Just superglue your turdslicer closed. Solved.
Otherwise maybe you could eat some tempura broccoli?

Beano!

>>21920710
Codeine popsicles.

a Ginsu pointy end first

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>>21920710

based on that photo, you're most likely eating too much protein (or beans) in one sitting.

Get your protein as smaller snacks throughout the entire day, rather than in one huge bolus at meal time.

>>21920710
for women, I’ve heard that a diet of apple juice and hard boiled eggs keeps the braps away

Not whey. I cooked rice in whey last night (leftover from cheesemaking) and forgot to tell my wife when I used it for fried rice for breakfast this morning so she couldn't take her lactase tablets in time and she's bloated and fart-y now.
Even if you're not lactose intolerant, having that much liquid whey at once will give you belligerent butt braps.