Am drinking 750ml of prune juice to fix this (literal) shit. Wish me luck boys.
>>77244805Maybe stop taking it up the ass too
>>77244805Rectum? Damn near killed him!
>>77244805Imagine the smell
>>77244805Can you even safely shit that out?
>>77244954You'd be surprised how wide an asshole can stretch
>>77244954I like to put 2 fingers in my vagina and press the back wall. Then you make a come hither motion with your fingers and you can push it out the back door and break it up a bit
>>77244954It would be extremely painful
>>77244805Black coffee and Quest bars. If you know, you know.
OP here, finally cleared it after using a suppository laxative, but it took a while to take effect.
>>77244805That's a big poopoo.Are there any vaginas here that can tell if that's normal for a womans?
>>77244959I used to hit my ex girlfriend's gspot from her ass. She also enjoyed her ketamine so no more ghost in the pussy assblast action.
>>77244954I once too zinc pills with no water after a fast and had actual rocks blocking my asshole After some pushing and pulling, the poop above lubricated the hard poop and pushed itI've never had a more relieving poop in my life. Like an actual feeling of relief and emptiness
>>77244974Ok the cure.No food or alcohol after 7pm, no alcohol period if you can manage that. However stay drinking water or a tea. Enough that it fills your bladder so you can piss.In morning drink water. Two cups of coffee, no sugar no cream. Go for walk or go outside and stretch or swing a club or any exercise that you are twisting, lifting your legs, shifting weight, bending etc.You will have some of the best shits of the day. Also no large breakfast, ever. A snack of 4 buttered toast or fruit small.The regular meal is at noonish sometimes 2 or 3 pm. Regular dinner at 6 or 7p.
>>77244954You can just break it up into smaller chunks with your fingers.
>>77244960It's a big poo.
I had this pile of big shit like 2 weeks ago and it was relieving but now I’m back at shitting hard lumpy shit once or twice a day while eating normally. I hope I don’t have any sickness but it sucks not shitting normally
>>77244805TURDMAXXING
>>77244805sounds gay, but whenever I get constipated, I always lube up my finger with a little vaseline and smear it around the rim of my asshole, going inside a bit. The end of the stool log is usually very hard and dry and the grease lets it slide out much smoother.
>>77244960you're a big guy
>>77244805OP's condition isn't the turd in the chamber on the backside but the dilator in his front hole. >>77245076giga brain approach
Have you tried psyllium?
>>77244954I learned about the water bottle trick from some gay dude. It's supposed to be for gay sex but would probably work for general pooping too....
>>77245017I know two of them, one has perpetual gut problems. It's her nature to be kind of high cortisol, so that probably has an effect, and she also skips meals all the time, which would compound the perception that >oh no I haven't pooped in a while, better take a laxativeWhich then makes the problem worse because pooping isn't supposed to empty your entire colon as does a laxative, so there's nothing to push it forward except peristalsis, which we've established is pretty slow for her.FINALLY she eats like no fibre so she doesn't bloat up.I'd say this is a standard female experience.
I had a shit get stuck once and I never want to have to put my finger up my ass again
>>77245759lead contaminationprobably better to just eat beans
>>77246060beans give me volcanic apocalyptic world-ending shits that lasts for days. i cannot eat beans. i'm white. this must be how it feels when browns consume dairy.
Literally just eat butter. I add butter to my coffee and all hot food, gives me soft buttery shidsAnother thing that works is high-fat coconut cream, drink a glass of it and your asshole will burst into treats an hour later
>>77244957I frequent /gif/. I have no surprises left.
>>77244954Not for a Jedi.
>>77244805walk, drink tons of water, take care of your gut microbiome. This is the foundation. Kefir and certain probiotics can be incredible.turmeric has been amazing to me to shit. boosts bile production and secretion to help with digestion. And I know it's from the tumeric because my shits have a much better color when im taking it (because of the bile)
>>77244805Dude go carnivore, if the issue is too much shit then eat a diet that minimizes the shit you produce
>>77244959Truly fascinating creatures.
>>77244805Just go the pharmacy, buy a bottle of magnesium citrate, down half the bottle (whole bottle if its super bad), and drink plenty of powerade. Dont leave the area near your bathroom for a few hours after.This is the non gay homeopath solution
>>77244805coca cola enemashttps://www.researchgate.net/publication/353724847_Colonoscopic_Instillation_of_Coca-Cola_for_Evacuation_of_Large_Fecaloma_A_Report_of_Two_Cases_and_Review_of_Literature
>>77247609>Attempts at evacuating stool with digital evacuation, sodium phosphate enema, and oral polyethylene glycol were unsuccessful. At colonoscopy, two sittings of instillation of 990 mL of Coca-Cola Light each were done into sigmoid colon over 2 days, resulting in clearance.
