Horse GeneralIf you do not horse ITT your mother will die in her sleep tonight editionThread that didn't listen >>5108419
Just passing through, enjoy your horses
>>5119481>Thread that didn't listenAnon that thread was already over its limit. Literally nothing could have helped at that point.
>>5119576They turned him into a HORSE
Bet you cant guess what animal this is.
>>5119662IT'S PIKACHU
old man doto makes an overly excited neigh sound upon seeing a woman visit himhttps://x.com/yuzukosyo883/status/2048380822223479055
>>5119481I have horsed, please don't hurt my mommy.
I'm horsing to the maxI clean stalls until I lose my sense of identity.I wash my clothes in pure undiluted lavender oil.I'm drinking 7 liters of vinegar each day so I can disinfect their scurf with nothing but my own sweaty hands.I don't use fly spray. I kill every fly myself.Each day, I spend 2 hours in the pasture allogrooming with the horses. I stopped showering and now I use the extra time to contemplate the nature of horsekind.Every muck bucket is sent on a private jet to a lab in Shenzen to be analyzed for health issues.I've memorized every molecular compound horses are made of so I can synthesize their supplements myself.I have to re-geld my stallions every few years because they keep growing back.To automate countless hours of labor, I've trained them to kiss each other's noses.I forgot how to pronounce human words, so I can only communicate to the owners by writing on the wall.I WILL overhead press a horse if they don't lift their hoof within 4 seconds.If I did anything less I could not call myself a groom, and I would allow the countless concussions I've sustained over the past two days to take me to the next life.
Me if I got reincarnated
>>5120063that's what I keep saying. it's better to horse with purpose than to just horse around.
What's the best way to repent for having impure thoughts about horses?
>>5120403Sorry nonny, it’s over if you’ve [spoiler] wanted to hold horse hooves [/spoiler]
One of my customers had two horses at her ranch. I miss petting them and stuff. They were really nice. I'd let them out in the big pasture to graze sometimes. I named them Cloppy and Mittens. Idk what their real names were. Don't care.
Horses are cute and funny
>>5120493It's always nice when you see two bonded horses that share hay and/or snooze spots.
>>5120493That's my lock screen on my horse research computer
more and more airports are scanning hard drives for horse pictures
>>5120520Which ones? And what's the sentence for possession of oriental horse comics? Asking for a friend.
>>5120661I'm going to Japan soon on business and wanted some physical copies for my Big Safe of Horse Artifacts but the risk of getting stopped at the border and having to explain them is too high.
Does that weird little horse dance they do sometimes where they go in diagonals have a name?
Is neigher still acceptable lingo or is neigha preferred?
>>5121118I can think of at least three things that could be described that way
your ancestors
>>5121188how did the queen not die?
>>5121188>pagan indo europeans with religion: fucks a horse>christian indo europeans with religion: 2000 years of the worlds most bloody and pointless wars>native americans with religion: fucks a dog>east asians with religion: draws tentacle porn>turks with religion: fucks a boy>andient canaanites/hebrews with religion: throws a newborn into fires until they themselves admit their god destroyed their entire nation as punishment>modern canaanites/hebrews with religion: actively committing a genocide>arabs with religion: kills 300 million people and plunges most of the middle east and africa into a 2000 year dark age after islam drives the remaining intelligent people to europe>mesoamericans with religion: cannibal empires built on mountains of skullsReligion is pretty bad yeah but some people clearly did worse things with it than othersI dont think you can believe in something that isnt real and still function in reality as a rational actor with correct morality.
>>5121188The only source for irish horse fucking is a norman spy - giraldus cambrensis. The irish themselves never documented it. Not even a doodle. Its likely he copied and pasted indian culture like americans portrayed irish as africans to make them seem more savage. You are literally citing propaganda as history. Its not undeniable like human sacrifices in carthage. It’s literally made up to justify military action. >Ireland will have nuclear horses in two more weeks - giraldus cambrensis
>>5121219> The only source for irish horse fucking is a norman spy - [12th century Norman priest]. >The irish themselves never documented it... Its likely he copied and pasted indian cultureSo your competing theory for this being an Irish pre-Christian kingship ritual is that it’s sasenach propaganda and that the medieval Normans were familiar enough with a Vedic Hindu ritual to file off the serial numbers and use it to lie about the Irish? LMAONever mind that similar rituals are evidenced from intermediary IE cultures from Siberia to Spain, and it’s only that the Vedic and Irish versions survived beyond the classical era that make them notable, your alternative theory is bug nuts.
