>>21974030
How inept are you at cooking? Can you at least make scrambled eggs and fry bacon?

Just go on YouTube.99% of all cooking channels are aimed at beginners

>>21974030
Honestly, if you have to ask this seriously, you need to do the kind thing and just neck yourself. You're not going to make it unfortunately

>>21974032
I can make tea and instant noodles
That's it

Buy a deep fryer and fry up your own tendies. It's easy as shit.

>>21974038
>Honestly
>seriously
>unfortunately

>>21974039
For bacon, just turn the heat to medium low and put the bacon in the pan. Flip it a few times once it starts sizzling and shit until it's nice and crispy. Put it in a plate. For scrambled eggs, put 3 eggs in a bowl, add two pinches of salt and one pinch of black pepper and whisk them with a fork until the yokes are completely blended with the whites. Turn the heat to medium low, put a generous amount of butter in the pan, and wait until it's melted and bubbling a bit (you could also use the bacon grease instead of the butter but I like buttered eggs more lol). Dump the eggs in the pan and move them around a bit with a spatula until they're no longer runny. Dump in plate and eat.

I think you can manage that. Just start off with breakfast food since they're really easy to cook. For oatmeal, you can just follow the directions on the package and dump a bunch of syrup and berries and shit in it once it's done.

boil some pasta and melt butter in it

What do you have access to tools-wise?

It baffles me that people make it to adulthood without knowing how to cook. Did you think you would have a personal chef your whole life or something?

>>21974030
Chicken hearts

>>21974196
People underestimate the value of decent parents.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5wmsEYSdIw

Are there things that you enjoy eating? Make a list of those things. Some of them will be more practical or less practical to make yourself. Look up recipes and see, or post the list here and we can tell you.

>>21974030
first time i started cooking i made meat and potatoes in the oven
sausages are the easiest, then maybe chicken thighs. with other meats you might have to worry about aligning the cooking times, etc. with these two, they'll be ready at the same time as the potatoes and won't turn to shit if they overcook or undercook a bit.
peel the potatoes if you think you can, don't if you think you can't (just wash them). cut them into quarters (that's four pieces), toss in a pan with the chicken thighs, add salt and oil, bake in a 180-200 degree celsius oven until they look done, usually around 30 minutes, but it'll depend on your oven. presumably you've seen what cooked chicken and potatoes look like. if you're doing sausages, just salt the potatoes and add the sausages after, don't salt the sausages idiot

>>21974030
Simple slop, by anon for OP:
100g red lentils
100g rice
40g olive oil or butter
400g mixed vegetables (frozen or fresh)
600ml water
Add all to pot, stir once
Bring to a boil
Cook on minimum heat for 10min
Add corned bouillon or salt to salt limit (i.e. such that you get your daily salt requirements, try not to exceed it)
Add 30g spice mix of your own choosing (I have middle eastern baharat and balkan goulash mix)

I eat something similar most evenings.

>>21974030
potato salad

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>>21974030
if you're cooking for yourself I'd recommend using 1/4 lbs or roughly 100g of pasta and freezing the sauce, as this recipe is at least 4 servings
>fill pot with water and add some salt (enough until you can taste it) and turn it on high
>in a large sauce pan turn the heat on low
>roughly chop 2-3 garlic cloves
>add a generous glug of olive oil to the sauce pan
>when the olive oil looks glossy and shiny (if it's smoking and turning brown that means you burned it and you have to start over), add the garlic and some red pepper flakes to a pan. do not walk away. stare at it. do not let it turn brown and burn. when you can smell the garlic and pepper, add 1 can of peeled whole tomatoes.
>use the back of a wooden spoon to crush the tomatoes
>season the tomato sauce with salt and black pepper to taste
>turn the heat to medium low, we want the sauce to have gentle burble bubbling
>when the water is boiling, add your pasta, check the package to see how long to cook it for and subtract 1 minute from what they recommend on the box, set a timer
>stir the sauce every few minutes, watch tv, have a glass of chianti, shitpost...
>when the timer goes off, take out one pasta and taste it, ideally it's still a little undercooked, but like 90% done, if it isn't 90%, put another minute on the timer and check it again
>take a mug and scoop out some of the pasta water and put it to the side
>put a colander in the sink and pour out your pasta into it, don't worry about draining the pasta thoroughly, the pasta water helps the sauce (which is why we saved some)
>add the pasta to your tomato sauce and stir! add a splash of the pasta water, don't worry if it looks a bit loose, we'll cook it down and by the time the pasta is fully cooked, the sauce should thicken and have a nice shine to it
>adjust seasoning as needed
>plate, garnish with grated cheese and basil or parsley if you have it

>>21974209
Hell, my parents weren't that great, but that made me realize I HAD to learn how to cook if I wanted to eat decent food.

