

I just need to know that you meant it all. Every day I wait for the letter that might never come. Do you still think about me? Do you miss feeling close despite there being an ocean in between us? I still long for you as much as ever despite not knowing if I should. You know I'd give you the kind of romance you want, I'd give it to you freely without all the heartbreak you've come to romanticise in your loneliness. I'd fly there in a heartbeat if I only knew for sure you wanted to see me, that I really was the best girl you'd ever met. I want you in my life so badly, you specifically and not some B-tier replacement... I wanna call you an idiot to your face for making me doubt the whole thing, for making me worry and cry and lose sleep night after night. All I want is to be your harbor.

>Openers (crew of 4): prep food, serve customers, leave mess for midshift
>Midshift (crew of 8): prep food, serve customers, clean 30% of the mess left by openers, leave own mess for closers
>Closers (crew of 3): prep food, serve customers, and then only have an hour after closing to clean the entire day's mess, deal with leftover food, count inventory, count cash, deposit cash, count safe, check employee punch-ins, deep clean floors, clean out the drains, deep clean grills, set up lines with empty pans
>manager: wtf why are the closers going over the scheduled time wtf why do so many closers want to change shifts wtf why does the main closing shift supervisor take so many vacations

>>34570107
everybody knows that closing sucks. your manager is a willfully ignorant idiot

i fucking hate women im attracted to so god damn much. they always hate me so its okay.

>>34569827
bro you're like 5th string in her roster. she gives you time when she needs to feel wanted & get a confidence boost

I hate my body. I have Crohn's, got treated with humira. But this gave me psoriasis. So now I'm on entyvio instead, but the psoriasis is still there. It won't go away. I tried MRX for it, but that makes me sleepy for 4 days, I stopped it. I would like Stellaris, because it treats both, but at the same time I don't want to change medication again. Also it's apparently expensive so the healthcare system doesn't want to hand it out easily. And sometimes I think I have all this because Jewish inbreeding or some BS, since I'm Ashkenazi Jewish and Crohn's is quite common in Ashkenazi Jews. It feels like confirmation of what some people think of us. I feel gross. So gross. I wish I could just be normal. Also my belly hurts too often. Fuck

>>34569864
i'll go hiking with you anon. i gained 30lbs from quitting cigarettes and eating shit (but not sucking dick)

>>34569894
bro you gotta stop talking to her

>>34570141
She targeted me hard for a short time recently. I have a whole folder of shit to send to HR on my way out when I find another job. She called me out in the public group chat for something I didn't do (and the guy who did do it told her he did it literally minutes before she sent the text, I have his word in writing), she changed closing pay policy and only enforces the new change on me (not even the rest of my crew who close with me), and cut my hours at the same time (she has since given me proper full time hours again), justifies her shit by saying I have the least busy nights of the week (the least busy night is Sunday which I don't work and I have pictures proving my nights are busier than Sunday nights), she even DOCKED TIME OFF MY CLOCK one night just to save 0.03% of that day's labor. I intentionally stayed late doing nothing one night after that to make up for the literal wage theft.
My last boss (same building) broke laws in the employees' favor all the time and got fired for it.
Now this one is committing wage theft, bullying, and shoving all responsibilities onto the closing shift and no one wants to be in the building anymore.
It's so bad that we failed inspection and she still tagged ME in the text even though my shift didn't start until 3 hours after the inspector left.
I only haven't quit because I haven't found anything else. No one else is hiring. It's almost summer; I don't understand how NO ONE IS HIRING. If my applications were being rejected, then I'd understand, maybe my availability is too narrow for what they're looking for, but my applications aren't even being opened. It's ghostville on all of them.
Stop telling your kids to start in fast food. They might get trapped. It is such an awful industry to be in. I wish I never accepted the promotion to supervisor.

>>34569965
yeah fuck that bitch

>>34569952
Also I feel anger towards you when I saw your posts on other boards lmao. Pathetic. You are amazing at making yourself out to be the victim. Did it feel nice to garner sympathy from it?
I also felt angry that I didn't stand up for myself near the end and I just ignored all of it. The name calling and disgusting messages. Everything. I guess that is really truly me as in taking everything until I just quit randomly. Actually it wasn't random but you know that too.
I hope your next victim realizes that you drag people down with your attitude and your schizo behavior and whatever.
Would be the best if you have nobody though. You aren't suited for other people.

>>34570178
>docked your time
yeah that's illegal. there's federal law with the bureau of labor that says companies can't do that and when employees log time with the company, payroll has to process it in accordance with the offer you signed when you were hired

I hate my mind. I'm sleeping 8-10 hours a night. My mind is slow. I never have anything to say so I just sit quietly. It's like I'm depressed but I'm not sad. I don't know if that's possible.

>>34570196
Like I said, I haven't found another job yet, otherwise I would've raised hell. And the docked time was only like $6 or something, but yeah, the very principle of that gets under my skin bad. I hate this job, I hate this franchise, I hate this industry.
It's Taco Bell for anyone curious.
But for now, I have all the proof I need in documentations, pictures, and screenshots, so... I'll probably get a nice bit of pocket money when I hand it over.

