mallard edish
why do women all love reading smut? they just read that shit in public too, why cant they just watch porn at home instead
>>218472575they're emotional gooners
>>218472575I presume they think it's classier and more acceptable because it's in text form
>he didn't invest
>>218472575Woman I'm talking to on hinge the third message she sent me was talking about how she reads smut
>>218472575Wish I could get my gf into smut but she thinks it’s all cheesy. Love the idea of her just reading a few chapters before bed and being wet and ready every night
nigger, nigger, a niggy to nig, niggy to the nig nig nigger
>Was driving on a 50 mph road and swerved to save a pigeon. Driving instructor went mental started spazzing saying I could've killed someone and kept saying "what if there were children in a car and you killed them" but I didn't care I said I'm an RSPB member and needlessly killing is wrong. They took early retirement shortly afterwards
>>218472617Timmy’s dream girl
>>218472617god bless her
>>218472617Can she actually act or is she just destined to play "the fit one" in everything she's cast in?
i've wasted my life
Halfway through Dry January lads. Congrats on keeping to our commitment and let's keep it up for the rest of the month
been playing mass effect andromeda (or ass erect scrandromeda as i like to call it), why is ryder such a massive virgin compared to gigachad shepard
>>218472672don't know
I'm gonna hate you in a minute!
>>218472672BioWare was taken over by Woke
>>218472671Having an arid January me. Had to finish some things off the first weekend after nye.
might do something ghastly in the toilet
>>218472672if you rearrange the letters of ryder you get wokemob
contemplating a poo
any gay lads in? x
>ass effect anal thermometer
>>218472736straight but enjoy watching the ol' gay porn of an evening
*in the tiktok voice*Day one of fixing my internet addled brain Woke up, no phone straight to the gymWhen I got back I did 15 minutes of that n-back game, it's difficult but I was managed consistent high scores on n=2, n=3 is where it fell offGoes without saying Instagram is now deactivated Planning to redo the test in about a month see how things have improved
>>218472710it's not as bad as the last couple of dragon age games, at least there's no trannies in it (that i'm aware of)
>>218472756you might just be a dribbling thicko mong lad have you considered that?
>>218472671>committing to not drinking during the month nobody goes out or does anything What a hero
doing a massive toil poo atm lads
>>218472775Forgetting about burns night.
>>218472774Absolutely considered that and I'm not claiming to be any sort of genius but my memory and focus have definitely deteriorated over the past few years so working to set it right
>>218472775>not drinking during the most depressing and boring month of the yearit's a challenge m8 i am fucking bored
>>218472756you're fine as you are lad me and you run this general the midwit iq runts dance to our tune
could we all make an effort to post a bit faster please I haven't got all day
forgetting about bums night
>>218472671felt great until a few days ago then my mood flatlined so going to enjoy a bottle of french wine tomorrow. reckon just once a week sensible boozing is the right balance
anyone need some simple work tasks doing will do them for £5 an hour
>make a game that's supposed to teach you racism bad>make the antagonist of the game a cute girl with a choker and beauty markjust what the hell were they thinking
>>218472810you mean burns night?
arselad night
>>218472827first things first I want you to suck my balls
on the hypothetical drinkblatts, as it 'twere
you have 10 seconds to name a tim burton film that doesn't have johnny depp or helene bonham carter or winona ryder in it
>>218472859batman
>>218472870except the films that don't count i mean
>>218472859big fish
happiness, bang bang poo poo
>>218472617
we’re 100% bombing iran within 48 hours. you heard it here first
>>218472859The Living Daylights
>>218472852thats at least £5.50
Been refraining from the ol' wanking as of recent and wake up with a solid erection every morning and just feel more happy/productive in general. Those no fap autists might be onto something.
