You are a se/k/urity guard on the 4chan space prison. Your mission: Contain the horrors within
>>64408315Why contain it?
>>64408315>Be me>new guard>Chilling in guard booth>Watching kdramas>13:30>Patrol failed to check in>probablyhittingonnormalfagsfromsoc.mp3>Have to go check them>shrugs>Picks up rifle>press check>Walks out of booth>walks past /mu/ cells>comfy tunes.mp3>checks map>radios control>"Where are they">they respond>"last check in was near high security /b/lock">ohno.ini>comes to /b/lock >vault door open>gas masks on, safeties off>bring scar17 to low ready>opens inner door>fog blows past>steps inside>unknown liquid oozing from the walls>rainbowdash dakimakura standing up on its own>lanky fuck huddle in corner jerking off to anime girl feet>ignore him>i dont bother him, he wont bother me>sees flashlight on ground>the bulb isnt warm>it hasnt been here for a while>next to it are several shell casing> there is a trail>follow trail>come to guard leaned against the wall>several bodies surround him>pistol in hand>bullet hole in skull>went out fighting.exe>press f to salute >go to collect his dogtags>push to the ground from behind>turn to see troglodyte with hentai tshirt>shot him on the head>one shot one kill>others notice>they attack>switch to full auto>one mag after another fall to the floor>out of ammo>switching to your secondary id faster than reloading>pull pistol>too late>the trog leap on me>feel their wet bodies against me>they pull my gas mask off>the most horrid smell known to man enter my nose>they start to undress>things are look grim>reach for standard issue HE grenade>gonna drag as many as these degens with me to hell as possible>pull pin>Imreadyareyou.mp3>the sound of thunder echos throughout the stationNo mercy
>>64408315Jesus anon that's pretty fucking rude to say about the Bajorans.
>>64408315invent a prison federal reserveeasy
>>64408315Sounds like its time to hire some Bajoran war criminals and a weird guy that sleeps in a a bucket to handle this
>>64408315>Be me sec guard>one of the inmates approach’s my booth that controls the rec rooms entrance doors>His vile Cardi face looks smudged through the foot of transparent aluminium/duranium alloy separating us as he leers at me>Unable to focus I click the intercom button>”Unless someone’s getting shanked please fuck off inmate 8849”>The Cardi in turn presses the incom button on his side “Mr Anon, do you rape inmates based on race or gender?”>What?.jpg>”Inmate 8849 what in God’s name are you talking about?”>”You know? Do you rape based on race or gender”? The motherfucker pulls up eight stitched together pieces of paper done in crayon that seemed to be labyrinth of crude scribbles, arrows and slurs.>I feel my brain starting to swell the longer I looked at it ”I don’t follow?”>”It’s quite simple Mr Anon, say you have a female Human prisoner and a male Bajoran prisoner that are in need of punishment, will you rape the Human based on her lesser gender or will you rape the Bajoran based on his lesser species?”>I feel my brain blue screening as I try to figure out what the fuck he just said to me, let along the fact that I’m actually trying to decide which is the correct answer.>Before I can answer my shift supervisor comes up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder “that will do Anon, he’s baited you, go on your break and let it slide”>As I get up and start walking I hear the Cardi scream out behind me “I’D HOPED YOU CHOSE THE BAJORAN CAUSE THERE’S A MOUTHY BAJORAN TWINK IN HERE IN NEED OF CORRECTION!”>mfw
>>64408365Hey, that puddle is a good and honest lawman, also nobody's particularly concerned that he's a puddle.
>>64408315>find attractive Cardassian female>repeatedly insult her work performance, personal appearance, and personality>have a number of children with her equal to the average onset of Cardie menopause divided by the average length of Cardassian gestation
>>64408315>immediately launch an operation to (operationally) take over station because the dumb fucks in charge allowed the inmates to guard the asylum>execute /pol/, /x/, /mlp/, /bant/, /cm/, /hm/, /lgbt/, /y/, and most of /d/>seal /b/ block and sever system connections as it's mostly bots and rogue AIs stuck in loops>boards like /o/, /n/, /diy/, and /fit/ assigned to station development and wellbeing>boards like /a/, /c/, /lit/, and /mu/ tasked with media creation>/soc/, /hc/ and /biz/ in charge of station dating establishments and brothels>/pw/, /out/, /an/, /qst/, and some /k/ommandos tasked with "acquiring" actual real women for the station in away teams>survivors of /d/ tasked with creating actual cat girls and slime girls for uh... research purposes?>/fit/ and /ck/ in charge of station nutrition, away teams also "acquire" ingredients while parts of /an/ operate hydroponic/aquaponic grow facilities>assign teams from /k/, /m/, /diy/, and /g/ to high tech weapons development>boards not mentioned assigned to relevant tasks or executed where appropriateThe station state of 4chanistan will be a great and prosperous space nation! All will see our memes and despair!
>>64408315This stations security and internal defenses are terrible, i will immediately have 2000 troops move in and secure the Pomade with a minimum of 100 KPVs. Now get out of my way, i need to talk to this 'Kai Winn' person i have been hearing such good things about...
