Jester edition
I don't get it
Two Australians arrived at the Pearly Gates. The doorman obviously wasn't expecting two Australians to be entering Heaven, so he went to fetch St. Peter, and told him two Australians were at the Gates. St. Peter was confused too and decided to see them himself. When they went back, the Australians were gone, and so were the Pearly Gates!
I’m going to wembley today u might see me on tv :P
>>220152280hope city batter you
>>220152280what's happening at wembley today?
Just JRed a TLA in my AZ, its FUBAR
Would batter this little twink given the chance
>>220152327err, sexually? bit gay mate
>>220152292U mean me like actually hurt me or in the game?>>220152297The men are kicking the ball
can you go to services in cathedrals? like can any bloke just walk in off the street to st pauls or westminster and sit wherever? arent there locals who have seats every week like at the footy? do the rich people sit at the front?
go outside, get the walks done
>>220152345chin up umbunnyx
I HAVE GOT THE FRASIER ON
saying goodbye to my ford fiesta todayfucking cryingnot sure if i can bloody do it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM
>>220152361feel sick
Soon Spain will be indistinguishable from the USA or France or Germany: a heterogeneous mass of migrants with zero attachment to Spanish history, culture or identity.Thanks, Borderless Neoliberalism, for making the world a more boring place in the name of GDP.
>>220152340i hope the mancs tear your soft southern flesh from your body with their mangled yellow teeth and devour you whole and use your bones to beat their drums
tossed salad and scrombled eggs
>>220152385:O
let's get it lads. another beautiful day on the cards for those who seek it x
>>220152376mental and mad how I was just about to make a post about how no body listens to coldplay
Corrr gerrit down yer
>>220152401dreamt i killed the ayatollah last nighthad his body hidden at my old primary school
>>220152372Me too xOn the sofa with it on channel 4
just bought some pokeman cards :D
It LOOMS already
>>220152419which ones did you get?
>>220152419favourite pokemon?
>>220152422far too early
told myself i was done with the dating apps but i might get back on them soon
>>220152406Woke won't like this
>>220152354Yeah you can just go in
>>220152406I refused to eat phalic foods that remind me what it feels like to suck on a sweet delicious cock
rest of my life looms, sick to bastard death of it
>>220152432Swampert
>>220152406Coooorrrr banging wouldn't mind a nosh on that what can I say
>>220152452that's a stupid pokemon, you're stupid
>>220152452Not even how you spell it
>>220152431Scarlet and violet>>220152432I don’t have one I am new to it
not gonna lie i wish it was 2006>>220152406teared up looking at thisreminds me what its all for
>>220152432sylveon :>
Get it hooveredGet it mopped
bough an amazon firestick and realised when i plugged it in that it does all the same shite my telly already does. shall be sending it back. waste of time and effort all round.
Car Boot was alright, bought some real Warhammer for pennies Saw this dog hahahaha
bit chilly out
>>220152477nah i don't feel like it
the suns too bright>>220152482look at that dogteared up looking at thisreminds me what its all for
>>220152482haha look at that fella
>>220152481Obviously get it hacked or whatever it’s called. I give mine to a guy at work he gives it me back next day I pay £50 a year I get every football game ever, all PPV boxing ufc etc, all movies and series and all live TV normal live tv too
>>220152477cleanerberg comes on a wednesday so i don't have to do any of that business of a weekend
ngl sometimes i see a lad and think cor he's a bit fitam straight mindjust a queer thing to observe innit
>>220152466>the year is 2006>you're sitting in the local park with your friends, smoking rollies>someone pulls out their ipod and a speaker and starts playing naive by the kooks>you wait for your friend with the fake id to arrive so they can go and buy some cider from the local corner shop>life is goodhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkaMiaRLgvY
>>220152500the one direction lads have to be up there with the top virginity takers of all time
>>220152481my tv doesnt have an internet browser so i had to get a fire stick to get the iptv app. if you could already use the internet and download apps on your tv then yeah dont see the point
>>220152500Fucking hell that's so hot.
>>220152508not gay to recognise beauty
>>220152511we need are bloody government to do some evil perfidious shit so we can get the economic conditions necessary for such times once more
enjoying the musical album there's nothing wrong with love by built to spill
>cleanerberg comes on a wednesday so i don't have to do any of that business of a weekend
>>220152460>>220152462shut the fuck up you rodent swine
Zoomers are going to hit 30 and realize that they wasted their best years worrying about what others think when none of it actually mattered at all.
