I used to hear the phrase "bi now, gay later" in my teens and 20s. I can't speak objectively, but I am starting to think there is some truth it. I'm 32 and I have noticed from 25 to now, I had waning interests in women. I can't even get a proper date and it feels pathetic. Now when I am on scruff just shit posting, I am attracted men with little to no effort. I am filtering out people who want to fuck, I'm getting actual men who want to talk. It makes me wonder if I was even bi in the first place. I used to have raging erections for women, now 4 years on going, I can't even fuck them. I don't even find women repulsive, I literally am impotent and struggle to orgasm. Now with men, I have never had this issue. I might need to just get a boyfriend before I get older, because I can' be single forever. On the other hand, I don't want a life of just meaningless sex. Am I really meant to be a genetic dead end?
>>2683185Most gay men would just say they were bisexual in the past because it was slightly more socially acceptable. If you were ever intensely attracted to women, you're bi. What you're experiencing could be the bi-cycle, hormone-related, porn-induced, etc. If someone here wants to argue how the brain can completely switch off a part of your sexual orientation go ahead, but something so innate doesn't seem like it could truly fluctuate.
you're a faggot, harry
>>2683185Do what you like, no labels required. Labels are a construct of social media, for attention, they are totally unnecessary.
>>2683185I don't think it "fades". It's more a case of where the path of least resistance is. Say you, as a bi guy, as an equal interest in a man and a woman that you like. You take the woman out on a few dates, do some things like shopping or see a romcom movie and a few weeks into the relationship you have sex with her.You date the guy by maybe going out for a couple of beers, enjoy the football game together, go back to your place and have sex.The guy was less work and more compatible in interests... less resistance.Maybe the relationships work, maybe they don't and if they don't, what is the easier, more comfortable to get into?
>>2683193This is something I have struggled with over the years. I'm not a masculine man, wouldn't even matter if I hit the gym more. I'm still attracted to both women and men, it just feels like perhaps I have watched too much porn to compensate that I have no partner. One thing that sucks about the gay world, men can't commit to monogamy. While I never had a boyfriend, I'm always reading about how dysfunctional same sex relationships are and that has always bothered me. >>2683212When it comes to women, feels mostly sexual. I'm not really into fantasizing romance with them. Men I am more into the cuddling and intimacy after sex.
>>2683185Struggling with this as well, I've had a girlfriend for the past 2 years now but I feel like I'm kinda into guys as well and I'm worried if this will make our relationship difficult in the long term.
>>2683217Issue is I have been single most of my life. I have had girlfriends in high school, but those weren't real relationships. I was having these feelings before porn. Im not saying porn didn't contribute, but I had these thoughts before exposure of porn.>I kissed my step brother in the mouth when I was 6 years old, he was a few years younger than me. I did it spontaneously and he allowed it.>I dreamed of cocks years before going online and finding out what male on male sex was. Doesnt change the fact I was seeking this stuff out.
>>2683185Although I am absolutely attracted sexually to both men and women, I find myself feeling more gaysexual in my 40's. I think it's because of culture in the US that I'm actually able to be more instinctual masculine and dominant with a male partner than a woman. Like they aren't offended by it.
>>2683215>While I never had a boyfriend, I'm always reading about how dysfunctional same sex relationships are and that has always bothered me. I'd take what you're "always reading" with a grain of salt, especially if you're getting it from here on 4chan (which is full of /pol/ types spreading propaganda). Or any kind of online space populated by young, single gay guys, since that is by definition selecting only from guys who aren't in functional relationships, as gay dudes in happy stable relationships aren't gonna be posting about it much. The hookup culture on dating apps is particularly shallow and toxic, but is not a good representation of the broader gay dating/relationship scene.
>>2683215Honestly most straight couples are (knowingly or not) non monogamous. Many cheat. Many go to swing clubs. Many are slightly open or have green card rules. I do think gays are a bit more open about it all though. My brother is in a monogamous gay relationship. My bf and I have some rules, that we figured out together. We're mainly monogamous, but sometimes go on an adventure together. Just to experience some other dicks sometimes.
