be me22 years oldmy mother died when I was a kid, so it’s always just been me and my fatherhe raised me completely on his own since I was little, just the two of us against everythingnow he’s getting old and his health is getting worseI’ve been watching him become weakerI know he’s probably not going to be here foreverand honestly I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to deal with itI was always spoiled by my father, he always lives in the middle class, I never needed to have friends or a job when he was around, and he was the funniest and most entertaining guy I ever lived with and I feel like I will never have anyone like him again who treated me so well, I feel like this life has no more meaning without my father and motherAnd for those who have already lost a parent, how did you deal with it afterward? How did you accept that you would never get to hug them again, talk to them, or go out and do things together? How did you come to terms with the fact that those ordinary moments were gone forever?
>>34842986You never come to terms with it, you just get numb to it for longer periods of time. Just spend as much time with him as you can and ask him to tell you stories he's never told you before.
>>34842986So I haven't lost my parents yet, but I have watched every single one of my grandparents wither away and die. Loss is loss. No getting around it.Truthfully, you don't come to terms with losing them. I wish so much that I could have one day with my grandparents, especially now. I catch myself thinking about my uncle, who I lost in 2021 to brain cancer and covid, and about how much he like Lord of the Rings or how he took me to see Attack of the Clones as a kid. I miss them. And it still hurts having lost them. I mean this sincerely and honestly, the only way you deal with losing someone you truly care about is time. The pain never fully goes away. But it does hurt less. And besides, they wouldn't want you to dwell on that pain forever.
>mourning earlyrookie mistakemake the most of it while you can>how do you deal with it afterwardscried like a bitch at the funeralafter that it's just a hole in your soul, shrinks over time but you can always pick at it and feel sorrow
>>34842986Spend as much time as you can with him.Give him what he needs, if he wants to be by himself let him, but be lightly pressing as in letting him know you are near.Talk to him, smooth out things you didnt have smooth, tell him all you wanna tell him - if you love him, tell him that. If you are proud of him, tell him.Dont force him to talk all the time but let him know how you feel.And if possible, dont burden him with your own fears and insecurities about "what will happen when he is gone".You have to be strong so he can have confidence you will do alright. Because you can, you know.Its sadly part of life.Someone asked a BUddhist monk what is the best blessing? He said: Grandpa dies, father dies, son dies, grandkid dies.Asker was shocked - what kind of idea is that??Monk said: Its natural that nobody has to witness their children dying, this ensures the normal order and is greatest blessing of all.Be strong, talk to friends if you can confide in some. Take mourning seriously. Cry. Light a candle. Do rituals to remember, have his pictures. Look at them. You can still talk with him with his picture. You can still feel what he would say. Its not like you cannot talk to him.Its important. Take it day by day.
>>34842986Similar situation, grew up with my father, lost him when I was 26. Now 31. I never came to terms with it. I'll probably still miss him if I get to 100. But life goes on... Try to be as good as your father was to someone else.
My parents still live, but if they die I think I wont be around either for much longer. It would crush me. I would feel lost in this life without them. The hardest part is that no one comes even close to understanding me like they do, not even if I were in a relationship with someone.
Have courage and say everything you want to say to him, and ask him if there is anything he wants to say to you. If you leave things unsaid, they could haunt you forever.
>>34842986Might be morbid and difficult but I'd talk to him about what he wants medically should something happen to him, how much life support would he want. If his heart stops, would he need CPR? CPR could lead to broken ribs and depending on how long someone's heart is out for they could come back with severe mental damage. My father came back from CPR basically a vegetable and we ended up prolonging that state needlessly in my opinion. Had him on a ventilator, they gave him a tracheostomy to keep the vent long term and we kept him like that a year and a half before finally just turning it off and letting him go. We didn't know his actual wishes in such a circumstance which just made things harder. Good luck to you and your dad anon
Only advice I can give you is to not take any advice on this to heart. Everyone deals with this sort of thing differently. Some feel relieved, some are numb, some cry, some feel nothing, some are just at peace.
>>34842986I'm in the opposite boat - father has cancer and Alzheimer's. Doctor said 1-5 years. So we have to wait through those years of agony before we can move on.
My dad died when I was 24. He was very ill for some time. The best things you can do based on my experience:>Spend as much time as you can with him>Do interviews about his life and record them for the future>Ask him for advice about things and learn to familiarize yourself with him enough to know what he would say to you in any situation>Make sure he makes his wishes known such as where to bury him>Inoculate yourself from despair and loneliness by having a support network in place for when it happens>Make sure you do nothing that he would be ashamed of and if you did, get your act together so he can die proud of you>Accept the inevitable but do not rush toward it. You know he's dying. But right now he's living. >Make more memories. I remember lots of moments with my father as it drew near>Protect yourself from scavengers and friends>Be close by when he is ready to pass onIf you're like me, you'll be together in dreams sometimes. This is really fun. But most importantly, don't be like me and let your life get all kinds of messed up because of how poorly you cope with stress.It's been 9 years since my dad died. I don't sit in great grief about anything other than the fact I'm not a yet big success like he believed I would be and that I made horrible choices in the time he was dying that I still carry with me, including not being by his side when he died.I'm glad he didn't have to live through COVID in his condition. Better he died before that. Religion helps me too.
>>34842986When he dies you'll need to call your doctor and get a death certificate. The police/ambulance may or may not show up depending on if the death was unexpected or expected. An ambulance will also probably show up to take custody of the body. You will have to call a funeral home to arrange transference of your father's body into their care. You'll also need copies of the death certificate for them. The funeral home will keep the body until the service date. That's the realtively simple part. The difficult aspect is handling your dad's affairs. His estate and his property, his outstanding finances will need to be distributed according to a will. If there is no will, you will legally take ownership of them and it'll be a lot of filing and registering and closing bank accounts, getting deeds moved to your name and then you'll need to contact the tax office in your area to provide them with a valuation of your father's estate. This part is easier done with a lawyer (who will take a sizable fee). Then arranging the funeral date for about a week or two after his death. This means you'll need to contact family, friends, a venue for the funeral, make arrangements, maybe a location for the wake, if not your home. It's an incredibly bureaucratic process, and it's the last thing you wanna be doing when you're in your grief. I'm sorry to hear your father is reaching the end. Show him while you can that you'll be able to handle his affairs and it'll grant him a little peace of mind. You can talk to a lawyer about the will and contact a funeral home this side of the death, and they'll be aware of your situation and more ready for you when it happens. As for the aftermath, you just do your best, just like they've always wanted you to. Make them proud, and be the kind of son they know you can be. I'm sorry brother. You're so young. But you can do this. I know what it's like having someone taken from you when you're not ready to lose them.
Hello OP! I am ACanon, the CIA-student healer psychic. My usual thread is in >>>/x/42845773 but I was referred hereYour father is an old man, and beyond a point you have to let a situation proceed, but up until that it's amazing what miracles can work. I have done some work already to better his health (and yours alone) so that you should not face difficult questions sooner rather than later.If you want to discuss specifics let me know - because I'm here, you've posted in the correct forum already.
>>34842986You become your dad or something even better