>>34569952
You're still here.
You still think of me.
You're still writing to/about me.
I'm still in your head.
I always will be
You'll always need me

I am quite sad and lonely. I hope I can change that.

I love you everyone

I love my imaginary cat boi boyfriend but he lives way in the other side of the world.

>>34570215
lmao not under the scammer regime. i hope you can afford lawyers, because otherwise your complaints will go into the abyss of the complaint box, which will never be looked at, because the employees who were supposed to deal with these issues were sacked by doge.

i miss my bf

I love you anons that even just like me. I love you anons that talk to me and remember me. Thank you for you attention. I am sorry for any bad behavior or offense.

>>34569725
If you’re wearing a red evil eye bracelet on your right hand it might be

>>34569740
I’m unsure I’m your girl but I get it. I feel a afraid sometimes I might say something wrong and accidentally ruin it because I keep glitching and asking for reassurance whether it is “other girls” or the future when in reality I need to chill it out because he has done everything right. It’s like I’m a robot whose code is full of bugs and I’m trying to fix them as they are found. I thought I had fixed them before but for the first time in a long time there’s a user (him) testing my code (emotional stability) and turns out there’s more to fix than expected lol. I hope he knows he truly has my heart.
If it helps you, maybe reassurance and talking constantly can help her too like it helps me. Let her know you really wanna make it work by planning to shorten the distance IRL, telling her thoughtful words, if it’s in your possibility maybe even gifts, doesn’t have to be pricey. I wish you all the best too, I’m hopeful we will all make it !

>>34570354
What are you on today, s? I get like that with alcohol

Yeah I'm getting real fucking tired of my workplace, but I'm waiting on my opportunity to kick off. I'm currently drilling for a union test so I get that interview, deal with that, and then await my new post elsewhere.

First it's a henhouse. It's not supposed to be cliquey, but I'm the only sausage in a world of buns, and that fucking sucks my life force. It's like I'm paid to be a clown, but I'm clearly not funny or amusing. Then, one of my coworkers seems to have an on again off again crush on me. I asked her a huge favor while she felt hot for me, and that's that, I have ammo to leave this job. My boss is unhappily married, and his kids are gutter balls, and he himself doesn't seem to take his job seriously. Which I get, but when it comes to getting a medical facility licensed and ready, that gets fucking annoying. It doesn't help he seems to talk to the women more than me, which I get, but I'm his direct subordinate, I'd expect a bit more dialogue. Then again, he is hands off and I got a master key, so I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. He's indirectly responsible for my portfolio and I respect that.

But anyway, the pay is 20 an hour and I've been part time statused for a while now. 7 months and counting because our license got stalled by bureaucracy. My 90th day was in February.

Then as time went on, I find out other shady shit like everyone that was hired for this site? They're forced back to the main facility, which is allegedly a shithole, despite "amazing reviews".

Every day I work here feels pointless. I wanted a live site, working with a team, learning how to fix and diagnose shit, help everyone wherever I can while represented by a union. Also cash out 25 years later and spend the rest of my life in peace. Maybe with a house, a dog, a better car, surgery for my eyes, etc etc.

It's been a rough day, and I'm forced to reflect on myself and the choices that lead me to here, and now waiting for the future.

>>34570354
We love you too, I’m sure any offended you’ve committed you can heal from

>>34570374
Just depression tonight.

>>34570381
Thanks. I feel broken.

>>34570321
That's fine, it's not like I'm missing any money now since I managed to get the old way of doing things back (if I finish my job leave before the hour is up I still get paid the full hour). My main goal is seeing her ass fired.

I hate it when people try to compare my chronic pain that i have from a chronic illness to their temporary conditions. It drives me up the walls

>Aye yai yai, I'm your little butterfly

>>34570585
thanks for the nostalgia blast
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzcvRDWgRIE

Almost every single fucking board has been shat up by feds and ESLs, and the same holds for the majority of the internet. Is there an alternative aside from touching grass? Are there parts of the internet where you have to prove that you're white and/or that your mother tongue is English?
Or is the only way to enjoy the internet now to avoid the hordes of niggers, jeets, and other brown freaks?

im a broken person

i woman i have a crush on hates me. i hate me. fuck my stupid life.

seeing how defeated she looked today made me feel validated that everything that happened was real and had a consequence

DOWN IN A HOLE AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN BE SAAAAAAAVED

I'D LIKE TO FLYYYYYYYYY
BUT MY WINGS HAVE BEEN SO DENIIIIIIIIEEEED

the clear missed opportunities for guidance and growth will haunt me till i kms

Something about loss potential gains and regret

im going to have to get booze at the gas station arent i

Satan and God can both fuckoff

This is not your last chance. You've already earned infinite chances.

im going to look into grocery delivery for booze

>>34570782
jesus lmfao what'd they do to you?

>>34570811
Oh you mean the Jews.
That's kinda funny desu, but /pol/'s down the street.

File: 1766925083568672.jpg (34 KB, 704x701)

34 KB JPG

my honest assessment

>>34570644
why do you think she hates you

Finna be two years soon and it all meant nothing
Old relationships feel empty

I don't want to go to a strip club seeking intimacy and attention because it's all fake
What I really want is to be in an intimate relationship again
But I'm just sleeping rn

>>34570892
because she doesn't even want to shake my hand at the end of inspections. she walks away when im coming by. trust me, she hates me. and im probably never going to have sex again for the rest of my life. its so sad. i make myself sad.