>>2683419>>2683507If I'm being honest and I know it sounds a little cringe, I really fantasize more than just suck dick, I actually love the idea of laying down and cuddling with another man. I've done it before with a grinder hookup. Wasn't patient when I refused anal cuz I was nervous so we just hung out at his house and I spent the night there and we just hugged the entire night
>>2683522That doesn't sound cringe to me. Intimacy and affection are more important for every human's mental health than mere sex, and can be a lot harder to come by.
My instinct when in public is always to check out women, and mostly ignore men. But I'll visit the local bath house and see all the guys walking around naked and it's game on. I've turned into a pretty good bottom, but still overall, women make me hornier.
>>2683549I've been to several bathhouses, including one the summer after I turned 18, but I never had the courage to do anything besides walk around naked in front of others
>>2683566You will get braver as time passes.>>2683549Same here. Walking down the street I never think of a guy sexually. Only women. In the locker/showers/sauna, turn into someone else. Disclaimer: If I have a gf, I have better control over myself around guys interested in fooling around with me.
>>2683722lol what?
>>2683185You said it yourself that you had raging boners for women in the past. Have you tried to stop watching porn for a few days? Make it weeks. Not saying you don't like men, but personally, whenever I go on a streak without watching porn for weeks (irl stuff gets me busy), I deviate a lot from cocks and focus a lot more on women around me
>>2683771I could try that, I am too addicted to porn. I am a mess when it comes to relationships. I have just outright considered moving on from women and focusing on men. Women are just not worth it anymore, it's like the universe doesn't want me with another women. I am aware I typed some incel rhetoric, but I don't hate women when it comes to just day to day life stuff. I have never tried the no fap thing out.
I'm a bisexual woman, maybe I can give you some helpful input.I knew I liked girls since I was like 8 years old. I made out with girls in elementary school. But I also never doubted that I liked boys as well.However, I never did end up in a relationship with a girl, even though I definitely wouldn't have said no to that if the opportunity came up. Every relationship I had was with a man, including my current one which has been going strong for almost 10 years now (I'm 34). However, I think it's not just a coincidence that I never ended up in a relationship with another woman. It's an undeniable fact that men and women tend to have different personality traits compared to each other. Sure, there are men with more "typically female" personality traits, and women with more "typically male" traits. I count myself to the latter group, which my husband seems to think as well. I like video games, I'm not obsessed with beauty and fashion, I'm very pragmatic, I try to think logically and objectively rather than emotionally, I love cracking dumb jokes. And I find such traits desirable in a partner as well. That's why I think that there simply are VERY few women out there that I want a relationship in the first place. In other words, it's easier for me to form close bonds with men. I think they tend to understand my needs and worldview better, granted that they have the same need for non-sexual intimacy as I do (not every man does). And maybe it's something like this that also makes you feel more attracted to men while your interest in women is waning because you haven't felt a proper emotional connection to one so far. It might come down to understanding your sexual and your romantic needs, and how these might interact with each other. It's also entirely possible that you're on the asexual spectrum in some way. It's a pretty complex field to explore, but it could give you an explanation for the things you feel.
>>2684081I also wanted to add that gay relationships can definitely be monogamous. My husband's cousin is gay and got married recently after being together with his then-boyfriend for 10 years. They are both very down to earth and normal guys. I couldn't imagine either of them ever cheating on the other. I mean what do I know, maybe they are swingers or something, but I really, really can't imagine there ever being any cheating or betrayal between them. Honestly, they probably have the most "wholesome" relationship I have ever seen, even compared to all the straight couples I know, maybe even especially so. It reminds me a lot of my own relationship, without trying to pat myself on the back here. But I digress.Point is they do exist, but it's not easy to find. Another anon already mentioned how dating app and hookup culture is extremely toxic these days. That's already true for straight stuff, but from what I've heard it seems to be even worse in gay circles. Might have to do that a lot of gay men had to live through a lot of repression in their formative years, which then makes them wanna "whore themselves out" once they were out of a closet as some sort of overcompensation. I'm sure there are some studies on that, but I don't have time to do the research right now.I bring this up because said gay cousin and his husband were both lucky enough to have grown up in a very accepting family and cultural environment, so perhaps the "wholesome" nature of their relationship can be credited to their upbringing where they could be honest with themselves and not repress their feelings and needs. So yeah, like >>2683419 said, don't let stories you read on the internet poison your worldview. You are just way more likely to hear about negative experiences than positive. People aren't posting about their happy relationships, and even if they do, it doesn't make the rounds because it's not "interesting" to read.
