Hi, I'm new here on 4chan. I only joined because after seeing so many threads reposted on Reddit, of people telling their life stories as if anyone cared, I want to tell mine, mainly because I have no one to listen to me, and because suicidal and self-harming thoughts are taking over as I write this. My name is NOT Jane L., but that's my pseudonym online, and I'd like to tell you about the awful life God gave me. I want to start by clarifying that I'm barely of legal age in my country (""), however, I am or was a drug addict. I've used marijuana and wax, that kind of stuff, since I was 14. However, since I turned 15, my life has gone to the trash. You see, I've suffered from severe depressive disorder since I was 10, and in general, my psychologist says I may have had it since I was 5, but anyway, when I turned 15, I remember clearly wanting to try the LSD, because I'd somehow heard about it somewhere and now I was researching what it did. Well, I didn't do it on my birthday, but a month later. This doesn't matter much, since LSD changed my life for the better at that time, but it also awakened my curiosity, curiosity for more drugs. When LSD started to seem very expensive, since I used to take three tabs in one trip, which could be up to twice a week, I started looking for alternatives. That's when I tried MDMA, although it didn't really grab my attention. I got it cheaper than a tab of LSD, which made me think I was actually paying a lot. And looking to replicate something like MDMA but even cheaper, I started searching for more drugs on the internet. In those days, "Lean" was very fashionable and was often mentioned in songs, and I was one of those who couldn't let go of it, but not Codeine, Lean with Dextromethorphan, a cheaper and easier-to-find analogue. It cost $1.22 back then. Well, this stuff became something I started using daily almost instantly. I spent months taking DXM up to twice a day.continued below
you should leave 4chan, there is nothing but more hate and misery for you here
Until they locked me up in a rehab center, for about two days really, it wasn't that bad, but before being locked up, I was already getting tired of this DXM, mainly because the resistance from this stuff is permanent, and basically, it barely affected me anymore. So I started experimenting with other things, pills. I tried Amantadine, but I didn't have a good experience, mainly because they didn't sell it clean and cheap, but rather combined with other medications. Then I tried Diphenhydramine, and it was like, "Damn, I want to be like this every day." The thing is, it wasn't alone. As some of you may know, I'm a delusional guy, but I had seen that with DXM, you get rid of almost all the bad stuff. Well, this is called a Counterflip. I started doing the Counterflip occasionally, which is mainly how they started noticing, until they locked me up in a center for showing up very high, even though it was just DXM and a slight smell of cigarettes, but I had already tried These things, well, coming out of those two agonizing days, I continued using drugs and much more. I started consuming pregabalin, gabapentin, memantine, diphenhydramine alone, diphenidol, dextro in larger quantities. I bought LSD again, the occasional clonazepam, and something worth mentioning is that I got out in September, maybe September 2024. Well, since I got out, I started drinking ethyl alcohol and hand sanitizer occasionally too, sometimes beers or liquors from my dad. I continued all this until maybe January, when I was locked up again for a month in a rehabilitation center. Same story, I get out and keep using drugs, but I don't think I mentioned that by this time I had already had two trips to the hospital, one for an overdose in December, after mixing pregabalin with diphenhydramine, and the other for a pre-overdose with LSD on Mother's Day.
>>948102742Meet Nuggets.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo
>>948102742>>948102796
>>948102742why are you posting pictures of niggers, janel?
After leaving the second rehab center, I continued using drugs, with everything I've already mentioned, only this time I lasted a little less time. I don't remember exactly how long, but the point is that I ended up in a coma once again from a Carbamazepine overdose. Given my medical and psychological history, this landed me in a psychiatric ward. I was there for a couple of days, 21 to be exact. It wasn't very traumatic, really; the juvenile ward is always the least traumatic. Anyway, after I got out, I didn't care and kept using drugs, just like all the previous times. I told my mom I'd recovered and understood, which was just another story so I could keep doing what I wanted. Things continued like that, but now I was on psychiatric medication, which, contrary to what you might think, didn't help at all. Because I kept using drugs, it made me doubt the dosages I should be using, and I ended up in another coma. Hospitalization for seizures, like with pregabalin and DPH, only this time it was because I took too many DXM pills, and I ended up so sedated that I hit my head on the floor, which made me have seizures. Although this time it didn't end too badly, just another trip to the psychiatric hospital I spent 12 more days there and then I went back to doing drugs By this point I knew how to use and measure the doses even with the psychiatric medication Sometimes I took tramadol sometimes carbamazepine sometimes DXM and so on But I ended up in the psychiatrist once again because my best friend basically told me to fuck off when I confessed to her for the umpteenth time So after spending days using DPH Wax Pens and many cans of Monster a day I quit abruptly After getting home from school I hit my head on something I still dont know and this time I ended up in a coma A coma because The impact was so hard a pellet could have made the same hole. Well I almost died here I was intubated at the hospital because I wasnt responding even to adrenaline I basically arrived dead.