There is no ancient horsefucking conspiracy that's spanned across several millennia. There has never been a single recorded instance of a horse and a human engaging in sexual acts, and definitely not one involving high level government officials. In fact, horses don't even exist. Now if you could please look at this funny glowing red dot...
>>5121253>>5121253>the normans, with access to residual literature and spoken legends from med empires, would NEVER lie>you know what makes this truth? a 1000 year old account from another continent. >because somehow these hindi browns are the real europeansChristians lied about all of norse paganism. Most of what we have was made up by monks. Christians in the modern era even made up a lie about inuits fucking their dogs and it has never been corroborated by the inuits themselves - and dogs are biologically unfuckable. They die a month later from pyometra. So it’s really doubtful they would kill their working animals. Christians cant even tell the truth about their own religion and make up entire rules that aren’t even mentioned in the bible but can be deduced by analyzing word choices in distant parts of specific translationsChristians do in fact lie to justify what else they do (kill, steal, rape, convert) and they are liars by habit. It is extremely doubtful and most likely false that the irish kings engaged in ritual horse fucking. No primary source = ye olde propaganda.
>>5121268wtf I hate irish pagans now? if what you're saying is true, at least christians seem to have healthy fantasies
>>5121213Atheist commies and atheist french revolutionaries did all that with less time
>>5119481Kill yourself
>>5121268Thinking > No primary source = ye olde propaganda.Isn’t unreasonable.Thinking Giraldus Cambrensis knew what the Vedic Hindus were up to in 1190 AD and that he then used that knowledge to slander the Irish is insane.The Irish Kingship Ritual may be propaganda, but it wouldn’t be surprising if it wasn’t, because we know that earlier related cultures had been doing similar things for thousands of years. And there’s no evidence at all that Snorri Sturluson was a Christian with an axe to grind instead of someone recording the Poetic Edda as faithfully as it was possible for him to do. What it is important to remember is that the Skaldic Eddas were only a portion of Norse myth and that non-skalds would have approached the mythology and sacreds of Nordic paganism from a different angle. Skald was a position in a King’s Court, the worship and mythology of the smallfolk would have a different point of view than such a men of such high status and highly educated positions. As many dedications are found to gods with single line mentions in the Prose Edda as are found to the majority of gods who are common characters in the tales that have survived.
>>5121180The line is their whole body and they go from one to the other.
>>5119481*snorts you*
>>5121316hmm, do they go straight while switching between those or do they actually move diagonally and switch at the left and right edge of the movement?
>>5121318I wonder if a human has ever been killed because they got mistaken for grass
>>5121213>>arabs with religion: kills 300 millionPajet.....
>>5121268schizo reddit atheist post
>>5121424As if random chance could create the HORSE in an infinite void of eternities.
good hello horsegen, it has been a whileI have AQUIRED a new mare!!! Meet Gracie!!!
>>5121807looks like a very sweet girl
>>5121807>>5121812facts. but the most important trait of a horse can't be captured visually so you must tell us: how boopable is her nose?
>>5121807She's a fine horse, anon
Has anyone answered the question of why horses are so nice?
>>5121837They know their time on earth is too short to spend any of it in anger. We have so much to learn from horses.
>>5121807She looks soft
>>5121213Tentacle porn became popular in Japan because america imposed the anti-porn laws after ww2.>>5121219Anon they were pagans. Yes they were fucking horses then making him bathe in the soup and eat it. That's just what pagans do. >>5121263This.
Average horse groper
>>5121926>america imposed the anti-porn lawsMan, that is so backwards. Japan is an incredibly conservative country, they imposed their own porn laws.
>>5121928>not wearing his flowing flapping cloak>didn't blow the air horn to announce he was about to grab the horseFucking amateur.
>>5121928He's lucky the horse didn't obliterate him into his constituent atoms like what happened to this poor soul
>>5121928>>5121999>>5122009They're all dressed and equipped sort of similar. Is this a type of guy?
>>5121807B-big...
Why are they so big?
>>5122012That's one ugly horse. Remove it from the gene pool.