A street sweeper who cleans up after grisly accidents brings home a full corpse for him and his wife to enjoy sexually, but is dismayed to see that his wife prefers the corpse over him
>>220152507need to sort out the same when i finally stop being a rentoid
>>220152500MateWe need a new one direction
housemateberg said he wanted to get a cleaner told him the place isn't dirty it's messy tidy your shit up fucks sake mate looks like a bomb went off in here who owns that many trainers grow up
>>220152561is that aljokes
>>220152560to be fair lad a lot of gen x types had that in their 50s
>>220152560Maybe it does matter what others think. Life is all about making positive impressions on other people so they'll give you things you want in return (a job, a friendship, sex, etc)
nice trim matecan’t understand why u get no pussy
alri time to get insurance on the new carpay bloody road taxfucks sake i'll miss me bloody fiesta
i drank for the first time in a month and feel like shit. have chest pain like i need to spew but its coming from my chest, not my stomach
>>220152564Sad parable
>>220152561aristocratic jaw
>>220152609alright mate, I'll ask, what new whipper did you get?
>>220152582literally none of us believe you told him anything you're just boring us with what you should have said
>>220152560so i was the proto zoomer
>fiesta
>>220152560>wasted their best yearsby not doing what?life seems pretty forced by factors outside of your control
This is why I refuse to post myself online.Whether it be normal social media, dating apps or some self improvement forum I know some cunt would screenshot my pic and post it somewhere to laugh at me
>>220152621ok
>>220152561Shave the head then roids tats and tan
>>220152477All jobs done, we now enjoy an easy Sontag morgen
>>220152635nothing to say about this but need more eyeballs on it
>>220152628had a head like the moon did ol' jimmy
>>220152640this mille fois
Every 6 months or so a bloke who lives a few doors down asks me if it's okay for him to phone the council to trim the tops of the trees in my garden so his garden gets some sun, I say no worries mate phone them and he will say great and go back home and then nothing happens until 6 months later he asks again.Odd, think he's mentally ill?
>>220152607another one of leftypol's victimsgrows up watching romance in children's movies just presuming the same would happen to him
>>220152640I'll just take your picture when you're outPut it on tiktok
sometimes feel guilty in my public sector job cause i am stealing a living and actively contributing to the downfall of britain. there just isnt enough work to do. not guilty enough to quit thoughbeit
>>220152670he wants you to trim your trees you selfish mong
>>220152670No, you’re just a twat
>>220152694they would just fill your place, probably pay the new guy more
Love how 95% of questions on UK subreddits could be solved by people actually asking their neighbours instead of wailing about it online.Like you lot are absolute freaks but I clearly prefer you to the WFH Deliveroo Avengers Mark Corrigans of over there.
muh muh muh My auntie HAAAD wind for FIIIIIVE minutes
Catberg purringShe’s on her heated blanket
>>220152670are they your trees or the landlords?
>>220152710Dont tell us tell themYou won'tCoward
>>220152697>>220152699You misunderstand, these are tall trees that would need some kind of crane and have been that height since I moved here. No one else complains, so I feel the onus is still on him here.
>>220152223KTIM
>>220152619not telling mate
This cunt down the road from me wont cut his hedge so you have to walk onto the road if there's someone else coming. Complained to the council and they say they've sent him a letter asking him to cut it back. This was like 4 months ago. Should they not be taking him to court to get the fucking thing cut back by now?
Emma Watson armpit sexo
right that's 2 extremely fit women
>>220152743It's a council house.
>>220152775Hate you
>>220152774They're in the back garden
>>220152795I would consider myself a rather innocuous poster myself.
>>220152775bro go to bed bro it’s 4 am bro
You’re gay and your dick is small and your small dick smells like cheese and it will never be in a woman because you’re also a manlet
>>220152719seymore butts
>>220152823that's just rude
>>220152782well then they're the council's trees. he's probably asked the council to reduce their height or thin them out but, being the council, they will do absolutely nothing unless they have a legal obligation to do it and even if they did (they dont, he probably has no right to light in his garden) councils are known for bluffing until solicitors, politicians or ombudsmen get involved
waiting for the DPD man
>>220152818why do you spam this boring shit then?
>>220152670trees grow, mong
>>220152845So those posters hurt my feelings for nothing? Hear that posters above, it's not my fault!