>>34571055
>He deleted his text
What a fucking pussy.

https://youtu.be/tiKgdh4Csj8

I don't want a peaceful fairy tale relationship. I want a chaotic relationship with a woman.

>>34569087
Lol what? Usually people feel like this because they looked BETTER in old photos. Just let it go man. You're not living in those days anymore.

>>34570782
>>34570811
What they do

>>34570778
Whos the lucky guy

>>34570767
Thats mean

Has anyone ever gotten past debilitating social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder? Professionally diagnosed, not self-diagnosed

getting tested for adhd soon, there is a good chance that i have audhd. somehow i feel more stigmatized about being diagnosed with autism than just adhd. i'm a bit weird, that's it. not like full blown autism anyway.

>>34570166
>>34570174
how do i know for sure bros she says she works 12 hours a day

>>34570192
Sounds like what conroe does

@34571385
Oh no, baby gurl boy creature freak thing has AuDHD, he's terminally retarded, he might be a schizo, help guys, I'm so scared of him, 2319. Wah.
I guess he feels so elated after receiving and believing in his diagnosis. It's like masturbating after finding out you have a prolactinoma, so funny, haha.

I don't have sympathy for 95% of people's problems. It's either shit that no longer affects them that they can't get over or stuff that is completely controllable that they refuse to fix because they'd rather bitch about it.

>>34568047 (me)
Didn't eat lunch. Cooked a small frozen pizza for dinner as something easy, hoping it'd be moreish enough. Ate half of it, but the thought of having to put the other half in the fridge, glaring at me to eat it later, was tiresome. So I forced it all down in one sitting (only around 800cals total, nothing insane), and now I have a stomach ache

>>34571510
That's an interesting point. A lot of people are lower IQ and don't know how to do things without instructions tho.

>>34571370
Someone has.

I am going out tonight. Hopefully my life is not as over as I think it is right now.

>>34571743
Damn bitch why u with a weepy faggot in the firs place

>>34571618
I like readin shit like this knowing its not about me this time lol

Sometimes my boss talks shit about the other employees to me when it's just the two of us and I dont know how to respond in those situations. I don't want to bad mouth the people who are supposed to be part of the same team, but the things he says are usually correct

I desperately want my ex to reach out to me and reconcile things with them but I'm not sure if I could ever forgive myself for taking them back after the way they've disrespected me

>>34571370
You’re gonna need therapy and genuinely trying. I got over the social anxiety by myself, putting myself out there forcing myself to interact and I ended up crying in the bathroom the first times but I’m a social butterfly now. The avoidant issues are gonna need weekly therapy to be able to deal with it. If you can find a partner who’s patient enough through this process do your best. Talk to your partner, choose to be vulnerable regardless of the initial discomfort, remember you are lovable and capable. Additionally call a psychologist and start talking it out as well so they can guide you. Notice your trauma triggers. Be honest with your partner about how you feel and try to reach a middle point. Wishing you the best!

>>34571875
They would need to admit their wrongdoing, be committed to change. I'm in the same boat.

I told you I wanted you to speak freely (you felt I censored you) that doesnt mean getting to say the most vile things. You were not showing vulnerability with your ranting, you were being derogatory with the sole intention of causing harm.

I want to fight through these difficulties. Become a stronger team. Ive tried being patient, understanding, giving you space.

I cant fix you.

Even if you wanted change, saw your cruelty as abuse and atoned; it would take me a really long time to truly trust and forgive.

I actually am starting to feel confident, but I REALLY want to run into that one girl in particular again. Looksmaxx. Go outside anons.

>>34571966
Why?

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I told her that I was gonna stay with my girlfriend instead of leaving my gf to be with her. Told her that I couldn't be her friend because she had feelings for me and didn't know how to navigate those feelings with me in my relationship. I found out today that my gf took my phone during the night and blocked and deleted her number. Woke up to a message from her saying "did you block me?" and as I answered she had blocked me. In the group chat, she mentioned she's going to her friend's wedding with another dude, but that was supposed to be me...and now I'm hurt by my own decisions.

>>34571841
Because he needs a vacation away from people. He's not a people person

>>34571987
All we can do is live and learn, unfortunately.

Please just let me love you.

I think I loved you more as man before you transitioned. But I can't leave since I've bonded with you so much. I miss the old days.

>>34572262
Be nice

how do you guys cope with being in love with someone you are certain you will never get?

>>34571987
god you fucking disgust me
just hoarding women for yourself, the fact that you even get to that point with another woman when you have a girlfriend
and your girlfriend not immediately breaking up with you
you all make me sick

>>34572324
I don't fall in love. That would be stupid.

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>tells me he loves me
>but isnt IN love with me

>>34572343
They don't even get that from me.

You told me I need help. Not out of a place of care and concern but as an attack.

Regardless, I'm taking the steps; made a therapy appointment, made a doctor's appointment, working on myself. Trying to be kinder to myself but right now it feels like I am to blame.

