How sweet it is to be loved by you

Just about a year since I've heard from you and you're still constantly on my mind. What I wouldn't give for a chance to reconnect.

I don't know what to do anymore

>>34629111
<3

C’est la Vie! Goodluck.

Your silence is deafening.

Paying Indians 10$ in Google Play gift cards to perform John Lennon’s “Imagine” in broken English

I dont want to try to write to you because I know it will either be ignored or emoji reacted to. Just know that whatever ill you hold to me please eventually let it go for your betterment. For health and happiness, my one and only that is now gone.

>>34629352
Gone? I'm still here, and I'm not mad. I hope you're doing alright.

>>34629192
Set your ego aside and hit them up

>>34629365
Please dont tease me you will make me cry as i write this... other than financial trajectory im not doing alright mentally, and physically, im trying to fix it as you said to do but old injuries make it slow. I just want to be normal.

File: 6c60c631-51ed-401b-ab8f-f(...).jpg (91 KB, 542x680)

91 KB JPG

>>34629403
I hate Normie's NGL, would never want to be normal, but then again I don't exactly like being fucked up.

>>34629406
Wishing to being normal does not equate normie. I wish you understood that distinction too..

>>34629406
>>34629413
And to ensure, by normal I mean physically healthy and not living with a dull slow crippling pain that makes all the tasks required harder to accomplish

I'll hear your song
If you want me to
I'll sing along

I'm so confused. I still can't tell if your kindnesses were ploys or not, to get me to be more agreeable towards helping you, you've still cut me off of things and I'm just not sure, it doesn't seem like you or match previous words.
I can't sleep. I'm lost and small and I'm supposed to be with you and feel safe. I don't even know if you are. I don't know when I'll get to know.
I'm still hoping that, by next week at least, we can see eachother, if only to discuss plan or logistic - though I still hold hope for love and mutual obsession. We're both fighting hard for that, right?
I want to look for you but I don't even know where you'll be, where you are. Maybe you'll leave some sort of trace. I could at least touch something of yours. I miss your shirts over my pillowcase for comfort.

Ah, I could lie in wait at the exchange eventually...

Yeah. I really would like to have one of your shirts again, in lieu of hug. Breathe you in for a moment, pretend we're laying beside each other when things were easier, when the hardest thing to do was wait for a Friday we knew was certain to come.

Got so anxious I accidentally arrived an hour too early.

I love you but I need to move on

I havent recovered since mid febuary 2025, I read our messages from around that time especially the ones in april, why did you continue to pretend to be nice to me after dropping me on valentines of all days, it just made me feel like you were pretending for the entirety of the relationship. When does this feeling end, only when I die? If this was your intention you won btw congratulations. You can live a happy life with whoever you found next because people will gladly assist you on your path, just be mindful of how many people you discard and bad talk from your past.

I just wanna die.
Please give me a heart attack while I'm sleeping so I can just go in peace.

Uuuhhhh

This will blow over. Stay strong.

They're grasping at straws. Picking picking picking. Don't give up.

Im tired o working a job i hate to pay for a life i dont enjoy.
I dont know for how much longer i can keep this up.

>>34629569
Same sort of. Adulting sucks.

what's the point of holding on to someone you don't love anymore?
I should just let go and be myself

>>34629446
are you me!?

>>34629621
Reverse of my situation lol

t.
>>34629446

>>34629625
Anon is also me :’(

>>34629621
I may well be

>>34629161
i think some guys wife is talking shit about me

>>34629690
ignore her because she's being a cword

I'm not a fucking hermit and you know what my fucking situation is. Don't give me this shit about being comfortable being alone. It's been 7 years of working shitty, unstable jobs with random ass hours that don't pay the bills. How fucking dare you to tell me to make more sacrifices and to suck it up while you willing quit your job and have been loafing for the past year with all your friends and family. Literally fuck off you piece of shit. I can't believe I ever called you a brother.

Will a woman ever be honest with me? I’m losing my patience.

I dont know how to process the one who chose me, made all the life plans and broke up with me for not meeting their criteria. Then also attempting to roll it back for half a year after. It wasnt until I became a ghost that it stopped but now I feel bad for the only person to ever pursue interest in me. Maybe it was a mistake overall.

Seeing your location change to down there finally made it click. A short bit of rage then acceptance. Once this process is done and I'm back around family everything will be alright. I have survived this, I have survived much worse. I will continue to survive. I lied and do still love you, it's really not right but that doesn't matter anymore. No more lingering here chasing ghosts, it's time to move on.

My therapist didn’t show up to my appointment today.

I ghosted you because you use ChatGPT and I couldn't see you as a man anymore after that

File: 1672363613958513.jpg (137 KB, 523x685)

137 KB JPG

Hermano, no todas pueden ser putas.

>>34629712
I don't think so, brother. I am starting to lose my patience as well.

>>34629813
Right on, Claude ftw.

>>34629446
I thought this the other day, but I thought:
>I love you but I don't want to

At least I get a 2 hour lunch break. Some sorry motherfuckers don't even get that out there

>>34629812
cont.: I might’ve been ghosted. Maybe my benefits were cut and I’m not going to get therapy anymore.


I’m really down about it. I’ve been going to try to cope with abandonment and trust issues. I’ve been having an especially hard time dealing with stuff this week.

>>34629712
The last time a woman was honest with me it opened up to be vile and caused the eventual end of the relationship. And after she tried to pull the old tactics as if what she said didnt shatter my heart.

Saw a picture of my ex from 7 months ago after she broke up with me, she was looking just as rough and heart broken as me, i hope the last few months have been kinder to her.

