File: Welcum home Jerru.jpg (340 KB, 1536x2048)

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>be me, Jerry
>finally crawl out of rehab after 90 days of arts & crafts and crying circles
>thought I was clean, thought I was reborn
>walk into arrivals expecting mom with flowers
>see this absolute creature holding a neon green poster board
>backwards cap, purple silk shirt unbuttoned to navel, jeans so ripped his balls are basically waving hello
>duck face so intense it could deflect bullets
>sign says WELCOME HOME FROM REHAB "JERRY"! covered in crayon dicks, syringes, and a stick figure snorting a line off another >stick figure’s ass
>he’s swaying like he’s on a boat in a hurricane
>lock eyes, he screams “THERE’S MY FAVORITE RELAPSE WAITING TO HAPPEN” and sprints at me, sign held high like a battle >standard
>full tackle hug, knocks the wind out of me
>whispers in my ear “I finished your stash for you bro, had to make sure it didn’t go bad”
>smells like burnt plastic and cheap cologne
>security already looking
>he grabs my hand, drags me toward the parking garage
>“family’s waiting at home with cake, we’re taking the scenic route”
>scenic route = alley behind terminal 3
>pulls out a baggy the size of my fist
>eyes glowing like he’s been possessed by the spirit of every bad decision I ever made
>grin splits his face in half
>realize I never actually left rehab
>this is just the final test
>fail instantly
Welcome home indeed