gym edition
>>218450078HE STOLE MY MOVE!
Feel shit and feel like drinking alcohol
>>218450078poor rorke finally built up the confidence
nice day for a 3PM walkabout lads :)
I've hit rorke bottom
>>218450148>so account doesn't get holocaustedlol that reminds me
toilfu is now talking about leaving the job to save her relationship. She was asking me about the notice period and that so I guess she's serious. It's even more over than previously thought lads
>>218450148is this supposed to be funny you racist worm
>>218450118dick head
Lush. Proper grub
*adds a pinch of fresh oregano to the thread*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UUKRb3OHHg
>>218450236Lush.
Are we at war yet then? Might spice things up here a bit
>>218450224Now you need to ask her on her last day to go out with you, like it's a film. It needs to happen, lad.
>>218450236sir elton john outdid himself with this one
>>218450236Lush. No forren muck
>>218450236I have literally never encountered something called cornflour sauce. What the fuck is this bukkake tier shit?
eating roasted carrots and barbecue sauce
>>218450252We've just had a pinch of fresh oregano added and you're trying to get spice thrown in? Philistine.
11 quid on a butchers steak pie for pie night it not right
>>218450306Might herb things up a bit
>>218450220who was given apologies?
>>218450252not sure but it wont affect me because ive got mental health and flat feet and IBS
might completely lose interest in this dimension
>>218450324as a white person I feel much more comfortable with this turn of phrase
>>218450261life doesn't work like a film, I'm obviously not going to do that ladplus knowing my luck I probably won't even be on shift on her last day
Need to go and sit in the CAB meeting at 2 and explain why I need to make changes to things to do my job to a bunch of disinterested boomers. Jokes on them though, it'll be the only thing I do all day.
>>218450235scared?
>>218450323bet it's lush
Who here got less than £100 for the rest of the month
>>218450351Bet that hurt his coccyx
what you up to today rorke?
see a fit black woman running in the same park as me most mornings. want to ask her out aha I never would but I want to
>>218450362and when is your KWAB meeting?
>>218450361Well why the fuck not? You'll probably never see her again>plus knowing my luck I probably won't even be on shift on her last dayWell find out as soon as possible and plan accordingly. You know if you don't, you'll be regretting it and writing soppy blog posts about it on here for the rest of your life
>>218450376We're all medieval knights?
won a £50 voucher for the local butchers 3 months ago and havent used it yet. ive never bought from a butchers in my life im scared to go in
what do you lads watch or listen to while wfh?
>>218450376these english ppl need to drop the “British” shit
>>218450374£34.27 me, I'm gonna make itx
>>218450390Immediately after
summa y'all outta yo damn minds
>>218450403screen reader chrome extension reads out /brit/ posts to me as they come in
I've become full boomer I fucking hate smartphones
>>218450401Go in and get a pie best pies on the go
>>218450411probably a 'ki
>>218450394because I haven't expressed my true feelings for her in any way whatsoever apart from some very gentle flirting occasionally and to just come out with that out of the blue would just be very confusing and jarring for her?but yeah I promise I won't be making any more soppy blog posts after shes gone. Believe me when I say she was special though...
Going speeddating tonight. I hope it goes well. There's no backing out because I'm going with a couple of friends.
>>218450462where
>>218450462new gimmique is here
>>218450462didn't think "speeddating" even existed still
>>218450462yikes, for me that's nightmare material because I'm a spastic that struggles to small talk, wtf do you say?
>>218450446Doesn't have to be anything dramatic. Just something like 'oh that's so bad you're leaving, we should keep in touch, maybe we could do X on Y?'You've got this
>>218450403Literally just sit here shitposting all day, occasionally let the dogberg out for a piss or go and lay on the bed and shitpost for a bit
>>218450462You'd be better off speed skating!
>>218450078If 6 years older is too much, then what's the ideal age gap for foids nowadays?If it's acceptable for women to mock men for balding, it should be equally acceptable to mock women for being fat or saggy.
>>218450485"Hello, I have come to date. Sex?"*Stares*
>>218450462real wypipo shit
>>218450499What do you like to post?
>>218450374Was down to 40 and had to move some across from savings. January just seems to go on forever, and the mother in law had the fucking nerve to be 60 last weekend so we had to go and spend 3 nights in the new forest with her and all the extra costs that entailed. Financially brutal, her parents should be shot for conspiring to have a child at this time of year.
>>218450506If he were good looking she's be loving it. Age is irrelevant
>Going speeddating tonight. I hope it goes well. There's no backing out because I'm going with a couple of friends.