>>220152782How do I get a council house too?
untraceable gimmiques
pussy galore
>>220152867twat
>>220152868gotta be an immie
>>220152878who is thiswould be very dissapointed if she dint av a cock
>>220152878brothats a bussy
>>220152868I'm literally diagnosed Autistic and ADHD so that might have helped me get approved.
writing some flashcards today lads
>>220152892michelle alter yes she has a cock but it's circumcised
somehow the parcel has been delivered to me but my fat arse has been on the sofa this whole time
>>220152878Going to be honest lads, I'd fuck, I just would, I'm tired of pretending I wouldn't. I find peng trannards peng, I'd suck their cocks and swallow their cum after filling their arses with cum. Sorry, I just think they're peng, sorry.
>>220152894SameCan you walk through the process please
Mental how there's 3 women at toil who are proper into me and I can easily shag anyone of them
>>220152106 you lot getting slagged off YET AGAIN
>>220152929that's the malaysian who posted his grim manky arse here
>>220152928sure mate
>>220152929wonder if it's the same Malaysian poster from here who always tries to fit in but never does
>>220152925Can't be arsed, sorry.https://www.gov.uk/apply-for-council-housing
>>220152900Corr exams soon? Anki yeah?
bought too many bananas by mistake
>>220152950exam on the 17th. Hell yeah im doing Anki
>>220152948Twat
>>220152957Can I have some, please? I'll give the peels to the worms in my compost pit.
>>220152735Would love to be in a sandwich with these two!
>>220152964Good luck mate. I know you’ll smash it.
Did I just here creg say 'banana peel', that's so sick bro!
>>220152419On that subject I wanted to get my nephew into football stickers but I can't work out which is the regular standard Panini album. They've all got weird names
>>220152964either you're a swotty med student or a modern foreign languages failson
couldn't live in a council house me. literally living near poor, smelly people? no thanks
*transforms into a spider and scurries into a big pile of bananas in someone's kitchen*
>bussyVile sodomite word.
>>220152973UM x
said from his smelly incel bedroom
>>220152994i could if i had the whole house to myselfthat would be quality. could make it all nice
how about that iran business eh? mad
>>220152500Best part of going to gigs was chatting to emo slags.
from a quick look at his posts, it's easy to tell that emmayank is not mentally wellhowever, most people here do not realise that he's been spamming this general for almost a decade
>>220152994Great postI live in my own 300k home
>>220152985thank you lad>>220152991it's a tech cert exam
>>220153015Did something happen?
>>220152514weren't they the virginity givers with all the hags they slept with? and we all know how record deals are struck hmmm
>>220153015Absolutely screaming at how badly Trump has botched this. He's now crying about a 48 hour deadline to reopen the strait "or else" lmao
>>220153022Looking at this thread, I would say Emmayank is one of the most normal people in here
>>220152380i don’t because I didn’t drink copious amounts of rum last night. Do better.
>>220152561looks like Benny Cucumber. Get one of those zoomer haircuts to look like Sherlock and some contacts
>>220153015mental that this lad lost his life
this black pussy, it's... doing something to me it's...ch-chang- changine me it'surghuhhhhhaaaaaahhAAAAAAAAAMi a di nomba wan bad man ya fi tel yu di chuut a Jah, big op nuh man, mi gwan put di irie tuon dem an yuull fiil di baas man!
Going into work tomorrow, my go to line for the normies will be: how about them spurs then?
>>220153060he's not old enough to serve?
>>220153060Clearly too young to serve
>>220153055:<
>>220153077hope you feel better
>>220153060Average yank /brit/ poster
Was out walking yesterday and this little boy of about 12 went>Morningas he passed me.Ignoring the fact it was about half 2, fuck is that about? Kids talking to strangers.
>>220153038was reading a thing saying iran comes out of it more powerful than when it started cos now they know they can hold the planet's economy to ransom any time they fancy it
Good morning. A bloke in a dress is not a woman.
How about them spurs then?