What I am absolutely certain of is I am not opening no god damn ore refinery. Ore mining, gathering, transportation, refining, shipping, or processing all leads to horrible death tolls among stationed personnel. I institute a ban on all ore, nothing's good ever come out of ore. Secondly I will try to reform as many prisoners as possible, not out of humanitarian concerns though that'd be a nice bonus, but out of concern that if I let these apes throw their shit willy nilly there will never be a calm day. They're not getting out, but I'd at least like to be able to tell my officers when they do or do not have to bring spit guards.
>>64408445>most of /d/Which /d/egens do you let live?
>>64408315>attention al bajoran sl....workers please report to the holodeck>forget to turn off the intercom>put on "Oh I wish I was in Cardasia" and sing along as I get changedthe rape of bajor wasn't real but it should have been
>>64408454Can’t we have a little ore? You know as a treat for the Bajoran workers
>>64408460It is worth noting that a purge of /d/ might be counter productive as it will negatively affect over all morale and you must consider the following fact: Since Furry and MLP content is banned from /d/ a purge would leave them unharmed and in a position to seize control of the stations pornography supply. We must tread carefully.
>>64408483Very well, we can employ them as son/d/erkommando until the furfag and horsefucker problem is solved.
>>64408353Not rude enough I assure you!
>>64408445>immediately launch an operation to (operationally) take over stationBut I'd you don't administratively control it, do you really?
>>64408445>he couldn’t handle the /bant/s
>>64408445>purging /x/Nah, /x/ is cool. We can draft them into the military intelligence directorate Alternatively, they can serve along side /his/ as archivist
Oh, I wish I was on Cardassia Prime,Old times there were so cold but fine,Look away, look away, Cardassia!Where order ruled and truth was law,And no one questioned what they saw,Look away, glorious Cardassia!Cardassia! The Union grand!Cardassia Prime, the promised land!Look away! Look away!Look away, Cardassia!In Cardassia where we were born,Where every world was ours to scorn,Look away, look away, Cardassia!Where Bajor’s mines once lit the sky,And soldiers marched with heads held high,Look away, glorious Cardassia!Cardassia! The Union grand!Cardassia Prime, the promised land!Look away! Look away!Look away, Cardassia!But the worms have turned, the war is done,The Founders lied, the spoils now are noneStill I dream beneath the ruins’ glow,Of a time when we ruled below.Cardassia! So cold, so gray,Still my heart can’t turn awayLook away! Look away!Look away, Cardassia!
>>64408475>The scene where Quark brings in a cake for the prisoners but it's a small basket of oreThe last time someone tried to ferry a small amount of ore off this station a crew of 12 died, we might allow for crystals for good behaviour. We might screen metal objects, honestly, I fear the inmates might try to break down the metal into its ore components and cause an incident that way.
>>64408315>se/k/urity guardThe word is janny. The only difference is that in the post-scarcity future, everything is done for free.
>>64408315The proper way to do a space prison is to have no permanent guard presence aboard. Guard staff are on a neighbouring station and have access to extensive surveillance and systems control instead, with their directives being enforced by total control of food, water, oxygen, general sundries and electricity supply to the prisoners. (And also complete control over internal hatches and the prison station self-destruct.) Actual contact between prisoners and staff is only permissible in emergency circumstances.
>>64408350>>"last check in was near high security /b/lock"Then they're already /d/ead
we have a problem gentlemen>its leaking through the bulkheads
>>64408475>Can’t we have a little ore?You're under arrest for attempting to replicate cheese pizza.
>>64408703>Nah, /x/ is cool.t.
>>64408882>Hey! I've seen this one!
>>64408919Oh yes? What are you going to do, send me to a prison station?
>>64408939I'm sending you to the worst prison in the Federation. It's in New Zealand, right next to the beach. May God have mercy upon your soul.
>>64408703>Nah, /x/ is coolThis officer has been compromised. Records show he has missed the last three mandatory /jp/ cleansing rituals. Tulpa possession suspected. Apprehend with extreme care - restricted weeb material is being prepared for him. Bring our boy home.
>>64409047Let them be. No point rescuing them when their holes will all be blown out by the time we get there. Use the incident as a cautionary tale during orientation for newfags. If we actually need to save them for some reason, we're going to start with a mix of capsacin and caffeine to see how the tentacles respond.
>>64408905Theres only one solution.Get the flamethrowers and fire suits ready. Evac all non essential personal to the ships. They will have to live off station for a few days. While the smoke clears out
>>64409294Stations cleard. Ÿ̸̡̜̩́̄͝ò̷̘̮̽ͅǘ̸͉ ̸̺̑c̵̨̙̩͉̝̤͆͒̎ḁ̸̇̒̆̓͊́̍͠n̵̗̆͐͌ ̶͖͆̽͋͛͝ċ̴̛̝͙̑͂͗̆o̸̡̺͙̰̊͑̎̾̚m̸̜̋̽̀̎͌̈́͑͝ę̸̬͙̹̣̂ ̸͇͐b̸͍͓̀͜a̴͉͆̇͝c̸̥̜̃k̷̭̼̆ ̴̨͎͔̾̓n̷̓͊͝o̶̢̫̍̀w̶̦̏͜.̷͚͛͒̀
>>64408315My first action is to make it station policy that Harry Kim will not be promoted, and any Harry Kim that attempts to receive a promotion anyway will be executed and replaced with another from the Harry Kim closet.I have no second action, as no matter what goes wrong the station will return to the status quo full of prisoners and infinite shuttles within 45 minutes.