Well, I really didn't expect that. Also a bad day to sleep in some more. Oh well.

>>34629241
My heart is missing, can I have yours?

Please don't leave me alone
Wondering where you are

>>34629983
Isnt this what you wanted? to drop me because im a waste of time and holding you back?

Someone asked why I looked so sad. I told the truth and said I don't deserve to live...: and this normie started to get super worked up, really upset, and acted like I was gonna kill myself.

I don't get it. Do normies not feel like their life is a cosmic mistake? Do they not wake up sad that they have to live that day?

>>34629161
According to astrology I will become famous next year (or I will have some honors) and relationships will probably be involved in this. It seems what I have been manifesting the past two plus years will become reality.

Recovering alcoholic moving back in with parents at 30 who blew their life up over drinking and not trying hard enough in life isn't how I imagined things. It's hard to get out of bed and do things

I am not sure I like what I’m becoming. I have to exert more willpower and discipline for myself.

Fuck, I'm losing my mind not knowing what's going on and when I'll see them again.

Could have been us.

>>34629423
>At night I'll be singing to the birds

I do hear your song to me maria

I HATE MY PEOPLE

>>34629813
That is fickle. Work through it retard. That's how people grow and learn

>>34630074
I don't know if I'll ever see her again and it's driving me nuts. She let me know what's up and I trust her, but the timing couldn't be worse.

>>34630124
She'll wait for you

>>34630127
I'm not that guy but I'd like to believe this as well

>>34630127
Thanks, I have faith that she will.

>>34630129
If you're Mine and I'm Yours I will wait

>>34630141
I was ready to be hers, but she isn't mine and doesn't seem to want to be.

>>34630143
This feel.

>>34629975
I think I might be my heart. So no. Maybe if I don't need it later.

>>34630147
If I had a heart, could we fuse? I'll try to get a new one.

File: IMG_9213.jpg (297 KB, 1262x1732)

297 KB JPG

What’s up with this recent epidemic of women who are afraid (genuinely afraid to the point of panic) of being perceived by others? I sympathise with it I guess, but I find it enormously difficult to empathise on any meaningful level. I mean I’ll say I’m not much of a looker, only one woman has ever complimented my appearance and recently I’ve been starting to think she was just trying to flatter me because she knew how much it meant to me. Anyway, point being, when I go outside I know that people who take a good look at me are going to form opinions, often negative, about my looks that I have no control over. I even remember being told by girls in school “oh you’re ok, but nothing special”. But not once in my entire life did that ever make me frightened or anxious. These women seem to me to be genuinely trapped in some sort of hell. I wonder what causes this.
The strangest thing that doesn’t compute at all in my mind is that they usually aren’t ugly, and they know they aren’t. If they were very ugly and alien looking, their fear would evaporate.

File: reading-the-manga-means-r(...).jpg (74 KB, 488x610)

74 KB JPG

Yours

File: DXwPfm.gif (2.8 MB, 400x225)

2.8 MB GIF

>>34630148
Maybe.

>>34630180
Imagine if you were my feminine side, I'd be bad af.

>>34630174
Funny, I'm more Inuyasha than he would ever be.

You don't get to ask to take the lead on everything and have full control of our lives and it's direction then not expect to be a held to a standard or have expectations of you. If that's what you wanted, you should have let me be in the lead. My final 2 cents. Some things can't be forgiven, and what you've done is one of those things. I'm sorry.

>>34630222
FUCK off I want him and I'll wait a decade if I have to

HE'S MINE fucking give him BAKC to me

>>34630234
Have fun.

>>34630230
We all know you can’t lead. You’re a chronic complainer that whines about everything and posts your rants on social media. You’re fucking annoying. You’re weak. Your character has no development. That’s why you are where you are, competing and seeking validation. Leaders have followers. You’ll always be her follower. Stalking her. You told on yourself.

All of my opps, they dess...

>>34630234
>>34630235
Who in Gods name are you fighting over?

>>34630246
That's what I want to know.

>>34630246
Me

Experiencing grief and anger together is such an exhausting feeling.

>>34630259
You can't even see the reason she's acting that way, because you only care about yourself.

Man a world where my bullies seem to have omnipotent God powers this does seem like a kind of Hell

heartbreaking how materialistic love and relationships ultimately are

Fuck thank God fuck j though you were gone fuck I need you I'm sorry

>>34630174
I wish she would tell me to sit.

I'm sorry I couldn't do more the options were limited I'm not trying to take anything g from you I promise

I was cool a long time ago. I wanted you to know that.

>>34630286
Who are you?

>>34630282
This is what ended 8 years of companionship, I couldnt provide the material demands in time. For awhile after she broke up I could sense some regret but I chose to adhere to her words of finality and acted without love toward her as we were through, no supporr emotionally, no longer an ear to listen to any troubles, or a source of comfort, that time was the toughest part but I knew my heart was abused for the last time.

File: IMG_9779.jpg (70 KB, 866x1390)

70 KB JPG

This is me, in case you care

>>34630292
Let's just chill in Antarctica, that should do it. Maybe we'll run into Aliens.

>>34630297
lemon stealing whore

>>34630240
I really hit a nerve with those texts didn't I? Also what social media do I rant on unless you count occasional posts on here? Relax and don't get so bent out of shape my guy, you might stroke out.
>no character development
>ex leaves him for a black man
>sulks on discord drinking and chases down bad self loathing women on discord and encourages them to backstab people and abandon everything
>finally gets half of a woman, brags about stealing her from another man
>this is peak character
Keep going lil bro, the algorithms told on the both of you and I was just returning the favor more directly. Thanks for this LOL The idea of the two of you in some backwoods third world adjacent shithole seething over me is hilarious.

