fall editionconfess your feelings, secrets, or get something off your chest
>>40906968I still think about you too often, please respond.
>>40907026im scared to
>>40906968pls readd me i will be no drama or craziness pleaaaaasee or tell me off or something idk that you never want to be with me i love you and will do whatever it takes if you come back i do not hate you im sorry for saying that
i walked into my gfs room and she was masturbating and she kicked me out and i want to kill myself
Meds all of you. Especially you op for still starting this thread after a year of this.
moving back in with my mommy i think. i shouldn't. i will hurt her.
>>40907341don't hurt her
I love her so much, I think of her while going to bed, I think of her when waking up, the one thing I wish for in life is to be with her. I do the stupidest most pathetic things for her, just to even spend time with her. Friends keep telling me that I have a chance and that I could try my luck, but I cannot bring myself to admit my feelings for her to anyone.
bump
im so glad to talk to you even about nothing stuff, i hope things keep settling down and we can cautiously find how we fit into eachothers lives, i desperately do not want to lose you
they recently uploaded a new video and Im too scared to watch it, too hurt. their stupid 10-year old art project changed my life and i never stopped thinking about it, yet they never cared about how much i cared. they only acknowledged it once others passively posted about it. it hurts so much. its no different than being rejected by my mom, someone i also used to look upto. all i would think about is "how can i impress them? how can i get their praise?" its pathetic but thankfully ive slowly been stopping that mentality. i outperform them in every way now. ive accomplished things they still struggle with and ive done from the ground up with alone with no friends, no family. Theyre a literal pedophile too, like idek what the fuck Im doing feeling this way. Then again my mom committed welfare fraud, SSDI fraud, stimulus check fraud in my name all when I was homeless. Yet last year I STILL reached out to her. Still was left disappointed, nothing changed, shes never going to magically start loving me. I just want a friend. I put all this work into improving myself, cut out every toxic person who was around for my old toxic self yet they never improved. I hate looking and sounding the way I do, I hate how hopeless it makes me feel bc I know others have it worse. People I dont even know inherently treat me like a lesser. I never seek out people anymore because of this, Im scared if I show my face theyll spread it around and mock me or something. This is why I dont use dating apps either. I dont even want to post my art online anymore because bc I ghosted this one toxic friend whos BPD and will no doubt flip her shit if she knows I want nothing to do with her, I just couldnt handle her meltdowns anymore and it makes feel sorry that I used to act like that in the first place with others. i try to act all cool and unbothered and even antagonistic but Im just a stupidly lonely person who is never treated as important in anyones life unless its negative.
Of course it didn't work, it never does, I honestly don't know what I was expecting, I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry
castrating yourself doesn't make you a woman
>>40906968fall is my favorite time of year.i love halloween
>>40908883Me too! I watch scary godmother 1 and 2 on Halloween every year
I don't feel loved
i dont go outside and then incessantly complain about not having a boyfriend and its really annoying. I doubt if a guy showed interest in me I would be cool about it either. probably would be really sarcastic and such. I hate being a misanthrope. And also being a boymoder. Being alive is generally a pain. I wish everyone on earth was dead so i wouldnt have to worry about this any more.
>>40906968I have a job interview tomorrow. If I don’t get it then some time at the start of next week or so I will kill myself. I have struggled immensely with unemployment due to being too autistic and mentally ill. I hate being alive. I can’t wait for this to all finally just end so I don’t have to deal with all the stress and pain anymore. But I’m also really scared. The other day I started crying randomly in the middle of the day. My roommate knows something is up with me but I can’t confide in her or rely on her for help. I’m very scared. It’s fucking me up a lot as much as I need everything to just end.
Forgave my mom, actually got closure. Learned a lot about myself lately. Very fortunate. No matter what, I'm gonna be ok
I've been having a secret persona online as a femboy even though I look like a normal guy irl and I feel kind of ashamed but I also love the attention I get at the same time.
>>40906968i’m not even gay (well… depends on the guy) but i just want to be a beautiful girl, just the normal same-old me except i’m a girl. i think it would fix a lot of it magically happened but i know it’s impossible in actuality. i’m actually devastated that it’s an impossibility and now i live my life out entirely repressed trying to be a pretty boy irl (or femboy or whatever you want to call it) and occasionally dressing up as a girl online. i even contemplated making some sort of alter-ego social media account to do live this little fantasy out. unfortunately the dressing up part gives me boatloads of attention which only reinforces that mindset and so every day i feel conflicted and at war with myself. i try to demythologize the female experience by going out and just being male me, but the more weight i attach to that the more worried i become of twinkdeath. then i remember the same thing happens to women and i’m confronted with aging generally and it gets existential, so i just try to live for the moment, but the moment i really want to live is people seeing me as a girl, so the cycle repeats. i’m really struggling
you won't ever really notice what you did wrong. i don't think you can anymore, but i hope you live a happy life, in spite of how you treated me.i still think about the last thing you said to me.it was very hurtful.you won't ever know what it did to my health, being close to you.i'll forgive you, even if you never gave me the closure i wanted. but i can't be near you anymore. i was too young. you were older, and should've known better in a lot of senses.i was starved for someone who wouldn't hurt me for existing. you eventually lost interest in me, and started doing that too.goodbye, c. i never got to say it to you, but you left all the same.
This was the ending to a poem i wrote on my roof listening to nurture album and smoking a cig during a mental spiral about my academic and artistic future/endeavors and dealing with routine jobs and relationships.I can post the full poem when i wake up if anyones interested. (pic is my ftm friends thoughts on it lol)I have better poems than this last stanza i promise -3-"" 'You must turn the page' She emitted the sunrise in her words.'The tides of loathing arrive bearing arms, fascist lies, and stolen wealth.Steer the wheel of fate with each of your two hands.Lest you drown in stagnation alongside you love, life, and family's history.A moniker to your collar and life, a lover that will lead your fate.An ikon of hope and change, waiting to become reality.' "
>>40909940good luck for your interview nonawhy can't you confide in your housemate? please don't hurt yourself are you young? things can change a lot
>>40906968i don't think a lot of trans ppl actually pass even w/ FFS and as one of those ppl, i don't rly see the point to pretending to be a weird looking man w/ tits the rest of my life. gonna kms after spending the holidays one last time w/ my senpai and traveling around for a few months in the spring. dumb fucking existence. sorry C and S if u still give a shit abt me after i was such a shitty person to you.
