I tried so many exotic cubes that would never have been possible in the 21st century! Ham, flavored gelatin, tofu, cheese... I truly am living in a land of wonders.
Fortunately, the ship quickly picked him up and patched his internal wounds. It was then that Ronnie realized that requesting anything of the now-godlike, evil character was tantamount to making a wish of a tricky genie. Ronnie knows that the trick to making wishes is to append, ''but no tricks!'' Tricky genies always honor the ''no tricks'' request.
Who said we couldn't have decorations on the ship? Who said that?? Nobody said that ever. If the Bolians want to line the corners of the room with spike reef for their semi-annual mating festival, then by the gods, I will support them. My captain is a man of culture and understands how to make a ship feel more like home.
Don't worry, I'm not actually nude in front of the chief engineer. The holodeck has projected a nude Ronnie on top of my clothing while excluding a specific extremity region. I'm just shocked at how faithfully it reproduced my individual shoulder hairs, especially the real thick one I call Big Todd.
Everybody wants to be in a sci-fi situation where they're able to adjust their personal gravity just enough so that they can do that Scooby-Doo thing where you get scared and run in place for a long time before zooping out of the area.
The comic that btfo 4chan
In the Star Wars extended universe, the droid that self-destructed in front of Luke in A New Hope was actually a jedi who saw the future and knew Luke had to choose R2D2 to save the galaxy. There. Now that I have proven I know cool Star Wars lore, you have to forgive me for knowing lame Star Trek lore.
>>151849103You don't let go of the anger, you double down on that shit now with intimate knowledge of the dang thing!
>>151849103He's chan culture now, he even has a banner.
Is it really happening? Is Ronnie really becoming the accidental mascot of the Enterprise-D? Will it soon become commonplace to rub the little fleshy sphere's balding head for good luck before battle? Will a foible as disastrous as an impromptu saucer section separation be seen as yet another wacky hi-jink?
Ronnie fought tooth and nail for the right to keep one feature of Borg that no one had previously addressed. But, after much cajoling and physical restraint, Dr. Beverly Crusher successfully removed Ronnie's secondary butthole.
''What I don't understand, crewman, is how you weren't immediately linked to the collective, resulting in a disastrous engagement with the borg.'' ''Back in the day, whenever I installed a program, I always unchecked the box for tracking my usage. It was basically like that.''
>>151849087i giggled
A voice emanates from O'Brien's comm badge. ''Chief. Main shuttlebay has flooded with some strange liquid. Shuttlecraft Galileo is now completely stuck to the floor.'' Miles glares at the weird little officer standing before him. Ronnie looks nervously at the floor. The guilty party mutters quietly, ''Root beer.''
Next he was going to say something incredibly anti-Ronnie to even further prove his evil. He might have extolled the virtue of dubbed anime, or he could have expressed courage in the face of nearby balloons. I dread to think that he might actually have been... happy.
I figured my holodeck programs were simply incapable of producing subtitles due to the nature of the three-dimensional environment, so I was willing to let it slide. Now that the injustice of lingual homogenization has revealed its dirty little secret, I will certainly screw up my universal translator in a misguided attempt to alter its function.
>>151849103It could be an absolutely magnificent banner.
As O'Brien passed science station 4 each day, he watched more and more icons appear, scattered haphazardly across the green hills of the background. He decided to let it slide until he spotted a file titled, ''personal security code do not delete.txt'.' After some struggling, O'Brien figured out how to open the file to find it simply contained the text, ''password1.''
And I know what you're thinking, fellow Trekkie. The treaty of Algeron forbids the development and use of cloaking technology by the Federation! I have interpreted that as meaning that only ships are denied such technology, and also that I promise to take it off if I see a Romulan. I'm not in trouble. Stop saying I'm in trouble.
Ronnie tried to plead is case in earnest by making his fiercest growl and eating a bug that he had replicated earlier. Eventually the doctor relented, saying Ronnie could have his procedure if he asked for the resident Klingon's permission. The request was rescinded immediately.
The Catian was just as confused by the apparent gifts of cat toys as a human would have been at being offered a tire swing. It did, however, become concerned when Ronnie attempted to scratch at the base of his tail -- an action that would, no doubt, concern any species of crew member.
In his mind, Ronnie is a vital actor in the story, being a real part of the Japanese salaryman world and contributing to the lives of his virtual peers. Though, any outside observer would simply see an old, fat, balding man standing around awkwardly and fumbling his lines while attempting to insert the few Japanese words he knows.
Don't get me wrong. We're enlightened enough that we don't care, nor do we see you as a lesser person. We do, however, have a running bet on how you trim your toenails. My money is on a phaser that you've carefully modified and affixed to a stick.