>>77247609that seems like a great way to get the worst infection of your life
What kind of garbage are you guys eating for this to be an issue?
>>77247642
>>77244805Epsom salt and aloe vera juice.Make sure you have nothing to do for at least an hour.
>>77244805Hehe. Poopoo bambam pusspuss.
>>77244805depending on your situation, you might want to consider medicine.like if you havent shit in over 5 days, i would recommend taking polyethylene glycol.this will draw moisture back into your shit to prevent it from drying out and worsening your situation. however, if you truly think its impacted like your pic, you should attempt to break it up with an enema kit
>>77246770I'm fine eating beans, dairy, seafood and anything.I am just a superior white I guess.
>>77244960For you.
>>77244805Have you tried caffeine + tapatio sauceCan't even walk out the door for work without shitting my guts moments after that.
>>77245029I can't piss just by drinking water without eating first.
>>77247019>just have dead animals lay and rot in your bowels while your ass is blocked
If you drink like six cups of hot/warm coffee, that should be enough to get everything going and flowing.
>>77247625Most retarded comment on the catalog.
>>77244954been ten years now but I remember I had one painful shit I had to dig out my ass with toilet paper bit by bit until the whole thing slid out.
>>77250622I had to do this after twisted bowels surgery years ago. No diet could prevent constipation for like a full year. One time the shit was so big that I started dribbling cum while pushing it out. No orgasm.
>>77244805Take psyllium husk powder. A teaspoon with a glass of water after breakfast, lunch and dinner. If you have constipation issues, it'll literally save your ass.
>>77250693
>>77250602Explain what you think "the catalog" is
>>77250985My reaction when it didn't even feel good.
>>77244954yes but its very painful. i took too many iron pills once and had an event like op’s pic. see how on the left side its so large its pressing into the prostate?that happened to me. when i finally got it to come out, it rubbed my prostate and with the final push to get it out, my soft johnson bizarrely shot out one rope of cum from the stimulation. oddest moment of my life.
OP needs to deliver. Both technically and metaforically
>>77244954You just stick your fingers in your vagina and then massage it out from the othe side? Do you even shit bro?
>>77244889underrated
>>77247019You know you still produce shit on carnivore, right? Just without fiber it sticks to the inside walls of your intestine and you end up carrying around 30lbs of rotting meat inside you.
>>77244959This girl shits
>>77244805Just get fucked in the butt.Cocks got a mushroomhead for a reason, they are meant to scoop out left over cum, in your case it would scoop out poopGood luck!
>>77251411dumbest post ive seen all week
>>77251429Imagine being gay. Man.
>>77251451Imagine not shitting and dying because of shit. I rather take a cock in the butt than to die
>>77244805shitty situation you got yourself in
>>77247819
>>77251475Didn't ask
>>77251238anon, there's no prostate in that picture
>>77244805just take magnesium oxide its literally dirt cheap
>>77244959are you single?
>>77246770you have to ease into it. consume small amounts daily then increase it, your gut biome adjusts
>>77244813That would actually help not getting in that situation in the first place
Last time I was in this thread, anon talked about breaking it up with a pencil.Also anon posted a picture depicting what >>77244959talks about but I don't have it saved.Good times.
>>77246060fr? i've been drinking that stuff for a year. im naturally constipated so i need it for my poops
Here is what you do>buy a very high quality, whole Spanish (not Mexican) chorizo>skin it>cook it on a low heat >retain all the oil>put the whole thing in a bowl, cut it up and make sure you eat it in its entiretyYou will shit. I mean everything will come out, better than any pill or coffee binge or whatever>but I don’t like pork Eat it>this might harm my macrosEat the chorizo. You’re reading advice on how to clear a shit on 4chan>this won’t work Just try it and trust me
>>77252233why not do this with any other oil. i heard a dude drank a cup of olive oil and shat everything out
>>77244954Scares me to be honest. Ive split my asshole before and the results were not pretty. I give myself a preventitive enema now if I have shit for two days. Dont want things building up ever again.
>>77244974is this the cause or the cure?
>>77252294>Ive split my asshole before
>>77245363I get this. Like the first 1/4 is clumpy hard rock like shit but then it smoothes out into nice soft torpedo like shape. Vaseline is the trick if you think you are going to be in for a tough time.