>>218450534ngl I hate a winter birthday
>>218450493right well that's different, I thought you were talking about the "catch her at the departure gate and confess your love" kind of scenario from the movies. Yeah I could still keep in touch, I still have her number etc but I think it would just make me feel worse if I continued to meet up with her so I'm not gonna do that, I'm just gonna let it go
>>218450523Memes and screenshots from a bygone era when the internet was fun and worthy of exploration.
>>218450506>If it's acceptable for women to mock men for balding, it should be equally acceptable to mock women for being fat or saggy.Anything goes nowadays. It's a doggy-dog world.
>>218450186it was lovely racist weather for my bike ride desu
>>218450562>I still have her number etc but I think it would just make me feel worse if I continued to meet up with her so I'm not gonna do that, I'm just gonna let it goWhy? This is bizarre. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and recognise your opportunities.
might have to regulate
>>218450565Epic
>>218450603Alri warren g
>>218450474The midlands.>>218450478>>218450485I will try to have a casual chat. I aim to avoid the boring interview questions like "What music do you listen to? What are your hobbies" etc. Especially since they would likely reciprocate these questions. >>218450502>>218450520Y-yeah haha
they really turned off all the mtv channels
>>218450603lie on a rock in the sun? roll around in dust?
>>218450376That helmet is a fake btw
>>218450639yeah?
do not know what to say to women at allto anyone really
>>218450625Dare you to walk in and loudly pronounce 'WHERE THE HELL ARE THE FEMBOYS THEN?' and storm out
>>218450078>6 YEARS OLD THE HORROR
>>218450658Just general observations about your surroundings then take it from there
>>218450658Just say whatever is on your mind
leftypol making up any old bollocks he can think of just to avoid ever agreeing with rorke
>>218450658Same. Its an essential tool for life and i dont have it.
>>218450371imagine the smell
what's a woman
bloke at my work does speed dating. he said all the women are divorced.
>>218450700Why do you say that? Anything about that image that gives the impression of a particular smell?
>>218450678>...bit cold today!>...yes
>>218450732yes
What keeps you around lads? x (in life, not /brit/)
That's an interesting tie. Is there a story behind it?
>>218450743just waiting to see what happens
>>218450743The possibility of social and international catastrophes occuring
>>218450743spite
what is this bubbles shit everywherewhat have they done to android
>>218450743Winter will end and with it so will my seasonal depression. I know it, even though it doesn't make these months any easier.
>>218450790dunno mate. i upgraded to apple long ago
tim berners lee
>>218450790Only runts use Android phones lmfao
>>218450820Met him in a pub in tewkesbury once and called him a cunt to his face
Feeling a tad blue.
>>218450792When do you usually start to feel better?
i think that half-smoked cigarette butts picked out of the ash tray are more satisfying than fresh cigarettes
>>218450846no you didn't
>>218450864ok
>Only runts use Android phones lmfao
>>218450790Is this something from the new update that I've been putting off for weeks?
>>218450864It's the idea of finishing something you started
>>218450867Fuck off tim you cunt
>>218450732Unironically yes>it's freezing>I know, I had to put my heat on today >same. I can't wait for summer again>me too. I was thinking of going to [x place] this summer>[x place] is a nice place, etcAnd so on
HOLY FUCKPaul O'Grady died
>>218450078>a literal balding manhow can a man be figuratively balding
>>218450932what the hellhow did you do that
Lads, I'd like to introduce you all to my wife:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsGzWzK76Hk
>>218450947This would only be shocking to a literal 70 year old
>>218450947Died doing what he loved, sucking off a dog
>>218450932See that's a 2 part conversation and whenever I say a line Iike one of those I get a dismissive one word response
>>218450963Fake it til you make it, as they say lad.
>>218450947Used to enjoy the Paul O'Grady show before I got brainwashed into becoming homophobic
>>218450977maybe you have heinous vibes
>>218450964I am an indian and i dont know arabic language but after being introduced to this song by a friend..i listen to this daily..
think i'm going deaf lads. well that's the end of me
>>218450977You need to be attractive or look like you have money
>>218450977Those people aren't worth talking to.
>>218450856When it's still bright at 6 which is usually when I'm doing dog walk. So usually have to wait for spring clock change. Should be some budding flowers and whatnot out and about then too. Almost quit my job in January one year because I was so miserable and then march came round and I was like "oh actually it's fine"
I have Rockstar Vibes.
just looked at this image and thought "mad how"
>>218450999>>You need to be attractive or look like you have moneywhat is the easiest fastest way of doing that in 2 days
>>218450964hate women who play guitar, they've all got calloused fingers and that doesn't feel very nice on the ol' knobule
>>218450996I listen for she
>try to get the FEMOID into Frasier>she wants to watch the yank office instead because she has the iq of a potato don't know how I share half her DNA but dadberg's no betterreally must be moving out soon
>>218451032frasier is boring unfunny shite
>>218451019>>218450986
>>218451018indians
>>218451039I am wounded!