>>34630300
Juggling lemons, always. Sometimes even limes

>>34630286
After all the bullshit you said about how you're done, why are you playing so many games? You said nothing I said would change anything, why the fuck would I even try?

We will get through this. I will wait for you. I will find you. Very, very soon.

it's over.

>>34630300
She used to love this meme..

>>34630307
U work long hours in the kitchen n complaining about traffic driving home. Ur life sucks lmao. Keep up the delusion ur blessed when we all kno ur cursed especially with that shitty negative personality of urs.

>>34630081
You right. I gotta stop the bullshit, huh?

Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it

>>34630286
is this s? Not the trip s but a s

>>34630337
No, s is s, bud. Just smart.

I will never let you get into the situation they tried to put you through, again, s. Real shit, I don't play that shit.

>>34630323
I'm reminissing on the fact that I feel the man I am with doesn't really want me and I am slowly wasting my life by putting all my energy into something that is bound to end in flames. Confirmation that I'm better off alone and going to go cry into my pillow, now.
I will never be good enough.
*sigh*

I had an estimated 1200 mg of caffeine today… I've been at this level of consumption for a week now save for one or two days off in between where I "only" had 400 mg and felt so tired, but so much younger for it. Now I feel like I'm hitting a wall, I just can't go on anymore. That exam is tomorrow and I technically still have a good chance to pass if I do some last minute studying but I can't push myself anymore. I don't really feel anything anymore…

>>34630286
J is too busy putting the j in jerking off.

>>34630352
Damn, that's rough.

>>34630358
I haven't jerked off in almost a week.

>>34629161
she came back after 6 months and then left again bc she has health issues she has to prioritize. i don't think i've ever loved anyone like her. i'm going to have to heal from this all over again. i just want her next to me. there isn't anyone else like her and I don't know what to do

File: doge-gettin-jiggy.jpg (95 KB, 1064x1064)

95 KB JPG

>>34630089
Put it on a bilboard so that when people drive in traffic they see it.

>>34630322
Imagine they have to live with their shitty personality and delusions the entirety of their forsaken lives!

>>34630368
Sounds like a main character issue. You main character all go do that. NPCs like me love the moment.

I don't want to make art anymore. I don't want to act or start a youtube essay channel or do twitch again. This isn't helping me meet people. I'm just a clown. No one cares about me. Everytime I tried getting close to my "fans" it always ended bad. They aren't here to actually nake connections or friendship. It's pure clout and lolcowdom. I'm sick of the drama and trying to manage communities. I want real friends. I want a family. I want to be greated by someone I actually know and have a deep connection with, not just randoms and facebook likes. I'm so sick of this. You tell me to not give a shit about external validation and then tell me to go back in to entertaining? Even more so I don't get any external validation. How the fuck am I supposed to not give a shit and be happy when every single external force is fuckinf reminding me and even trying to stop me from being happy? I've literally lost gigs because of this shit, I've been literally denyed things because I "just ignored them". I wouldn't be fucking here if your shit worked. How fucking dare you accuse me of being lazy and defeatist when you haven't told me anything that I haven't already done, and you fucking explained it worse and with less detail.

They want to speak to me again to clarify shit from previous statements. Tiresome. I don't want to. I don't think it's wise. I don't know if it's a trap, or if I can "clarify" enough to get this all put away and done with. Is it better to refuse?

>>34630286
I was sitting at a restaurant by the window and he passed by on the sidewalk shortly before this was posted. Deluding myself into thinking this is him.

>>34630428
Did you not see the post he made about the "difficult talk" or whatever? Or are you too blind?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E4Y37YSedk

>>34629879
My ex gained a lot of weight, developed mental issues, looks unhappy, and it breaks my heart because she would of been so loved , cared for, and fucked her brains out by me. Just perfect. But it's been 5 years and that's what the status is. I know I'm a catch and I still love her . Just tough.

>>34630127
My maria promised me this
-sun

>>34630246
Its a larp to try to get the ex jealous

>>34630295
The only material demand that matter is each other. Obviously I am already set to support and care for her in our home.
-sun

>>34630315
Your not Maria or Mike. Most likely a larp to slander and mischaracterize demenor and perception of stability

>>34630363
Multiple times a day. Average 4

I don't want to let go, but it hasn't been easy clinging to whatever scraps you've given me for the past 6 months, and it would be so much easier to just forget about you. Please give me a sign, anything to let me know if this is a waste of my time or if you really do care. I won't be mad either way, and even if it hurts, it'll hurt a lot less than the hurt I've been feeling since the last time I saw you.

It’s their job to lie and catch you in discrepancies. Can’t be trusted.

I thought I could help. Not good enough. I'll fuck off and keep to myself.

>>34630617
Dead. Thinking of fucking on some local bitches. I don't have time for none of this shit.

>>34630626
Have no worries.

I guess I was the backup in case your ex didn't come back. He didn't, to the surprise of nobody but you, and now I'm gone too. You failed the most basic test, and now you're truly alone.

>>34630636
She can have any dude she wants, she'll be fine.

>>34630636
Im in this exact situation but sex swapped lol

I wish I could be with you. It's all I can think about.

>>34630640
I'm not so sure about that, but it's not my problem anymore.

>>34630646
I'm sorry, but I hope you look elsewhere and find someone who actually values you.

I keep trying to cry about it, but nothing comes out. I find myself grimacing and holding my head in my hands throughout the day.
You're going to be "one that got away" if I never see you again. I've never felt this about anyone else before.

>some people in my family start a group chat
>some of them post pictures in it
>pictures of them visiting very recently
>even my mom is in these pics
>they didn't even mention they were visiting to me
>and my mom didn't say she'd seen them either

Hm.