It's thankful that I wasn't able to abscond with the total limb regenerator or terrors of the spherical human centipede skulking the hallways would haunt the dreams of every child on the ship for years to come.
If you time it just right, the golden stream will dematerialize as it enters the replicator, creating a beautiful, sparkling effect. I did not time it just right.
Computer, delete the character that looked at me funny when I asked for a bucket to throw out all of the breading that I peeled off my sweet and sour chicken.
In the 23rd century, Klingons captured a Federation ship containing 3 tons of palm oil. They found it paired nicely with blood wine and gagh until the captain of the ship qajunpaQ found that his forehead ridges had fallen right off.
It's like they're stinging me all the time, but you build up a tolerance! Or was it an allergy? It's one of those things that makes it either better or worse over time. All I know is that when you have 3 seconds of properly pumping serotonin that make you realize that's how you're supposed to feel all the time... well, that's the honey!
Just get in there and fish around until you find the part that makes me close a social media app and then immediately reopen that social media app as though I'm starting a new activity. If you could kinda scrape that part of my brain out, that'd be absolutely swell.
This seat is much better than the ones available on the battle bridge. The battle bridge only has chairs for essential personnel, so Worf is going to have to let me sit on his lap.
Despite the noble attempt at unisex, skirt-like uniforms in the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, they quickly realized, as we did as a society, that it's hard to take any military seriously if you can see your officers' knees. What is it about our exposed, fleshy, lower joints that screams, ''It's always my day off.''
That sign is for East-Side DWD (Dooks Without Doors). They know you, man. You're an honorary member.
I don't care if my step-dad is uncomfortable with the frequency and urgency of my requests for lady's garb! He also doesn't like Urkel, and frankly we don't need that mess 'round here.
Speaking of which, wanna go get a pizza and talk about how our thoughts and experiences won't extend beyond the death of our flesh? HahahaHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
You're a person I've never met and know nothing about. Therefore, I hate and fear you.
>>151849421I'm in this comic and I don't like it
Ronnie, I swear to God, if you don't stop snatching things out of my hand, the next thing I'll snatch out of yours will be your last syringe of desperately-needed insulin when you inevitably contract adult-onset diabetes.
I said I don't like people talking TO ME when they're on the toilet. I can talk to you, though. So how are you doing? We don't just sit and talk, anymore. DON'T TALK TO ME.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE UNDERPAID BUT I'M OUT ON A FIXED BUDGET AND REALLY CAN'T AFFORD TO EAT HERE TO BEGIN WIIIIIIIIIIIIITH...
Sir, do you have a permit to be burning th- *hit with memory-erasing hammer*
Oh gosh, why does my neck always hurt? It must be all that exercise I did that one time.
You nervously look up at the contraption, a bead of sweat trickling from your temple. You notice the mechanical oracle's oiled chest glistening in the light of the incandescent orbs that line this chamber -- his prison. Where went the prestigious garb that once guarded his shame? That is the true mystery of the soothsayer.
I'm pretty sure that's how that commercial went. Then one of them lost his legs behind the refrigerator and he was bound to a wheelchair which was one of those crash test wheelchairs so it shattered every time he tried to get down small flights of stairs.
>>151849057I get it.
I thought I was going to have to custom make the lady body pillow sticker, but then I remembered Japan. Bless you, glorious Nippon.
Oh, god, or like that time I was looking at something far away but this woman thought I was looking at her and then she looked at me, then I quickly looked away and I think she may have made a face, oh God why me.
You can't keep us apart! He's the closest thing I ever had to a father!
Maybe I'm too worried about my bubble of personal space. At least they don't have their hands in my pock- okay, someone's hand is in my pocket. No, you can't have that half-melted Cadbury Creme egg.
And when I'm in the grocery line with a full buggy, I always let that old disabled lady pass me with her solitary tube of denture cream because I'm just too good for this terrible Earth.
>>151849110>That thing about Star WarsThat doesn't sound real, but there are lots of things in the expanded universe that sound made up.
'He does a comic strip like you. It's fan fiction where Marmaduke becomes a buddhist monk.' 'I call it Karmaduke.'
They let me go because it creeped them out when I kept begging them to hit me with their stick things so I could feel something again.
>>151849596>That doesn't sound real, but there are lots of things in the expanded universe that sound made up.yeah like the fact the name of the genre of music those aliens are playing in the space bar is called "Jizz". No, im not shitting you, and thats not even in the EU thats just straight up Lucas
About the toe ring... I'm gonna have to pay you back for the toe ring.
When he wakes up, tell him I didn't think The Dark Knight was as great as everyone says. Oh god, an unconscious man is hitting me.