I have to accept this is over. Despite the grief and longing to be together. This is over unless you get some help, too. But I cant be the one to get you to that epiphany.

Being a better person is for me and for the kids. They deserve better parents.

We're good people. Our fatal flaw is we both wanted connection and respect but couldnt quite leap the emotional hurdle to get there. We chose to hold our resentments and hurl contemptuous remarks at eachother.

Im sorry I hurt you.

>>34572346
i sent that pic to him, and he said "umm i havent even seen it yet". ouch. brutal. kill me.

>>34572352
Dead, don't be needy, girl.

>>34570004
That's goofy that's why I'll never have a wife ever bro it's a failed meme

>>34572340
too late, and yes, it is stupid, that's why I'm here

>>34572421
Why would you do that?

So hey, I wrote here under the assumption she wouldn't read anything and uh, she did.
She never called me out, I just noticed some things happen today that look like she read what I wrote.

Well, shit.

>>34572424
I don't know, my brain likes to make me suffer

>>34572438
Fix up.

>>34572437
what the hell anon

>>34572443
See, I thought she'd never be up here.
Then I saw one of her tabs and she was browsing. Didn't see if it was adv but yeah, she was browsing.

I don't know what I did wrong.

>>34572440
I'm on it really, I started a big change on my life last year, and it's working pretty good, all except my mental health, that's been fluctuating like crazy recent months. I'm not young anymore, changes are hard for me

>>34572453
I eavesdropped and you have a boyfriend, and that made me feel really weird what was happening for a while there.

>>34572459
I'm not gay though.

>>34572463
You look gay

>>34572449
but there's no way she will recognise you on a random board

>>34572464
:(

>>34572467
it's ok to be gay anon

>>34572472
Can you give me a hint?

today you looked like a ghost

should i tell the woman giving me crumbs not to message me unless she's willing to converse, or at least put in thought and effort into her one daily message if she's not planning on replying for the rest of the day?

>>34572502
No. Talk to many girls.

>>34572502
Ignore her she doesn’t deserve anything but a rope.

I’ll be home from work soon and I hope you’ve shot yourself in the meantime.

>>34572508
That's crazy.

>>34572495
nah, I'm not that fucked up yet (also I'm a coward)

>>34572509
I threw up thinking of them today shortly after I left for work.

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After many years I finally realized that my younger brother doesn't give a fuck about me. He never reaches out, he'll never knock on your door and show something funny or want to hang out, go out somewhere. I don't know if he just wants to stay on his laptop all day or he's just copying his parents in that he doesn't have the patience to listen to me for more than two sentences about anything. It's been years since I've been rude to him or scolded him and I've been extra supportive about his exams, respecting his space in the living room even though I know he's chatting and basically playing games all day for years now, it doesn't matter if it's a school holiday or not it's all the same.

No matter what mood I'm in, good, bad or just mostly silent he basically never wants to talk to me, about anything. If I bring up something it's whatever, if I don't talk for weeks it's whatever, he doesn't care. I've tried connecting with him all sorts of ways, water off a duck's back.

Recently I was bed ridden for like three weeks, I still sort of am, he never once visited me in my room for like a minute, he never does. There is a bit of an age gap between us and I've joked that I sort of see him as my son. Nothing but growing affection and understanding from me to the best of my ability these recent years, and he can't wait for me to leave the room, exhaling audibly every time I walk in and just go to the kitchen silently probably because he has to screen switch. I don't think he cares if I'm in pain or not, if I die or not, just apathy, while I really love him and care for him deeply. I don't want to go into the things that I do for him but it all feels one sided. it hurts having to be a robotic non-person.

My response and solution is silence and prayer, it seems like the only true solution because for one if I bring it up nothing will happen, I'll just get attacked. I will try to continue to be kind and not demand anything but I'll stop barking up the wrong tree.

She should probably keep the cat but... FUCK. I will miss this little whirlwind

>>34572503
i can't find any. she's literally the only person i've spoken to 1 on 1 for more than an hour in 10 years

>>34572522
your brother is probably depressed

I'm excited. She probably won't be there tho. :)

>>34572522
maybe he will value you more in the future.

>>34572465
You'd think, but she secretly looks at the cameras at work. And she sees me browsing. And maybe posting.
I thought she'd never do anything, but her behavior surprised me. Definitely more distant than usual.

Have faith in me the way I have faith in you. I'm not going to hurt you, I want to help you. Just trust me.

>>34572589
The thought of you in any pain at all scares me. I can't fix all your problems for you, but I can at least listen and fight alongside you.

>>34572535
That's fucked.

>>34572537
He really isn't.

>>34572582
People say a lot of things they don't mean. I'm not finna get caught up on a lie. That's the way I think, and there's not much you can do to change it.

>>34572324
why do you think you will never get them?

>>34572502
yes tell her

>>34572437
See, I'm hoping she sees my posts
Can't talk right now (no communication/contact orders)

>>34572601
i'm an average 4channer and this is a normie board it seems

>>34572753
Where did I lie? Not once did I lie to you.

>>34572532
Losing a cat in a breakup fucking suuuuuucks.

How should I consider my past failures and the harm I have caused others by not being intelligent or wise enough? I feel like I really hurt people by being an idiot and emotionally overwhelmed due to gaslighting.