>>218472878helena bonham carter is peng in thatIf I was obi wan I would have left my wife for her
>>218472889Still wnaking 2 or 3 times a day meAlso constantly miserable
sorry yeah and this isn’t racist yeah but we shouldn’t let people come here on an international driving license and drive for a whole year without having to do any tests. French people or Germans yeah that’s fine but the fact an Indian or Ghanaian bloke can come here and drive for a whole year without having to do any sort of tests at all is a pisstake
>>218472909>wnaking bradleyposter would have loved this if he were still with us :(
patricians masturbate once a day in the evening. anything else is retarded
https://youtu.be/azXek1Cz07k
Hey guys want to hear about how my wife is a dumb bitch? >She works from home all the time and has a shit printer that I have to tell what ink to buy and fix all the time, no ethernet port>It's a few years old and now just won't connect to WiFi, just straight up refuses to do it. It's a piece of shit. >I tell her last week I can get a direct usb cable next time in the office and it'll solve her problems - haven't been in yet>Wake up this morning and she says she needs to print loads of stuff out>I've got a meeting at 9 but it's only 8 so I say I can drive over to the office and grab you a cable and bring it back, but you'll need to walk the dog because I don't have enough time to both>"I don't want to walk the dog">"Yeah and I don't WANT to do a 40 minute round trip for a fucking cable">Ok well figure it out on your own then. Now i think she's going to go to the library and pay out of her own money, won't be able to expense it, because she's lazy. I really do understand why people beat their wives after a few years. I get it.
>>218472944You don’t have a wife
>>218472944If you had a cat instead this wouldn't be a problem
>>218472944you should stop complaining. i haven't laid with a woman i haven't paid for in 10 years. stop being ungrateful and realise all women are retarded
so that's six hours just sat around waiting for the postie then
>>218472944Bet she's ugly too
>>218472955can't fuck a cat
>>218472859mars attacks
>>218472824Unironically better without make up and mid either way
business idea: a cat you can have sex with
>>218472985a cat is fine too
>>218472969You don’t believe him do you?
>>218473011theres nothing unbelievable about it you need to crawl back into the /britfeel/ home you came from
>>218473011i don't believe anyone. not even myself. ESPECIALLY NOT JEWS
>>218472969Everyone complains all the time. Yeah sure sex is fun but I haven't had more than 48 hours truly on my own in over 7 years, and she's antisocial so it's fucking rare that she'll just go off and leave me for a weekend and sulks when I want to go and do things with my friends. >>218472976She's not as fit as she was ten years ago but she still looks good naked
>>218473024racismlad ffs
>>218473032Jews aren't a race
>>218472974They're not forcing you to stay in are they? You could get it re-delivered or pick it up from somewhere if you need to go out? I'm guessing you don't actually need to go out and you're angry because you'll force yourself to sit there staring out of the window waiting for the postie, like a dog pining for its master.
>>218473023Post hand with your wedding ring on with timestamp you fucking lying virgin
>>218472944God I hate printers and women
>>218473026this is why I could never get married, I deeply value alone time and it would render that virtually impossible>oh but you can just go in separate rooms and respect each other's privacynah its not the same
Do full WFH jobs exist now? As in they're looking for positions not just people who have kept them from Covid. Missus is pregnant, don't have family for babysitting and would rather we didn't have to send them to childcare. Must have been so much easier when people could live off one income.
>>218472944>>"Yeah and I don't WANT to do a 40 minute round trip for a fucking cable"how did she react to that
>>218473048Legitimately might be the two worst inventions of all time
>>218472826Don't do it mate, have some respect for yourself and put the bottle down until Feb
honestly why do the jews get so much stick, feels cruel that they suffered so much throughout history and faced literal genocide less than a century ago yet people fucking hate them for seemingly no real reason
>>218473063They're disappearing fairly quicklyIf you are extremely highly skilled and specialised then you have a good chance of still getting one but even then there's a shift to bring 'office culture' back across a lot of industries
>>218473064Quite obviously I didn't say that lad, that was what I realised I should have said when I was walking the dog in the rain and being miserable about everything.
>>218473046you are correct in your assumption that I don't need to go anywhere, but knowing that at some point in the next 6 hours I'll need to answer the door and look presentable means I can't get high, I can't drink, I can't wank, I can't enjoy a nice long bath, I basically can't do anything except wait for the cuntand no I'm not just gonna let it get re-delivered or sent elsewhere, that's just extra faff
>>218473087grow up
>>218473043they won't be after i'm done with them
>>218472833that's what i said lad bums night
>>218472944Stop enforcing your will onto her. If she isn't in the mood to walk the dog she isn't in the mood
>>218472826One bottle will turn into two and so on
>>218472974Not like you're busy is it, dolecunt
>>218473086ah thought you might have snappedif I'd done that to gfberg she'd probably have gone silent treatment on me for 3 days at least
>>218473137>she'd probably have gone silent treatment on me for 3 days at leastAs a reward? Aha!
>Sir Henry J Woman invented the "woman" in 1594 after failing to find anything satisfying to put his penis into
>>218473137>>218473149Why do straight people hate their partners so much?