>>77247609I've heard of cococola doing the trick, but never knew it was meant to go up your ass
I took a shit today so big that it felt like a piece of me was missing. Took me an hour before I felt normal again.
>>77252294I'm a regular big shitter. I have split my sphincter too. It really hurts.
>>77252233>"skin a chorizo"didn't read further
>>77244805This happens to women over 50 2/3rds of the time what're you retards ITT eating that you're getting an impacted bowel
Last time i had a shit was Wednesday 29th. It was a huge shit though.Now there's been anxious time for me and i've taken some meds for it so that probably makes me constipated. I don't feel that different and i haven't eaten that much but i'd like to get something out already
>>77244805So... im gonna ask the right question. If impacted poop presses your vagina then does it give you pleasure, OP?
>>77244974I wish I didn't
>>77245867What's the water bottle trick..
Elvis had 30 pounds of feces in his body when he died.
>>77253094gay people uncap plastic water bottles and squeeze the entire thing into their anus and then push it out to expel feces so that another man can put their penis into their anus without getting covered in fecal matter
are you guys all fent addicts or somethingjust drink some coffee, I shit at the same time every single day
>>77244805If its like in the diagram, an enema may be more appropriate
>>77253158Why did they vacate his bowels and weigh it all?For what purpose
>>77253733Its standard during an autopsy
>>77253094Squat over the toilet with a full water bottle and press the rim firmly on your anus. Then push out like you're trying to poop while squeezing the bottle.
>>77253739makes you wonder why the government NEEDS this information. what aren't they telling us? #BIGFiber
>>77253812Mirin.
>>77252308Yes.
>>77253812Imagine the smell.
>>77244805I've discovered that Red Bull Zero causes my anus to leak blood like a literal faucet.
>>77252294>tfw you hear a long squirt in the toilet thinking some liquid shit slipped through and it was a pump of blood instead good memento moriis it internal bleeding? cancer? probably just the giant turd you passed recently broke your ass, but it puts the fear of death back in the forefront for a while, like having to slam the brakes on a car
>>77253812Did that come out of a man or a women?
>>77256197my best guess is from a constipated old lady
>>77244805
>>77256624bro seed oils make the shid slide right out
For me, when I'm constipated, I put a banana in the fridge, on the lowest level, the night before. After a good night of sleep I eat the banana for breakfast, straight out of the fridge and a glass of cold water. After breakfast I have 15 minutes to find a toilet (or a bucket) and then I'm not constipated anymore.
>constipation thread won't 404lol.lmao.
>>77253812That's a big stool
>>77257387For poo
>>77253812>posting the shopped version anon the poop was wayy bigger
>>77253812That fucking filename godamn anon topkek
>>77256083How the fuck do you ingest it? The can goes to the mouth
>>77244805Thats what the long red thing is for
>>77257693It's the erythritol and sucralose. My hemorrhoid apparently just explodes when I have some of that stuff. Like blood streaming out for ten seconds. Wondering if I have a legal case. I stop drinking it one day and no more bleeding. Try it again the next day and it's like I'm on an ass-period again.
Tangential but I don't know where else to ask thisFor the past year now I have had constant gas, I need to fart every few minutes (not hyperbole) and seconds after I let it out I feel my abdomen tighten and bloat out again from gas I've tried simethicone and it doesn't seem to do shit, any advice?
>>77257846Do elimination diet of just your favorite meat and eggs (and some fruit but only every know and then to get vitamin c) and you should notice something in only 10 days or so.Then you can try adding some things back to see what causes the gas.I dropped gluten products for good no that I couldn't eat them even now and then but it was an easy choice given that eating gluten free pizza/pasta/bread etc would give me zero bloat. You do get some gas always by eating carbs tho.
Me? I shit little pebbles about once a week. Kinda reminds me of a rabbit.
>>77257846Sounds like a heliobacteria infection. Go to a doctor and get a breath test. If positive then you'll need antibiotics. If you leave it, it will never get better. Can give you ulcers and shit.Gl
>>77256105Yep. This absolutely has happened. Still not sure if it was a hemmy or fissure. I was scared to shit after that. I didbt look in the bowl after i shit for about a week after this happened. Too scared to know what was going on back there. Sorted itself out thankfully. I think switching to oats every morning has been a game changer for my butthole
>>77257286Bananas are constipating I thought, but will keep your trick in mind
>>77257733Fascinating. This is very interesting, im always learning something new here
>>77257521Imagine being 3-5 kilo lighter after a heavy shit>mfw
>>77245353KEKK
>>77247609This shit really just does anything huh
>>77250622>>77250693>>77248261>>77247609Why do this when you can get a bidet kit and spray water into your ass without an enema kit or anything else?