Well, a few days later I woke up, pretty drugged up from the medication they gave me at the hospital, intubated and trying to remove the tubes going to my heart I was too drugged to even understand what was happening. Anyway, I left the hospital and went back to the psychiatrist because, oh yeah, I tested positive for drugs Well I spent more days at the psychiatrist's I remember arriving and greeting everyone in the most casual and mocking way because I didnt know how to hide my shame at that point Well I got out of there in 12 days if I'm not mistaken and yes I kept doing drugs This time I simply left and the same thing happened again My best friend told me to fuck off again but this time she stopped talking to me forever. Well even though I wasnt doing drugs at that time I was just drinking Red Bull with Buzzballs after school, I went back to taking pills and DXM until one day they found me with everything in my hands at home and since I didnt They thought I was selling them, and besides, it wasnt a good excuse for anything. The next morning I ran away from home while my mom was showering thinking I was "getting ready" to go to another rehab center, because I usually do it voluntarily to avoid escalating. I grabbed a few things: a lunchbox I filled with clothes and five dollars I stole from my mom's purse In my country five dollars can go a little further Well after running for about an hour through neighborhoods I took a bus to the center of my city and spent a night there From there I went to the bus station in my city where I lived for a week like a homeless person I remember smoking crystal meth at night to avoid falling asleep and being raped by other homeless people and also smoking heroin off spoons to sleep during the day Everything was free, although also "stolen" because these drug addicts would fall asleep from so much doping I lived like that until the police took me to jail for wandering around at night and begging for money at the doors of a 7-Eleven
Almost at the end of my 72 hours, my mom picked me up, since she'd obviously been looking for me ever since I ran away. After she picked me up, things happened. It turned out I'd been on the news all over the city. I was even a little scared to think how far all this could go. Well, after getting back home, I didn't do drugs directly, although I kept smoking and drinking. It was December, and even though I don't usually drink beer as much as I do drugs, I spent all of December getting drunk almost every day with my dad, and smoking, obviously. I've been a smoker since I was 13; I wouldn't quit cigarettes even if I had lung cancer. Anyway, the point is that I kept going like that until the 24th, when I bought LSD to take in the early morning "to welcome Christmas," a kind of stupid habit I have. Well, even so, after buying the LSD, I went to my other house and took some amantadine pills, dirty ones as I mentioned before. Not only did I get really stupid almost all day, but I almost got caught. But anyway, the days go by, I keep getting drunk, and then New Year's arrives, more drugs. This time I took ecstasy again with my cousin, we smoked marijuana, wax, cigarettes, vaped, we drank. A "normal" New Year's for us, well, yeah, it was pretty cool and all, but a couple of days later I took DXM again, and I fell back into daily use of that and pills, again. So eventually, on January 12th, if I'm not mistaken, I arrived home super high, and they locked me up in a rehab center again. This one was horrible, worse than the other five places, the hospital and jail combined. Imagine a legal concentration camp where you never see the sunlight. Well, I ended up spending two months here, the worst of my life. I complain a lot for two months, but seriously, jail was nicer than this shithole. Anyway, I got out of here, and here I am today, back again. I have consumed cannabis on several occasions, just a couple of days ago in fact.
>>948103246sure but how do you feel about the cybertruck? good or bad?
And well, you'll say, what does all this have to do with your depression and suicidal thoughts, you fucking faggot, just stop messing up and. I can't. Even if I stop using drugs, I've been self-harming since I was 12. I've had 12 suicide attempts, by cutting pills and hanging myself, which I omitted because it would have dragged everything out. I hate living, damn it, and not just living, I hate existing, I hate existence itself. I just want to disappear. I'm seriously considering suicide as the final solution to my problems. I don't know, maybe a gunshot, hanging myself from a bridge now, anything. Anyway, I'm not a Christian, I'm not interested in going to heaven, and I don't believe in hell. My spiritual beliefs almost tell me that detachment and negative existential nihilism are the same damn thing. Obviously, that's not the case, but I have this idea that after death, those who expect nothing and no one receive nothing and no one. I'm not even sure this is real, so I don't care about anything. I mock life for being incompetent at doing its job properly, and death for not having the guts to take me. And God, because for me, you... The Christian god is nothing more than the demiurge disguised as god, and the true god, creator of all, doesn't give a damn what you think of him, and he couldn't care less what you say about him. Because I love that true god, not respect him, and that makes me believe I can joke around with him, because he really doesn't give a shit. And if he doesn't give a shit what we say, and he doesn't give a shit what matters to you because he knows it's going to happen anyway, well, that makes me believe that neither he nor I give a shit if I die.
>>948102830I watched it before, but my life always feel's like the end of the video from the start of every this, nothing before was happier, nicer or greater.
>>948102742
>>948102954Because i felt like a nigger doing drugs, even if i am white lol
>>948103319elon musk just run out of ideas when he thinked in that shitty design
>>948103357so are you going to post nudes or what
i wont lie to you but nobody is gonna read all thatand with this kind of shit you're better off on reddit then on a shitposting forum especially /b/
>>948103586nah if lolvis is awake this could get to 500 schizoposts in an hour
>>948102742What's OP's pic?
>>948102796>a slight smell of cigarettesDisgusting.The smell of poverty and persistent mental illness.
>>948103604He also uses different spacing.Making a bunch of lines for no reason.Because he uses a stt.Which for some reason makes itLook likeYou haveAthsma
Bump.
>>948102742>>948102796>>948102958>>948103098>>948103246>>948103357youve had an incredibly rough life, im so sorry...please dont kill yourself, i know thats a lot to ask considering how much pain youre in constantly, but things can and will get better eventuallyyoure stronger than you realize for handling so much misery for so long, youll have the happiness and peace of mind you deserve one day<3
>>948105906Haha disregard that, Boombadoop! You've got to get a hold of a teensy weensy bit of that weedle-dee-deed!! That WEEDLE-DEE-DEED haha oh my goddddddd anon haha Jesus man Jesus! I'm high as FUCK right now holy shit tutti fruition! I'm in a fucking high ass condition! Man you gotta get high and jack off!
