(You) fucked a big fat pink bitch some time ago, and it looks like your pull out game's weak, cause now you're this fat little pussy's father! How do (You) raise your fat son to make sure he doesn't disgrace your family name?
>>153602154you become a fatter, weaker disgrace so he looks good in comparison
I don't delegate his entire upbringing to my late wife's monastery. He can learn about his space destiny, but he also has to go to a human school too. You live in both worlds, you learn to be a part of both. That way he doesn't feel disconnected from significant parts of himself.
>>153602259Would've been a better show, desu
>>153602154Beach City is kind of a dump, everyone there has mommy/daddy issues and there’s like 1 kid in Steven’s age range. With the warp pads, Steven could go to school anywhere while staying in contact with the CGs
>>153602154Forget about the space lesbian rocks and move to Nevada.
>>153602154In hindsight would probably keep Steven away from space lesbians untill he's at least 16. I don't know how the guy menaged to neglect his child so badly with his bum lifestyle of barely functioning car wash that has nearly no clients.Send Steven to school, move out from Bitch City as fast as possible. Have your son actually mentally and socially develop somewhere that doesn't feel like a tourist trap filled to brim with extraordinarly stupid people while also being in fact dangerous place with corrupted monsters popping up every week. Moving out would help with not dwelling on Rose or having toxic fuck buddies like Amethyst around.
>>153602154I pull a Thragg and impregnate all the other gems to make better sons. Then have them beat the shit out of the fat one till he's not fat anymore or dead.
>>153602154>enroll him in school three days a week so he doesn't turn out weird and maladjusted>move into the temple so he doesn't have go days/weeks without seeing his own dad >most of the plot plays out as normal except i make everything a hundred times worse by trying to get with the other diamonds (a thousand times worse if i actually succeed)
>>153603108>>move into the temple so he doesn't have go days/weeks without seeing his own dadThis always irked me, why doesn't Greg live there? Was the sexual tension between him and Pearl too much?
>>153602154Everyone on this board is a woman, this thread was doomed from the start, OP
>>153602154Your hypothetical is flawed because I would have been fucking Blue Diamond, not Rose/Pink.
>>153603955Okay, you get Steven Blueniverse. What now?
>>153603974Well in that case>probably get help from my parents because I have no idea how to raise a kid alone and have immense OCD>have him attend human school so he has a chance to be social with other kids>try my best to raise him Catholic and be respectful>allow the Gems to see him, that way he’s familiar with his origins and allow him to know the Gems before he potentially goes to live with them>have him wait until he’s in at least his late teens before I ever let him live with the CG for training/understanding his powers
>>153602154>Hey Steven>Check this out>MMMRG MMMG MMRG
>>153604040Not to be mean, but you sound like the CG could bully you into letting them have Steven pretty early on in his life
>>153604076>Die you asshole
On his 10th birthday I'd give him a puppy to raise, play with, care for, and bond with. On his 11th birthday I would force him to kill and eat it. His 12th birthday would be his first hunting trip. 13th birthday? Officially an adult, time to leave the nest. I'd drug him and then leave at a bus station in Rockford, Illinois. I would then change my identity so he could never find me. Just like how my dad raised me.
>>153602154Imagine saving the world, the whole galaxy even, and people still act like you're a disgrace.And why? Because you're kind and empathetic.What the fuck is wrong with people?I think this is why there has never been a single moment in all of human history that we weren't at war with ourselves.
>>153602154you think /sug/ will come back from the dead when Lars of the Stars releases?
Fuck the shit out of space rock dykes. Figure out how to keep garnet from splitting during sex.Knock all of them upOr just leave with the kid and raise him someplace thatll be hard on him. Shiw him the world can be cruel but we cant let it dimimnish whats good in him. And since hes half of my DNA he wont be a fat little wimp.
>>153603027>>153605457>Knock all of them upYou're just gonna make more whiny crybabies. These are all Rose's closest friends, they all share an ideology
>>153602154Certainly not be offloading him to a trio of alien lesbian communists. Greg was scared and took an easy out so he could continue to be irresponsible. Boys need their fathers un their homes with them.
>>153605205>Because you're kind and empathetic.No imagine you're a fiction writer and after your titular hero saves the world, the galaxy even, all they can do is opine at length about how damaging that was to him and write a sad depressing ending for him.
>>153602154I don't raise him. I let a bunch of alien dykes raise him and then fuck off into my van like a homeless bum while losers who watch this dreck name me captain killcock or some gay shit because the fat balding deadbeat dad is the closest thing that they have to look up to in this piece of shit show.
>>153605446I just want Jane back and i do hope she have a cameo on that Lars of the Stars cartoon
>>153608981Why would you waifu a human? The gems are way better.
>>153602154Well for starters, we're both lifting weights as soon as he turns 10. Discipline or regret.Second-- technically zero, but whatever-- I would have been fucking Pearl, so that's entirely the wrong outcome.
>>153610808I dunno,anon, i like her. She's cute and nerdy granted,wouldnt say no to a threesome with her and Peridot
>>153610830You don't even lift weights now
>>153605205>Save the world, the whole galaxy even. >Be so annoying and insufferable everyone still hates you and the only reason they don't kill you on the spot is out of respect for what you did.A feat truly
>>153602154Steven isn't stuck being fat fuck though. If he had different influences, his self perception would be different. He'd be fucking jacked if he were inserted into a stereotypical shounen setting.
>>153602154Does your son have infinite healing potential, super strength, and attracts sexy alien pussy like a magnet that he's not even interested in, leaving more for you? I didn't think so. But yeah my son is a "pussy". Enjoy watching football practice, you faggot. My son has the world to save and I have gems to try and fail to fuck.