>>77257873I haven't noticed any sort of correlation with what I eat and when I get gas, and the only dietary changes I made around the time this started is that I started to get premade microwavable meal kits in the mail, but it seems impossible to me that EVERY kit that they make would share a single common ingredient that causes this>>77257886And that can last for literally a year straight?
>>77258345So have you tested eating no carbs for a while.
>>77244959FYI If you have to do this, your pelvic floor muscles are either extremely weak or blown out.>Source: I always thought “fingers in pussy to push the poop” was a dumb incel meme until after I gave birth… and a few months postpartum I had to do it. Bought a yoni egg and use it on the regular, now my pelvic floor and pooping muscles are back to normal.
I am so happy my bowels work like clockwork. 0430 after my coffee, every morning during a weekday, total evacuation in about 5 mins spend 10 mins just recovering. Don't have to shit until 0430 the next day.
>>77258345Yeah I mean it lasts literally forever if it doesn't get treated>t. spent a year with a heliobacteria infection and only went to a doctor once it gave me ulcers and I started shitting blood
>>77244805>tfw she says her pussy is tight but she's full of shit
WOMEN ARE FUCKIN GROSS DUDE
>>77251866
Women WISH their vagina was that far from their shithole.Actually, I do too. It's disgusting.
Eat leafy greens you salad dodger
>>77259140>he doesn't eat buttholeNGMI
constipation thread 4evamods sticky
I'm so sick of seeing this shitty thread that doesn't contribute anything of value in the catalog.We already had that other thread about raw eggs alive for like 20 days.This site is fucking dead if worthless threads like this last for so long.
>>77259634hail the turd, faggot
>vagina>this entire fucking threadoh no /fit/ nooooooooo
>>77259634thanks for the bump, newfag
>>77244805>>77244954One time I had to reach in and break that shit apart, it was hard like a bicep in there, made of steal. Had to use my fingers to squeeze as much as I can so that it can come out.Good luck bros
>>77257733Checked. That‘s crazy
>>77257733Theres no erythritol in red bull
I wish to get doubles as a gift to blessed turd thread.
>>77261185
>>77261160Fuck off, tard
>>77261392Yeah, that's not Red Bull. That's Red Bull made with monk fruit. It's a recent flavor edition.
>>77261398I've been specifying red bull zero the entire time. My anus doesn't spout blood if I have sugar free (aspartame) or regular. It's gotta be the sucralose/erythritol that takes my guts like a dredgeboat
>>77244805Try the following:> 1/2 cup of creatine phosphate 2 hours before event, mixed with sugar free electrolyte drink and 1 quart of water> 1 bottle of magnesium citrate 30 minutes before event, along with 1 quart of water
>>77244805Eat a shitload of gummy bears it will give you the shits
>>77244959LONDONIUM
>>77248316>>77245411>>77245264WAS GETTING CONSTIPATED PART OF YOUR PLAN???
>>77261500Yeah, that's not Red Bull Zero. Red Bull Zero has been around for ages. This is specifically Red Bull with monk fruit.
>>77263214Somebody get this shithead outta here.
TURD NUKE
>>77263214They'll expect some blood in the wreckage, brother.
>>77244805Id just finger it out desu. Maybe give myself a shower douche. Ez pz. Plus I bet that prostate stim is off the chain.
>>77253159thats literally just douching. You guys got me interested in typical gay behaviour
>>77263242>akshuallyConsider suicide.
>>77258776Do you consume little to no wheat and dairy by any chance?
TURDURD
>>77244805Best thread in a long time. This place is a shithole.
>10 days and 9 hours ago
>>77258325That's like asking why anyone would drive a manual over an automatic
I can't believe nobody's mentioned the salt water flush yet.
>>77244805Bro, eat a like 300g of cooked down spinach per day. This will fix it. My body has trouble shitting when I'm trying to hit 180-200g protein when I'm running a deficit and cant eat a fuck ton of fibrous carbs for epic logs. Spinach is the key.If you want to force the issue keep some magnesium citrate (drink), miralax, and some Bisacodyl on the shelf (all over the counter). If I get frustrated and lack of shits and it's distracting me this is my shit max stack. Just go easy on it. It fucking works. My system is very diarrhea resistant. I almost never get it hence the issue I described. I will never know what it's like to almost shit my pants on an airplane and I'm Ok with that. I'll take the occasional constipation
>>77244805That pic reminds me of the time I first fingered my practice gf. I noticed two lumps in the back of her vag canal and really was wondering what that could be, but obviously didn't ask during. Years later I realised it was shit. The bottom 79% of women are just fucking nasty.