Easy Lentil and Sausage Stew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N5zU1N5zjg
Be sure to wash the leeks as they can be full of dirt. Or leave them out if you're broke, use more onions, etc.
Jacque Pepin's Cooking at Home series has all sorts of fine dishes and he explains in a way that's easy to learn.
He's probably the best video teacher; most others are just grifters.

>>21974212
Imagine how awful this dish would be if he left out the "Then, enjoy!" step at the end.

Salads.
Growing up, everyone in my family had a job when it came to preparing dinner and I started "cooking" around three years old when my mum made salad my job. At first, it was just my mum or sister handing me a jar with the ingredients for vinaigrette in it already and I just had to shake it but with time, I was adding the [pre-measured] ingredients to the jar myself and, eventually, measuring and pouring them in all on my lonesome.
I was cooking with fire but six or seven and cooking without supervision by eight.
So I say: start there. There are more complex salads that can get you familiar with techniques you can use in proper cooking, too, like koshimbir (which involves frying spices in oil before throwing it all on the veg) and muchim (which can involve salting veg to remove excess moisture then rinsing, to preserve crunchiness).
You can graduate to things like >>21974032, >>21974218 and >>21974267 once you feel comfortable with remedial cooking techniques, like knife skills and blooming spices.

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>>21974030
watch cooking vids on youtube
start looking up beginner/simple recipes
and video on how to cook how to start cooking ect

i started making soups grilled cheese bacon (Microwaved) and eggs as a toddler so i have faith you can to
just keep it simple

and if you fuck up don't get frustrated and think you're a fuck up shit happens just keep trying and learning from your mistakes

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Imagine being an internet-dependent zoomie with 24/7 access to the collective knowledge of human civilization and you can't figure out how to type "easy cooking recipe for beginners" into youtube.
Imagine being so incompetent you can't buy a can of baked beans from the grocery store and heat up chicken breast on a pan until it's not pink.
Seriously, can you even imagine?

>>21974326
i imagine the anon was looking to socialize and was curious what other anons have to say

>>21974030
There's no easy way. There are very few good cooking websites left, especially in English. Most websites just use bots to scrape recipes wherever they can, dumb them down and pretend they're new recipes. 15 years of scrapers scraping each other and dumbing everything down has turned the internet into a shit resource for cooking. The BBC website is still acceptable: https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes. Get good books instead. There aren't that many in the English language. Look for Alice Waters, Thomas Keller, Nancy Singleton, Antonio Carluccio, Michel Roux Sr.
>>21974302
Pépin is the original fraud. That guy got laughed away so hard in France he had to flee across the pond.

>>21974326
imagine wasting time on 4chan when you could be chatting with LLM instead

>>21974209
decent parents impart their cooking skills to their kids.

>>21974337
>LLM
idk wtf that is

>>21974326
search engine results are absolute garbage now though, 99% of it is fake blogs made entirely by AI where even the domain name is AI optimized to get you to click because they've figured out how to measure what URLs look real and there's just no way to tell anymore, the internet is done, just buy books that were in print before 5 years ago. it's like ships at the bottom of the sea with steel from before atomic testing.

>>21974341
it's that thing they keep talking about in the news

>>21974346
Lolpublicans of Loose Morals?

>>21974351
> Lolpublicans
idk wtf that is

never heard and i'm too retard to figure it out from the context

>>21974030
If you're broke, you gotta learn to make things in bulk. Soups, pastas, and stews should be your main form; lucky for you they're easy

>soup
Make soups 1st. Do chicken soup + boil noodles on the side, so learn how to make chicken stock + boil good pasta noodles with proper timing. It teaches you how to prep veggies (wash+cut onions, carrots + celery), forces use of raw chicken 1st time, and makes you buy some oil and seasoning for flavor. You can start out just boiling everything, or saute the veggies and meats (the soup will turn more brown) then top with water + simmer for some time. For stock, do it until the bones break easy. Taste the soup to adjust seasoning (dont overseason; always underseason cause you can't remove but you can always add more). When near done, boil pasta noodles for like >6min and taste until firm to your liking. You could microwave noodles for a sim amount of time in a bowl of water and it'll be the same

>pasta
You've learned some basic stuff (veggies, meat, seasoning, sauteeing, boiling) so move to pasta sauces. Buy premade stuff if you wanna taste decent sauces first, but make your own later. Brown ground beef properly (don't overcrowd and use PROPER amount of oil). You can remove the meat from the pan to saute your veggies, or do it all in the same if you're lazy etc. Add your tomato sauce source, simmer a bit, taste + adjust seasoning. Forces you to use italian seasonings too. Noodles are the same

