Hey trans girl you're cool as hell. I love talking to you and learning about your fixations and getting reading recs from you and also listening to your problems.There's plenty like me. There's plenty of love for you and your communities. Hold out, please. We'll make it.I know this should be in chasergen but there's a lot of negativity on page 1 tonightand I wanted to add one more makima to the cataloge It has gotten to the point where helping these women i hold dear actually gives me a full blown chubbyyou're just specialwith that in mind, i am happy to read and respond to anything that's on your mind or troubling youlean on me emotionally dump on me trauma dump meif you want that is
>>41043907thank you for the kind words Mr.chaser-kunIve been really depressed and dissassociated all day and im not sure what to do. I have uni tmrw and i desperately dont want to be seen as the ugly troon i am.
>>41043907> There's plenty of love for you and your communitiesno there's not literally look on any social media or at 90% of parents that have trans children> Hold out, please. We'll make it.No I'm going to look into buying a gun next week and shooting myself now that I found a gunstore near me.> you're just special in a retarded way yeah. you have to have a brain hemorrhage or something to actually commit to this social suicide.life sucks. no one like you actually exists in my life and most trans women's lives because the world hates us. nothing matters.
>>41043907i transitioned about years ago so ive been like this for a while and pretty confident in who i am and not questioning this shit at all anymorebut recently i had a very very long term relationship with a cis bi girl end due mostly due to the fact that im transour relationship was actually pretty decent overall and the issues we had could have been fixed, and i always tried so so hard to be a good partner, and we used to have a really really special and unique connection and bond especially in the beginning but apparently the fact that im trans is more important than all thatit's bringing up a bunch of horrible feelings that i havent had since the very beginning of my transition and honestly made me crash out really really badly quite a few times and its been really hard to deal withi was already 100% transitioned when the relationship started so its not like i ever tried to hide it or anything Just really making me realize that no matter how good of a partner you try to be, sometimes who you are is just gonna overshadow everything and i feel like im constantly be afraid from now on that people that i trust are gonna leave me for somethign that i just am and can never changereally sucks
>>41045252im sipping on some wine to help. I wrote her a song today. i miss her a loti meant to say i transitioned about 6 years ago. I also got ffs
>>41045271you started 6 years ago, got ffs and a bi girl still stopped dating you just cus you were trans?I think maybe i should give up on dating.
>>41045361Yeashe had a semi conservative family so, but shes like in her late 20s so really it probably shouldnt matter what they thinkIt definitely made me understand why so many trans people only date other trans people exclusivelyalso the first moment where i was like, damn maybe the stupid doomers on this board are actually right about how much it sucks to be like this
>>41045271don't give up, remember what would Elster do?
Listen here little baby. You're gonna get a lot of hurtful and degrading comments, but that ain't what I'm about. Let me just say, you are perfect the way you are. You hear me sugar? PERFECT. Don't ever change. You deserve anything and everything you want. Stay safe for me, baby girl. >mfw thinking of you hurting
>>41045246>nothing mattersyup. thus, anything can matter. learn why absurdism is a better mindset than nihilism. you could shoot yourself but then you would miss out on all the insanity to come. stick around, sis
>>41045618>you would miss out on all the insanity to comeno i wouldn't. i'd miss out on sitting in my room alone (because i was asked to stop college from suicide concerns this semester ^-^), then occasionally being reminded that my family doesn't love me anymore. any insanity is me hoping that maybe this big strong man will come save me from all of this and let me be his wife but that will never happen because im a dumbass bitch with a horrible personality, no uterus and one of the ugliest faces to boot.
>>41043907you wouldnt say this if you knew i looked like a man
>>41045550i’m trying but im definitely closer to The Bad than i’ve been in a very long timedon’t elster lose her partner forever then get stuck in a loop that she can’t escape then die
>>41043907Thanks for being a sweetie. I've been really lonely lately, and it's been eating at me a lot. I'm 26 and I've not even dated someone. The present is rapidly turning into a wasted past, and it's so hard to believe that I'll find Love when time has already shown that I'm not wanted, and I doubt I'll be getting any prettier as the years wear on. I could go on but I think I'll leave it at saying that hope just feels like delusion.>>41045550I needed to hear this.