Ahhh, so refreshinARGHLBRGLRGLGL *cough*cough*cough* oh god
I'm gonna chug this cocoa, Aggy. Don't try to stop me, Aggy. Don't you DARE try to stop me Aggy. Try to stop me, Aggy...
>>151849642>Oh god, an unconscious man is hitting me.As he should, the dark knight is a great film
Disclaimer: These are not real chemicals, probably. And if they were real chemicals, they would not be in any McDonald's brand of processed chicken product, which are made with only white meat and help me they have a gun.
Angel Food is the most divine cake, because it does not require the company of the sweet ambrosia that is icing. Never again will I put such decadence in mortal danger.
>>151849057>biting down on an ice cubeRONNIE NO!!
>>151849619>and thats not even in the EU thats just straight up LucasI believe that though because lucas is retarded. Like how he wanted indiana jones to be a pedo.
I was happy ronnie came backnow I wish he had stopped for good
>>151849057Nice
I just don't get it Agrias. I danced to Love?Shine without looking at the screen, and instead stared deeply, longingly into her eyes. Everyone knows that DDR code for 'You complete me.'
He thought I said I was the 'heir to the McDonald's throne' when I actually said 'found a hair in my mini scone'. (not heard: 'Does that mean I get another one for free?')
Sometimes me and the guys hear of a McDonald's somewhere in the midwest with the 1-dollar-any-size deal and we road trip out there. More than once we've gotten into scuffles with the McRib-heads.
I don't like when I'm ordering Dragon Ball t-shirts over the phone, and the salesperson tries to guess my size by the amount of labor in my breathing.
If you see an anxiety-ridden individual waiting by the road in the middle of the night, the polite thing to do is turn off your headlights and guide your car solely on his or her radiating appreciation of your good deed.
Thanks for carrying me home. Please just leave me on the front step and ring the doorbell quickly four times. Agrias will know it's 'Code: Balloon' and will bring out clean pants and the hose pipe.
Yeah, keep walkin', Small-Eyes.
Just think, when I get married, I can kiss all over a lady's face and when I stop she'll be all 'Why did you stop kissing on my face?' and I'll be like 'Girl, I'm getting you a towel 'cause your face is super slobbery now.'
>>151849057Hear me out...combine the ham and cheese cubes.
I DON'T KNOW WHY! That guy in the park told me 'pumpkin' was the special code for 'chili dogs hold the onions'. Then he used his shoe as a phone to call his bank and draft me a million dollars he promised which, by the by, still hasn't shown up in my account.
It appears my semi-sentient beard has begun to spread to your face. Never fear, however. A few hours of exposure to actual work will cause it to recede permanently.
Wait, this isn't Ferrero Rocher? This is its beaten and bitter step-brother Ferrero GARDEN. The coconut's scent wafts across my discerning smell receptors making me think I'm in a got dang episode of Twilight Zone where people think Ferrero Rocher needed an alternate configuration.
>>151852750NOW you're thinking like the Ronster
The glasses hide the truth. They distort the image. You think you're seeing Dilbert, but you're really seeing Garfield. James Garfield, 20th president. 20, legal drinking age in Japan, birthplace of anime. Garfield is the anime. Anime is the light.
Hi, I'm Donald Pooroom, executive in charge of randomly visiting every McDonald's bathroom in America to find the most diligent custodian and automatically make them associate of the year without even checking to see if they even work for McDonald's.
''But I thought your thighs were skinny things barely supporting your robust frame?'' ''Those are my shins you describe, dear friend. Years of substantial snacking have formed my thighs into massive mounds seamlessly attached to my torso.''
Next you'll tell me you threw away the milkshake straws I meticulously washed and stored in the- oh my god, where are my straws? YOU CAN'T BUY STRAWS THAT BIG, AGRIAS. YOU JUST CAN'T.
>>151849404>troons.jpg
Ha ha ha. Ahhhhhhh. See ya Monday, folks.
He's seen every episode of Dragon Ball Z subtitled with Japanese audio. I get the impression that he thinks he can speak Japanese, but his gutterances are certainly no human language. Same with the chimp.
You like that sauce packet, baby? Well, I got a whole fridge of it where that came from. They only give you up to one extra if you ask for more, so you gotta buy twice as many McNuggets. That's how you get 'em!
Here, we'll watch all of these high school comedies together, and I'll explain to you the finer points of a culture festival as the need arises. (The need will always arise.)
I don't even know why you brought luggage for a one-night trip. I got a change of undies folded up in my flaps, and they're gonna be so warm, you have no idea.
>>151849632This is the first time I've physically recoiled at a Whomp comic.
Please don't squash me, sir. I have thirty-thousand children with two-hundred-forty-thousand feet betwixt them, and they all want Air Jordans. I'm at the end of my rope, and I could really use a leg up, get it? Ha, ha. But seriously, do you have any spare change?
