light bulb, remove innards for safety pour in salt and shake then add water and more salt and shake again to clean the inner coating, break when needed.

>>2957709
only mentions it now that incandescent lights are rare.

>>2957706
cardboard box

>>2957706
Hey I borrowed your lint roller and used the last few sheets and threw it away... Why are you panicking? I'll get you another one, jesus, calm the fuck down...

>>2957706
Very easy.
I don't own any valuable.

>>2957706
Make trap doors in the walls

Inside lighting fixtures, taped under shelves or drawers, sealed bags in the toilet cistern, above closet door frames, hollowed out books, false outlets, inside the the frames of doors behind the hinge, under floorboards, jammed up your ass, jammed up the ass of a taxidermied animal, stuffed in a stuffed animal, in a food can you opened from the bottom and put back on the shelf, behind a wall mounted microwave, buried in can of coffee, "lost" down the gap between large appliances like your stove, inside and empty but resealed frozen food box, in the attic, in your firearm safe...

>>2957706
Got HVAC? Pop a grate off the ductwork. You can fit a whole laptop and any other valuables, right through the whole and screw the grate back on .

>>2957706
What kind of valuables? All my money are in the bank. If i want to buy somehing, i can pay for it with my credit card or phone.

>>2957706
where do you live that your house is getting broken in to so fucking often you need a "diversion safe"?

in my entire life I have had one house broken in to one time.

I have a real safe. even that doesn't contain money or jewels. it contains important papers.

anyone breaking in to houses now a days is after your TV, iphone, or anything that can be fenced easily.

If it's a small item like an 8 ball in a baggie, tie a string to it and to a drain plug, drop the baggie in the pipe and plug it up

I store my net wealth in the copper wire and pipes in the walls
>>2959316
>he thinks his money is in the bank
anon, I...

>>2958119
Most furniture is basically hollow.

>>2959660
I store my wealth in steel and old equipment.

>>2958119
tfw you're craving a frozen chicken patty and you find a softball sized ball of your mom's frozen dope instead*

*true story

>>2957706
make old broken fridge into Gun Safe.

Put a few clasp locks/pad locks on it, but with lots of Passive Aggressive health food nut signs like "NO meat or animal cruelty products allowed. This is your last warning. Violation will result in Legal Action!".

and "I have Allegeries, none of the following allowed (then list about 50 various Latin biology names)"

Have some dried "juice" that leaked out on the floor under the door.

PS-keep plugged in of course. Light should still work. :)

>>2961613
I've seen people make them out of old coke machines. I have a 5'x10'x8' 1/4" plate steel water tank that I want to make into a walk in gun safe... Cut the top and bottom off, drill some anchors into my shop floor, put it in the corner, line the inside with some 10 gauge steel plate and space it with rebar pegs welded to the other tank. Pour walls and ceiling in one go. Make a door for it. Bingo-bango, you got yourself a walk in gun safe/tornado shelter...

>>2959583
Who in their right mind is fencing fucking TVs these days? Used TVs are cheap as shit and new TVs don't exactly break the bank. I know criminals are retarded but come on.

I have insurance, steal the shit…fuck State Farm

>>2961710
criminals aren't known for their critical thinking skills

>>2961710
>Who in their right mind is fencing fucking TVs these days? Used TVs are cheap as shit and new TVs don't exactly break the bank. I know criminals are retarded but come on.
>>2961845
>criminals aren't known for their critical thinking skills
This. They'll take your t.v., other electronics and your air jordans and step around stuff with actual value to get them...

>>2961833
right? i haven't had to deal with an insurance claim yet but i'm paying for coverage on my car and house.
steal whatever, i'll get reimbursed. i'll only shoot you because i can

>>2961869
>right? i haven't had to deal with an insurance claim yet but i'm paying for coverage on my car and house.
>steal whatever, i'll get reimbursed. i'll only shoot you because i can
You don't hate insurance companies enough. They'll fight you tooth and nail and nickel and dime you to death over shit you supposedly have covered.

>>2961874
fair. i live in a white neighborhood and drive safe so just generally don't worry about it. i just find capitilizing on all the insurance i pay for a funny idea

>>2957706
>creative ways to keep your valuables hidden?
trusty prison wallet

>>2959583
>house is getting broken in to so fucking often you need a "diversion safe"?
lots of ways for people to know what you have and then scheme to steal it. Online orders, packages out front, neighbors, insurance companies, contractors, kids friends, cops watching your banking staging a fake raid to steal your money, and some random chance someone just hits your house.