good morning sorry everyone i passed out at approx 10pm ct>>41045204Hey, really sorry you had a rough sunday :(Hopefully you see this in the morning or during the day. The best thing you can do for yourself is to go to uni and try to have a good day of classes and stuff. Thinking stuff like "seen as the ugly troon I am" preemtively sets you up for failure.The thing is: strangers don't really have object permanence. They'll see you and then they won't. Even your classmates that you don't really talk to. Everyone's got their own lives to deal with.You shouldn't assume everyone is scrutinizing your appearance and trying to guess your gender. You are just one silhouette in a crowd. And something I keep preaching: there are an innumerable amount of body types for men and women; my own pov is that a lot of people I come across, you can only immediately tell their gender because of the clothes they wear, makeup, hair. I know that it's hard with depression. As a cis guy I've never had dysphoria so obv I have no idea what it's like. But just try to get enjoyment out of the day for your own sake, alright? You don't deserve how you feel; and you do deserve to enjoy what good there is on offer.>>41045246Have you looked into any trans or queer communities near you? Because lacking anyone IRL to talk to about shit does really suck. I definitely feel you there.FWIW I do think queer people (and any marginalized persons) should look into gun ownership. You are right about the hatred out there (though I think there's a lot more love and support than you give credit for), and it's important that no one is a soft target.A lot of it stems from your demographic being turned into a boogeyman, and an outlet for a whole *other* demographic that's having a not-so-great time for the first time ever and they can't handle it (white fragility). But I genuinely think it's causing a ton of people to reconsider their hateful views on marginalized groups.
i won't post anything here but thank you chaserfriend :) the board sucks lately and i appreciate this thread. i hope something good happens to you today
>>41045246(cont)I should know about the last bit because I used to be a self-identified "right winger" in uni.Then I grew out of it. It really helped when I met trans people online.And I have a family now. With kids. And my household does not subscribe to hateful views. My wife and I are friends with the other families in town that have young kids - all of them are allies as well. Anecdotal, I know, but the world around me is rapidly changing for the better. >>41045252That honestly really sucks anon. It sounds just shitty of your former partner.Breakups happen. It's rare for them to truly end well, and in a satisfying way. And especially after LTRs it just feels like someone close to you has died...Ultimately, the possibility of someone leaving you for something immutable about yourself is something everyone has to deal with. It's a part of human experience unfortunately. Try to look at the good in your life. I'm really glad to hear you've successfully transitioned. Try to focus on the good in your life. Put yourself back out there if-and-when you think you're back in a good headspace.>>41045271I think it's cool as hell you compose music. What do you play?>>41046158idk how you look thoughand you dunno how I lookSo we can't really make assumptions about that stuff.Should've mentioned - I am in a happy LTR. Not looking to hook up with anyone or anything.Hope you're doing alright tho, anon. And if not I hope it gets a lil better today.>>41046785>The present is rapidly turning into a wasted past, and it's so hard to believe that I'll find Love when time has already shown that I'm not wanted, and I doubt I'll be getting any prettier as the years wear on. I could go on but I think I'll leave it at saying that hope just feels like delusion.Real, though. How many people *don't* feel this? It's a universal emotion. I'm in my 30s now. I'd love to be 26 again. But as a 26 y/o, I remember thinking "god I'd love to be 21 again" etc etc(cont)
>>41046785I know it's not easy but try to root yourself in the present. Try to define what "self development" means to you and break it down into achievable goals.More importantly: are you part of any communities outside of /lgbt/? IRL or online. Folks with the same interests and hobbies as you.Putting yourself out there is always hard. Especially IRL. But it's worth a shot.Do you have any hobbies or fixations? If not, anytime is a good time to try and get into something new.Honestly if you joined any signalis fandom community I'm sure you'd find people you click with hard lol
>>41046942Omgosh thank you <3I hope the same for youBoard sux atm because some brain rotted groyper meme'd hard on a rw celeb. It's gonna pass with the next news cycle.
