For the past 5 years I’ve been doing badly. I feel like I became aware of my situation after my mother told me that I scare her, that she feels pity for me, and that I’m a failure. I have no hygiene, I haven’t showered in weeks. My room and I smell horrible. Everything is messy, and the drawer of my desk is full of papers with semen. I go to sleep and wake up late. I don’t even bother going to school anymore to try to pass classes I’ve already failed, and because of that I spend all day in my room destroying my brain with TikTok and masturbating. I’m not even interested in playing video games anymore. I don’t feel like eating, not even junk food attracts me. I don’t even feel sadness anymore I’m slowly stopping feeling altogether. My back and neck hurt a lot. I’m a failur.I’m not good at anything. Lately I think a lot about death. I don’t feel like dying, but I don’t feel like living either. Nothing interests me anymore. I’ve already given up on a lot. I know I’ll never be loved and that I’ll always be screwed. I’m alone, and in this loneliness I keep doing worse and worse things. I don’t work and I don’t do anything. Every day is the same. Everything is the same. I tried to have a personality by trying to be an incel or mentally ill, but I’m simply nothing. I feel like every day I’m becoming emptier. I think I’ll only make it to 30. (I used Google translator for this, that's why the writing is a little weird)
>>947753242why haven't you been kicked out of the house
>>947753307I think it's because I don't affect anything in the house. My mother and my brothers live in the same house (a big house) and they spend all day working. I think they don't care if I'm with them or not. I think they leave me there out of pity but I could leave so as not to make them uncomfortable anymore.
>>947753242naw you're fine
>>947753242You have a few easy things you can fix. One, take a shower, get clean. 2, stop the tiktok and the masturbating. Those are 2 things that aren't healthy, especially the tiktok, and serve as nothing but wastes of your time. Tiktok, if you're just watching short form videos, is just going to rot your brain. Stop that, you don't want to effectively throw away your brain by rotting it. Make little, just small efforts, whatever you can, even if incredibly small (like say, brushing your teeth, if that's something you negelect), even something that small, you better your life, by incriments. Don't concern yourself with a massive life shattering change, just do what you can. If you do these things, you will ascend little by little, and maybe, you can eventually cultivate some kind of higher interest or goal,but if you don't, and especially if you are quite young, don't get overly pre-occupied by that, you've got time. I don't know what age you are but if you are say, a teenager, what will help you the most is just ensuring you are healthy and as capable of ascending as you can be, when the time comes. I would also try praying. You lose nothing from praying.
>>947753242You need to clean up yourself and your dwelling, maintain access to garbage disposal and in general learn some self control.No one is going to do it for you. I hope you find what you need to change, but even if you refuse to change, I hope you find peace and happiness nonetheless.
>>947753242https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ob2Y1_fyEIkYour fortune: Better not tell you now
>>947754059Thanks brother. Sometimes I think about a future where I’m a better person. But I live in a constant stupid contradiction that keeps me trapped and unable to change. I’m a loser, mediocre. Everything I try is a failure but I’m also completely mediocre in everything else. Sometimes I feel hatred toward my mediocrity. I feel like I’m a spoiled dumb child. I haven’t suffered even the minimum needed to feel like this. I haven’t had even the smallest problems compared to others and I’m still like this. Everyone always said my “problems” weren’t real, that I had no reason to feel this way, that people with real problems were still better or that their depression was the real one. I want to suffer for real, to have real problems so I can stop feeling disgusted with myself. I want a real reason to feel like this. It disgusts and embarrasses me. I could never accept it. I will only improve when I stop feeling shame about myself. And I think that’s what even stops me from brushing my teeth. I want to mess myself up more and more. I don’t want to improve now, I want to wait until I suffer for real. But nothing changes. No one cares about me and nothing happens in this city that gives me real problems or real suffering. I know very well that even if I suffered for real I still wouldn’t be satisfied because that’s not the solution. But I’m still stuck in that thought. Basically I want to get worse so I can improve later, but nothing happens.
>>947753242hey noob. what's the difference between you, and someone you want to be. nothing but the thing in your head telling you otherwise. you need to bring out the real you and when those shitty thoughts come up, you need to immediately divert them (look up CBT). like you've said, nothing has even happened to you. visualize yourself getting up and having a shower, then stop ur internal yapping and go do it. jesus nothing's even wrong with you. when are you going to realize you're just deluding yourself into it
>>947754788Facts
>>947754234Thanks. I sometimes think about being happy. Maybe one day I’ll try to improve.