>>2684085Also, check divorce rates for gay, lesbian and straight couples. Gay divorces are far less common than straight divorces, and lesbian divorces are a bit more common than the straight ones. It seems to suggest that men tend to make better decisions when it comes to committing to a long-term relationship, so that definitely also speaks against the "gay men are bad at being loyal to their partner" narrative. Or maybe they are better at handling "open" relationships, which wouldn't surprise me. (I'm not against the idea personally either by the way, but so far neither my husband nor I had the need for something like that. We are both somewhere on the asexual spectrum anyway.)
>>2683215I am Bi with a preference for men. I exclusively dated men in the past, and had two monogamous relationships. The first one ended with him cheating, and the second one ended when we got tired of eachother after 5 years (we still hang out and travel together 10 years after breaking up) but with him the sex was kinda vanilla, he was a little asexual, or just had a low sex drive, I don't know what it was, both of us were in shape and in our 20s at the time. I did become fat after we broke up. Anyway, my dream would be to have a wife and kids, and be a normal family man, but have a small maybe 2x a year or once a quarter pass to just be intimate, cuddle jerk off with a guy. I don't want to or have to do anal. In fact my desire for anal has waned significantly in my late 30s. But I don't know any trad, religious woman who would accept such an arrangement.
>>2684099Why do you want a trad religious woman then?
>>2683185because you psyoped yourself into being a total faggot, thats not normal. You fell for mens club only bullshit and turned full fag. So ig enjoy, one less poopdick to deal with.
>>2683716I fucked and sucked with friends growing up and some strangers I met online after I turned 18. But always while sneaking around. Being out in the open at a bathhouse kind of scared me. I really wanted to slut it up as soon as I turned 18 though. Met a guy from craigslist who was 27-28 and went to his apartment a few weeks after my 18th, we were both nervous at first. I even tried blowing him with a condom on. Eventually I got comfortable and took it off and slipped that nice hard cock into my mouth
I've struggled a lot with identity. I had crushes on a few girls growing up. I was absolutely straight until around the end of grade school, age 11 or so. It was then I started looking at porn, started to notice men, and was more knowledgable about sex and sexuality than I was during those childhood crushes on girls. I only dated 1 girl in high school, and even then only very briefly and without much passion on my end. She asked me out, I just went along with it because I figured that's what men are supposed to do, get with girls. I've only gone on a few dates since then, and I'm in my 30s. But I've hooked up with maybe 40-50 dudes? Not sure exactly.To me the feeling of men vs women is different. It's the feeling of playing video games all night vs mowing the lawn. Men are a quick dopamine burst, quick pleasure with little in the long term. But women are more like the mowing the lawn or doing chores; things you dont WANT to do, but you realize its your duty and life is better when they are done. At least thats how it's been for me. The only time I'm ever aroused at women is the thought of impregnating them. Literally nothing else does it for me. If I see a condom in porn, instant boner killer. If Im just looking at a regular clothed women, nothing. A pregnant girl that I fantasize is with kid, instant hard on. It's so strange to describe impregnation as a fetish since that's what your dick is for. We talk about kinks, when Kink means a deviation from the norm. Well, what norm? Knocking up girls. Every fetish, every orientation is branching off of that one desire. IMO what I have is (or ought) to be the norm, save for the fact that I may not desire it as often as a straight guy. The real problem though is that once you go gay, you really can't go back. Women look at a man who's slept with other dudes the same way men look at a really slutty girl. They want nothing to do with you, and no amount of "it was in the past" or "I've changed" will ever convince them.
