this is all of my story, im planning on showing it to indie houses, any suggestionsdont hold back im open for critique, also pls spread the word, this is my dream since i was a child
2nd part
You got any animation?
>>153159967Let’s not make fun of young people for trying and having dreams.
3rd part
>>153159967>>153159979Get an artist or learn to draw.>immortal, regeration>somehow terribleLaughably dumb, it's like those terrible manga that give the lead an overpowered ability and pretend it's trash. Simply being that old should give him a massive one up on near everyone by virture of having lifetimes of experience to draw on.This doesn't seem well thought out.
im actually 25 and yes i draw horrible
4rth part
5rth part
6th part
7th part
8th part
9th part
>>153160128>50% chance of death turning people into monsters>but we can get it down to 30%!Way, way to high. Even a single death could cascade into apocalypse, easily. No one would ever use this.
10th part
11th part
12th part
13th part
14th part
and finally 15th part, thanks everyone who is reading this i really apreciate your comments, ill be replying to some questions in the treath
sadly no, i dont know how to animate, but once i made this series i will start to animate
>>153160355How old are you?
25, why?
I'll do a detailed breakdown when I get home if you want but my dude this is ROUGH. You've got ideas but a lot of this needs refinement, and a lot of it.
sure im open to critique
>>153159967>captura de poopalolego to adult swim holmes, deyl buy this sheet easy, esethey need a new smiling friends replacement, you gonna be breenging home da chalupas
nah i prefer glitch, my serie is so ass i think i would fit
>>153160487Think its chatgpt
>>153160551they dont prefer you
>>153160564Would explain the extremely generic corpo speak littered throughout
yeah you're right
yeah i used it to improve my writing to offer because it sucks, but all of th drawing are madw by me
>>153160612NGMI.
if anyone is interested in making a critique you can write to me in my disc: minato0055_productions
Start drawabox + Loomis NOW
? srry not understanding
>>153159967Not bad, but really rough. Still, it has a lot of potential.
>>153161714ignore that tard, he's recommending beg trapskeep drawing because its fun and find a way to fund your own projects
thanks mate, althought is a bit hard to finance here in peru, but critique doesnt affect me, contrary it motivates me to do better, to do things perfect so my fan could love it, so thank you all for your critisism, ill make sure to improve every day
>>153161825Your pitch has potential, but it needs to redo certain things the powers for example.
thanks, if you have any critique i would love to hear it, just message me to my disc: minato0055_productions
The concept seems pretty fun.I just don't understand why it needs to be a full series produced by an indie house. I feel like you're biting off more than you can chew there. To put it this way; animated episodes cost tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands to produce, per episode. It's a risky investment, and needs to be something that's profitable across multiple seasons in your case. Profitable enough to pay entire teams of staff.Also, if you've looked around newgrounds or youtube...a lot of people make indie shows on their own, or with small teams. Webcomics are a big thing, you can add voice acting and animation to them too if you want.There's just so many ways to skin a cat when telling a visual story but you're picking the hardest option first. All of your favourite indie creators where creating independent or short-form content for years before proving themselves enough for a full series created by some studio.
mmmh yeah you're righti should start small, then big
btw right now im saving for a switch 2 so this plan its just like a hobby, but thanks i just cant thanks you all enough for listening to my story, you guys are the best, oh and btw im autistic, so if you wanna make fun of me thats fine too
You obviously still need to work on your art.It'd honestly be easier to pitch this to an indie comic company and hopefully get an artist to work with you,Also only 1000 for a pilot? You'd need to be personally drawing it in photshop with still frames being most of the action. For a 15 minute pilot at the MOSTYour kinda over selling yourself man.
>>153160070Why does this feel like AI generated text? At the very least it feels AI assisted. I'm trying not to be mean but I keep getting this uncanny sense of "I had chatgpt generate a pitch packet for me." Stuff like $1k to make 20 minutes of full animation here >>153160319 sounds very out of touch with reality. A lot of the lines sound like fluff. I assume this is a teenager daydreaming about what a pitch would look like with chatgpt's assistance.
srry
My sister has a thing
??
>>153159967>Dark Humor Drama Comedy Where Nothing Is Black and Whitenext you’re gonna tell me it’s A24 inspired
Aw sweet an autism thread
i have no idea what a24 is
>>153159967>Too much kiddy drawn slop>Text is by ChatGPT>Namefag OP doesn't reply to any of the posts by the other anons.>Doesn't know a big indie movie studio.This is the worst case of newfag I've ever seen. I've seen shittier Deviantart tier anons shilling fake animated content here before, but this is worse.
srry this is my first time
>>153160187What “myth” does Jake resent if Drago is the worst bounty hunter ever? How would the immortal Drago be dead without him? Using AI was a bad idea, posting whatever data you fed it would have been better than this.
