It wasn't until age 11 or 12 that I understood what sex is, and I was horrified. All my life I've been attracted to cute girls, but when I learned sex is this gross awkward aggressive act where a girl loses her innocence, I just couldn't be aroused by it at all. So I can only get off to naked bodies, while sex acts are a turn-off. So I wonder, why am I like this? Was I traumatized or something? Adults never told me sex was bad as a kid, in fact they rarely talked about it at all. It's not like I cringe or can't watch sex, but it's just this weird awkward bumping into each other thing, usually I don't even see it as sexual.
>>40969005sounds like you're asexual
>>40969018I jerk off a lot though and have several fetishes
>>40969025let me guess, the fetishes are because you need to have something interesting going on when the sex itself is boring? you can be ace and still have a sex drive
>>40969005born traumatized tbqh
>>40969062Idk about that logic. I do genuinely find the fetishes hot or w/e, my brain needed to have something to get off with i guess. if someone is asexual just because they don't like sex then I guess I'm asexual. but I like masturbating which is having sex with myself so that's a weird definition
>>40969005I can relate to that, the actual act of sex disgusts me and im put off by both genitalia and anytime I've tried to watch irl porn i get genuine second hand embarrassment (I can only listen to audios) and I've never masturbated. It's weird because I have pretty graphic sexual fantasies with specific fetishes and find people's bodies attractive but just hate irl sex and most genitalia with few exceptions. I don't think it's trauma but idk I just attributed it to being an autist
>>40969093strictly speaking it's a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, without like some kind of trauma or hormonal problem causing it. if that describes you you're ace, if it doesn't you're not, if it kinda does you might be gray ace. its not impossible to have repressed the memory of a traumatic event, but a lack of attraction doesn't necessarily mean that's what's happening.attraction is different from being sex favorable, indifferent, or repulsed, which is whether or not you enjoy the act itself regardless of attraction.
>>40969005>where a girl loses her innocencelife will take bites and chunks out of everyones innocence as they get older, it's naturalwho is more innocent, the 18 year old girl in high school having sex with her lover or the mid 30's woman working for the city, erping on mmos with strangers from around the world but never having been penetrated herself?
>>40969175>strictly speaking it's a lack of sexual attraction to anyonethe few times i've had sexual attraction to someone, i felt incredibly guilty about it. I feel like when i have sexual attraction toward someone i'm like a tornado who's going to destroy whatever i touch, and ruin the cuteness/innocence/beauty of what i love for selfish reasons. and it feels wrong for me to take a person and claim them for myself like that. IMO i would have a normal functioning sexuality but i just rejected it at puberty because i was so disgusted and depressed by what sex appeared to be. idk how strange or unique that is>>40969190yeah I know it's not fully rational, my brain just has that emotion when it sees it
>>40969217 (You)this song actually sums up my feelings on it really wellhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxHsptgchzI
>>40969217do you have that level of control over your other feelings, or would this stand out if that's what's happening?
>>40969273i do, i accidentally put myself into such extreme emotional numbness that most people would have to take antipsychotics to feel what i feel on a daily basis. i guess your point is that most people can't warp their sexuality to that level based on their emotions, but i did i guess
>if you think sex is dirty you're aceAces are really just the libertarians of sex aren't they
i understand the feeling OP even if im not disgusted myself, so much about being alive is horrible and traumatizing when you think about it for a second. like take this whole board, to us the fact we are born amab is horrible trauma that we are constantly suffering with. but to most normies the fact that they were born male or female is as easy as breathing. dont even get me started on breathing.we just have to accept our animal nature i guess
>>40969296its weird how much you remind me of myself. its probably gonna be hard to tell what's innate when your thumb is on the scale that much. on the bright side, if you decide to unpack and work through your feelings it should help with that. I think that's the only advice I can give for figuring yourself out.>>40969336not what I said
>>40969430>on the bright side, if you decide to unpack and work through your feelings it should help with that.yeah i was thinking of just having shrooms and trying to dredge all that stuff upbut i don't have an answer tbqhdropping psychedelics doesn't solve problems, it just lets you see a new perspective. you still have to solve the problem. there were so many problems i had as a kid & honestly even now i just don't have the solutions, i don't even really know where to start on solutions desu. i think a lot of us are in that position
>>40969469something that helped me a lot was writing down my thoughts. it helped me keep track of them all and gave me the structure to think through them more than I would have otherwise. once I had a better grasp on the situation finding solutions was easier.
>>40969500i fucking wish it was that easy ive been doing a diary since i was 14
>>40969510...therapy?
>>40969595didn't workive also been on over 10 psych meds and they didn't work. they didnt even do anything loli think some people are so cooked mentally they kinda need a "factory reset" on their brain. this is what electroshock therapy is for but personally i don't want to do that. i've heard if you get really good at lucid dreaming you can like talk to yourself and do self therapy so i'm gonna try that.
>>40969005>but when I learned sex is this gross awkward aggressive act where a girl loses her innocencethis is the problem.the loss of innocence is in fact a feeling of betrayalthe issue lies with the fact that the platonic and romance being seperate doesnt feel right. for one to have more intimacy with another over lust, does in fact bleed into trust and relations in general, which is one reason why the concept of declaring a relationship and marriage with a woman exist, although its someone you dont like behaviorally as much as your family or your own sex and which youre socially forced not to like.if humanity was somehow sex positive to the point of fucking everyone, there wouldnt be any innocence nor betrayalits a very complicated thing to explain, but understanding this is when i turned from someone appalled at the thought of sex to not caring for it at all. i still view most hetero sex as superficial, with incest and homosexuality being better but at a cost.do you have autism? i believe that part of the antisociality with autism comes with wanting a tighter social circle causing trust issues.
>>40969005yeah world sucks just make a promise to alt f4 sexual preds when you come in contact with them