>>218451018You're brown
scared little umbunny me
>>218451039frasiercord wont like this post
>>218451019stick all your money on a horse with odds of 10000/1 and hope that it wins
>>218451065why x
>>218451065
People will only take interest in a man if he has something they want
>>218450977That's where you just start lying. Nothing matters. >Yeah it's freezing, my dog got frozen to the ground earlier. Had to leave him there because I was late for work
>>218451039a bit too cerebral for youcompletely understandable old boy
>>218451032>still consooming popular media in 2026sounds like you're both a pair of spastics desu
>>218451079ummypops
>>218451065Don't be scared
>>218451077Literally disgusting, zero chance I'd let my poor innocent cock go anywhere near that nest of disease.
>>218451019Can't do much about your physique in a mere two days, just make sure you sleep well and are well hydrated when the time comes.Dress well and put on some perfume, only a little bit or you'll pass as a slimeball
>>218451107UM x
mumberg's birthday in 2 weeks, what shall i get her? (she already has a dildo)
>>218451126A bigger dildo
>>218450994>>218450999Well yes exactlyOthers will say its a matter of opening your mouth and saying shit but this is preventing me from having the same conversations
>>218451126Chocolates, flowers and a candleSimple as
can they be stopped
coworkerbergs know I'm a freak but they don't mention it
>>218451039He said, and I quote, "I Hate Frasier Crane"..."I Hate Frasier Crane". What trenchant criticism. Move aside Voltaire, step back in the shadows H.L. Mencken, there's a new kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Anon sat in the glow of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre: "I... *hate*... Frasier Crane."
>>218451091>...okSee that's no solution
>>218451126Arse dildo
Got a random voicemail at 2 am and still haven't listened to it
>>218451131Come to the next /brit/ meetup. We'll all have a conversations with you and so will all the hot bitches.
Reminder that everyone calling themselves "umbunnies" are actually fat greasy 30-something year old blokes
>>218451168Of someone gives you a one word answer that means they're just not interested. Politely excuse yourself and move on until you find someone who's willing to entertain a conversation.
coworkers know i don't do any work but don't say anything so they don't
>>218451193we have hot bitches?*slicks hair back*well helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ladies
>>218451126Try shagging her up the arse.
Starmer 1 Musk 0
>>218451032Why do you refer to your half-sister as "the femoid"
Miss Poo seal lads x
on the Welsh:>"Loquacious, dissemblers, immoral liars, stunted, bigoted, dark, ugly, pugnacious little trolls."
>>218451203>move on until you find someone who's willing to entertain a conversationI've been doing this my whole adult life and I've got nothing
>>218451232KTIM
smelly schoolgirl feet
Anybody got that webm of rorke at the carnivalYou know the one
>>218451238Post the /brit/ meetup
>boiler working fine>plumber does check on boiler>plumber leaves>boiler stops working
>>218451168Are you talking to the characters from fucking Mario Party?
>>218450743I can't voluntarily shuffle off this mortal coil until mother dearest has done the same, but involuntarily.I'm now a NEET and plan to live off my savings until that time comes.Vidyas and spaffing and telling the budgie he's devilishly handsome. That's the life for me.
>>218451290No just regular people who give me a look of bemused pity
>>218451286similarly:>boiler not working>phone plumber>boiler starts workingwonder what their game is
>>218451296kek haven't seen that for ages
>>218451286Coincidence and all that
>>21845112640 bucks in a card that says "sorry for your loss"
>>218451286My shower decided to stop working properly this morning so is now freezing cold, I had to walk to the bathroom with shampoo in my hair and have a shower in the bath.
>>218451126I asked mine what her favourite book was. Was going to buy a nice hardback or leatherbound version of whatever it was. Was impossible to get information out of her. Favourite book? She doesn't know. Anything in her top 10? She doesn't know. Any books she just happens to be fond of? She doesn't know. 'I like murder mysteries' was about all I got.She reads for HOURS every day, I just don't get it.
tbf the new captcha prompt is easy but i dont get why they keep adding to it
>>218451368She's schlicking her fanny and sometimes bumhole to erotica
>boiler not working>phone plumber>refuses to come out because the job isn't worth enough to himAbsolutely fucking despise tradies so I do.