>>947755155You should make that day today, ideally. There's no reason to wait. Think how nice it would feel to take a shower right now, and go to sleep in clean clothes and sheets. Maybe that could be your goal for today/ To clean yourself, a pair of clothing and your sheets too. Washer and dryer + shower isn't much, and you can wash the clothes etc in one go.If you have acne, it will improve if you sleep on clean pillowcases.Entice yourself with the compelling feeling of clean skin and clothes. And the comfort of a clean bed too.That would work for me at least. Lmao.
>>947754788Agreed, Cock and ball torture really is a peak way to clear the mind of bad thoughts. Oh... oh we were talking about cognitive behavioral therapy, my bad.
>>947755290It would be very difficult, almost impossible. But maybe I’ll try. I don’t really intend to “improve,” but I have a momentary hope that makes me want at least to keep moving. If one day I can change and get out of this prison, maybe I’ll be happy. Or if not, I will kill as many people as I can to get out of this.
>>947755573>Or if not, I will kill as many people as I can to get out of this.okay nevermind ur a self serving FAG
>>947755573>Or if not, I will kill as many people as I can to get out of this.Yeah nah go die stinky
>>947755871Facts
Reality check. There is no goal to life and everyone who has tried to give you a goal is lying to themselves about the point and purpose of life. Even "personal happiness" is a goal that someone somewhere just made up.You can find reasons to live, to be happy, if and when you choose to make them.
>>947756155I couldn't die without first taking someone. I deserve death
>>947753242Many people wait to feel better in order to progress when what is making you miserable is not progressing. Take a first step. Doesnt matter what it is. Something small but measurable that improves your situation. How about picking something you talked about? Taking a shower is a fantastic start. Maybe throw out the papers you talked about since they trouble you. You got this. Try not to think aboyt everything all at once focus on one little thing you can accomplish and do that. That will get you started. If thats all you can do today thats fine but do something today. Then do something tomorrow
>>947756245yeeeeeeeeeeah you're a stinky deluded FAG that's now negated every positive point ITT. your thoughts are real! go die!
>>947756291Xd
If you continue like that yeah you are doomed. You already know what you are doing wrong.
You remind me of myself 10 years ago so I'm schizoposting a letter to my past self more as my own reflection than to give advice to you. My real advice is to look up PKMs and Anki SRS if you wanna get serious about school.Fuck you. You live in privilege, you have a support network, and you're complaining about accomplishing something difficult. They were all right. You are not smarter than them just because you know a lot of things. They GAVE you that privilege to learn. And you wasted it. It was much easier to go through it then because now I don't have the time to accomplish that. I know you had a hard time because of mom but your best friend was right. "Taking a walk everyday" is a pathetic goal even if you're depressed. Just fucking bet on yourself for once. And don't give me that limp fucking bullshit about how depression is SO hard. I know it, and the only way I fucking got out is because I wallowed in it long enough and survived long enough because to just become sick of it. Yeah it's foggy living in it but that's mostly because you went for weed instead of dealing with the pain. It made you feel okay but now I'm 2 years sober and it's the best decision I made. Of course I fucking miss the feeling but it trapped you. The real smart ones struggled as hard as they could to fight it and made something of themselves. I'm doing alright, I'm stable now and working upwards, but I had dozens of amazing opportunities and let them all slip through my hand like grains of sand. Not getting that degree was more than just a broken promise, it literally put my life in hard mode. I just never believed in myself or my capabilities because of all the fucking things going on, so I felt helpless and retreated instead of just doing the work and maybe going through some temporary pain. Now I'm left with the feeling forever that I never reached my full potential. 1/2
"For the past 5 years I’ve been doing badly. I feel like I became aware of my situation after my mother told me that I scare her, that she feels pity for me, and that I’m a failure."Thats difficult with no emotional support from your mom. Do you have a father in your life? It's good to find even a father figure you know and can trust. Some older friend who can share advice and teach you things because they have experience. Just ask someone if they will be your mentor, you need one to help you get organized and to start that online business you've been thinking about.