>>2683185same here, still have physical attraction to women but i don't trust them and frankly i don't like them
>>2683215>One thing that sucks about the gay world, men can't commit to monogamy. While I never had a boyfriend, I'm always reading about how dysfunctional same sex relationships are and that has always bothered me.are you me?I'm pretty much in your situation, and I have the same hangups about gay relationshipsI would love a bf, but I don't like the whole gay culture
>>2684451I'm so torn about it. I don't want to be alone. I want a relationship, but I want kids of my own, and I don't know how I'd ever relate to a woman. Women are just so entitled and joyless, I truly don't understand how someone could truly "love" a woman. I get the sexual part of wanting to fuck a woman, but I don't understand that burning desire that straight men have for them. I wish I did. I take no pleasure in saying any of this. But it's how I see it. And part of it for me is faith. I do think that homosexuality is wrong on some level. If society was built entirely around it that society would be doomed. Yes, I know I'm a hypocrite for being on a porn board while thinking that, but it's how I feel. I wish I could just be straight and not have to feel this way.
>>2684452I feel pretty much exactly the same. Also for the faith, I have constant conscience struggles.For what's it worth, it does feel kinda nice that there are others out there.
>>2683215This is completely untrue and homophobic take, because people as a whole are quite unfaithful. Straight people are basically responsible almost 100% of unplanned children. Straight couples are responsible for the MAJORITY of divorces, breakups, cheating etc.Please stop memeing that this is a specific gay problem. It’s a people in general problem.I also don’t like the tone around not wanting to be monogamous. That’s a choice people are allowed so if they make that clear from the get go that’s not necessarily a negative for anyone who chooses to not date them specifically.I think the biggest problem for gay men is actually the inherent insecurities they suffer from. If you’re not straight passing enough you develop a complex around being lesser than straight men. If you’re straight passing you develop a complex about being better than other men for whatever reason without any actual earned reason to do so. In fact most of these glorified “straight alpha” men are fucking losers. But what’s worse than them are people who feel that they themselves are losers.Whatever longpost rant. Stop claiming that gay men are worse than anyone else cause it’s not true.
>>2684458yeah for me I hooked up with maybe 40-50 men over my life, probably a total of 50-60 times. I went cold turkey around my 27th birthday, which was over 4 years ago. Only slipped up once, fairly recently. But I have been mostly celibate since then. I can't say that the urges have stopped, but after a while they get weaker. But those that remain are more personal, for the men you truly loved, not just the handsome faces you lusted after. At least that was my experience. I no longer want anonymous sex, I want to love and be loved. I'm trying to quit porn next. Less progress on that but still better than I was in college. So there's that. Keep the faith, man. Come to Jesus. It's not an easy or a quick path, but it's the right one. Start praying if you haven't. It's a long and difficult road, but it's better than a lifetime of meaningless sex, you'll be more at peace.
>>2684452That's my problem too... I would also like to have children, probably because I'm approaching 30. I started dating Woman unfortunately, nothing has come of it yet.And every time my F+ writes me i end up with him in bed… No matter how often I want to stop doing it, and even when I have sex with my dates
>>2684471Amen brother. Same here, I just want to love and be loved, and at least lust within a monogamous relationship is more dignified. Thanks man, you've helped me a lot.
>>2684482If you have been able to get a woman, consider yourself lucky. IME most women look at us like men look at super slutty girls. They act like we're dirty, tainted goods that they're too good to be seen with, regardless of how many men you've actually been with. I wish that there had been different messaging growing up. I grew up in a pretty conservative area where gay sex wasn't a topic discussed but I still had internet access where I heard a bunch of pro-LGBT messaging. It wasn't that being pro-LGBT is bad, it's that it was always framed like "If you have even the slightest SSA you are gay, nothing you can do about it, it'll never change, just come out and admit it." I think that was harmful. If I could give 13 year old me advice I'd have said that yes, sexual interests and priorities CAN change, and women DO care about your past. You can't just wipe it clean by saying "That's not who I am." Had I known that I wouldn't have slutted it up with guys like I did. Ah well. Live and learn. Maybe I won't ever find anyone. I just wish I could get this kind of messaging out more. If nothing else, hearing anti-hookup culture messaging would do the youngins some good IMO.