>>218451368ktimm (kek this is my mum) she always buys books when I'm with her so I asked her favourite book or even author and she was no help so she got cashmere socks
>>218451365Why isn't your shower in the bathroom where the fuck is it? Hosing yourself down in the garden again?
>>218451384you'd rather he came out and charged you 500 quid for 10 minutes work then?
>>218451393En-suite, forgot to mention, the bath just has a shower hose attachment so I sat in the bath and hosed myself.
>>218450743Mum would be sad.
>>218451284
>>218451409You're right mate, what was I thinking? I'll just fucking freeze to death shall I? Poof.
Matched with a 29 year old mother of 5 on 'der that's a green flag right? Shows motherly instinct
>>218451409At that point I'd be wondering why the callout charge is £500
rorke cat
>>218451368Get her that thursday murder club shite that women love
choose kindness x
Wife's dad is a plumber and I avoid asking him to help with stuff because I don't want him to think I'm a useless twat. Had him round on the weekend and just know he was looking at everything on the sly. (I am a useless twat)
leftypol cet (plural of cat)
>>218451453Gets me everytime, ta
>>218451458If you like raising someone else's kids then go for it mate
spent 6 hours doing surveys and mafe £3.50oh well better than nothing, not like i have many other options being a shut in 30 year old autistic unemployable freak
>>218451476>only promote police if they let muslims run amok for decades>police chiefs let muslims run amok (but jews are inconvenienced rather than whites for once)>NOOOOOOOOO NOT LIKE THAT
>>218451512>on the weekendFOY
>>218451484One of my mates was trying to recommend this to me a little while ago. Didn't want to call him a gay since he's a sensitive soul but I had to be like "nah didn't like the film, not my thing". If someone's famous for being on taskmaster I don't want to fucking read a book by them.
>>218451458corr 5 kids to 5 different fathers I hope. what's not to like with all that baggage
plumbers are despickabble with their prices. most of them are morons too
>>218451509beautiful post x
Hate tradies. Bunch of wankers who couldn't finish school so started a business because they learned how to use a screwdrive
>>218451477Wht is diddyblud on
>>218451509Post inspired me to get some veal for dinner tomorrow.
had the washing on another wash rather than a drying cycle
>>218451531Rejecting your job application or firing you because you have autism is discrimination.Convert to Islam and become a tranny and you're guaranteed to get any job you want.
>>218451591right, so if it's all so easy even school dropouts can do it what's stopping you from fixing everything yourself champ
>>218451591and they cope by acting like knowing how to use a screwdriver makes them more of a man
Friendly reminder that anime is for nonces.
>>218451484>>218451550Same, had a mate that's very much not a reading type recommend that to me too. Weird.
Gay umming
Corrr imagine being really violent
>>218451550What sort of limp wristed little gimps are you mates with that first of all read the Thursday murder club and second of all would cry if you called them gay
>>218451670'
>>218451681Maybe he's mates with actual benders
>>218451656umm bab
interpol went to shit after antics
>Friendly reminder that anime is for non-
nowt wrong wi being a bender
>>218451716good news for me that's the only album I bought from them
Don't think mummykins has ever read a book in her life, waste of time getting her gifts since she'll complain about it costing too much or never using the giftWill probably buy her something for Christmas anyway even though it's money down the drain
dont want to work how can i get on benefits and get a free housei am english so no migrant or bame benefits for me but i almost got diagnosed with ptsd and reckon i can stretch that out to include autism anxiety and adhd if i play it up a bit
>>218451716First two albums were definitely the best
>>218451547>only promote police if they let muslims run amok for decadesLol wat
>>218451476It was still the right move to ban them, we've imported one side of a global conflict no sense in balancing it out by inviting the other. It would play out like it did in Holland.
Odds I book a holidayEvens I just quit
>>218451728>>218451729
>>218451633Are you suggesting you don't know how to use a screwdriver? Literally just turn it in one of two directions
Sick of these cunts self diagnosing themselves with autism, depression and other mental health issues because they are convinced there must be an explanation as to why they are weird little mongs instead of just having personality quirks
Sending baneposting videos to wifeberg
>>218451803No, my point is that they think they're well ard and well manly because they put things together with their hands. They're more a bloke than the engineer who sits behind a computer, despite earning half the salary because they cut some tiles and stuck them to a wall.
I'm 37 years old and still don't know what odd and even numbers are.
diagnosing myself with weird little mong disease
>"No, noooooooo, you don't have a mental health condition, you're just mentally ill!