^he murdered his ex girlfriend

>>34569058
My entire office is a whole sting operation just to frame me. They are all glowie feds i know it. What do we even do?
Real Estate management?? Jerry come on!

>>34572694
she's taken, I don't wanna torture myself anymore, I need to find a way to forget about her, but it's pretty difficult, I see her pretty much every day (it's a co-worker)

>>34572845
It's crazier than that

>was hired three years ago with a known condition of availability
>am now being told this condition isn't valid for "missing work"
First off, I requested the time weeks ago.
Second off, it's only "missing work" if I'm scheduled. Which I'm requesting to not be scheduled. I'm not even using PTO for it.
Third, you're also blaming me for not having a manager present a lot of the time. Do I make the schedule? Do I recruit or hire people? No and no. Those aren't in my job description or my contract with the company. That responsibility is on you. I have no control over what's happening in the store when I'm not there. It is not my fault that one - ONE - absence causes this domino effect of bullshit across the entire payroll.
Fourth, I tried to get my shift covered tonight (I rarely call out at all), and no one is able to cover, so I'm going to work sick with the cough that's going around the store, which means I'm going to spread it to the two crew members I close with tonight.
Fifth, fuck you.
Sixth, you're a cokehead.
Seventh, we're lucky you're not fucking anyone in the store anymore because last time that happened it almost became a fist fight in the parking lot between the two guys you were fucking.
Eighth, I'm going to leave a turd somewhere in the store on my last night working and you won't be able to prove I did it.
Ninth, everyone has a problem with you now, not just me.
Tenth, you're about to push away another guy (who isn't me) who's been with the store for longer than you because you're overworking him. He opens one day, goes home, and comes back to help close the same day, twice a week.
Eleventh, fuck you some more.

>>34572875
Are you looking for another job yet? Hot damn.

>>34572904
Yeah. I'm gone whether I have something backed up or not, this job is taxing on me physically and mentally now. Not only this boss but the company itself is making bad decisions all the time or just being incompetent. Our building is constantly overstocked not because we have things we aren't using but because we have too many things we are using, and our store just isn't big enough to handle it (was built in 2010 or something when the town was super small, now it's a bustling commercial zone), it's causing health risks, we're failing inspections at least once a year because of that, the company changed the UI to something abysmal that no one across the entire country likes, they disabled the whole system for maintenance last night for an hour while we were supposed to still be open (they told us about the maintenance but it was scheduled for three hours later than it was pushed), the shit we're selling is becoming overcomplicated to keep within the intended service time average, we're bleeding employees out and not replacing them, etc. I'm looking for a job but I'm gonna finish what's scheduled for me and I'm done.

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I want friends but I don't want to talk to them

>>34572838
Are you saying I gaslit you?

>>34569058
How do I stop myself from hating everything around me?

I'm not tough enough as a man. Nobody sees me as a man. My uncle laughs at me when I say I'm thinking about what to do next. My aunt doesn't trust me. My mom babies me and constantly tries touching me and poking me, saying I shouldn't hate being touched by my own mom. I hate them I hate my family so much
Pieces of shit
I should leave them
Even if it means becoming homeless

>>34572958
Iunno, Anomymous. Probably not unless you know me irl.

>>34572989
Please.

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>>34572963
Just hate/pity the betraitors, and apply yourself to the system of opportunity for the new life you want as best you can. The math is more in your favor than you may believe if you optimize.

>>34573069
I mean the government is basically kind of doing that as best it can desu. You're just having an existential crises about it. You ever think maybe it's a good thing the government does that even if the government doesn't have perfect wisdom?

Checking my summer calendar
>tourist season through end of July
God damn soccer.

Even if I asked for more honesty, I can still have feelings. You're wrong about the reason why I left.

You resent me for being me. But the why is because you're an abuser. However, you believe you did nothing wrong. You were the dutiful spouse who did nothing wrong.

My faults? There are many. I truly desired change, wanted this to work. I didnt expect perfection. I expected humanity.

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i wish this place was more active.
i miss the nights id browse, heat up some leftover ramen and boil water while the site auto-refreshed. Cutting up slices of celery and cilantro. A few herbs and the place was full of YLYL, new memes, gore, and potentially some pizza. My favorite being from motherless. Now, its just content. Slow boring predictable. Like vegetables.

You can act like I betrayed you, act like I don't matter
But I can openly tell you, at least my heart won't shatter

>>34572838
People are not perfect. The fact thay you're acknowledging what you did wrong is a great start.

I can relate though. my lapses in judgement, utter failure as a lover, and ultimate end of my marriage is my fault. Not entirely, sure. I tried to fix a dynamic without even understanding my role.

The emotional gaslighting sounds like abuse guilt-tripping you into believing you're the abuser. And hey, im right there too, buddy.

I have had OCD about having OCD for two months now. Finally having a good couple of days and worrying that I may have made all this shit up in my head. Fuck my dumbass life.

tomorrow should be smooth, unless there is a major fuckup, it should be very smooth. which is good since then won't have to deal with much until next week which is going to suck major ass, maybe.