>>218472826the same thing happened to me today, so i started drinking wine myself. i fapped like 3 times and it was raining so i felt sad. now i drink and feel happy :)
>>218473105How bout I enforce my cock down your throat?
>>218473084Looking online I can see a few for call centre positions but only after training and probation is passed. My sister used to handle social media for a big brand and she did fuck all. That kind of job would be ideal when you have kids at home.
My cock appears to be shrinking at an alarming rate
how can I get books for free? I don’t mean pirate ebooks or kindle books or the library Surely it can’t be hard they are books ffs
>>218473162Ah yes because poofs and lezzers never have arguments or commit domestic violence
>>218473162Different brains and emotions lead to clashes. Must be easy being a gaylord.
>>218473136day off actually, bitch
>>218473182You can get them very cheaply at charity shops
>getting a bit heated with the bf>just crack open some beers and suck each others cockPiece of piss
>>218473137If I had she probably would have started crying and I fucking hate it when she does that at me
>>218473196Yeah but I need like 100 atleast so if they’re £2 then that’s £200 see what I mean
>>218473176i was in the same boat until i had morning wood the other day and my dick was massive and triumphant
>>218473206????
been consuming vast quantities of chocolate as of late, need to pack it in
>>218473209triumph of the willard
>>218473206they're not £2 though they're penniesor try car boot sales or maybe even auctions, they probably have job lots for some nan's old book collection go for a fiver
irl encounters i’ve had with lesbians in relationships is that they’re constantly bitching, whinging and crying can’t have two women in the same room, it simply won’t work
>>218473157screamed loudly and woke the bairn up
>>218473233
>>218473166corr can't wait for this to be me tomorrow
>>218473233speaking of Willard. i 'aven't seen that movie since 2006
love the little indian fella that works at the local bp garage. He always gives me a big smile and tries to awkwardly strike up conversation when I come in to buy boozeI'll never say more than a few words to him of course but it's nice to see him try
>>218473248I can understand blokes wanting another blokes cock but don't understand lassies wanting another lassies fanny
Rubie, aged 13, was last seen in Corrimal on Monday, 12 January 2026.
>>218473317>I can understand blokes wanting another blokes cock
>>218473317they’re a miserable lot lezzies
starting a new podcast called The Rest Is Poo
>>218473342:(
life finally in perfect order, time to get the gay porn on
australia is running out of children
just raped my own arse at 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999mph
my job has a particularly high percentage of lezzers and most of them are actually sound, I can chat about rugby and girls with them
>>218473349Yeah. Always have a chip on their shoulder for some reason
Need Emma Watson to have a dump in my mouth.
>>218473380That can't be pleasant
My wife and I pretty much never argue. I did used to think I would miss my alone time when we moved in together but I genuinely never really have. My time with her feels better than my alone time used to, it doesn’t drain me like other social interactions.
>>218473399can you give up already? more annoying than the poo smells poster
>>218473393there was a lesbian couple on today's episode of Find My Country House New Zealand and they were both at least 20 stone
>>218473417
>>218473415Post hand with ring on and timestamp
And the very latest from Ruby “Bones” Granger??
>>218473417I paused this and closed just in time. Chat, do his balls get blown off?
wont be opening that
>>218473417ouch!
might make another soppy blogpost soon so be warned
>>218473450Not blown off but I can't imagine that did them much good
>>218473450the video is too low res to tell but his balls seem intact at least
Which do we prefer then lads
love women so much!!!!!
>>218473477poof
you really are all just retarded teenagers arent you? thats why youre all just talking about sex all day
right I think I'll make a coffee then start wanking to japanese pornography
>>218473415how can you bear living with a woman? they’re too annoying
this webm is more disgusting than the other one
>>218473486Uncs in a sexual chat with teenagers
I had a couple of mutual masturbation sessions with my former-lesbian-now-biWas not able to put my willy in despite my suggestions, but she did let me cum on her
>>218473486no I'm an elderly man
>>218473502and he likes it though dirty nonce
These days, everything is sexy and nothing is erotic
>>218473488My wife isn’t annoying. If she were I wouldn’t have married her.
