Ave, Anonymous! Caesar has ordered you to eliminate these rebellious Gauls. What's your plan?
>>152963128We could starve them out by depleting the boar population!
>>152963413And we could poo in their drinking water!Also just go scorched earth for miles around their village, burn down all the forests until they run out of magic potion ingredients.
>>152963128Why not just declare them conquered and move on, Oh Mighty Caesar? If anyone asks, you could just tell them the village is a sort of leper colony for mad people and you're having them studied in the hopes finding a cure.
>>152963852Hear me out here, but what if we rounded up the worst barbarians from the fringes of the empire, the most violent criminals, the most fanatical heathen cultists, and our own most irritating political dissidents, and just dumped them all on that one village? And then quarantined them off from the rest of the world and left them to themselves?
>>152963128I tell the Romans to fuck off and have a feast with the boys.
>>152963413>>152963590We could also crucify wild boars in front of those filthy Gauls.
>>152963128Plant silvium around their forest so the wild boars become saturated with it. Their birth rates will plummet and soon they'll simply die out.
What every roman anon seems to be forgetting is that the moment these fuckers sense we are starting shit they'd march straight to Rome and wipe us like shit remnants. We gotta win on their rules or somehow outmagic their magic potion and their druid.
>>152965433That's why you've got to create a constant ongoing crisis for them, but one that doesn't have some obvious external cause. Make it look like it's just something that's happening, rather than something being done to them. But you other idea is interesting, have we tried getting our own druids?
>>152965474We don't have druids, and all druids seem to be unaffiliated to our conquered villages, which means these guys somehow hold a monopoly on magic.>you've got to create a constant ongoing crisis for them, but one that doesn't have some obvious external causeThis would work if they didnt have a guy named Asterix. He'd see it's not a natural event and then would stop us for sure. But that gave me an idea. Since we have constantly failed to force them to submi and deception would inevitably fall short, we need some sort situation where solving it by attacking us is not an option for them and the only good outcome makes them swear loyalty to Caesar willingly.
>>152963128How dare you presume to speak for your Ceasar, Muchofaruckus. GUARDS! Throw this presumptuous fool into the dungeon!
>>152966916Now anonymous, Caesar asks you himself what you plan to do with these infernal Gauls? Remember, if your plan succeeds, you will be paid in gold to match your generous weight. If you plan fails, your weight shall generously feed the lions in the circus!
>>152963128I do wonder what would happen to the Armorica village after Rome falls up until modern day. In universe, would they still exist today or not?
>>152963128Acid. Super strength does not make your body immune to melting.
Kill Panoramax. The Romans were able to capture him before so it shouldn't be too hard to ice him. Then wait for those wretched gauls to run out of the potion!
>>152967031Once no one brews the potion, it is just another village. And they will bee taken over by SOMEBODY someday.
Ave, Mighty Caesar!I, Marc Antony, have a questionMay I court Cleopatra and her nose once you die?
>>152963128Ave, how about outbreeding them, that way we'll naturally replace gauls with Romans? I've seen some cute Gaul women
>>152967031We know Obelix's descendants just immerse themselves within normal France, so the village does seem to have integrated itself to wider society eventually
>>152963128Ok so I've looked them up, kill the druid in his sleep, no druid no potions, cut off resources as well like food, water, and other such supplies, utilize hit and run if need be. Without supplies, their potions, and nutrition to sustain the brain of Asterix and roided muscles of Obelix, the village will be at its weakest
>>152963128You hire the best prostitutes and have them seduce Obelix enough to remove him from Asterix.You then sneak up on Asterix murdered him before he drinks the potion.You then tell Obelix that Asterix has left to travel to some distant place like China.Obelix will then run after him.Then you arrange a situation where Obelix just travels in circles, never reaching China, but just moving around in the Steppes.
>>152968239This would somehow end up with Obelix becoming a Khan ahead of time
>>152963128Great Caesar, I heard there's some unruly desert tribe always causing trouble in the east. We should banish them to live next to these Gauls and watch as the serpents devour oneanother
>>152968527Oh, Antius Semitius, it's always that desert tribe with you
>>152964301We tried that they sent them back...and include this bard who WONT SHUT UP.
>>152963128Take away all the Roman camps surrounding the village. Without his favourite pastime the fat one will become too depressed to do anything
>>152963128Sent them the cube of agony!