>>220153070cringeball is my go to when it comes to speaking to normies i come across as a freak to most, then suddenly i bring up cringeball and because i have decent ball knowledge they become suddenly animated
trans women are women
>>220153096probably wanted a sugar daddy
>>220153070hit them with a "Rosenior will be sacked by the end of the month"
>>220153074Yes but not old enough to drink alcohol lmao
>>220153019>going to gigsMakes me cringe how many adults still do this and have never grown up. Remember when there was a big thing about trying to get oasis tickets? This thick cow at work was whinging about not getting them. I said maybe she'd have more luck if it wasn't for uncontrolled immigration and her reaction was just confusion. The average normie is thick as shit and would rather distract themselves with music, television and other slop rather than the serious problems facing this country that actually require a brain so think about
>>220153115Not according to the supreme court mate. Sorry, the law is the law.
>>220153065kek based
I'm off to get some crumpets and a covfefe on the go
>>220153110Why do you have "decent ball knowledge" when it's clearly something you don't like (hence "cringeball")
>>220152904win some you lose some
>>220153070Mines is usually asking them if they have a "good shift today then?". Then I have to sit there and pretend I'm normal while I listen to them, them being blissfully unaware how little I care for them.
bum hurts a bit from them lunges yesterday
what about them arsenal then always trying to head it in from a corner
Ok she’s making my hand touch my penis
leftypol headbanging to bbno$ on the merseyrail train to the jobcentre
>>220153146want me to eat your ass haha lol sorry mate wont happen again
Got called a nonce once by kids when walking dogberg, shouted back that if I were a nonce they'd be safe because they are ugly little runts. Just made them more incensed
>Remember when there was a big thing about trying to get oasis tickets? This thick cow at work was whinging about not getting them. I said maybe she'd have more luck if it wasn't for uncontrolled immigration
>>220152500>>220152518unfunny paedophile scum
>>220153141not mutually exclusive is it lad
>>220153087:>
>>220153161?
not going out today cant be arsed
>would rather distract themselves with music, television and other slop rather than the serious problems facing this country that actually require a brain so think about
>>220153185be arsedit's sunday and sunny
>>220153185kahTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM
Seems like everyone is very horny today haha x
>>220152999>sodomitedumb yank word, you don't live in the bible you live in the fakest most degenerated non country ever
>>220153213not me
Take the thong outta ya bussy playa
how about them spurs then?
>>220153213had a naughty dream and woke up rock hard and leaking x
are phoneposting captchas deliberately impossible then
>>220153179Personally I don't usually educate myself on things I don't like. To each their own though.
everyone crashing out this morning
I'm gonna be honest that iran joke from it crowd makes no sense. iran sounds nothing like a man. it would make more sense for her to be from oman.
>>220153243You have to keep phone posting so it gives you the easier captchas
>>220153246corrr she’d get it
>>220153127my toil lot did this with peter kay ticketsyou'd have to pay me to see peter kay
>>220153127poo
>>220153060
>>220153274ahaaaaaaaaa that's cowgate in Edinburgh that is!
it's sunny but the sun makes me feel ill for some reason so am gonna wait till it's cloudy like
keep seeing people with massive ear gauges in like why bro
>>220153267my mum went to Peter Kay and he just did the same routine he did 20 years ago but with less energy
>>220153274least deranged cager
>>220153295bro is a vampire
>>220153260The writing is so genius on so many levels. At first the audience thinks that Douglas doesn't care about April's former gender because its completely within his freewheeling, bohemian, sex conquistador character to do so. But then when the "Iran" flip comes, we realize what is actually at play - the other part of Douglas' character: his general inattentiveness towards everyone generally, but especially towards women he wants to bang. Like Oedipus, Douglas crafts his own tragedy, but unlike Sophocles' drama concluding with "all is well," we get a magnificent, uniquely Matt Berry, "OH GOD."
>>220153296m8 of mine has them and when he takes them out if looks like he has a baggy anus hanging under each ear
>>220153214>fakest most degenerated non country everThat is what Sodom was tbf
I think I may have Peyronie's Disease
britain would be so much nicer if we had decent cycling culture and infrastructurewe'd have fewer carmongs and fat cunts ruining everything
>>220153274where the fuck does that car think its going?but also deserved
>>220153274Just not on is it?
>>220153335because cars are necessary for most people. in places where they aren't necessary, there is decent infrastructure and public transport
mums told me she had a dream where she married another man when my late father was working away but divorced him when dad returned and made a point on how loyal she is fucking screaming
>>220153296It 2009 where you live?
>>220153115womenwhomenwho men?
>>220153333bad to day to be a Peyronie
funny seeing in the comments from a song from the early 10s like 'before music went bad' or something
Nutted that geezer in the bollocks, the melt
>>220153385Music hasn't been good since britpop died
>>220153362Did she divorced your dream stepdad or biological dad?
really hope this iran war drags on and we see petrol rationed and costing 3 quid a litre.