>>2683185after gay hookups I am usually like "oh ok, that was cool".but sex with women is far more intimate. and if I am dating a female, I am swept up in the feels and it becomes this balancing act where I am invested in trying to start a family and therefore seeing if we are compatible and looking at green flags or red flags. I've never felt "feels" for a guy. It is frustrating though. I haven't had a relationship in over 5 years and online dating is pointless. I've also had issues with drugs (6 months sober right now) so this is a work in progress and likely preventing me from establishing a relationship. I am finally doing better though so I will probably start dating again soon. so basically over time i've personally become more "tolerant" of experimenting with men, whereas before I repressed it entirely, but it's not the same feeling for me, and it is absolutely not something I would tell a future romantic partner because this is something that will 100% change a females opinion of you, so unless it is someone you 100% trust (e.g. a close friend or family member) I will just stay closeted.
>>2684506it's called lying about your past, you can do it too just like women do
>>2684563Women can tell much better than men. Plus way too many people in my personal life know that i have fucked dudes. The odds of the info not making back to my girl eventually is basically 0. To say nothing of the idea that it's simply wrong to build a relationship on false pretenses. If I start out by lying to them I won't be able to truly feel comfortable, thus the relationship fails and I'll be compelled back to men again. I think it's a bit of a trap. Once you go gay it's really hard to come back from it.
>>2684571you are such a fucking bottom with that attitude
>>2684572I'm not wrong tho
>>2683193>What you're experiencing could be the bi-cycle, hormone-related, porn-induced, etcCan you elaborate on this - I was a porn addict like the rest of us, got into trans and gay porn and lost interest in women. I had great sex with a woman about 3 years ago and I was bi, now they do nothing for me and I've lost interest in guys too. I struggle to get hard, only maybe for a fetish like feet or whatever, and I can't cum. If I do cum, it's a little dribble. I went from being 110% horny to about 5%and yeah I'm depresssed but I've always been depressed and I was still masturbating 3 times a day for 10 yearsblood test came back fine so test and hormones should be ok, I guess
>>2684600Porn is like any drug. The first hit and you're on top of the world, you're feeling things you've never felt before, the "high" (orgasm) is amazing. But with each successive hit you require a stronger and stronger dose to get the same high. Or, in porn's case, raunchier and more deviant porn. It starts with bikini girls, then goes to full on sex scenes, then it goes to gang bang and BDSM or other, more extreme (but still straight) porn. Then comes gay porn, and eventually trans porn. Your dopamine receptors are fried from years of overuse, so you need a stronger, more potent "hit" to cum. 3x per day for 10 years will definitely be enough to leave you depressed and sexually burned out.
>>2684604just take another hit? youll feel better, and maybe your life will to <3
>>2683185There is an addictive component to homosexuality. You either want instant gratification (gay) or you want to delay gratification, learn to love and stand up for yourself as a man (straight). I used to be gay and now the thought of dating a man makes me cringe.
>>2684613What about gay women? Also why just focus on sex? There's gay men who clearly value their partners beyond a quick fuck.
>>2683185It seems to be manifesting for me.I didn't recognize gay tendencies in myself until I was 16.The first time watching gay porn made me want to barf but it stuck around.Starting to shove plugs up my arse and all the fun stuff.Meanwhile the amount of straight content I was consuming gradually declined.For the last 15 years or so I was almost exclusively into women in BDSM situations.The psychological turn on of power dynamics was the only thing keeping me in Bi territory.When I got to eat some pussy 10 years ago I found the expirience to be quite underwhelming.Bacon strips just don't do it for me at all.Now at age 37 I asses the situation as follows:Aesthetic attraction: Bother GendersRomantic attraction: Male favoredSexual attraction: Heavily male favoredHave a twink love interest at the moment.Life is good
>>2683185I think it's probably a wave. I thought I might be bi in my teens. I had crushes on both sexes. Then I saw a movie with a gay scene in it (anal sex) and slid to 99% gay. Got a little older and females became attractive to me, got in several relationship with females, got married, and was 99.99% straight. Got older and found men attractive again and now 50/50.I've talked to guys on hook-up sites with old profiles that say they are no longer active (telling that they never deleted their profile) because they are now in a relationship with a woman.
