when i was 12 i tried to kill myself multiple times because i was being bullied at school. didnt help that i was an ugly fat girl wiht buck teeth. i used to read romance novels and promised myself id find love someday.well im nearlt 17 now and the closest ive gotten to love is absolutely nowhere. i get replaced in friend groups, no one cares to know me, i only get used for homework help because people assume im smart.i guess im sad today because this girl i used to be friends with bought her friend a soda because she was crying. when i was crying and skipped school because i couldnt handle the anxiety of going to school and knowing i was the ugliest one there (i learned to do my makeup so hopefully its just my insecurity talking and not me actually being ugly) my other firneds would call me weak af. the girl who bought her friend the soda just used me to become friends with my really pretty and smart friend and they iced me out. in an effort to get them to care about me again id send nudes to older men so theyd be concerned but they didnt care and were just disgusted by me, and fair, i would be too. i dont have friends who would do a nice thing for me because they care about me. they get annoyed by me. i cant tell them i want to kill myself again because my life is falling apart. they dont wanna listen to that. meanwhile im sitting here as one of my friends acts emotionally unavailable to her situationship and constantly nags me for help. when i had a crush, she was annoyed.that's all i am. im just annoying. i hate eating now but i have to or i risk worse things for my health. i just wanna be loved by somebody but i am reading Kreutzer's Sonata, where the husband kills his wife because he hates her. if even my friends hate me,romance isnt in the question for me. if romance IS in the questiomn somehow, it'll be a man who realizes im easy bait because no one's ever loved me so ill accept anything as love.good people love people who are easy to love.
Tldr >>34955371