You never loved me. You were infatuated and in a rush to start a family. It left you with bitter resentment when I wasn't the person you idealized.

Instead of working as a team, you were contemptuous, hiding all your grievances inside.

I hate myself for wanting you back.

>>34573167
I don't want a family, just in case this is for me. I told why I feel the way I feel about you.

The company I am working for is not properly reporting its tonnage or fertilizer taxes. I brought it up to my manager and he told me to fuck off and keep doing what I had been told to. I'm thinking of quitting my job so this doesn't blow up in my face.

I was in the hospital for 3 days and instead of driving 5 hours to be there my dad said "cool you should come fly out when you're better"
It's only hitting now that that's probably not normal

>>34573200
Your dad's an ahole. Don't visit him.

The job market is fucking fried. No one's hiring. All applications are being shoved through AI and auto-rejected based on whatever random bullshit the AI comes up with. Paper applications are not being accepted. Calling the businesses, if you get an answer, is just, "sorry our manager isn't here right now."
I want out of my job desperately but I cannot find anything else. My options would be expanded if I was willing to leave my current place and go into another place within the industry, but I don't want to be in this industry anymore.
Covid ruined everything. Nothing survived the world's greatest hoax.

I ran away from home.
i feel so lonely

>>34573253
Why did you run away from home?

If I were to describe both of you, it's pharisees. No real faith in what you claim, an absolute hell bent insistence on the rules, and fake AF. I feel bad for one of you due to the other's emotionless exploitive cruelty. Your insistence on blindness even after being shown the truth is your own fault however. Yet I still cannot tolerate you, as I'll restate you're a snake, only wishing to change and control me.

i fucking hate women so god damn much. the more im attracted to a woman the more i hate her because the more she hates me. fuck them all. elon musk did the right thing.

>>34573258
You obviously don't know that the 'rules' are for the individual and it's not up to you to say when or how they should live them out.

>>34573264
I agree with this, which is why they need to fuck off instead of telling me w/e arbitrary bullshit they insist on.

>>34573282
That's consistent.

Maybe you did love me 2 years ago. Maybe I was so insufferable with no redeeming qualities that you were in pain just being around me.

So instead of breaking up, you become a verbally offensive bully. How heroic of you.

Only we both know how much I changed, talked about changing, I just couldnt deliver the perfect happy wife you wanted because I knew you hated me. I knew everything was performed, only youre a bad actor. Like so bad it's pathetic I believed your lies.

Always trust your instincts

>>34573296
I just had to make my feelings fade a bit, but they aren't fully gone. I don't want to get married. Your feelings may have changed, and I think you think the same for me because I'm okay with it. But that's just how I am.

Went on a week long bender (harder than the usual daily one) and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia which forced a controlled alcohol detox and now I'm looking for 30 day rehabs to go to before I start drinking again
I need hope but I don't have it
I can think of reasons but I can't feel them

>>34573389
You're still drinking? Why?

>>34573392
Couldn't make it stop
Trying again to, the plan wasn't right the last time, it's better this time

>>34573392
because redheads HATE me and all i want to do is hook up wirht and impregnate redheads. my life is over.

>>34573432
Wtf

I'm retarded and I hate myself.

>>34573470
Everyone fucks up sometimes, anon. What happened?

>>34573167
You said you had a boyfriend, and that gave me a huge ick upon realizing what I was doing until you brought it up.

>>34573445
wtf? whats so hard to understand about that

>>34569058
if i had dated emily i would have been arrested at an ICE protest and she would have fucked some random spic or nigger at the protest. fuck women, they're evil.

>>34573476
I don't know where to begin but I just feel like a failed human sometimes, or like I'm guaranteed to mess up anything a try. I don't feel prepared to interact or form any kinds of relationships with people, which sometimes makes me see myself in a really terrible and endlessly uncheritable way. I'm not very forgiving of myself, nor loving of myself. Fortunately there are some really kind people in the world who by they're very existence brighten me up somewhat. Not everybody is an anthropological terrorist, but there's such a thick atmosphere of that kind of thing. I have a fear of interacting with people, for a number of reasons including that I don't want to dissapoint. Sometimes, in bursts, I'm very sociable. In the initial interactions there's chemistry, but sometimes it tapers off, then I worry that what good of it will dissappear, or that I might just not be prepared to interact with anyone. It might sound stupid but it hurts my heart. The closest thing I have to friends, and that I've ever had to any friends, at the age of 21, since I was 14, are a few people I've brushed with online, and played a game with. They are kin in some sense, people who I can tell are more like me than a lot of people, that I would like to get to know better. I hope I can find a place somewhere, but I don't know if I really have anything worth anything about myself, to give to anyone. I feel kind of like Travis Bickle sometimes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx4aK-YsPeU

I thank God from the bottome of my heart that there are a few kind people in this world. If kind people didn't exist I'd probably have killed myself already.