>>220153394cagers on the ropes
>>220153385>funny seeing in the comments from a song from the early 10s like 'before music went bad' or something
sex
>>220153342it's a four-way junction, there is a road in front of it too
>>220153394If this war drags on the cost of living will increase and we might actually see a revolution in this country (a good thing)
Music is better now than before. Most people just can’t be arsed looking for it
>>220153406bizarre reply
>>220153426
>>220153385it died around 2003
>>220153423lel
got my car washed at the illegal immigrant car wash and made sure to tip 25%
mahmood is being bullied into giving the boriswave ILR. that's another 1.6m who will gain access to benefits and a path to citizenship. they keep doubling down, this is war.
>>220153423post some good recent music then (you won't)
>>220153435that your new hot hatch yeah, in black yeah?
Want to smoke some fags but haven’t any to smoke. Smokers dilemma they call it
>>220153423Let me guess? Kneecap?
car alarm been going off for over an hour I fucking hate living in a city
Are cars necessary? YesAre most people on this island dogshit lazy whilst simultaneously driving like they're in a rush to get back home to watch Michael McIntyre? Also yes.The Yanks did a real number on us and now a good chunk of the country is Car Hitlers because it's the only power they will exert in their life past bullying the apprentice at work
having some sausages in toasted flatbreadsits fantastic
>be me>simpleton>group of chavs ask me to buy them fags>tell them to fuck off>they follow me back to my car and proceed to rip the rear wiper offcould've avoided this situation altogether
>>220153466>Are most people on this island dogshit lazy whilst simultaneously driving like they're in a rush to get back home to watch Michael McIntyreLet's be honest, The Wheel is a decent show
>>220153313gives me a right rash it doesjoints ache and all
>>220153466we're the worst of all because we want american levels of car ownership on british sized roads. it's madness. and our public transport is abysmal compared to europe.
>>220153456nobody listens to kneecapeven the people who like and support them don't listen to kneecap
>>220153444What you into? I was listening to this the other day. I enjoyed it https://youtu.be/mfmvFCXr1oA?si=3aXqTTUFCLYsg5t9
brit is always dreadfully unfunny on weekend mornings why is that
I am a classically trained actor and you will show me some bloody RESPECT!!
>>220153482Women>One child getting pregnant by her rapist means we all need abortions every time we let chad blow his beans up our muffsAlso women>No terrorism, child rape gangs and random killings is not justification to deport illegals
have a feeling Big Sausage has infiltrated /brit/ with a guerilla marketing campaign. far too many soss posts to be a natural occurrence. has given me a proper hankering for sausages. i'm going to cook some sausages.
>>220153539>Big Sausageyou rang?:)x
>>220153518I'll give you that one mate, metal is still an extremely productive and creative genre. I think people's real issue is that genuinely creative stuff rarely filters into the mainstream now.
>>220153520Normies.
>>220153484Thought this was going to end with you getting rogered in your car by a gang of horny chavs
What are political parties meant to do when this is 20% of the electorate
morningjust stopped phone posting
i want sunderland to win today
Called myself Mr Sausage in front of my ex once and she corrected it to Mr Chipolata
Do you know who I am?
>>220153561pretty sure the electorate is more than 15 people
>>220153484Always buy them shit so they hook me up with the peng tings
>>2201533851910s, now that was an era!
>>220153566omdz
>>220153520the same hungover brain that craves grotty porn also finds stupid shit funny
finna bust a fat nut
just put fuel in my car
>>220153598the grotty porn craver
>>220153511Irish youth really do listen to kneecapCome over here and you’ll hear them rapping in Irish
wish i had a bpd gay fella to have sex with and then i go distant and he goes a bit mental
feel rotten going back to bed
>>220153610the good stuff?
>>220153604you will never be herEVER
google photos is showing me some pics i took at the start of the first covid lockdown
>>220153636
just put some ointment on my runners hip
back to work tomorrowmight tell one of my patients he has cancer just for the hell of itsee his facehaha
Dirty south n**ga, we straight gangsta pimps
sir tranny sacker
>>220153620>Come over herewhat's with the flagberg then
>>220153676>>220153676>>220153676
>>220153564i also want sunderland to win today
>>220153682NI