>>218473519probably because of the death of eroticism in media, the public have forgotten what it is
>>218473206Have a look on Facebook marketplace, people often give away loads of books cos it's not worth the hassle waiting for them to sell
How do people get into casual drinking in the house? Like it's just not in my DNA to sit down at the end of the day and down a few cans. Couldn't think of anything worse
>>218473558A demon enters their arse at night
>>218473450they were obliterated. blown to smithereens. shredded into tatters corr i need a wank now
>>218473528>>218473441Don’t ignore me fucking lying little cunt
toasted bagel I reckon
>>218472555
>>218473591the homosexual's choice of breakfast
might shit my own pants
>>218473583obviously there aren't married men posting on /brit/, yet another bizarre larp
Did y'all have this kino back in the day?
new jacket, £3 at charity shop, get in
>>218473599wow rude
dunno how you can go to a charity shop what if a fit bird sees you walking out of one
waiting for everyone else to go to bed so I can grab a snack from the pantry free of judgement
>>218473617looks nice but maybe don't pair it with a cringey LotR tee, or any tee actually
>>218473601You should lad. Then run down to centrelink in your shitty pants and start going mental then get sectioned and when you get released act the same but within the confines of your own home then you will get free government money for life and you can post here all day everyday like the rest of us
>>218473625dont think you need to worry about that mate
>>218473629winnie is COOKED
>>218473634what should it be paired with
>>218473629me on a Monday morning aha x
>>218473639that money won't cover rent, regardless of what neets tell you
>>218473558Its easier with wine than beer. Oh just have one while cooking, oh might as well have another with dinner, oh no the whole bottle is gone and I'm drunk. Alcoholism very much is in my DNA unfortunately.
>>218473473It's a good logo but leftypol will do his nut
>>218473609We had the kids of degrassi street because we were part of the civilised world
>>218473640I get pussy
>>218473617Spastically good deal, like the colour
>>218473473Why are they using an iron crossDon't we have our own racist symbols
>>218473675sure you do mate
>IT EEZ EIN GUT LOGO BUT LEFTYPOL VILL DO HIS NUSS
Rorke finna boutta crash out
>>218473634>teeFOY
Need to tongue Emma Watson’s pooey bumhole.
>>218473661>drunk off one bottle of winepoof
>>218473684Don’t believe me?
I wonder how English will evolve in 100 years and whether historians will look back on /brit/ threads to observe how people in the olden days used to talk about poo a lot
>>218473625I see plenty fit birds in charity shops. Good place to pull actually
>>218472555Terrific edition this
feeling nostalgic for GTA V even though it's a steaming pile of shit
want to go and get more chocolate but it's raining
>>218473683bring back the lightning flashnow that's an aesthetic logo
>>218473558you really can't think of anything worse than having a few ice cold beers watching the footy?
>>218473709nope
>>218473702Meet me in the car park in ten and I'll kick your teeth down your throat you little scrote
big fan of Volvos me
>>218473710Whatever the futures equivalent of forums and image boards in the future will be like "did you know you can go to this website from 150 years ago and read people's thoughts?"Mental that.
>>218473723Get the little brown Deliveroo fella to bring you some
>brung buck thuh lightnung bolt
>>218473617You're gonna look like a freak wearing something that bright in public. Young people only wear black and white clothing and it has to be as basic as possible so as not to show a hint of personality
>>218473770That lad clearly isn’t young though lol
>>218473617I dig it
>>218473744for me it's the 200 series
might start... might start...
Can't go wrong with a Volkswagen Beetle, I don't drive btw
gta 5 was 20 years ago
>>218473732Why not
Alright.
>>218473755refuse to support the delivery app industry
>Rubbish landslide death toll in Philippines rises to 11
when i grow up i want to be a professional racist
>>218473821and they've released it 5 times since
>>218473769he said lightnung flish actually
>>218473856Yeah that does sound rubbish, proper shit that
>>218473845You’re missing out lad
don't shag my arse, don't shag my arsealejandro
>>218473845good lad
wish there was more smegma porn, it's quite hard to find
>>218473863wull thut wuz sully
>>218473617and then you go and ruin it by wearing it with a kids t shirt and some grotty trackies
>>218473882Wish you’d sort your fucking life out mate honestly
got a couple potential new toilfus earmarked to replace the old one
https://youtube.com/watch?v=yy9MIkql9rg
rorke talmbout
I've been drunk in every pub in Brisbane
>>218473908there's certain point of no return you pass where your life becomes unsalvagable and I reckon I passed that point when I started wanking to smegma porn
>>218473617The colour of dehydrated horse urine. Good price though.
