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I… just want this to exist somewhere. Not because I don’t want to follow tagging rules, but because I don’t even know where this belongs. And honestly… there’s no one to tell.
I have so many thoughts… about myself. About the world around me. About people. About feelings. About everyday life. Even about dreams. It all surfaced at once… to the point where I simply can’t stay silent about it.
In our time, there are so many possibilities that it’s impossible to count them. So many paths… so many crossroads, that you get lost at the very first one, like a small kitten thrown out into the street. And the thoughts… there are three times more of them. Maybe even ten.
And yet… there is one thought that reaches my very core and gives me a little strength. A thought I’ve known almost since birth, but never understood. A feeling I was never meant to understand.
Burying that feeling deep inside myself — under the pressure of modern reality, everything that’s happened to me and to the world — made me the most miserable, pitiful creature. Weak and distant. What I buried so deeply because of responsibilities, relationships, social media standards, work, losses, all these meaningless wars where people bleed when they should be with their families… all of it. All that pain and dirt.
And… it made me stop loving. Truly loving. Without imposed ideas, stereotypes… unrealistic expectations… without calling it “boredom” when in reality we just can’t feel what we’re supposed to. We reach for things that hurt us. I don’t notice it in myself often… and I’m not happy about it. I started to despise myself for these choices, even though I couldn’t control them.
Until today.
One thought.
The thought that… I just want to put on knight armor, take a sword, and simply be a knight who brings love into this world of falsehood and intrigue. To draw a coat of arms — a giant heart with white wings — and speak only in poetry about what hurts inside…
About how I love people.
How I love this world.
About wanting to read poems to girls — about how I’d reach for the brightest star for them, how I’d protect the weak… and in return they’d cover me in heart stickers, and I’d just jump into a crystal-clear river and cry harder than I’ve ever allowed myself to.
Just to forget my fears… even for a moment.
Sometimes I even imagine what it would be like… if this were a holiday. If there were parades like this. I imagine crowds of such knights walking to that old castle music, hanging flags with hearts everywhere, shouting lines from poems. Even now, as I write this, I have tears in my eyes, feeling something inside me finally loosen… from relief.
And I mean… I’m already 22.
And I feel with my whole being that I’m not supposed to think about things like this.
But… I don’t care about the rules anymore. I don’t care what people say about me. Let them call me weak. I don’t care.
And… I just want to say one last thing.
I love you.
No matter who you are — because you need it. Just as much as I do.
No slogans.
Just… love.