Alright guys, tuck in. We gotta finish this McNurkey ourselves.
>this one has no secret words
Just secretly super glad she asked basically a yes/no question for that wicked burn.
We in the receding beard community don't yet have a name for this type of hairpiece. The current nominated choices are the boupee, the FURtive, and the chinhancer.
Did I ever tell you how she murdered that Animal Control guy because he told a bad joke? Yeah, she murdered him. He's dead.
In my wiser years, I've realized Rumpy is not evil, just EXTREMELY AWARE OF EVERYTHING ALL OF THE TIME, so when she experiences the entirety of a person's insufferable nature in under 14 seconds, she can come off as a bit harsh.
Do you think she likes me? Is this a phone? Call her and ask if she likes me. My hair is brown. Tell her that. Tell her about my hair. Please don't tell her I'm fat. That's second date.
WHY DO YOU KIND OF LOOK LIKE AN EWOK INSTEAD OF EATING YOUR FOOD?! EAT YOUR FOOD AND STOP LOOKING LIKE AN EWOK OR POSSIBLY E.T.!!!
Oh, God. I'm influenced by a substance. I've betrayed the diploma I received in 4th grade for completing the Drug Abuse Resistance Education (D.A.R.E.) program! Agrias, please burn the proof of my hypocrisy. It's framed and hanging on my bedroom wall.
Now we're going to go explain to the plumber how you haven't updated your blog in almost a month.
Laugh if you must, but dating sims have taught me the most important thing about relationships. Always pick the first dialog choice, because it defaults to the one that makes her like you more.
Oh, good. It's me. Is this like that episode of Twilight Zone where William Shatner saw the gremlin on the wing? No, because his pants were clearly not full of doody.
>>151849077This one actually made me chuckle.
Ronnie's pants are hanging on the part of the toilet behind him. When you let your pants touch a bathroom floor, you let them touch Hitler.
Huh, many Whomps I had not read before in this thread.
>>151849596https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Skippy_the_Jedi_DroidNo, it's real.
I like to think that just before he leaves each flower, he leaves a little toot cloud behind for the unsuspecting bee behind him. He calls it 'pollinating.'
Be proud of what you taught me. You taught me to believe in myself, and I believe that I can press on my eyeballs real hard and make everything look like two of everything.
Joke's on you, Dad. M Dude gets me that every year and I don't even have to ask.
Sorry about Marion, son. Did he do that saucy pork thing to you? Marion is what happens when you're a powerful magical being who had one too many nogs and you think it's time to play God.
Woah! He gave you one with almost no broken pieces. He usually saves those for special occasions! No, we don't have a gas leak. Why does everyone keep asking me that?
I wish I could tell you this never happened. I wish so very hard I could tell you it doesn't happen each day, and dear holy sweet mother of our lord, I wish I could tell you it didn't happen twice while creating this very installment.
Look, M Dude. I can't really object to the these things that happen while I sleep, since I'm fairly sure there are no laws that protect my flabby flub from your misguided affections. However, could you do me a favor and not call it ''Ladies'' in that voice you do? Yeah, that one.
No, Mom. I'm not Satan. Yes, Mom. I know Lucifer is the prince of lies and that, if I were Satan, I wouldn't tell you I was Satan. No, Mom, I'm REALLY not Satan. I love you too, Mom.
Agrias, Agrias, Agrias, Agrias, Agrias, Agrias, please go home and bring me my Dragon Ball Z Chao Tzu figurine so I can have something to hold onto. It's the only one small enough to hide in my butt so they won't take it from me.
One of them says 'Good luck with your hysterectomy.' Man, I didn't even know my hyster had gone bunk on me. My whole day's gonna be about this, now.
It's like that movie Inner Space. Remember that? Remember when Dennis Quaid shrunk down and lived inside Martin Short for a while? It's like that, but Dennis Quaid is 6 feet tall and Martin Short is dead of a broken neck. Also, whatever happened to Martin Short?
Oh thank goodness. The box contains that do-it-yourself noose-tying book I ordered.
Look, someone wanted to look at the meatballs I was looking at, so I moved, then someone else wanted to look at the toaster strudels, and you know no normal man can take that kind of social pressure without hunching over and shivering uncontrollably whilst chanting ''They judge me, they hate me. They judge me, they hate me.''
Sometimes M Dude farts into the chamber before reconstituting me. Once in a while, M Dude will glance over at me, and give a knowing look that says ''You are partly my fartly.''
If I swim with a t-shirt on, people won't know I'm fat. That's how it works.
>>151849240If this is the TNG crew, couldn't he have just gone to see Data's cat? I guess that wouldn't have been as funny though.
