I made a short story and I don't have any online following or anyone in real life I can share it with.I know it's an art board but any feedback towards the story or the readability are seriously appreciated and I'll try and reply to every piece of feedback I receive.Here's the link:https://globalcomix.com/c/your-wonderland
a little stiff and hard to read at times and a bit cluttered. less is more. but i dont hate it. the two mains should be more distinguishable from another. your inspirations seem clear, but you have to make it your own nontheless. keep at it and you'll get published eventually. work on your perspectives and make the characters pop out more, less stiff and flat.
You definitely have talent. Try to avoid as many horizontal and vertical lines as possible ("dead lines") if you want to create dynamism. Use Dutch angles if need be, though you don't have to go overboard.
>>7730249You suck at basic manga effects. Everything just looks off.
>>7730877Is that a negative that it doesnt look exactly like a manga? Just cause hes got some eastern influences doesnt mean it has to be 1:1. Making it look different from your influences and unique is probably better than just copying the style
>>7730886This. I think that is a crab anyway.
>>7730249And page 5 is suppose to be right to left.This is what happens when you force yourself to make left to right and listen to some stupid pedantic midwit on how to panel your manga.Happens all the time! they can't panel for shit!
>>7730521Ty for the encouraging words. With the main characters looking the same I wanted to make it believable that Santa could mistake one for the other by changing outfits, but I definitely could've done more to distinguish outfits. >>7730799Thanks for the advice. The backgrounds were definitely an afterthought and I definitely need to sit down and grind them out. >>7730877Noted. Can you give any specific examples?
>>7730249This has so much soul. You definitely were testing out different methods of panelling and while not all of them were fully easy to grasp it was a pleasant read and the premise of Santa's world being this extremely strict place which demands high standards is intriguing. I think you nailed it when it came to facial expressions and art style as a whole.Still I will say that one of the things that made it hard to read was the amount of extremely thin lines alongside heavy white space. Perfectly passable if you're just trying to give this to a studio but shading and thicker line art is very helpful for this. I finished my oneshot a while back and while I think yours is certainly better one thing I did to help add detail was to keep much of my initial sketch work in. At least for pages that were heavily white. Keep it up anon, this is genuinely better than most full comics.
>>7730249These boys are fuck able. It's too bad you declare them as 12 or I would draw you some fan art. Other then that I read the whole thing. The plots ok I guess, it's interesting that you picked Christmas and I wonder why. originally I thought it was going to turn out the man wasn't actually Santa, and was disappointed the plot wasn't actually that deep. the relationship between the boys was much more interesting and they had a good dynamic. I can't help but think you are an enjoyer of Jojo and possibly a promised Neverland. Being influenced by the things you like is great, but I think the best advice I can give is simply read more and be influenced by things you DONT like. The danger of a good book is that you will just want to go out and copy it. When you read something you don't like you start to think "this is how I would have done it" and you start to form something original. Ultimately I give the /lit/ part a c+, the plot wasn't too interesting but it served to cause conflict in the boys relationship which is the true story. The parts where they separate so we can learn more world lore was boring for me. But I have read a lot in my time and have seen "Mario/superman but he evil" type shit 1000 times so it's just an OPINION. I want to know what happens to kids that Santa tosses out, but only because one of the boys is going to be tossed out and I have grown to like them. You will find people won't give a fuck about your setting until you have given them a character to latch onto first. Unfortunately that's where the story ends.
>>7730249This is really cool, I hope to see more. We're all GMI
>>7731908I didn't understood him as evil just really strict and a bit of a dick. He still took the kids from abusive parents and goes on full on rescue missions unless I'm misremembering. He owns Wonderland and it's still a good place overall.
>>7730904Ty for the very kind words! I think you’re on the money about the lineweights, near the end I tried to thicken up certain panels and found that it gave a much more finished look. I am also pleasantly surprised that you liked the facial expressions as I thought that was one of the weakest parts. >>7731908Originally I was going to make it a lot more clear that the Santa from the stories the kids heard and the Santa at the end of the story were different, however ngl at that point I’d been working on the drawing it for much longer than I originally intended and just wanted to finish. I didn’t really emphasize that enough so that’s on me. You’re also right about jojo.thanks for the feedback.>>7732136Ty for the nice words as well. I’m glad you enjoyed it. >>7730897When it comes to left-to-right vs right-to-left on obviously manga inspired comics, I feel like it’s a lose-lose. Either people accuse you of trying to pretend to be Japanese or you have the reader go in a direction that they aren’t going to be used to for this Kindve story. I just picked what I was most comfortable with.