\"I have no hygiene, I haven’t showered in weeks. My room and I smell horrible. Everything is messy, and the drawer of my desk is full of papers with semen."If you recognize the stink, yes others do too. No problem, just tell yourself you dont like living this way and force yourself to change. You wont like it at first, old habits are hard to break, but keep it up. You already know what to do here, you just need to commit and DO IT!"I go to sleep and wake up late."Try the opposite, at least for 1 week... It will be hard but worth it. This will affect the other issues your having too."I don’t even bother going to school anymore to try to pass classes I’ve already failed, and because of that I spend all day in my room destroying my brain with TikTok and masturbating. I’m not even interested in playing video games anymore."High School or college? Look they both require effort.You will get out of it what you put into it. Remember you can do what you put your mind to!"I don’t feel like eating, not even junk food attracts me."Do you eat a lot of seafood? One word look up Parasites. Also what you eat will really help your mental state. Junk in = Junk out. Good in = Good out. Seriously this is absolutly true in life and the words you put into your mind (internet, movies, people you are around) will show in your words and attitude. Put in GOOD! Go to church, God is Good!PART 1
>>947757274Well I'm trying now and you have no idea just how much more difficult it is. You could've gotten in when it was booming and had a shot of the life they wanted to give you. You could've gone and lived a dream. And no, they don't resent me for not living up to the expectations. In fact I hung out with dad today and we visited her and this is the most we've talked naturally. You're just an angry fucking young idiot because you think you deserve things without having to do the work to get them. You knew that it took work and yet you rejected it because you were the little prince that everyone loved. And I don't blame you for being naive. It's just painful to see you make my mistakes because of arrogance. I've accepted that I can't change the past and I can't change you. You'll make my mistakes and feel my pain in time. It's been a decade and I'm not where I want to be and I feel age creeping now but we are probably going to make it somewhere at least. We just need to keep going and stop making excuses for ourselves, and learn to stop using anger as the emotional crutch for when expectations don't meet reality. So either don't have expectations for yourself or be real with yourself. I didn't lose my dreams, I just made new ones that are within my reach. Some would say it's copium but the people who would say that to another have probably never faced reality themselves. You're not perfect and that's fucking fine, just live. 2/2
>>947755573You'll only end up making things worse by harming others.Try to serve your own interests. Sure, but even if you fail you can always try again.There's more reason to become a hermit, if anything, rather than making your upset others peoples' issue.
PART 2"I don’t even feel sadness anymore I’m slowly stopping feeling altogether. My back and neck hurt a lot. I’m a failure.......I think a lot about death. Nothing interests me anymore...."Of course you are depressed... Not eating well, not sleeping well, not keeping clean, not contributing to help mom (do some chores to help, she wiped and fed you and got you this far!). Your posture is bad and the crap you look at is bad (4chan), Do you know where you are going after you die? You better find God and figure that one out first before you continue down the depression hole and cant climb out and end up killing yourself because some EVIL person on 4chan is pushing you to. "I know I’ll never be loved and that I’ll always be screwed. I’m alone, and in this loneliness I keep doing worse and worse things."Yeah, this is just not true. Satan wants you to buy this lie, but God has something better in mind for your heart. Find a Christian pastor and tell his you want to be saved! You will NOT REGRET IT! The love and peace will be something that you cant even imaging now (The world will never understand). "I don’t work and I don’t do anything. Every day is the same. Everything is the same. I tried to have a personality by trying to be an incel or mentally ill, but I’m simply nothing. I feel like every day I’m becoming emptier. I think I’ll only make it to 30. (I used Google translator for this, that's why the writing is a little weird)"Get off your bottom and help your mother. Sweep, Mop, do the dishes, do the laundry (no sniffing things), help cook dinner (do you give her a kiss and say THANK YOU after every meal ?) Who cares if your fat or skinny or ugly or handsome, that is only on the outside. Work on the stuff inside with Jesus as your guide! I will look for you in Heaven!- Find a Christian pastor and get saved!- The best advice you will find here in this pool of filth.- Also you need a new hobby! Get outta here!
>>947753242>>947754527>>947755573please dont hurt anyone buddy, that wont solve anything....youre being way to hard on yourselfyou dont need to suffer some arbitrary amount for your difficulties to be validyou find life challenging because it is for you, that doesnt make you any lesser than otherslike the other anon said, take it slow and focus on one small step at a time, brushing your teeth for instance will make it easier to take a shower by getting the positive juices flowinghang in there <3
>>947753242Are drugs or booze involved?
>>947754788>shitty thoughts come up, you need to immediately divert them (look up CBT). l>CBTLike a kick in the balls or something more extreme?