>>5122067for you
>>5122067They only grow big if someone believes in them. This little horse tries so hard but nobody believed. Maybe you could be the one?
>>5121819Extremely
>>5122126This is objectively the best angle you can photograph a horse. Literally any other opinion is factual WRONG.
>>5121945>imposedyou’re so kiked you don’t even know it
>>5122067They gotta be big to carry our sins.
>>5122140>They have to get 1% bigger every time you kiss them on the nose
>Liiliputians represent petty human conflict while houyhnhms represent the ideal rational existencehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houyhnhnmhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houyhnhnm
>>5122164>ideal humanity is horse
>>5122164So that is where being called a yahoo comes from. Based gulliver, rejecting humans and embracing horsekind instead.
>>5122179Whoops that's what I get for listening to google AI. Yahoo was contrasted with the horses, not the other thing.Naming a company Yahoo is like the restaurant Fugazzis (it means idiot in Italian or something)
I wonder why horses have been consistently seen as beautiful throughout history. I'm not saying they AREN'T, but considering their weird long faces and objectively freaks of nature body structure we realistically shouldn't. Is it literally just the fact that they are fine-limbed and have long flowy manes/tails?
>>5122199I'd say some of it is that we like round features. Cows, as an example, i find a million times less appealing and one reason is them just being square shaped.
>>5122199Horse magic.Basically they're not THAT noteworthy but they SUCCESSFULLY use their magic on us that tricks us into believing they're the absolute best (which they are)
>>5122199Probably because they have a lot of the same features people find appealing to the eye, but more of it. >long hair, muscular, graceful running, fun personalities, nice shiny short fur.
>>5122067The bigger a horse is the closer they are to the blessed form of the megamare, blessed be her mane
>>5122136t. retard
>>5122199There are things that signal genetic health more or less universally and are thus innately beautiful, like symmetry. Horses have an abundance of these signals, partly due to dual mate selection pressure (both males and, to a lesser extent, females get some say in who they mate with, and they prefer the healthier looking mates, and their eyesight lets them see these details keenly) and partly due to human breeding further bringing these traits out.
I've started going to church, using my time in solemn prayer to argue with God that he fucked up when I wasn't born a horse. There's nothing that can be done about it now, but I'm not letting that grumpy fuck forget it.
>>5122359Humans also bred wolves into pugs, I don't trust humans. Equines know what they are doing.
>>5122126giwtwmpov
>>5122366There's a difference between breeding for better traits vs having a defective rat utopia brain. Childless women using ugly abominations to miswire their own vulnerability/cuteness brain circuitry is the opposite of breeding for functionality and aesthetics (other than humans breeding horses to have weaker legs.)
>>5119481neigh
>>5122607Who's the lucky guy?
>>5122359>and their eyesight lets them see these details keenlyisn't their visual acuity pretty shite? I think it's more likely that there is a holistic aesthetic that transcends senses, i.e. that which looks beautiful also smells, feels, and sounds beautiful if you have the appropriate organs to detect it.
>>5122660Horgans
>>5122284that's a big mare
>>5122009>me when i see the mussy
>>5122661what the fuck is going there
>>5122813filming person almost got their minerals extracted
>>5122813Horsin around
>horse-sitting for a few days>dad asks where I'm gonna sleep>dad asks if humans can catch any diseases from horsesI don't blame him but i'm never talking to him again
>>5122849Don't let him in on horse spores
>>5122813Five Nights At Flehmen's gameplay
>>5122849>keep the barn door open
>>5122980
>>5122660>isn't their visual acuity pretty shite?It's either great or terrible, depending on what part of their field of vision your'e talking about and what you actually mean by acuity.
>>5123256how sharp/blurry you see things. the way I learned it was that humans are pretty top tier for that while e.g. prey species specialize in field of view and detecting motion, but don't need to see what exactly they're running away from.but it's been a long time so it might be outdated and/or I remember it wrong
>>5123271They made horse vision glasses you can try out. It's very green.