>>218451828>despite earning half the salaryAverage tradie is on on more than the average soygineer and shags the engineers missus on the side
digits and I'm unemployed
All the women in the office say all their friends are on OzempicMiddle-aged women are about to glow up
If this post ends in a 7 I'll eat some stale bread haha x
>>218451870fat lass at toil has been on that for about a year and looks no different
>>218451812Bit socially awkward? Ye that's autism.Feeling a little down? That's a depression right there?Don't like it when things are a mess? Ooh that's a case of OCD if I've ever seen one.Feeling a bit queasy before a big job interview? Reckon you got anxiety disorder.I mean fuck it add schizophrenia and PTSD on top everyone got at least one of those these days according to the tik toks.Everyone must be special, everyone must be unique but most importantly everyone must be a victim.
>>218451878mentalist
Hello /brit/ *starts loudly knocking * are you there /brit/
>>218451855You wish, the average tradie has a fat working class wife with drawn on eyebrows and 4 kids in tow, all with learning difficulties.
Remember. No shortcuts.
he's not french
>>218451855>soygingerSounds like a delicious Japanese delicacy that, making me hungry
Business idea:Identify as a woman but refuse to feminise myself at all because thats just a social construct of how a woman should be amd the patriarchal lens and insist im allowed into womens changing rooms
>>218451886Everyone itt is at least one of these. And look at us, excelling alone in our sordid smelly lairs.
>>218451903I mean isnt it obvious? A drug to supress appetite. You stop taking it you'll go back to eating more.
the diet plan
>>218451917That already exists. It's the average trans woman.
>>218451886>Everyone must be special, everyone must be uniqueHow does labelling groups of people with diagnoses instead of claiming they're all just weirdos in their own specific way fit this mon ami
>>218451918You wish. But being a sorry little loser isn't in the DSM5.
>>218451917It's not 2022 any more mate
>>218451812I have agoraphobia and a panic disorder and have had it since I was probably 13. I never used to tell anyone before because I'd seem like a nutter, but now I wouldn't tell anyone because I'd seem like an attention seeker as now every man and his dog claims to have anxiety.
some kids playing knock down ginger. bastards
If you're on /brit/, you're mentally ill.
>>218451948Imagine the rancid egg farts
I always assume half of /brit/ to have autism given their poor comprehension skills and their understanding of sociel situations.
Can't toil, won't toil
How often should I try to see the escort I've been seeing lads?Ideally it would be every 2-3 weeks. Should I try to discuss this with her in person?
>>218451957Calling me a sorry little loser is victimising me akshuly
>>218452018Every day
>>218451954Don't know, you should ask them why they think a mental disorder is a quirky personality trait because they sure seem to think it
might watch mad max fury road again
>>218451903A lot of fatties regain weight, the 'pic is probably worse since they never had that period where they kept track of what they're eating and improving their daily exercise
>>218452012you understand social situations so poorly you cant spell it
>>218451985Everyone DOES have anxiety. Social media and 24 hour news cycle has absolutely fucked us. We hear about every minute issue and border conflict and disease outbreak and terrorist attack and migrant attack within minutes. Everyone's on constant edge, our cortisol levels are all at maximum. It's a societal problem, medicating people for being unhappy with the state of current affairs is the insane thing.
>>218452018Why haven't you asked her to move in yet?
>>218452030good film looks great on the OLED
Going to the highly autistic Chinese cartoon website and telling them they're all basically normies
healthy pancakes down the hatch x
>>218452051I was typing "society" but I decided to change it and forgot the "e". Ah well...
>>218452029>Don't knowYeah I gathered that
>>218452012Sorry mate im afraid you made a minor spelling mistake and according to the rules you are now wrong and any point you were trying to make is invalidated
>>218452053There's a difference between that sort of 'anxiety' and genuine anxiety that interferes with your life. The bloke who has a panic attack if he leaves his house is clearly on another level to someone going 'omg i have anxiety coz i browse tiktok 2 much lol x'
>sociel
>>218452060watched it in the cinema when it came out probably my favourite cinema experience
Shrove Tuesday soon
Get the experts trusted, Rorke
>>218452113not soon at all
Fuck it all
Sociaty
>>218452113can't wait, love shroves me
>>218452091True. That other guy said cant instead of cant though (and you said im ;) ) so we're all wrong.
bit of a social hub methe big man on campusthe go-to guy
>>218452113Only good thing about February in my miserable life
>>218452153>>218452153New
>>218452160>>218452160>>218452160
>>218452151haha that and valentine's day right lad
/brit/ is so much less anxiety inducing than any other social media I think that's why im still herethat and saying rude words
>>218450403Racing video game OSTs
2 hour warning white boys
>>218452241second is going to be like 11-3 for morcocco
