I always assumed I was some put upon little weakling who was always beaten down or abused by others. I've only started realizing the past few years that I'm a narcissist and have ruined the lives of my family by transitioning. I'm afraid to seek help for this, most therapists don't seem to see anything wrong with me besides anxiety/depression and I REALLY dont want to be labelled NPD in case it causes issues with other doctors taking my seriously down the line. I'm afraid to reach out to my family as my ego would be hurt by 'misgendering' and I don't want to face the fact that I abused my OWN MOTHER ever since a young age. I'm so afraid. Even by posting this I am fueling my obsession with attention and sympathy. Killing myself would make a big mess for others to clean up, and I have... unusual interests/tastes which, while not illegal, are odd and would be discovered after going through my things. I would also likely purposefully fail a suicide attempt and unintentionally garner sympathy that way. How the fuck do I navigate life? Do i just keep my head down and work until I die? I refuse to get into any sexual or romantic relationships due to this, but am getting more miserable by the day. I deserve misery but want to escape it.
you're expressing empathy so you probably don't have npd
>>40897720shut the fuck up. reddit tier answer of "if you think you're npd then you aren't. anyway, here's how everyone in my life is secretly a narcissist" r slash raisedbynarcissists bs. I know myself better than you fag
>>40897720my 'empathy' isn't real empathy, its anger at myself for failing to be a good person. part of my narcissism is that I want to be perceived as a kind person
>>40897692Start giving away your things as a final act of kindness. Box up the stuff you can't in a neat and organized way. Settle any sort of financial affairs you have and make a will. You can split the money amongst the people you've most harmed (your mother for instance). You can kill yourself IF you are actually willing to put in some effort to clean up after yourself, which I doubt you're capable of.
>>40897692what does this have to do with being a tranny?
>>40897692i check your hometowns obituary page every day hoping that youve died
>abused your own motherGod, it's not enough that you basically have to be your parents property for the first decade and a half but they willl hold you to blame for their own mental conflicts too. I feel sorry for you because there is not anything you could have changed but that guilt is still put upon you by your parents' expectations.
>>40897692your obsession with having NPD sounds like OCD so i will now be diagnosing you with OCD, you're welcome and please reply with your insurance information so i can bill you
leave the box of weird shit where your mother won't see it.
>>40898646it's true. I couldnt believe it myself>>40898659I've known ever since my mother printed off that npd checklist when I was 15 and showed me all the boxes I fit, but i denied it. I do not have OCD. >>40898660It's mostly on my computer, which she searched before I moved out years ago. She would know to check there. I have 'friends' who almost exclusively work in tech who could help her get in
>>40898646I could have not put a knife to her throat and screamed that I would fucking kill her. I could have not tried to push her down the stairs. I could have not beaten my cousins until they had bruises vecause they 'invaded my space'. I could have been her ideal child and birthed many a grandchild for her, but I am selfish.
You deserve to die and you know it
>>40898741Cool. Anything you do is technically her fault for birthing you and spreading her and dad's psycho genes plus giving you early childhood trauma that you cant even remember. The chain of causality doesnt end at the defective child even if natalists would like to pretend like it does. FAFO: parental edition
>>40898811repressed memories aren't real. You sound like reddit right now. a bunch of narcissists claiming to have been raised by narcissists so nothing they do is their fault. Evil is a choice not innate
>>40897692just die alreay
>>40897692>I abused my OWN MOTHER ever since a young age.This isnt npd, your just retarded
>>40900686tell me how? she and many family members corroborated that i have been a difficult person since a young age. I was even abusive and manipulative at age 2!! I'm talking beyond normal toddler stuff. Didnt you see the murder attempt?
>>40901505This sounds like the worlds worst larp nglAlso your mom is a coward for not calling the cops on you if anything you’ve said is true (which o find hard to believe)
>>40901676i was in a psych ward for 14 days. the cops got involved because someone (unknown, maybe a 3rd party) called the cops. my mother dropped the charges and wanted me released on the condition that ANY aggressive behavior would get me put away for good. I don't think she could realistically make good on this promise, but sometimes I wish she had.
>>40901809Psych ward for two weeks means nothing. You should’ve spent years there for threatening your mothers life
