You have been assigned to the 3-Day Special Military Operation to the County Fair. Your objective: seize the fort as quickly as possible with minimal risk of losses. How do you do it?More intel on the target to follow.
>>64420334Nerf nuke.
Intel drop incoming
Interior defenses, lined with parapets covering the entire 360 degree perimeter
Think of the insulation value.
>>64420383I see nothing here that wouldn't be easily overcome but the Spongebob, now that's the real wildcard!
Light it on fire?
>>64420416Hard mode: No incendiaries
Running underneath the fort is a maze of tunnels that would give the Vietcong and Hamas claustrophobia
>>64420388post moar of the girl
>>64420462>no incendiariesI spray 3 mags full auto at a single spot on one haybale, and jam my hot barrel in there for good measure.That or a handheld lighter, anything is incendiary if you’re creative enough.
>>64420481I dont know if I trust the strawbale tunnel
>>64420909I too fear the Soviet tunnel gap
>>64420480>>64420481man you just know the vietcong are somehow waiting in here somewhere do not want
I yell "SNAAAAAAKE!!!!! AIEEEEEE" at the top of my lungs to dislodge the defenders and water balloon them as they flee in terror.
>>64420481
>>64420944Who's Lazy, and why did he paint it?
>>64420944I was expecting Strelkov, but this is fine, too.
>>64420955
Rabbits and guinea pigs.
>>64420975What? The filename clearly says: Lazy Painted It
>>64420334There's only one answer
>>64420996there's no way it could penetrate deep enough, have you not seen the pictures?
>>64420999Trips don't lie
>>64420334one 24 pack of bud lights should be enough to convince a local farmer to spray liquid manure in/around the fortress
>>64420462
1st squad will be armed with super soakers and water balloons and will attack the fort from the front, they are meant to be a distraction and keep the forts defenders surpressed2nd squad approaches from the right and uses precision nerf rifles and bow-and-arrows-with-suction-cups. Objective: climate enemy commander (Timmy, grade 4)3rd squad: chemical weapons, approach via tunnels to deploy stink bombs rotten eggsAt the same have intelligence agents identify key command personnel and what their favorite toy is. Brutal smash a toy every 10 minutes until fort surrenders or until my mom says dinner's ready and I have to go home (mac and cheese my favorite!)
>>64420996
>>64420462What an incendiary here? Do lighters or matches count because that’s all what’s needed
>>64421097>Brutal smash a toy every 10 minutesYou could do that to a Frisbee? You monster!
>>64420390Me on the right
>>64420909That's why we send in the children. Due to less risk of collapse, yeah.
>>64420462Not even rubbing hay rapidly against hay? Or using a mangifying glass?
>>64420334https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtcthey blocked this video in Russia btw
I have a hay allergy I'm fucked
>>64420481My God I can feel this picture on the surface of my entire body.I'm legitimately getting PTSD flashbacks to when my dad "voluntold" me to help our older farmer neighbor load his barns every year.You don't know man, you weren't there!
>>64421097>Brutal smash a toy every 10 minutes until fort surrendersYou'll be tried at the Hague (my parents) for that. They'll hang you. (my dad will hit you with his belt unless you apologize and replace it)Such acts are ungentlemanly.
>>64420480>>64420481>>64420476>>64420944Ah, so you have a Samsung too.
>>64420944>last thing russian soldiers see
>>64421097if I may lend you my mercenary forces (I promised the entire first grade a small bag of Haribos each if they helped out) for the frontal assaultthey might lack some coordination, but their numbers should make them effective for what is still just a distraction attack, and this frees up your more experienced men
>>64420462A giant looney tunes magnifying glass aimed at the driest part of the fort gg ez
>>64420334The same way you've always taken a fort without having artillery: get a traitor to open the gates
>>64422532Thank you for your servce
>>64420334Napalm it with a danger close fire mission.
>>64420479Kill yourself you pedophile freak.
>>64420334>steal pigs from nearby livestock show>catapult greased pigs over wall>storm walls from all four directions during the chaos
>>64428498Are you planning to set the pigs on fire?
I send my faggoty little brother Lyle directly to the front with his retard friends to draw fire and serve as a meat shield while I and my beloved yellow lab Jakers flank around and infiltrate from the rear.
>>64420334First we must ascertain the history of this place.In the summer of 2004, Czar Billy-Bob the Rotund ordered a census of all lands taxable by the IRS and discovered that his property line fell upon the glade known as 'the Fortress of Straw'. Seeing this, he bid his boyars to make us of it, but discovered it to be occupied by the vile trespassing tribesmen of the 'Northbay'. Their claim illegitimate, he drove them from his lands and declared them to be forever more the County of Fair, under his rule.
>>64420334>Fort-fags are running out of soldiers, as evidenced by them conscripting kindergarteners>Fort-fags can't collect or deliver new nerf bullets because of hostile RC drone dominance>Fort-fags have gone from eating Lunchables and caprice sun to eating whatever left-over broccoli and prune juice they can find in their refrigerators>Price of hay has fallen significantly>Candy exports are downLmao fort-fags are gonna argue that they're still winning because they're advancing ten feet every day, but that's still unsustainable for them.
that's pretty neat, the tunnels give me the willies thoughhow structurally sound are hay bales
>>64420334Unleash a herd of livestock to devour it
OP here, more intel drops
Bunker exit
Top level of the fortress
Reinforced stockade
>>64420915heh
>>64420933based
I think we need a few brave manlets willing to be greased up.