>>152968756>bored>go on a holiday trip to every Roman campGood idea Dimwitus! Let the beast go to Rome to fullfill his desire!
>>152963128Why does Obelix, the largest gaul, not simply eat the other villagers?
>>152968855Not as tasty as boar
>>152963128I would round up slaves, Senator Anonymus, a great quantity of them, and good ones to boot, quick on their feet and able to do any tasks asked of them. I would find which of those slaves have kins in the slave business as well, and isolate those.I would then send the slaves to the gaulish village and tell them that they must make the gaulish savages' lives as comfortable as possible, doing everything they can to help them in their everyday tasks, anticipating their every desire. I'll make sure to mention that if they fail, or the gauls turn them away, it's to the lions with their kins!I know the gauls have soft heart, they will not be able to turn these slaves out of their villages. And they won't be able to stop them from helping them more and more every day. Eventually, when the savages become so fat and lazy as to not even be able to rise from their beds to eat their morning, noon and evening meals, I will take the slaves away.The gauls will be so despondents at this, we will simply stroll into the village and take it, for the glory of Caesar.
>>152969104This would most likely end with the Gauls teaching the slaves to fight and lead to a potion powered slave revolt
>>152967066The Romans thought Getafix was immortal. That's why they captured him instead of killing him.
We could get Caesar's little brother to run a pizza shop that sells cheap and crappy pizza with enough grease on the cheese to give both indigestion AND diarrhea!But it'll still be better than that guy in a Hut that also sells Pizza.
>>152963128The smart plan would be to leave them the fuck alone because they don't tend to make trouble, but we gotta paint that map, so...
>>152963128Call Colonel Olrik.
>>152968181The nose stays big forever.
>>152968855You dont eat friends. He slaps them but dont kill them!
>>152972089
>>152968181Crazy.
Make them adicted to pointless enterntainment, make their social and moral steuctures weak with contradictory and non-functional world views impossed through guilt by a certain exclusionary tribe, and leave them open to the slow conquest by a different predatory tribe.
>>152968181Where did they show this?
>>152963128what if promise them their freedom in exchange for some paperwork.. we'll drown them in bureaucracy that makes The Place That Sends You Mad look like a breeze...
>>152968181>#1 Obélix - Gaul warrior, menhir deliveryman, dynasty founder>#2 Obélisque-Hammer - fought in Poitiers under Charles Martel (against the Arabs) with the now famous battle cry "Do we go? Do we go?". Pointlessly begged the enemy to not leave.>#3 Obélisque the Brave - forged his glory at the Crusades. Back again he amazed his friends by devouring 14 boars.>#4 Obelisc'h Lord of Menhir - fought in the 100 Years War with his friend Du Guesclin (famous Breton general). He famously said "These Englishmen are crazy!">#5 Obelisc'h Earl of Britanny - became famous by winning all by himself the First Battle of Marignan (1514) (actual battle was in 1515)>#6 Obelisc'h the Boar - privateer, companion of Duguay-Trouin (famous privateer). One of his defeated enemies said "Wha' a bea'ing we go'!">#7 Obelisc'h the Fat Malouin (from Saint-Malo, Breton harbour) - friend of Surcouf (famous privateer), the Emperor told him "I'm proud of you and stop eating when I talk!". One of his defeated enemies said "No luck stumblin' on him again!">Coat of arms: boar on gules. Motto: Do we go? Do we go?I like how most of them are described as sidekicks of famous historical figures, implying those are Asterix's descendants.also this mean Obélix somehow had children lol
>>152974621it comes from a special short story published in Pliote, the magazine where the Astérix comics were prepublished. it was reprinted in vol. #32 "Asterix and the Class Act".
>>152963128We stab them with a knife.
>>152975121Oh, that's your answer to everything, Brutus.
>>152963128Drive them to insanity by keeping them awake at night, send scouts to play loud instruments, launch pottery full of scrap metal to cause horrid noises, all this at random hours of the night, decreasing and increasing in frequence with no rhyme or reason.
>>152975159anon, this can't be worse than their own bard.
>>152963128based thread topic
>>152966925thumbnail looks like chuddah
>>152974988Neat. Thanks.
>>152974954>also this mean Obélix somehow had children lolyou gotta trust he'll find a cute girl for himself eventually anon