I’ve been craving more intimacy with other men, but not really sexual intimacy. My bi-ness has usually been romantic. I find men attractive but I’m not interested in random hookups. I’ve experimented on myself, using toys and whatnot, but I only want to engage sexually with another man if there’s also an emotional attachment or solid connection.I’m also in a relationship with a woman, so trying to navigate these feelings is tough. Also makes things tough when making friends. I don’t really want to be friends with ugly weirdos, but then if all my male friends are hot, I don’t want to be the weird one that catches feelings.
>>2684081>>2684085>>2684087Liked your perspective!
>>2684452>If society was built entirely around itBut that’s so unlikely, no matter what you do personally.
>>2684452>and I don't know how I'd ever relate to a woman. Women are just so entitled and joyless, I truly don't understand how someone could truly "love" a woman. I get the sexual part of wanting to fuck a woman, but I don't understand that burning desire that straight men have for them.This is the key issue for me as well. It just seems like this bottomless vortex of misery and self-debasement and whenever a "wholesome" report or video about a long-lasting straight marriage comes out the dude's advice pretty much boils down to "do whatever she wants and never ever try to have it your way. Also be sure you're always the class clown".I think the core reason for homophobia is simply that while there ARE a lot of 100% straight men a good chunk of the bi ones would never bother with girls if not shamed into it.Biologically speaking fertile pussy is the most important thing in the world and I think this level of importance is just not something a sapient mind can handle.Kinda how most millionaires & billionaires invariably go kinda crazy.
>>2685292>Biologically speaking fertile pussy is the most important thing in the worldNah, it’s fucking someone you like.
>>2685292The ongoing debate I have with myself is WHY women are like this. Is it because of feminism? Or did feminism merely give women permission to say what they were always thinking? Were women always as hypergamous as they are in the 21st century west, or are modern gender norms just revealing desires that were always there? I think a lot of the reason women are so miserable is because 1) They have been told they're equal in every way when that is laughably not true and 2) because they are smaller and physically weaker than most men, which makes them more vulnerable and cautious. If you found out, even in a moment of quiet introspection, that what you built your life around, feminism was a lie, and all those years of career building and thousands going into student debt was all leading to empty nothingness, you'd be pissed off too. Most people's psyche wouldn't allow them to admit they were so deeply wrong so they project their feelings onto men. It's MEN who ruined my life, so that means it's MEN who have to fix it! Then there's the smaller thing. Yeah, if your partner could easily beat the living shit out of you, you might be a bit less comfortable around them. Because no matter how nice, kind, or loving a man is, if he really wanted to, he could beat them to death. This is the sole benefit to homosexuality. Because you have only 1 thing (1 sex) that means there's fewer opportunities for things to go wrong. Granted that's balanced by the fact most gays don't want a deep, monogamous relationship like straights have, most just want 1 really good friend to live with while they hookup for the rest of their lives, but still. Straight marriage has lots of problems, and many of them stem from asking women what they think/feel about things. Maybe the Muslims really were right about women.
>>2685336>desires that were always thereThis.Feminism is natural. Like beating someone that slighted you to death instead of going through the courts or stealing something if you think you can get away with it. Anti-feminism is a social construct required to have a civilization a solid chunk of people can sign onto and participate in. People are leaving society en masse now because things reverted back to the anti-civilized state humanity was in for half a million years.
>>2685408Just to be clear, you think we live in ANTi-feminist times now and lives in pro-feminist times for millions of years? I think you have it precisely backwards. We have MORE feminism now than at any point.
>>2685456Feminism just means matriarchy and only the top 0.5% of men being considered better than dirt. Archeology & genetic analysis prove both.
>>2683549>Bottom for the first time>After that, sexual interest in women has declined (was around 50/50 before that) and noticing guys moreHave any of you guys experienced this after your first time?