>>5123313when will they make horse vision glasses where I see everything as horses
what horse media do you dudes consume
>>5123333I guess answering "real life" is cheating. that aside, like 8-9 years ago there must have been a fad of making horse montages. I missed it at the time and it's neither the kind of music I usually listen to, nor the kind of horse I usually enjoy, but during corona I fell down that rabbit hole and I still revisit stuff like vidrel whenever I get reminded of ithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEmp9gUH1jshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLjcxIOYWxshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCmritzlbWQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3824DvCOr4E
Is there a secret society of horse people trying to further the horse agenda? Like making horses a regular guy thing again?
>>5123414Yeah, it's called /mlp/.
>>5123414Horses are a regular guy thing in certain parts of the world. All you need is a horse that can take you there.
>>5123414why do you think they caused a gas crisis?
Opinions on massive mares?
>>5121118is that a salt block?
>HOLY SHIT STANDING IS AWESOME>LOOK MOM I CAN STAND
>>5123602the perfect lifeform
>>5123642Yes, they taste like minerals.
>>5123729me in the middle
>>5123602Massive muscly mares are the most beautiful creatures to ever exist and their presence on planet earth is proof that God does in fact love us.
Old lady Wind in Her Hair was given a little gift package for mother's day since everyone views her as the mama of the stables
Me calmly waiting for better times.
>>5123854Very cute mareDeserves lots of pets and smoochas.
>>5123986she is a very cute old lady. I get attached to older animals very easily, it's very nice to see people be so caring and loving to them so late in their lives. she's like 100 in horse years, but still seems very healthy and energetic. There are videos of people visiting her and she's always very kind and happy to see them, or she'll ask them for butt scratches.
>>5123602People look so goofy on large AND small horses
>>5124038if I was that horse I'd be so fucking pissed about the unskilled idiot on my back
>>5124039I wanna learn. What did he do wrong? Aside from letting a toddler pick out his outfit?
>>5124035i love it when old horses get those caves behind their eyes. idk it's just endearing to me. old horse eye bowls.
>>5123980>Hey ladies! Wanna see a cool trick?
What's this thread's thoughts on HorseGiirl?
>>5124324sorry I don't waste my time on literal who attentionwhorses
>>5124324>my barn my rules>farmcoreShe's irreplaceable and I love her
How accurate is this description of horse expressions?I have zero experience in the matter and was curious.
>>5124475There's a lot more to reading a horse's mood, but it's perfectly accurate.
>>5124475it's alright.as the other anon already said, theres a ton more like reading the entire face too (for example tensed nostrils when pissed in combination with the pinned ears) or hectic movements. horses have a really fluid smooth movement when relaxed and when it's erratic and not smooth then something's up
>>5124324That's really difficult to look at
>>5124076Horse's trainer did something wrong, rearing like that is dangerous and potentially even fatal to both horse and rider>>5124475
>>5124475it's cute when they turn one ear back, but sometimes I wonder if that's just a "yeah, I hear you, but I know what I'm doing" signal
Quirky things you've seen horses enjoy?
>>5119481What's the point of horses? They stand around, they eat and shit and you can ride them giving you horrible balls and ass painYou can't play with s horse like you would a dog or a cat or a bird
>>5125173>What's the point of horses?>you can ride themin more ways than one
>>5125173Horsing around with them, of course.
>>5125173they exist to be our friends
>>5125173>You can't play with s horse like you would a dogI've definitely played with a horse. Not like a dog, but still.
>>5125173What's the point of dogs? They run around, they eat and shit and you can't even ride themYou can't play with a dog like you would a horseWhat's the point of cats? They lounge around, they eat and shit and you can't even ride themYou can't play with a cat like you would a horseWhat's the point of birds? They fly around, they eat and shit and you can't even ride themYou can't play with a bird like you would a horse
>What the point of boats? Why White people use trash cans?
>>5125294with benefits
>>5125406to mental health
>>5125173>What's the point of horses?sex>>5125312>What's the point of dogs?sex>>5125358>What the point of boats?sex
>>5125173They're construction workers, obviously. Webm related>>5125406>that boopBlue board, anon!
>>5125593I say this and I look like this
>>5123762Ok R Crumb.>>5125407>Deleted for having a h*man f*maleToday jannies were based.
Morning munch
>>5125945>woke up 10 minutes before that to go look at horsesand I thought I was early... I've seen it before, but is there a reason why some wear a halter outside but most do not?
>>5126072All four off them do. They are hot blooded hannoverans, so you gotta be able to catch them.