>>34630636
I didn’t want any of you abusers. That’s the thing. I escaped your clutches. You’re controlling and full of yourself. You’re for the streets and you know it. You can’t even get your finances in check. You’re married to your career after selling yourself to the devil. Have fun with the Jezebel spirits and loser hoes. They’ll value you. I choose not to because I deserve the best and I have the best. Good riddance demon.

>>34630663
>NTA
Oh, FUCK off.

I can't think of anything else either. I'll make it happen soon.

>>34630674
I can tell you're not her and I'm not him, but your ex isn't coming back and you should open your heart to someone who will actually love you.

>>34630675
Don't mince words. Tell me what you're thinking.

>>34630553
You won't be loved for who you are, why even try? You need to perform this role of being a "good man" and even then you need to play games to keep her. It's exhausting and dishonest

>>34630674
Only reflective of yourself. Drink your own poison you attempt to project onto others.

>>34630694
Oh look def not same fag advice in an attempt to push

>>34630698
I'm not arguing with you anymore.

>>34630704
Let's break down your accusations and projections

>You won't be loved for who you are, why even try?
Yes I will. The same as I love her. She is worth more than just trying.

>You need to perform this role of being a "good man" and even then you need to play games to keep her.

I dispose acting and dishonest masking. Makes me fucking sick. I am only honest. Fuck off with the "good man" shit. I am myself and I don't care for your labels.

>It's exhausting and dishonest
Yes, you are

>>34630716
I haven't spoken to you itt or argued with the woman that post is about.

>>34630719
>Yes I will. The same as I love her.

Are you willing to accept the pain when she leaves? Are you that confident that she absolutely loves you? What if she falls in love with someone else?

>>34630722
I'm not Finna waste my time with it. I'ma just fuck on what I can. I'm about done with women from the net.

God I really hope she doesn't read these threads and think I'm posting half of this stuff

>>34630728
I don't have room in my life for your doubts and negative opinions. I'm sorry you allow fear to control your life. I'm above that.

God bless.
-sun

>>34630732
You should stop posting half of this stuff

>>34630714
You learned well our psychology lingo by stalking us who healed from your emotional immaturity. Keep telling your delusional self that I’m projecting. I’m speaking truths. You are not a man I want to brag about being with. You are not a catch. Your skull is so thick.

>>34630736
I'm actually posting ALL of this stuff

>>34630738
Huh? Stop projecting your own issues on me creep

>>34630746
Well make it more fun

Turds like >>34630738
Are a fucking drag

>>34630734
Is heartache and growing cynic worth it? At least you get to feel something both the joy and the sadness of loving

My faith is weak. I'm sorry.

>>34630762
I dwell with her in the last moment she looked in my eyes, where I heard her voice and felt our truth.

I let go of the shadow games others have harmed is with.

I only look to her.

>>34630749
>>34630755
You proved me right with your responses. You are emotionally immature. No wonder she set a boundary against you. You can overstep them and that shows your self entitlement and having no respect for yourself or for her. Her message is still true, no contact means no access.

Blocked again. So be it idc. Also I feel someone here thinks they are arguing with me kek. I'm not here anymore. I got what I needed off my chest directly and I'm at peace with it now. Goodbye.

Oh, please...

>>34630764
>Forever with You
>Far oceans dissipating in the shared heat
>Reconstituted in endless meadows of Cloud and Mist
>Nothing Missed
>What was to be gained, never Lost

I hear her tell me something similar, her body pressed against mine, feeling our perfect fit.

Her voice, the heat of her breath as she breaths truth.

>MM
>I love you M
>Its you, it's always been you
>My Home

Our gift has always been true, gods time is always. He sees the unknown, where we need to have faith in each other over all else.


>And behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea
>Insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves
>But he was asleep

>And his disciples came to him
>And awoke him saying, Lord ,save us. We perish

>And he saith unto them,
>Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?

>Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea
>And there was a great calm
~
>Blessed are your eyes,for they see
>And your ears, for they hear

He guides me home to us. He brings me comfort and promise of my moon , some way , some how, nothing has been lost. We still have all our promises with each other.

Its not restoration, it's remembrance.

My heart,
Sun

>>34630768
The wind whines. Nothing related to me, just a passing fart that has no place here with her and I.

My heart is weak from how you've treated me, but I sense you're going through something far worse. I was wrong to judge so quickly. I'll try my best not to do it again, and I'll continue supporting you whether you want me beside you or not. I believe in you.

Yes, it hurts a lot. It never stopped hurting.
I love you.
-sun

Don't give up, my heart.

>>34630845
Our heart
-mike

MISSED WORK BECAUSE STUPID CAR!!
I AM SO PISSED
I HATE MISSING WORK!!

>>34630732
I saw enough. Lost interest sorry

God is teaching me a lesson I know it. I've done this to so many people in my past and now the one person I cannot stand to be apart from is doing it to me. I get it, this is how everyone in my past felt. This is how they suffered.

I'll find you on her day.

Do i need to ask my therapist to try a different approach before I get a new one, or is it normal to switch therapists because I just don’t like this one?

>>34630894
Completely normal, dude.

Whether or not you choose to believe me is your choice. I couldn't have been more honest. Whatever the truth of what happened is, I forgive you and hope you can forgive me. Today pushed me past a lot and I needed to say what I said. I'll always hold love for you in my heart, no matter how much I try to kill it or make you hate me though it seems I succeeded. My life is good now and it'll get better. I wish the same for you. Don't chase ghosts of the past here, because that's all it is. I'm. Not. Here. Goodbye.