>stews + rice
Stews are great. Brown meats, saute veggies + seasoning to the oil to extract extra flavor, add roux if u want, add water + simmer, adjust for flavor - it's all the same. Spices in hot oil is good cause it extracts oil-solubles, so it's good to do that b4 you add water. Roux is just fat+flour in equal amounts and it thickens for nice mouthfeel. Stews force u to use a HUGE variety of ingredients since they're so diverse, it's easy to explore. Rice is great with stews, so u learn to make rice on the side

no more room

>>21974341
LLM = Large Language Model. Like ChatGPT.

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>>21974034
>Just go on YouTube.99% of all cooking channels are aimed at beginners
he's going to pick up a fussy restaurant takeout recipe, make an underwhelming mess and decide to eat out forever, I guarantee it

>>21974030

Rice and beans. Always taste great, can make a lot, and has carbs and protein. Buy frozen broccoli in the bag you can microwave. Eat this till you learn to cook other stuff. Also, buy an air fryer

>>21974326
> shit on zoomies for no social skills
> shit on zoomies for trying to get advice from other humans they have easy access to
You’re a selfish jackass aren’t you

>>21974293
There’s a type of parent that does everything for their kid though, so on the surface they’re a good parent
But in reality, they’re just lifelong babysitters

>>21974338
Yes, that is what i was implying

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start with egg recipes - easy, nutritious and cheaper to fuck around than meats or complex dishes

omelets, scrambled, fried, boiled, baked, salads

>>21974030
You gonna learn today, boy.

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>>21974415
are you allowed to eat those delicious limes or are they there just to wash your hands or some dumb shit like in that one movie

>>21974399
ESL? Where did I shit on zoomies for no social skills?

>>21974345
What the fuck are you talking about retard. Even AI results are better than remaining stupid. Just because results were "better" in the past doesn't mean they're worthless if you know nothing. Don't @ me or my family ever again.

>>21974180
Do this OP but mix it with parmesan, too. Pasta, butter, and cheese is simple but very delicious. If you don't know how to boil pasta, there are directions on the package. If you follow them exactly, you'll be fine. It's pretty foolproof.

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>>21974345
>>21974432
I hate AI so much.

>>21974421
You're supposed to squirt a bit of lime juice over the food. But yeah, you can eat them afterwards, high quality limes are tasty enough to be eaten as is.

>>21974438
>he doesn't foss
>he's a fatthiอัn

>>21974432
I'm sorry you and your family are stupid :-(

>>21974432
The first point was speaking in general terms. Based on your other statements I'll just stand by my comment and add that I think you're a retard desu

>>21974030
Tacos are pretty hard to fuck up. Soups, stews, and chili is easy. You'll get uses to chopping up onions and garlic and sauteeing them over time but is the base/start to many recipes. Baking a potato is easy. Grilling a burger is easy.

>>21974331
>especially in English
>There aren't that many in the English language
What the fuck are you talking about?

>>21974030
K. Hamburger helper motherfucker. Read package, follow instructions. You will learn: Ground Beef prep. Draining. Heat management to not stick shit to your skillet. Medium is your friend.

Get fucking fancy: Hamburger Helper. :Fucking flavor edition. Get: Lea Perrins Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, an onion, some red pepper flakes & shit.

You will learn: Spices are fucking awesome. Onion makes almost everything better. Savory is fucking awesome.

Get bread and cheese. You will be a-fucking-mazed how liberating a humble grilled sandwich is. Butter the fuck out of both sides of two pieces of toast. Add some garlic powder for extra bangin'. Put your skillet on the stove, medium flame/heat. Add a chunk o' butter to melt into the pan. Both pieces of bread in the pan, let that shit sizzle til it starts to quiet down, then flip both pieces. Should be brown on the side you turned up, if it's smoking, too much heat. Yeet fucking cheese on each slice, let melt, use a spatula to flip one piece on the other let cook a smidge longer. Congrats, you fucking grilled cheesed it. Now fuck with it. Experiment adding deli meats, onions, or other veggies. Make a POT OF SOUP. DIP THAT SHIT.

Learn to use your fucking oven for pizza. Tombstones man, doctor that shit up, spices & oil are your friends. As you get more confident, start trying to do weird shit that sounds good. Chicken Parm. Pad Thai. Fried rice. Nashville Hot. You will change your life and free yourself from meal prepped dependence. You will never be able to let any sibling who doesn't know how to cook near the stove/kitchen again.