File: DIY-Div-safe.jpg (31 KB, 500x500)

31 KB JPG

Here's one i made IRL back when de criminalization of weed hadn't made it almost nationwide.
>be me
>visit friend out west at the end of a 3 week driving trip to nowhere in particular, just seeing the country
>turns out friend has a whole garage Grow-OP in a legal state
>"Hey man, you wanna take some with?, I have like six strains all trimmed and cured?"
>not even that big of a smoker, but gift horses and all..
>"Fuck yeah! how much you want for it?"
>looks at me confused..."No man. just take like a half ounce of each..."
>surprisedPikachuface.gif
>on the trip home, realize I'm carrying almost 3 ozs. of dispensary grade weed through a few hardline states.
>sweating bullets in the Marriott a 2am..notice out the window there's a Walmart not far away..
>go buy pic related, can of black spray paint, and some gallon ziplok bags.
>back in the room, pour out some molasses into one of hotel water cups
rinse out the jar well and dry completely
>spray paint the inside of the jar and let it dry for an hour, then run the hotel hairdryer into it on low on it's side to fully dry it out,(the paint smell never went 100% away)
>loaded jar with weed, capped it off, put it in a gallon ziplock and poured in a spoonful's worth of the cup molasses into the bag on the jar on one side
I was camping mostly as I drove around the country, so I had a full camp kitchen set-up that since I used it everyday, was on top of everything else and some of the food was in the passenger side footwell. I just chucked it in there in plain view.
Turns out my gut feeling was right, since 2 days later on the way to another friend's house for a few days, 7 states away, I got pulled over.
Still don't know why, since I was using cruise control, going the speed limit, and there were no problems with the vehicle.
But after he asked for lisc. and reg. and asked me where I was going,(i lied of course,) he didn't even give me a warning, just???

>>2959287
This is pretty well known though
Cutting through drywall somewhere inconspicuous is a better idea

>>2961710
since when do joggers think about what to steal? they steal the easy stuff to sell. you have tweakers stealing copper wire from homes being built for pennies on the dollar. they break in and grab the first shit they can find. only idiots keep cash in plain site, and you can't tell if jewelry is expensive shit or not just by looking at it.

>>2962852
ah! sovereign citizen, so you live in a shithole. try not doing that.

so explain how jamal can get information on your online orders?
if your neighbors can't be trusted you live in a shithole.
since when do insurance companies have anything to do with this?
cops don't watch your banking.
if your kids friends are not trustworthy then why are you allowing them to be their friends? also why are you keeping wads of cash in your house if you live in a shithole?

>>2961862
there was only one time in my life someone broke in to my house. it was back in the late 80's. I lived in a house on the edge of the hood. one day some random guy (white) broke in to the house. we had 2 dogs one of which acted like it would rip the throat out of anyone who came to the door. but the moment you stepped in the door he instantly stood down. one of our neighbors saw him skulking around and called the cops.

when the cops arrived they found him sitting in the family room surrounded by all the tv, electronics, and easily sell-able items stacked near the back door and he was petting the dogs. he had brought his own phone and we think he had called someone to come pick him up. oh and he had took a shit in our toilet and wiped his ass with my towel.

seems he was a druggy, and earlier in the day he had robbed and beaten some old guy in the neighborhood.

the house we had at the time had no alarm or cameras. every house we have had since then has them. also I don't leave shit outside my house that indicates I have anything expensive in my house, and my cars are all in my garage instead of like most idiots where their garage is full of crap. If you saw me you would think I was barely getting by. yet I have more money than most of you will see in your lifetime. only idiots wear their wealth on them. even my family thinks we are poor.

also we don't live in a shithole so we don't have much of a problem with porch pirates, and the city I live in actively gets rid of bums, druggies, and crazy people.

>>2962894
OR you know? don't smoke weed. simple as.

>>2962945
Yeah, I don't anymore.
But that's not the point.
It's a great cheap Diversion safe since it's
A) a food nobody just "GOES FOR" like cookies
B) Is hidden in plain sight in a pantry or cupboard
and
C) Nobody wants to fuck with in the first place because of the tiny amount of molasses in the bag.(you just keep in in the bag when loading and unloading)

File: 1276709872814.jpg (49 KB, 610x435)

49 KB JPG

>>2962947
>A) a food nobody just "GOES FOR" like cookies
I'v just had a genius idea!
Get a can of Surströmming. Should be a rather small can. Get another can or something, of the same diameter, empty it, figure out some kind of hidden opening or something, and mount it to the bottom of the still full surströmming can. Remove the surströmmings label, scan it and adapt it to fit to the new, taller can, something like XXL size, or value pack, or family eddition or something like that.
No one will touch a large can of surströmming.
And if they do and try to open it from the top, the surströmming will explode into their face. If they run, you won't even need a trained police dog or something to hunt them down, even a human now can follow their smell.

File: FishMINE.png (267 KB, 905x510)

267 KB PNG

>>2962986
Yeeeeaaaaaaahhh...
I'm ALMOST with ya.(italics there for CAPS )
But see, THEN you'd have to burn the house down if you ever got robbed to that point.
I mean, I GET that it's like the glitter bomb packages they use to LOLCow package pirates, but IDK...
I'd be onboard if you could rig it so the can was "bloated", and was filled with something like sterile water and rubber chunks, and the bottom had a screw-off trick bottom, but...
I like your Moxie, kid, but back to the Drawing board on this one.

>>2957706
Put wood glue on an odd sock, let it dry and boom.

Fake cum sock stash.

>>2961613
Put an open can of tuna in there so it rots