>>34630904
I hope this isn't for me, heart and key

Knowing that you were waiting for me to comeback is cute and makes.me regret my choice of initial words more. I can also see why now. Unfortunate you made a bad choice but there's always time to correct and I hope you figure that what that correct choice is, for your own happiness.

https://youtu.be/yzTuBuRdAyA

I'm at factory settings.

I don't want drama and I think it's a bad sign that you're anticipating it but I'm still going to give this a shot if you're willing

I need a whole new reboot.

Hey guys, I stepped away from the thread for a bit and now I'm confused because a lot of these posts could apply to me but they all conflict with one another. Could you guys help me out and let me know which posts are for me? Thanks.

>>34630939
Can you give me a hint?

File: lbtc3bjoc57h1.jpg (166 KB, 1080x1080)

166 KB JPG

Alright. I'm actually logging off this place for good. A year of waiting for you to say anything direct to then just repeat the same thing is long enough. Avoiding all the hard conversations is just going to keep putting you in the same spot, no matter how many times you start over. Over 10 years on this place. I need to move on fr and blocking it on all devices. Goodbye and goodluck nonnies. I want to say I hated my time here, but I've met some cool peeps and one that has ended up my best friend irl for 10 years now. It's not a total cesspit but mostly it is. I will defeat the meme, I'm leaving. Stay away from the blackpill trash, there's some cool stuff outside.

>>34629191
I love you sm <3

I...expected more. Clearer signs that you loved and wanted me, and wanted me to be ok. I can't tell if the signs you do show are just for self-preservation or genuine. I'll act as if it's the latter because it's better than sending you to hell, even if this is all a manipulation, I guess. Maybe that's my own self-preservation, though I don't think it is.

I started my essentially-state-mandated antidepressant today, already feeling that awful feeling in my throat, jaw, teeth, brain stem. Bitterly fucking angry about it, and at the person who made it necessary, unhelpful as that is. You're in your chains, but so am I.

ur lucky she even performed for u bastards

>>34631179
Why does it have to be love?

I lowkey wish I was back on antidepressants but I feel like I'm being dramatic and can handle this alone. I haven't cut in almost a week and it was never really serious, just some superficial shit. Also I feel how things are calming down slowly. Probably will be fine for months now. If I thought of asking for antidepressants again now I'd feel like a manipulative liar who pretends to be sick or unwell for attention so it's better to avoid it by now, I think. Such is life.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I feel it poisoning me my brain

She never posted here and this thread is just making me a bigger schizo than I was before. Goodbye everybody.

How could you let them do this to me

>>34631211
Swear on our rock for me

>>34631313
Are you implying that it's my job to take care of you?

>>34630904
Its demoralization larp to mislead. Ignore.

>>34631315
Well colton heard the special words and is now using them to harm, gL . Could be a ghost of his work framing as well. But whatever. Fuckin sick of it.

>driving for Uber eats today
>get to this guys house
>instructions say “leave inside porch”
>I go in porch and it’s pretty messy random crap on floor
>try to be nice and make space on this random table he has and place food
>I guess the food was heavy on one side and proceeds to fall off the table
>I could hear the styrofoam plates crunch a bit
>scramble to make the order look semi decent before guy opens door
>take a picture of delivery and get the fuck out

My bad bro. If you report my delivery I’m sorry. I hate leaving peoples food on floor. I know your burrito was fine, damn my bad if I fucked up your tacos.

>>34630298
Maybe one day. But I'm a urbanite. My birthgods are concrete and neon...

File: 1639701094578.png (214 KB, 403x355)

214 KB PNG

I made a new ed twitter account. I feel like I can finally relax. I feel like i can finally breathe. This is the only way i know how to live and i'm just going to accept now that this will kill me. I'd rather it kill me than be subjected to recovery.

I feel genuine peace. Do you understand? Recovery felt like I was constantly holding back a tsnuami all while everyone around me expected me to do a million other things. I can finally, finally just let go. I can just let go and let my disorder speak, walk and act for me. I can close my eyes and finally, finally stop trying. I would rather die with anorexia than live without it.

>>34630345
I'll never let it happen again unless it benefits me. Then I guess I'll try it again.

File: About Schmidt (2002).jpg (27 KB, 600x315)

27 KB JPG

I hate my life and everyone in it. But I've made peace with the immediate cessation of consciousness that comes with the decomposition of my body. If I ever get married, I will follow my childhood dream of being a serial adulterer and I will not apologize for it. If my wife wants me to go to marriage counseling, I will be uncooperative and vicious to the counselor and tell her that infidelity is a good thing and there is nothing wrong with it. I will continue to sleep with my mistress and if my wife wants to freak out and try to murder either me or my lover, I will break her bones to humble her. If my kids have a problem with my affairs, I will tell them that it was a mistake to conceive them and if they knew what was good for them, they will stay the hell out of my way before they end up like their mother. I'll start a new family without them. The living will continue to have their arguments but the dead will not participate.

>>34631384
We can make a city of Ice buildings and stuff. That way you won't feel awkward.
>>34631392
Good, glad you're here.

Your mother has been sent a formal request for the dogs return inplace of your refusal to communicate. All bases have been covered and I expect a response from someone by 6/23. Now, have a good day and once I get my dog back, a blessed life.
>stalking
If I was about to move on you legally, did you not think I'd get your location first to have someone serve you? That was really just a heads up that I knew and maybe you'd do the bare minimum of talking it out but you must have thought I was joking. Now we can have that difficult chat in court if he isn't returned. Be seeing you.