>beg trapspyw crabbie
guys if you want to critisice pls just do it trough m discord: minato0055_productions
I once wrote a pitch.
>>153163014Let him hope
>>153160089>>153160156>>153160092>>153160551>>153162797>>153160343>>153160166yet the thread did not die. so it's good enough to make you seethe>>153159967>>153159979you motive is very similar to mine. from word to the city setting
>>153163276You posted it here, you get your response here.>>153160487I'm home. I'm going to over things in no particular order.So Drago is a near immortal who's lived since the dawn of humanity, right? That's an insanely long span of time If we go by recorded history, it's 5000+, but if we go by "homo sapiens" it's hundreds of thousands of years. So he's hard to kill, and ageless...how is he so terrible? You mention a curse but, there seems to be no downsides. Vampires have a whole host of weaknesses as a tradeoff for eternal life, but nothing is mentioned here. Why is Dragon so bad? Even just living among people for 5000+ years would make for someone who is going to be competent at many things, just by virtue of having lived for so long. Not the least of which would be understanding people, which would be a really good skill for a bounty hunter. There's a reason immortals tend to fill the villain role more often than protagonist, and it's because a hyper competent protagonist is hard to pull off(if you want to see a reasonably successful immortal protagonist example, go read Vampire Hunter D). Even the most braindead of people would understand securing something valuable in a secure location and retrieving it later, giving anyone with a sufficiently long lifetime access to wealth. Also, being nigh-unkillable and having regeneration means he could take wild risks normal people couldn't, knowing he would survive. So the exact negatives of the curse are kind of important here.And, why would Drago investigate the origins of the masked, if he's the original progenitor? It would be like Dracula going "damn, where did all these vampires come from?" No one would know more than him, because he's is definitionally the oldest, and was there at the start. So where are they going to go for records if he predates written history? And how does Regina know literally anything about his origin that he doesn't?
>>153163922NTA but maybe his memory is shitty?
>>153163922An easy fix would just be to make Regina the original masked - Drago now has reason to be investigating, and to be incompetent, and Regina's knowledge makes sense. Or the curse could have some sort of memory draining effect that is the reason Drago doesn't recall things. But something needs to change.Nostock is currently a MASSIVE problem. If there's a 50% chance of a person turning into a monster upon death, or even 30%, a single death could spiral out of control and wipe out entire cities, or even humanity as a whole. Let's say a man in a slum dies in bed unexpectedly, an no one notices. He broads and kills turn other people - 1 of which will become another abroaded. The abroaded would rapidly expand and overwhelm any living people unless they were immediately put down. You could put in a time delay after death, but then you run the risk of getting accused of ripping off Death Stranding. Better would be making it a function of the nostock concentration in a person; normal people have a low(0.000%) but the serum user's chances drastically go up with each use, and they use the blue powder to keep their chances as low as possible.Also, "hard as diamond and malleable like clay" is an oxymoron - hardness is a measure of how resistant something is to it's shape being changed. You can't be both hard and malleable at the same time. this should be, "malleable when ________" so it has to be in a different state to be shaped. I.e. iron is very hard normally, but more malleable when heated.2027 is a weirdly recent year to choose for futuristic. It doesn't really matter, since it could be a different calendar, but 2127 would prime people better for the setting.I don't have all that much to say about the setting or other characters, beyond that Ashley and Jake just sound really annoying.
>>153159967dont pitch it, make it. the standards have been increased by indies and you need to make it an animatic
>>153164013That's what thing like journals are for. Hell, the man could carve his memories into the side of a rock in his own language that only he knows. He has all the time in the world, literally.>>153164026Episode 1 sounds fine, if ill defined right now.Episode 2 sounds really, really dull. When conceiving episode plots, remember they should basically be mini stories that follow the whole intro -> rising action -> climax -> falling action structure. or whatever structure you decide to use. You're pitching this as an action show, so where's the action in this episode?Episode 4 is about Drago's backstory, but how do we come about to that? Again, this sounds like there isn't a lot of action planned here, just vague story points.The rest is very ??????????????????? is right. Spend some time, work these out to more solid plans. Be ready to pitch this like you're going to go into production tomorrow.Ditch ChatGPT, and learn to write for yourself. When you send a pitch, you want it to have your voice, your unique take that will set it apart from the crowd. ChatGTP can't do that for you, and makes it sound like generic corpo speech that will get tossed into the bin.
>>153160451why not lol
thank you all for the feedback ill make sure i wont let down you all, i will learn how to draw and make sure i make the best series in newgrounds.Again thank you
>>153163863>make people seethe Is that what you and OP are trying to do with your comics?
>>153166697no. the fact you get ragebaited proves yoou deserve to be. we can jsut profit from you.
>>153167404Lol good luck
>>153167404>not creating for love of the gameNGMI
>>153167938you are mistaken. i love my game>>153167754thank you
good luck too
