I'm about to turn 31 and I've never been in a relationship, due to a history of extremely low self esteem, being very overweight, a general lack of effort on my part because of that, and other similar reasons.I'm not an incel, it's not women's fault I'm so sad. I know it's mine. But I don't know if I can turn this around at this point, and I'm very, very afraid of ending up alone while I sit by and watch my friends' lives progress and flourish. I have good friends, including, at least, some friendly acquaintances with other girls/ my friends' wives. I have an ok job and a house. I'm introverted and shy, but not a shut in. I've been losing a ton of weight this past year (a little over 100 pounds) and am hitting the gym. Is it too late for me to have a relationship? Is my lack of dating skill going to prevent me from finding anyone who might like me? I feel like any woman that hears I've never been in a relationship will just run for the hills. I feel like I'm drowning, and I've been trying to push away suicidal thoughts but it's working less and less. I just want to stop being so sad and afraid, anons. Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to get this out because I'm struggling really bad right now.
>>34654859a small % of women may not care but you certainly won't have many options. any woman who shows interest in you is most likely settling hard and you will have to settle for her cause by 31, all the good ones are off the market. unless you go younger but good luck attracting an early-mid 20's woman as an introverted, shy autist with no dating experience.whatever you do, don't ever tell them you're a virgin and that you've never been in a relationship. that'll kill your already small chances. you still have a chance of making it, but the odds are not in your favour. your best bet is trying to meet someone in person. dating apps won't do someone like you any good. try to get one of your friends to introduce you to a woman.
>>34654859Without realizing it, you spent much of your life broadcasting vibes of "I'm not worth your attention" around women. Now decide that you are.
>>34654859
>>34654926Im going to go talk to a therapist or something to address my self esteem issues, I think. I want to do my best to turn this around, man. I've talked to a couple girls a few years ago who were interested, but it didn't go anywhere. I've got to get out there however I can, I'm just afraid that I've truly fucked myself. Thank you for the advice>>34654916I'm very afraid that you're right and most of my chances are gone. I don't want to believe it but I'm afraid of it being true. I'm not a virgin, and i don't think I'm an autist, I just don't have the dating history/experience most others have by my age. I'm sure there's still decent women to date by my age, I just get so worried I won't be good enough for anyone.
>>34654937What do you mean by this :(
>>34654859I'm going through the same at 33 years old, also former fat teenager/young adult. I just reached the best shape of my life and want to get back to dating too.Late 2024 I dated a 25yo chubby nurse, and I was still fat myself but I had already lost some weight. Lost my virginity to her, and even though I didn't tell her that specifically, I did tell her that I was never in a serious relationship before. She didn't seem to care and just moved on to talk about her previous boyfriend, like we were just sharing things about our past.Anyway, we kept dating. She was planning on moving to another city for med school next year before meeting me, then told me she was reconsidering the move because she met me. I told her she should go. Later she brought up the idea of a LDR and I told her I'm against it in principle but I'd think about it.Then I ended up breaking up with her because of that, plus she was kind of a drunk (going out to drink w/ her friends way too frequently), plus her gay friends were annoying as hell.I guess I told you this personal story to show you that your lack of experience is least of your worries. The real challenge is finding a decent woman.
>>34654967Thanks for the encouragement, man, I really appreciate it. I hope you find someone you really connect with, too, man. You seem to already be on a good start. If you could get one girl to fall for you, im sure you can find another. I hope im the same way, despite all of my fears.
Stop being fat. Fatty. Stop it.
>>34655011I'm trying to, as best I can.Started around 385, down to 270 now, in about a year. Im going to get down to about 210-220.
>>34655021How tall are you? If average height you're still very fat. I'd wait until at least below 200 to start dating bro. At 270 you'll only be able to pull hambeasts.
>>34654859>Is it too late for me to have a relationship?Yes.
>>34655034Im 6'2" and sort of broad shouldered
>>34655048Why do you say that?
>>34655034>>34655080This was me about a month ago
>>34655123Well man, I'll say your success will depend on your standards. Looking like that a woman at your level will also be fat. If you're fine with that you won't have trouble finding someone.
>>34655381I don't mind chubby girls. In fact i like just a little extra on a girl, although I know I've got more than just a little myself. I'm working hard at losing the rest of that weight, though. Then I'll probably have to get some skin removed or something. I should look much better then
>>34655408I know exactly what you mean, but most guys go for "chubby" girls, even fit guys, and there you can't compete. When I said fat I meant FAT.
>>34655426Well hopefully I'll get the rest off soon. I've got any 60 to 70 left to go. That should take me 6 months or less if I really stay on it like i have been
>>34654859Just gonna say this to you, hope it's useful.Life won't get easier.Life breaks a lot of people, everyone is seeking comfort in people who are genuinely happy, and specially boundlessYou have a lot of shit on your plate. Nobody cares about what's on your plate, so you gotta choose if you throw it away, or if the plate's the road to being genuinely happy.How to become happy is your real problem, your firstmost priority. Having good habits is the starting line, actually going out and finding what you like about living is what being happy is about, and that journey has costs, tradeoffs, difficult navigation, obstacles, points of no return and so on.Focus on stepping away from the starting line.
>>34655573Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the honesty. I'm trying my best to get my head in a better place. I'm going to see a therapist next week, and hopefully they can help me sort out what's going on in my head. I know nobody is coming to save me. It's one of the reasons I'm so afraid and depressed about this.