>>34631410
>Make a city of ice buildings
It would not be worth the effort. The spirit of a city is a little bit more. I love you.
>>34630198
I may be able to be your feminine side but I am male if that matters

I can't hear music when I turn the music off. This has never happened before. Troubling.

>>34631493
>It would not be worth the effort
Yeah, but I'd do it because it's you.
>The spirit of a city is a little bit more
At least you can't get robbed in the ice city.
>>34631493
>I may be able to be your feminine side
Being by my side is enough.

nobody interests me like you do

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

it's not over; i won't continue the same pattern

I should have asked for Gigi. Some small comfort for myself. I miss them. So much. This isn't right. Fuck. If I had just stayed where things were good.

Going to start doing a youtubers high high intensity workouts because he's hot

I'm about to hit the hay sounds like a euphemism for drug use, but that's what I'm about to go do. Later.

>>34631502
Weally <3

>>34631284
Are you sure?

>applied for a job that could be my future
>get a call for an interview
>do the interview
>told during the interview they require minimum 5 days a week even for part time starting positions
>told during the interview they only hire closing staff and you get moved up to earlier shifts based on seniority
>was working nights at another job, tell them i'm ready to fully commit here instead
>pass drug test
>told i'm offered the position
>told if i pass background check i'd be contacted soon for orientation details
>go home, submit background check, pass
>quit current job to absolutely secure required availability
>was desperately trying to get out anyway, company was becoming unbearable to be a part of
>four days go by
>get rejection email
I wasn't told "we'll consider you." I wasn't told "you're a candidate." I was told, "we'll schedule your orientation if you pass the background check." I was told, "we're offering you the position."
I understand this language doesn't set it in stone. But they still said one thing and did another. I am so fucking angry right now.
My confidence is not shot, but I'm very fucking angry.
Still job searching, and my living situation is VERY fortunate that I'm not in danger of going homeless any time soon, but this is a huge fucking hurdle in securing a future for myself.
Fuck the company I just left and fuck the company that rugpulled me like this.

>>34629161
I don't hate my mom, but she can be beyond exhausting at times, especially when she drinks, during which times she's especially adamant about talking about things I do not give a fuck for. My mind just goes elsewhere to preserve its energy and I pick up on nothing. At times I feel almost disgusted with myself because of her. I don't know how to describe it. I wonder if it's why I sometimes revile my flesh and want to escape what I am.

>>34631588
That's probably crazy talk though.

>>34631501
Please don't kys

>>34631653
I appreciate the concern. I'll try to avoid suicide as much as possible.

I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. Worthwhile goals feel impossible, like I should've figured this stuff out at a younger age

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYLYZqzk2zQ

I was about to make a truly terrible schizopost lol. Not good to entertain the terrible even for humorous or lyrical sake.

>>34631698
Say what you want to say.

File: 1763443135910994.jpg (155 KB, 848x565)

155 KB JPG

>>34631699
Long story short I was just going to entertain a thought that was silly and not good, not pleasing to God. I make a lot of negative posts, I probably shouldn't. I tend to do it when I'm depressed, but this time what I was going to say was probably blasphemous. Why put out, for others to see, a bad thought they might entertain themselves? Just not good at all, even if one might think it wasn't a big deal.

File: IMG_0210.jpg (63 KB, 736x777)

63 KB JPG

I did something retarded but i don't want to say because people will make fun of me and call me a retard

If it makes you feel nice, I'll -- admit I used to Love you...

>>34631820
Why'd you stop loving them?

>>34631825
Too much stuff happened in the times we were a thing. Can't remember it all, but if it wasn't the case, then I would say I love them no problem. Plus they fell in love with my ex-friend and had sex with him.

>>34631654
I would appreciate it. I think what you feel is beautiful. I've been feeling like that lately too. Something is in the air, I think.

Happy month of men eating other men’s cornholes you degenerate demons

>>34631835
The breath from your kiss is the only air I need anyway.

Having a bed where you can lay around rotting and stay depressed is so comfortable. And depressing

>>34631843
Nnnnggg fartin under my roommates door .. nnnggggghhpllshshsppllsllsh

File: 1550564700553.jpg (22 KB, 349x305)

22 KB JPG

>had a fight with gf
>fapped to amateur porn / cuck / shared wife, etc
>came bucket
I'm so afraid I'd become a cuck now

>>34631850
What was that for?

Goodnight. I’ll hold you again asap. I know it’s hard, my little one.

I'll be elsewhere, watching one of my shows. Later, s.

>>34631850
Daaayum

>>34631509
Why didn't you? I thought you were engaged

>>34631866
>The breath from your kiss is the only air I need anyway

Ex blocked me everywhere made a discord and dmd him a photo of my ass saying you could be fucking this like crazy but you’d rather chase e whores. I am so down bad

>>34631920
What does that have to do with your "roommate?"

>>34631907
Because everything about that was in fact not good

>>34631926
Youtube the video and watch the replay in slow motion. You will understand then

>>34631932
It sounds like you're throwing shots, I'm not watching that video.

>>34631929
Welp stay single for awhile. If I think it's you, you'll be okay

I'm sleepy, but my mind is a track star.

Its been a year and I miss them dearly. will it ever be like it was before probably not but one can wish

Try again in 300,000 years.

Okay how do I become a more attractive female to men?
I’m basically a man in a female body I have good hobbies

>>34631986
What hobbies?

Well here comes my quarterly emotional break down as once again a so called "social group" and "supportive, caring people" go dead silent the moment I'm not constantly organising meet ups or checking in on everyone, and I have no one but myself to blame for once again falling for those nice warm fuzzy feelings of the idea of companionship and a social group instead of, once again, understanding my proper place is as a resource to be used and discarded once it is no longer needed. I'm a fucking idiot and should stick to my paid and volunteer work instead of trying to be social on my own time, my only worth is in service to others and staying behind the strong wall of professional boundaries.