>>77267141R.I.P. kidneys
>>77244954Not if it’s hard and dry. Need a stool loosener. taco bell and alcohol gave me this problem once.
>>77267373You're a drooling retard if you think cooked spinach is bad for you kidneys.
>>77253577more than a quarter of uncs live in chronic pain anon. A quarter of the people in this thread are probably on opiates more days than they are sober.Additionally, more than a quarter of women are on antidepressants, and they had to rewrite the definition of bipolar because too many foids qualified by default.
>>77258018I don't have to imagine
>>77258445Can you please post a photo of your breasts ma’am? I think we’d all appreciate it
>>77244805Try the diarrhea-maxx stack.Xylitol and full fat cream, maybe put it in a coffee. Also 600 mgs of magnesium citrate.
>>772448052 capsules of 500mg Psyllium Husk every morning.Simple as.
Just eat beans. Two pounds a week. You WILL be regular and you WILL have big poops and you WILL like it.
TurD eternal
Get an enema. Like ten bucks at the drugstore. All men have to do it a few times in life at least for prostate scans. It's just human stuff, no need to be ashamed.
>>77246880Same, kek.
When farm animals get "backed up", farmers just put on gloves and break the turds apart right in their butts. Apparently, they're brittle and chunky. You probably can't fit a hand up your ass unless you're crossposting from >>>/fa/, but the principle should be the same, i. e. dig in with a finger while trying to poop.
>>77244805Just get a prostate vibrator and shove it way up there. Optionally jack off when it's in to release a massive load. Unironcally you need to go gape your ass a bit now and then to stop from developing problems long term. No homo. This board is so afraid it will make them gay somehow and then we wind up with a billion threads of this weird ailments.
>>77270300
>>77270300D-dubs of t-truth!
>>77244805Just drink a tablespoon of mag sulfide in a glass of water. That will clean you out.
>>77270300>Unironcally you need to go gape your ass a bit now and then to stop from developing problems long term.
>>77244959You're so lucky.
>>77270300This might sound plausible but it doesn't pan out in practice. I've had anal sex with over 100 men at this point and all it really does is push air into your ass which you then have to fart out. It doesn't dislodge any shits. For example: last time I got fucked I spent like half an hour on the guy's toilet, gave up, went to bed and just fell asleep farting but with shit still stick inside my rectum.As for something that actually works: enemas, but it's very fiddly and if you do it wrong you might shit out water at an inopportune moment. What I prefer doing when I'm going out clubbing is lubing up my hand and just getting a few fingers in there. You can just physically pull out the poop (in chunks). Obviously you should do this after shitting as much as possible out the conventional way, but this will have you clean enough to bottom in the bathroom or in a dark room several hours later so it works.
>>77272294most sane faggotpost
This condition causes people to leak shit. It’s called encopresis. Basically because that last part is enlarged from impacted stool your body constantly thinks you’re needing to shit and releases a little all the time. Also don’t flush your toilet once it passes unless you want to pay roto rooter 300$
>>77274129>Also don’t flush your toiletI will flush whatever and whenever I want
>>77244954I was born for this shit
>>77274129>1776 + 250>Not having a poopknifeNGMI
Can't believe my thread is still up.
>>77274851Any development regarding the original post?
>>77274870->>>77245003
>>77274851best thread this month desu
>>77265054No, opposite actually. I have toast for breakfast every second morning and will have a sandwich for lunch.Dairy, I drink about 10+ litres of milk a week. Other dairy I do eat cheese and yoghurt and not the cheap fake stuff.
>>77245076I just punch myself in the gut and taint until it spills out. Good for triceps and abs.
>>77245363Does no one else spit on the toilet paper and put it up their ass on a normal shit?
>>77263641It's way too late to be wheezing like this.
>>77275681why would anyone do that?
>>77244954I dated a nurse who worked in post-op recovery once, and apparently a nurse has to go in with gloves and disimpact your bowels manually if it gets bad enough.
>>77275890>how was your day today honey?>had to finger a lot of poop out of someone again?
>>77244805OP pls respond