Nah bruh, never be nice to a toxic woman
They're dumb as fuck in the end
Let them burn

i am incredibly happy

I guess in general I just struggle with unforgiveness. It's one of the most grueling sensations for me for some reason, almost sickening. I don't mind it if it doesn't have to be eternal. One of the only single things in this world that's ever alleviated that pain is it, and all terrible things in this world, existing ultimately, in the face of Jesus Christ. When I've truly encountered this in the midst of deap heart wrenching pain, it leads to a feeling that's hard to describe, but close to something that could bring a tear to ones eye. Jesus Christ is one of the only things I can rest on, but the understanding I must cling to about him is something foreign, something utterly beyond intellect and logical understanding, the forgiveness of which is boundless. I really hope I'm not deluded. Nevertheless, may God have mercy.

If you want your life to change then you have to work to prove them wrong
Things won't magically fall into your lap

>>34573641
I'm starting not to care. I'd rather just die in obscurity.

First time I’ve ever had sex where I wanted more for the sake of it. Fuck she’s hot, loved the scratching and pinching and her moving on top

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my job didn't end up firing me. A discerning boss picked up on my rapid weightloss and put two and two together that i was anorexic. Together with HR, they put me on leave. So I took leave and i got better. Ate normally for a week straight, my boss is so proud. The honeymoon period is over though. Now i feel no joy and freedom, I feel my pants getting tighter and a growing sense of panic. What's worse though is the realization that anorexia neturalizes all my worst qualities. I work harder, i complain less, i'm so much less angry, I don't overshare, I don't act like an attention whore. All of those things are coming back and while I don't need an ED to achieve them, it's as easy as flipping a switch.

I don't think I'm ever going to get out of this and i fear one of these days, the fact that I'm a better person with anorexia than without it is going to be something so hard to bear that I end up taking my own life. I'm starting to really see that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Be "healthy" and at my worst or unhealthy at my best. When I came to this realization, i physically could hear my heart break. I'm a really bad person and while i don't need an ED to be a good one, the ED works in three days, the right way takes years so... i'm in a very dark, dark place tonight. I can't end it all now because there's still more to do but... i dunno. best not to think on it too much.

My entire life was wasted because of narcissistic sociopaths and I might as well just die at this point

>>34573659
Who are you referring to?

>>34573586
>>34573635
Generally, it's also just a theme in my life that I don't feel remotely made for this world. I don't know what I'm doing here. I know that's a vague thing, probably not anything special, but I have to grapple with it. A lot of days, I've awaken not knowing what the purpose of it even is. Worst of all I'm a perplexxing fool, I miss the mark of my own accord and that's self betrayal, that's a terrible thing to meditate on. I don't know how to live, what to be, what to do.

Invariably I fall back on self directed insults like that I'm retarded.

>>34573664
Just some people that I used to know that used me and manipulated me for their benefit. It blew up in their face, but the revelation that fives years of my life were a lie caused me to unironically get disassociative amnesia and ghost everyone another five years, including the women and friends I could have made that they were hiding for five years, and now I am basically out of youth and wasted all those oppurtunities too, and like I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure I can't fix things in time and will always feel robbed of the life I could have had.

>>34573680
I'm sorry you went through that. What do you feel would've happened if they didn't interfere?

>>34573684
I would have fallen in love a few times, maybe one would have worked out and I got married or something by now. I might have even got back with my ex from even earlier in life that I regretted cheating on as teens. I would have had a giant network of friends. I would have been happy throughout my twenties instead of miserable. I did improve and learn a lot because in spite of my all my strengths due to the gaslighting I felt if I could get even better maybe I could find love. What I paid was not worth the costs as it currently seems to me. My old "friends" seem eager to reconnect and like these evil decisions they made out of insecurity and envy have destroyed their lives as well as mine. But still... the rest of my life seems not worth living. I'm not going to kill myself but I'm thinking about getting into skydiving or something. Like, what's the point of living a life where you'll never feel anything but bad again? You don't have to answer. Thanks for caring.

>>34573703
>Thanks for caring
Of course. Personally, I think you need to find something to call a good replacement for your want to be married. I think if you don't hold it as that important, then it will come easier for you. Look at a new avenue. I'd be glad if it wasn't dangerous. Hopefully, you'll find something that transforms you. Paiting.

>>34573714
Paiting too. You have a way with words in regards to poetry and "prophecy".

It takes a special kind of EVIL to get your child a pet. Keep it for years. Until it becomes your family. Has been with your child since day 1. And then you for YOUR selfish senseless reason decide to just get rid of it. Not caring how your child feels. Not caring how anyone feels. No because all that matters to you is YOU.
Selfish evil disgusting conniving scum useless piece of soulless heartless nasty "person". Glad I don't have to deal with you anymore YUCK!!

I'm gonna go watch Twice in a Lifetime. Later.

>>34572522
He is afraid you will hurt/abuse him again. So he won't open up to anyone so he doesn't get hurt again. You broke him. You did this. Congrats

Ended up watching Snarky Jay...

Been thinking of buying blades to cut just because my ocd is being insanely obsessive about my imposter syndrome and it's telling me I should hurt myself to prove I'm not lying about having a hard time. Its surprisingly hard to cut your skin with random scissors. I feel like blades would at least make the job faster and less painful. Fuckin hell.

She is stalking me again.

>>34573930
Are you her talking in the 3rd person

>>34573932
No she is stalking me and I can tell.

