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Ultra-wide monitors are just a productivity placebo for people who can’t manage windows. You spent $900 to recreate two 1080p screens glued together, still alt-tab like a caveman, and call it a “workflow.” If your setup only works when everything is fullscreen, you didn’t level up — you just bought cope in 21:9.

Vim/Neovim maximalism is theater kid energy for programmers. You memorized 400 keybinds to avoid using a mouse, then spend half your day explaining your config instead of shipping anything. Congrats, your editor boots in 0.3 seconds and you still missed the deadline.

Self-hosting everything is the new essential oils. You turned your weekend into unpaid SRE work so you can say you “own your stack,” while your services go down every time you reboot the router. Cloud services exist so normal people can touch grass and still have working software.

Android “power users” are just unpaid QA. You flash ROMs, break banking apps, and call instability “freedom.” Meanwhile iOS users updated once and moved on with their lives while you’re stuck on XDA hunting a fix for yesterday’s bug.

Smart home setups are 90% ritual, 10% utility. You don’t need three hubs, MQTT, and YAML just to turn on a light. If your house stops functioning when Wi-Fi drops, you didn’t build a home — you built a demo environment.

Mechanical keyboard sound tests are ASMR for people avoiding real work. Linear, tactile, thocky, clacky — none of it matters if you’re still typing Slack messages and Jira comments all day.