fall editionconfess your feelings, secrets, or get something off your chest
>>40906968I still think about you too often, please respond.
>>40907026im scared to
>>40906968pls readd me i will be no drama or craziness pleaaaaasee or tell me off or something idk that you never want to be with me i love you and will do whatever it takes if you come back i do not hate you im sorry for saying that
i walked into my gfs room and she was masturbating and she kicked me out and i want to kill myself
Meds all of you. Especially you op for still starting this thread after a year of this.
moving back in with my mommy i think. i shouldn't. i will hurt her.
>>40907341don't hurt her
I love her so much, I think of her while going to bed, I think of her when waking up, the one thing I wish for in life is to be with her. I do the stupidest most pathetic things for her, just to even spend time with her. Friends keep telling me that I have a chance and that I could try my luck, but I cannot bring myself to admit my feelings for her to anyone.
bump
im so glad to talk to you even about nothing stuff, i hope things keep settling down and we can cautiously find how we fit into eachothers lives, i desperately do not want to lose you
they recently uploaded a new video and Im too scared to watch it, too hurt. their stupid 10-year old art project changed my life and i never stopped thinking about it, yet they never cared about how much i cared. they only acknowledged it once others passively posted about it. it hurts so much. its no different than being rejected by my mom, someone i also used to look upto. all i would think about is "how can i impress them? how can i get their praise?" its pathetic but thankfully ive slowly been stopping that mentality. i outperform them in every way now. ive accomplished things they still struggle with and ive done from the ground up with alone with no friends, no family. Theyre a literal pedophile too, like idek what the fuck Im doing feeling this way. Then again my mom committed welfare fraud, SSDI fraud, stimulus check fraud in my name all when I was homeless. Yet last year I STILL reached out to her. Still was left disappointed, nothing changed, shes never going to magically start loving me. I just want a friend. I put all this work into improving myself, cut out every toxic person who was around for my old toxic self yet they never improved. I hate looking and sounding the way I do, I hate how hopeless it makes me feel bc I know others have it worse. People I dont even know inherently treat me like a lesser. I never seek out people anymore because of this, Im scared if I show my face theyll spread it around and mock me or something. This is why I dont use dating apps either. I dont even want to post my art online anymore because bc I ghosted this one toxic friend whos BPD and will no doubt flip her shit if she knows I want nothing to do with her, I just couldnt handle her meltdowns anymore and it makes feel sorry that I used to act like that in the first place with others. i try to act all cool and unbothered and even antagonistic but Im just a stupidly lonely person who is never treated as important in anyones life unless its negative.
Of course it didn't work, it never does, I honestly don't know what I was expecting, I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry
castrating yourself doesn't make you a woman
>>40906968fall is my favorite time of year.i love halloween
>>40908883Me too! I watch scary godmother 1 and 2 on Halloween every year
I don't feel loved
i dont go outside and then incessantly complain about not having a boyfriend and its really annoying. I doubt if a guy showed interest in me I would be cool about it either. probably would be really sarcastic and such. I hate being a misanthrope. And also being a boymoder. Being alive is generally a pain. I wish everyone on earth was dead so i wouldnt have to worry about this any more.
>>40906968I have a job interview tomorrow. If I don’t get it then some time at the start of next week or so I will kill myself. I have struggled immensely with unemployment due to being too autistic and mentally ill. I hate being alive. I can’t wait for this to all finally just end so I don’t have to deal with all the stress and pain anymore. But I’m also really scared. The other day I started crying randomly in the middle of the day. My roommate knows something is up with me but I can’t confide in her or rely on her for help. I’m very scared. It’s fucking me up a lot as much as I need everything to just end.
Forgave my mom, actually got closure. Learned a lot about myself lately. Very fortunate. No matter what, I'm gonna be ok