Learn to make sourdough bread. You'll thank me. Just do it.

see those leftovers in your fridge?
Well, heat some oil up in a deepish pan and throw those in there.
Sizzle 'em a while then add like a handful of flour or so and stir it all up nice.
After a few minutes, trickle some water into the pan while you stir until you get the right thickness.
Season to taste.

You just made stew. What kind? Who fucking knows.

>>21974030
Eggs! Fucking weird! Crack it into a hot pan, leave it alone, let it fry, fried eggs. Crack into bowl unseperated, beat the shit out of it, pour in hot pan? Scrambled eggs. Add shit. Delicious. See Waffle house for inspiration. Eggs make everything better almost as well as onions. Crack egg, separate yolks, and whites. Now you're in black magic territory. Beat the fuck out of whites, it literally goes bubbly, white, and stiff. If you add this to a dough or batter, it'll be heat sensitive as fuck. Low heat and WATCH IT. Mix yolks and sugar, get a THICC custard. Good for desserts, learn to temper eggs. To temper, add HOT liquid to COLD egg yolk/beaten egg slowly, while stirring. This brings up the egg temp without full on denaturing it. Once you temper it hot enough, slowly drip into HOT pan. Egg won't "curdle/scramble. Get creamy as fuck soups for your diligence. You are hot shit. NOT. You must tackle: Mac & Cheese. Start with box shit. Follow instructions. Can't fuck up. See the powder shit? That's fucking roux mix. Figure out how to do it sans fucking packet. 1:1 that shit out of just butter and flour, get a creamy as fuck sauce base. Melt cheese and milk til your heart skips a beat from too much cheese. Add Mac and some onion or fucking chive. Enjoy. You are now a God amongst the culinarily inclined. Learn to make bread, and you have now wife-proofed yourself. The rest is just trying something out, fucking it up a few times, and your brain will just sorta figure shit out. Pay attention while you do things the first few times, then after a couple goes, you'll start doing multiple steps at the same time. Get cookbooks, stuff yourself, laugh at plebs, and refuse to feed dickheads. Spread knowledge the next time an Anon asks. Together, we are insufferable assholes who know how to make food.

>>21975042
>Eggs
it takes 10 years to learn how to cook the egg. i think OP wants something easy

>>21974030
Why did your parents make you leave? Never understood why parents don't let their children live with them.

>>21974030
Learn how to boil water.

>>21974030
eggs. EGGS

>>21975144
Kicking your kids out the moment they turn 18 started as an American thing in the 50s / 60s when the economy was booming. Now it's a tradition which has continued despite the fact that wages have stagnated compared to costs

>>21974438
for me it's w§tchyrlalintt

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>>21974345
Allrecipes.com, but if you don't know how to cook you should watch cooking videos so you can watch them demostrate the hows and why's of doing things. Chef John taught me how to cook.

>>21974030
Steak and potatoes.
Cut up some potatoes, put a bit of olive oil on them, then salt, pepper, and rosemary, and put them in the oven until they're soft (test by poking them with a fork).
Then put a bit of butter into a pan on medium heat, put your steak in, and let sear for a couple of minutes on each side. If you like your meat more well done, just put it in the oven with your potatoes for a few minutes.
Serve with a sauce of your choice and wa la.

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>>21974030
boil some macaroni, fry some frozen meatballs, mix and add ketchup

I ate this a lot as a young man in my first apartment

>>21974209
This. My mother was such a bad cook it motivated me to learn how to cook better to this day I still think she doesn't like me cooking because her and Dad are the "Flavor is bad" boomers.

>>21975725
>"Flavor is bad" boomers.
very annoying. these are the people who will claim msg is literal poison and say it gives them a bad reaction, demanding msg free chinese food, without realizing that every snack food theyve ever eaten has been covered in msg and theyve had no problems eating it their whole life.

>>21974030
Got an airfryer?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzsNM2GxJXc

>>21974383
Is this really true that you have to toss an opened oil bottle after 4 months? I don't think I've ever done that, and I certainly couldn't use an entire bottle in that time.

>>21974059
I like to salt scrambled after they cook. But the butter is essential

>>21974030
You can make tuna tacos with precisely 0 cooking.
Chop some shallots (google how), mix with canned tuna, add your choice of lemon juice, spices, cumin seeds, etc.
Add to small tortilla, top with some cucumber, more shallots, shredded lettuce/cabbage, etc.
Takes 0 cooking skill, just a bit of ingredient prep.
Also you should learn how to sharpen a chef's knife. You can use a rolling sharpener, a whetstone, or whatever else, it doesn't really matter.