>>64409545Chief, I got a message from Starflee/k/, they've recently changed from the Voyager-continuity to the Deep Space 9-continuity. We have about 4 minutes before the entire station falls apart like a rusty shed, now more than ever do we need an ethnic hard-hitting Chief of Operations with enough pudge to believe he's a working class man. Sir, we need Harry Kim.
>>64408315The first thing I would do is install cameras and RFID trackers everywhere. 99% of the crimes committed on Terok Nor would have been instantly solved if they had a 24/7 video.Seriously, two Ferengi known criminals crawled through the ducts into the Captains office with zero alarms set off.
>>64408315What if instead of prison cells we just mindfuck prisoners into thinking they spent decades years in prison. i'm certain it'll save manpower.
>>64410206The best part about the mindfuck prison is that you can issue rehabilitation programs to prisoners for zero cost.
>space prisonHell no. I know where this is going to go. All hands to battle stations, we're gonna blow this station out of orbit and vaporize anything that survives. /k/ortana, you have the MAC. Weapons free, fire at will.
>>64410244>Has the power to give everyone a tailored prison sentence>Chooses to torture them for their entire life for the lulzReally, really, backwards place.
>>64408882Addendum: The REAL way to do prisons in a scifi setting is find a desolate, remote shithole planet that is barely survivable and turn it into a penal colony with an orbiting station and perhaps a small patrol squadron, with contact between prisoners and guards limited to regular supply drops, which you ideally also automate. Also keep the actual coordinates of the system itself on a strict need-to-know basis.
>>64410244I have an idea. Step 1: We mind fuck them into >Tag:MindbreakStep 2: We send those prisoners to a rehab facility that WE ownStep 3: We charge the goberment and insurance several times what the services actually cost and pocket the restStep 4: Profit
>>64410244>rehabilitation
>>64411141No fraternising with the guards, Inmate#5749/biz/.
>>64408353>>64408639I love you guys sometimes, anons
So Terok Nor was an ore processing plant in the prime universe and in the mirror the Terrans managed to turn it into a shipyard essentially. Do you think anons could turn it into a munitions factory?
>>64408800https://vocaroo.com/1eTPLntu4F3A
>>64410707This was tried. Sometimes they figure out a way to hijack your ships and stage a prison break anyway.
>>64413014Why not just make the prison a space station with only one way in?
>>64408883RIP
>>64409570Ah fuck, nobody warned me there'd be long-term arcs and status quo changes. How many Harry Kims does it take to stand up to an O'Brien of suffering? If we can make do with three at once we can put them on alternating cycles so they're not all active at once, that'd probably weird out the rest of the crew too much.
Be advised: The clown has escaped containment.
>>64416048Seal the bulkheads on decks 2-4 and fill them will VX NOW.All personnel on those levels. /k/ will forever honor your sacrifice.
>>64408315simple prisoner's dilemmano space suits, whole thing rigged to blow, I'm not thereEither everyone behaves or the space prison gets nuked
>>64416402Too late, overload the reactor! It is the only choice!
>>64416004If we rotate them on thirds, 1\3 operations, 1\3 engineering, 1\3 rest; we can make sure that we have a Kim at the ready at all times as well as one in the reclamation facility. This leaves ample opportunity for alien attacks, workplace accidents, as well as unsettling bedtime encounters. We can probably also use a pain stick or something whenever the suffering level drops, and if this doesn't keep this prison running then I don't know what will.
>>64416048>>64416402>>64416586don't worry, the religious wing of /pol/ is getting this under control.
ATTENTION KIRA'S MOMREPORT TO MY QUARTERS IMMEDIATELY
>>64416745Attention Bajoran prisoners. We've heard reports that some of you believe that the 9mm is superior to the 45acp based on statistics relating to ballistic performance in real life scenarios. I would like to settle this debate by saying your wardens employ both, that'll be all. Glory to /k/ardassia.
>>64416753>/k/ardassian side arms have only two modes>9mm for less lethal and .45acp for kill
>>64408315>The year is 2XXX>mfw still issued a S&W Model 10 and a PR-24 batonAre 158gr wadcutters even effective against the horrors?
>>64409294Err I think it just made it angry?
>>64416820This is something only an optimistic and utopian vision of the future could bring us.
>>64408579Some of your femboy and Nork allies will rebel if you come to down on furries too hard although they agree with your anti horse fucker policies. Would you agree to ignoring the anthro tendencies of the DPRK and provide passive assistance to the people of Flower Hill while they neutralize the threat from Ponyville via direct invasion?