On the more positive side, I did get a new job that pays better and is closer to home. Been enjoying playing Absolum lately. The colder weather means I get to break out the nice thick blankets and batch make soups. There's plenty of good in life for me to enjoy, some people are just not meant to have friends or deeper companionship, I really should stop before I do something stupid to myself again.

>>34631986
Look into tomboy lover circles.

My only job skills are in fast food and no one is hiring. I have to compete just to get part-time in a drive-thru.
This is bullshit.
There are no jobs. They're all taken. Not because there aren't enough positions or businesses in the area, but because there are no OPEN positions - businesses are being forced to staff low and make workers cover multiple stations at once to keep labor low because we live in the post COVID world where corporations see how profitable it is to have 3-5 people working the dinner rush even when it leads to a massive flood of customer complaints, high waiting times, and high turnover.
Companies don't care about high turnover anymore. It's actually cheaper for them to keep the revolving door spinning so they dish out fewer yearly raises.

>>34631986
Stop trying to impress boomers all the damn time.

I can't come home for some time, even if you win.

Give people like us a chance.

Chemical trembling, nausea.

Fight the future.

Master, I need your help

The adrenaline of crisis abates and leaves me limp and grey. It was hope's life support, without it, there's just a resigned sort of despair. Feeling of surety that things can never be ok again, because of what was done, what was said, that have torn up each corner of our lives. Recovery, healing, getting "over it," less achievable than moving a mountain.

I'm sorry. I can't endure. I'm propped up by that base instinct of survival alone.

Why did I let this mess me up, broke up with me because I couldnt provide without a job, i got the dream job start soon after that we were both anticipating for years but too late for you as got tired of waiting I gueas. said I abandoned you for the months after because I needed to be alone and focus on that career start, but you kept pressing me to play video games and go on trips together, like you didnt crush my heart - those activities are for loved ones. You only complained about your job and the things you didnt have yet so I needed to go away to focus on the only remaining positive in my life which was work. It has made me guilty for distancing myself from the problem a whole year after. Do I care too deeply for someone who is just going to hurt me again and again, and likely hates my guts because I didn't fall for their false affection? All I did was comply to their wants the entire time.

>>34632064
What is it, Grasshopper?

>>34632348
I am becoming changed due to the actions of a woman, in a way I don’t like. What is my fate at the end of this road if I was to walk it?

I'll never admit this anywhere else, she's a stupid clown and news of her rising popularity is worrying, but in case this is the last chance I ever have to say it:
I really fucking like Pauline Hanson's voice. I don't know what it is, but I'd listen to that crazy bitch read the phonebook. If she started a youtube ASMR channel and just talked about chill shit instead of idpol nonsense, I'd be one happy camper.

>>34631400
Based

Fucking hell valium

>>34632523
Wish i had some

>>34631881
Okay, enjoy it. I've been watching a lot of cartoons recently. I just watched the same episode on repeat for an entire day.

>>34632003
When interest rates are lowered the economy with make room for decadence again.

How can I stop being distracted at work when the best and most enticing ass is right in front of me 7 hours a day

>>34632664
Something about pressing your butt cheeks together if you get a chub/boner. Also reminder that bigger butts means women's poop gets stuck in the butt cheeks(tmi I know, still at least youll be less distracted)

i know you'd never be on this site more or less these threads K

though, just to larp. i love you K, just know i'd do about anything for you.

I really dont want to think that ADHD.
Like I know that I really cant focus or organize for the life of me, but I just think that I wasn't just taught to be organized in life.
Likewise, I feel like being very inconsistent with anything I do or say is also a direct cause from not getting taught that.
I dont feel like its that extreme to be needed medications to fix. It feels like cheating to be on par with a normal person only with the use of drugs.
At the same time, it feels like every time I try to rectify my own ADHD habits by adding structure on myself will almost always fall through.

>>34630153
Obviously this isn't anything that you can generalize to all women but on average the baseline anxiety of women seems to be much higher because I've had demons sometimes and a lot of "normal" women remind me of my anxious self but on steroids. Apparently for women it's normal to have a voice in their head that just doesn't shut up. I've legit had my sister ask me how I can just sit on a chair and think about nothing. Like what do you mean. I hate thinking, it hurts my head.

>>34632383
Your ability to change makes you unreliable.

I dont get why my mom thinks that im able to get with someone when she's never gotten with anyone, turning to sperm donors instead.
Why would I ever know how love works or how to spit game at women and shit?

I hate complements.
Why is it that I have to tell somebody how well they are / they have when you already know how well it anyways?
Alternatively why would a person want to feel good about a half handed complements when they know that it is dogshit?
Like all I feel is the reason to say complements is to say to push them into liking you more or fucking someone

>>34633008
Interesting. Thank you

One day I will hang myself when it all becomes to unbearable.

File: higuruma-hiromi.gif (484 KB, 165x165)

484 KB GIF

>ftm friend of my wife who I've fucked before because she doesn't pass at all
>the most fantastic set of tits you've ever seen, cute as a button
>started taking hormones for voice and it just sounds like she has laryngitis now
>broke up with us like 4 years ago because wife doesn't give our cats raw food
>she's coming around again. says her IUD is set to expire so she's just going to opt for permanent sterilization
>Was getting the feeling in the back of my head like she wanted to have sex with me again.
I think Elon Musk is half right. I think it's more of a social virus than a mind one. It perpetuates because the alternative is telling people who've thrown themselves religiously into your corner that they're fucking wrong too. Just like my wife telling herself OH THIS IS NORMAL. MONOGAMY IN THIS ECONOMY?!
The crazy thing is that my wife has expressed being insecure around the ftm friend because they're thinner.
What the fuck does that matter when they're actively at war with every good thing about their physical body? This is my biggest gripe with just the world as a whole. Everyone talks like the body is some sort of cage that traps the big and beautiful majesty of the mind. What I personally see, though is tormented bodies, piloted by brains which have these alien and deranged structures of thought latched onto them, like a vile, alien parasite.
We try to escape from our bodies, from life itself, and it's not fair to the bodies.