listening to the celine dion song that was in stuart little 2try writing that out phonetically you freak
>>218473932link us your fav smeg porn vid then
6 days of sobriety and craving a grim alkie twat session today40 units down the hatch, liverberg wouldn't know what hit it
>suline dion
Modern men's fashion is deplorable. Bring back Dandyism I say.
wearing my smeggy puma tracky
when tf are we getting 4 day weeks
today is national pothole day
>>218473857you're in for a great life lad>t. the most professional of racists
>>218473996What fashion? All zoomers wear is basic tees, hoodies and coats all black and white coloured
>>218473941probably this onehttps://www4.javhdporn.net/v11/video/dvaj-667/skip to the 10:30 mark. The story is it's some kind of government support worker milf sent to help a reclusive freak rejoin society (yes I self-insert as the freak)
>>218474122Exactly.
eating peanut butter and marmite on sourdough toast
>>218473870*shags your arse*
>>218473617Looks short on your body
>>218474265Lush x4
rorke vented to electrical
feel like fucking shit
>>218474106national pothole day was cancelled due to some unforeseen bumps in the road
frieren season 2 tomorrow might have a wank over fern
Just found out he's 165cm tall OOF
someone was having a good time out there on the internet, and then i post the most vitriolic racist comment, and now i'd just ruined their day :)total me victory
new industry was even more woke than usual
listening to the deus ex soundtrack and eating mackerel
>>218474314same drank a litre of vodka over a day and a half probs shouldn't have
>>218474332Wonder what his plan was, probably would have been fun
>>218474362vgh rscismland so basd
>>218474314ktinm because I'm not a spaz
>>218474332Feels like a bit of a mistakeThey should have said he was sacked for something else so that any future defection could be written off as sour grapesBasically all they've done is pre-announce his defection
Jenrickbros…… it’s not looking good…….
>>218474375
>>218474332reform just the new tory party then?1000000000000000 more bomalians then?
>>218474362what's your favorite slur besides the usual
>>218474436oh no did the establishment man get told to go join the different colour team so he can make sure the establishment carries on?
Kemi Badenoch is tuss enuff
get all the persian qts out now
>>218474407bizarre post
>>218474469her arse can take a pounding
saw this onlyfans girl so peng it made me realize i need to leave the house
>>218474510name?
might make wontons at the weekend. served in a nice spicy soup
>>218474492Imagine the recoil you’d get off her bunda CORRRRR
Jenrick was actually going to defect to the Greens. He'd sorted it all out with Zach.
just been sacked
>>218474543might get some from the chinky myself x
>>218474572alri rob lad
>>218474423Kemi is a retard, they genuinely would have been better off going down the pig-fucker/you sucked off a horse route
don't know who that is as i don't follow politics
Tories putting Kemi in charge is too funny
so who's your fave? xx
wait is it illegal to suck off a horse?
>>218474648neda, he hates women the most I reckon
>>218474648could just as easily be a list of councillors in Bolton
>>218474648Akhundzada? I hardly knew 'er!
>>218474648Zest master on the bottom right
>>218474648Hmm seems risky to not have a loyalist as Defence Minister
>>218474648The lads
Not even allowed to have socially awkward sporting moment green text threads on /sp/ anymore jesus christ
you cannot fathom how strong my erection is right now
>>218474648>>218474691He's got bluer eyes than rorke
>>218474708I got a warning for saying Nigeria has aids after they lost yesterday
Lads, I'm planning to message the escort tomorrow to try to set up her next meeting.Our last meeting was Saturday 10th and I'm aiming to Sunday 25th. Reckon that sounds reasonable?
>>218474720wahey I made it into the screenshot with my terrible post
>>218474720Sad little freakHere's another
>>218474722former president of afghanistanhis kids are literally whitemadness
it's easy when you're big in japan
>>218474744Why don't you ask her to be your girlfriend?
reckon i might have a chance to shag a milf at work
>>218474774tune
>>218474769>his kids are literally whitemad what a generation of paki infestation has done to your concept of "white"
>>218474769>his kids are literally white
yeah big tits
>>218474810albino ass nigga oer ereyou've imported so many sudanese that nigerians will be considered aryan in australia in no time
>have a SHITLOAD of work to do>Toilberg thinks it's wise to have 4 hours of the day comprising of meetings what's wrong with him
>>218474836rattled
>>218474836He's right mate you're a stupid brown twat
>>218474648Akhund, he has the coolest name and is keeping women in the kitchen
TACO strikes again
>>218474885>>218474885