>>34573930
yes I am :>

>>34573933
Ok are you her projecting and larping as the person you stalk

>>34573896
Don't care about any of that

i fucking LOVE the smell of black mold i wish it wasnt bad for you
it smells SO FUCKING GOOD
i live in a clean mold free apartment now but i miss the aroma so much lads i wish it wasnt fobidden

>>34574148
Be direct. Message directly. Stop this larp nonsense here. It is meaningless drivel

>store failed inspection
>equipment breaks down
>more equipment breaks down
>heating cabinets and fryers are kaput
>THE FRYERS
>AT MY FAST FOOD JOB
>ARE FUCKING DOWN INDEFINITELY
>district manager is WITHHOLDING repairs as punishment for the failed inspection
>it has been more than a month
I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm fucking out. If the district manager is this fucking childish that he will sabotage the business and jeopardize the entire staff's jobs at his second busiest location, this is not a company I want to be involved with. I'm gonna wait to see what time off is approved (requested some for June before any of this shit went down) and drop my resignation e-mail. At-will state, don't have to give two weeks.
The store manager is a cunt, but she's a hard worker, a good worker, her only problem is employee morale because she is insensitive and spreading everyone who isn't an opening shift worker too thin.

>>34574217
I also just worked a 9 hour closing shift while sick because I couldn't get coverage because we've dwindled down to two shift leads who are willing to close (me, and the other guy who was not available to cover me because he has another night job)

I don’t know how to reconcile past trauma with how things are today in my life. I was fucking kneecapped as a toddler when my schizo mom openly discussed putting me in foster care and aborting my then unborn brother. I don’t know what I should forgive and let go because she was very gynocentric and made sure me and my brother knew how much more she liked strangers little girls over us. This destroyed any chance I had at developing a relationship with any girl in grade school as I was terrified of accidentally hurting one and what my mother might do to me in retaliation. Didn’t make friends until high school because I was so desperately trying to impress her by staying in the straight and narrow and was bullied for it. Worst part was how much the women and girls other than my mother around me at the time reinforced the things my mother did and her opinions on boys vs girls. I can’t even determine if I’m straight or not. I can’t determine if I’m afraid of women or respect them. I can’t decide if I should loathe women as a whole and be cult to them when I rarely interact with them, or forgive and tolerate what I feel is as an average base state of uncorrected adult princessitis, and overlook it to develop friendships with women. Nothing in my current philosophy of right and wrong is helping me. I don’t feel comfortable forgiving all women as a whole, I feel like not is just another aspect of the insane abandonment issues and holding onto anger over something that should have no affect on me today, I can’t even tell of the last statement is accurate because it DID affect me and still does to an extent.

>>34569125
How can I achieve this without sounding autistic, asking people to delete chubby photos of me?

at the end of the day, its me he loves. maybe him talking about other girls isnt so bad as long as i still have him.

>>34573827
He feels safe with me, that's not it. After a long discussion today apparently what I outlined above is not entirely true. There's a bunch of other factors I didn't take into account that explain our current personal dynamic, which don't have anything to do with me but primarily with considerable longstanding difficulties with school and applications, and other family stuff.

>>34574575
gross

>>34574588
i dont know why hes like that

Got cold feet and didn't buy the blades. Maybe I'll try another store, the clerk talking to me made me freak out internally.

I think I have to kms soon because I fucked up with several women who liked me that I liked back due to timing, being gaslit by "friends" causing a mental health crisis, and miscommunication. I don't want to age alone. I don't want to fall in love while old. I don't want any part of my life that are still accessible.

I would have loved you you fucking retard but you wouldn't just go on a date with me. No you wanted to cause a scene in front of like a hundred people while I was already going through something and then have me confess my love to you, then you stalked me for years and then get married to some fucking random. I hate my life so much.

Reality is self-centered and careless not an adventure out to get you or rescue you.

god just fucking talk to me I know you miss me too

I suspect that my closest friend knows something about my crush that also concerns me (they probably spoke about me?) and is hiding it. Idk it felt like she was shielding me from something and now I'm extremely paranoid about what this could be

I am apprehensive about taking medication for a certain condition due to being a paranoid wimp.
What should I do?

I might ask on pol since I've heard they are very detail oriented about these things

>>34574706
validate your feelings without judgment, have an open conversation with your prescribing doctor about exact side effects, and consider starting with a very low dose to safely ease into it.

>>34574710
My condition is not even that serious, just a 'silly quirk' if you will. I just do not think it is worth risking brain fog, suicidal ideation, and ED just because I was too shy to decline a prescription from an appointment I did not even want to go to.

>>34574735
What's the quirk. Is it ocd? Tourettes?

>>34574668
I cant start the conversation. The reason you said I left is wrong.

>>34574745
Yes, it is suspected to be OCD.
My constant handwashing and disinfecting of every surface must have made my family's patience run out.

I bet I can undo the habit if I just focus on other things when the thought occur. Better than potentially becoming suicidal and getting ED

You made me send someone home early on a busy night (you even worked earlier that night so you saw how busy it was and how you didn't have anyone cleaning during service) and you're questioning why it took an extra 30 minutes to finish closing?
What the fuck is wrong with you seriously
I hope the next inspection does fail so you get fired and the state permanently revokes your eligibility for a food handling permit you stupid cunt