The sex was so good I let him stay with me two nights in a row. I am absolutely a slut for blond men . Even fed him no regrets the dick was that good.

>>34633213
Don't do it

>>34633213
Real

Finding out that you were finally dumped or now single honestly brought me closer to closure. The fact that you pit your boyfriend against me and got into his head about me still "liking" you when in reality I friendzoned you and you couldn't move on from the fact that I cut off our dates because I knew how problematic you were is proof that I did the right thing. You kept projecting your feelings on me and couldn't let go, and you were angry at the fact that you've never met a dude who actually is emotionally stable and behaves like an adult and couldn't warp me into whatever weird shit you wanted to put me in. And when I realized keeping you as a friend was just as pointless as being in a relationship with you because of the constant weird crap you'd rope me in, I cut you off. And then you decided to make lies on my name.

Now, I don't like the guy either, but the fact that you two split up is for the better. For him, because there was no true love on your end. You wanted to use him as a body to warm you up and use as a tool to make the other guy jealous and for you because your bf was a tard who would cry and throw genuine temper tantrums out in public events and spaces. Even more embarrassing on your end to be posting shit about romance and "true love" when you're a serial cheater and relationship hopper.

People see who you are now. Here's hoping you genuinely learn to reflect and grow as a person from these events that have transpired for the last 2-3 years. But knowing you, I expect you to be with someone right now or run to your little echochamber to validate your garbage excuses

>>34633316
You sound like you're projecting anon real hard.

Word?

>>34633328
over

>>34633332
You right.

>>34633325
nah, just a bunch of shit i've held in for the longest. I never truly had an outlet to let what was in my chest. if there's one thing i do wish I could have confronted her after i cut her off, it was her going out of her way to harass an ex of mine, who she had never met, about our relationship because she was upset that i picked my ex over her. she doesn't know that i am aware of her attempt to sabotage a recovering relationship at that time

>>34633341
Why don't you just send her this in a message.

>>34633328
Bird

>>34633351
If she winds up messaging me, I will. I already caught her snooping my social media since the break up happened and she has a habit of running back to exes or flings she had when she needs company.

On the other hand, being falsely accused of harassment when I didn't do anything beyond not talk to her at work and pass by her department on my way to the break room next door to her would probably give her fuel to play the victim card and make up some crap about me again.

>>34633361
Can't you just get a restraining order for her.

File: why-didn't-i-think-of-tha(...).gif (270 KB, 220x149)

270 KB GIF

>>34633385
...holy fuck you're right?

>>34633387
Nice sarcasm

>>34633413
no, i wasn't being sarcastic i swear on my life kek. The thought never occurred to me to do that

I can’t be a career woman. I can’t be a house wife. I can’t be a whore. I just need to lose 20 lbs and die of a heart attack in my sleep.

>>34633443
What do you actually like to do if not making money creating a home or sex

I just want a man to come to my house and kill me. It’s not sexual at all. I hate being hit or choked during sex. I don’t like BDSM. I just want a man to come to my house and put me out of my misery

>>34633454
Drinking and dying

t.
>>34633416
>>34633456

>>34633461
*
>>34633454

>>34633461
*Fuck I can’t even tag properly
>>34633443

What type of games are bein' played, how's it goin' down?

Colton is larping as me again using my signature -sun to manipulate and lie to maria
I hate that I need to use my trip again.
Only posts from this trip is me.

Below are all the Colton larp posts I found
>>84843362 #
>>84847533 #
>>84847627 #

>>34633461
I know how that feels that was me 6 months ago. I don't know what's wrong but I hope you find a way to fix it

>>34633461
Will you be my gf

>>34633475
I really despise you Mike, you're honestly a piece of shit, and nobody wants to hear your stupid explanations that just sound like a larp. I honestly don't believe you to be a real human just a caricature of some stupid concept you have in your head. And no I'm not Colton I'm just a bystander that is fed up with your shit. If you truly are a real person get the fuck off the internet you miserable faggot.

Sounds like you'll be free before me.

>>34633485
Did you call?

>>34633479
Location?

>>34633483
Nah, I disregard what you say to manipulate perception and mischaracterize me

[PLAY]
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=lMR7Q8CiJQg&si=dRM-92GVA_TFbrxD [Embed]

Colton
Your weasily conniving larp lies, deceptions, manipulations harmed Maria and I

Thank God for karma

So basically this lil Texas,

No more cut and paste
You (the wind) is hushed
Your music died
No sign of relief
This wave of distance between your syntax error
This is forever
You can't get the best of us now
Go ahead and strum that broken harp
Get struck by the cords from our hearts

This is forever.

You dig your own grave because there is no longer the ability to put on another mask.

It didn't escape my notice the lack of I love you, rather it was everything but, so I'm not expecting anything pleasant in terms of outcome, and the best I can hope for is you not attempting to destroy me as you've expressed in the past.

>>34633443
>>34633456
Just go hiking and camping. Ditch the pointless rat race, ditch the soul-crushing concrete jungles and suburbs, and experience real life.