>>41045618i really hate this line. "interesting things might happen and you'd miss them!" yeah no shit mate that's mortality + linear time for you. people are alive for a sliver of time, you missed things before your birth, you experience things now, you'll miss things after your death regardless of when it happens. that's not sad. it's barely even interesting. and it's certainly not a reason to stick around in itself
>>41047776Hard agree.This kind of armchair absurdism/nihilism reeks of privilege (I don't like using that word but it is what it is).Observing awful things isn't very fun when you are WITHIN the punishment sphere.Hate the sentiment of "just lock tf in."Finding something to find passion and drive from takes work. It's crucial work. But it can be hard.Religion can help. I know a couple tgirls that are into religion. One's a pretty spiritual Orthodox. It's always pleasant talking with her about faith (I'm far less religious).I do think everyone should try to resist despair, though. However they can.
>>41046911Thank you chaser-kun, its just hard. I feel like whenever i raise my voice or look at someone or make a noise to loud or whatever im instantly scrutenized by everyone else around me and then judged for my appearance. It also really doesnt help that college is full of people i want to talk to but i dont think ill be anything more than a freakshow to.
>>41043907you sound like a fucking faggot opt. ranny ^-^
>>41046911>Have you looked into any trans or queer communities near you?yeah ive mostly gone through tagmaps which never really worked out for any friends i did meet. im not a good person and im an annoying friend. living in the south where it feels like most trans people are too afraid to present how they want (me included) makes just existing really sad.>should look into gun ownershipim extremely suicidal. i will kill myself if i own a gun>though I think there's a lot more love and support than you give credit fordoesn't feel like it. my parents certainly don't love me but they still let me stay at their house while im depressed. any relationships ive gone through have more so resulted in emotional abuse, then physical abuse, then sexual abuse. i wasn't the best girlfriend (not even really a girl im just a guy on hrt) but that didn't give them the right to ridicule me or hurt me out of nowhere. seeking friends has been difficult too. it's so hard to make a connection nowadays. maybe im just depressed but it feels like so much of what people say is just hollow and to get out of a conversation. i don't know whatever. i have some friends but im acting like a bpd bitch so ill probably lose them soon.>>41047013>the world around me is rapidly changing for the betterthanks i guess. still too late. republicans are villainizing us to a point where its scary to go in public. i feel eyes down my back just for being an androgynous boy thing. im scared im going to be ridiculed or worse for existing one of these days. oh well. life sucks. im a faggot and i chose to be this. it's my fault
>>41043907just fucking troon. also you're gay
Ty for talking <3>>41047013>It's a universal emotion.Perhaps. Be that as it may, I think that there is merit that I should feel a sharper sting. I lag so far behind my peers in so many ways. I've never had love, my youth was all maladroit seclusion. I know that there are better lives out there, and that I haven't been invited to the party.>>41047055Yeah, I am around in the local punk scene and I have a very wonderful community of friends I play role-playing games with. Also have a pretty big handful of other friends who I hang out with too. I don't really lack for friendship; my angst revolves far more around romantic loneliness and feeling doomed.
>>41043907Ok. I got raped as a little kid and it ruined me. I am ruined. I think about it all the time & I try so hard to be a good person but I am so fucking worthless. I never went to a real high school, never learned to drive, or date, or hold a job, or ride a bike, or swim, or anything to make myself a human worth life. I take my hormones & rot in my NEET drug den thinking, maybe, maybe if I can have the body I NEED then I can have control over my life. It will be MY body, & maybe life wouldn't be so bad. But it's not happening. I live every day on a knife's edge and it's just a matter of time. I have had so many breakdowns that there is nowhere left to go. It feels like I have a million pounds weighing on me all the time and nobody cares. Nobody in the world even knows I exist, because I made it that way. It's such an endlessly mind rottingly lonely existence. Yet I am scared of the outside world, of being around other people, because it feels like you can never trust anybody. I have no sense of safety because you never really know if someone is going to hurt you somehow. If I could just get one goddamn night of good sleep then maybe itd be alright, I could go back to being content with my isolation like I have in the past, but not likely. I hate myself and I hate my life and I hate everything everyone idk. i just dont understand why this had to happen to me. i really wish it didnt.
>>41043907>There's plenty like me.There is only one like you. Don't sell yourself short.
>>41050795not OP but you're literally me sis. i was incestuously assaulted by my mom. i feel like i haven't slept in years, and i cant sleep for more than three hours at a time. i never learned how to ride a bike. please keep trying. we all die eventually anyway, so why bother killing yourself?
>>41047013>Ultimately, the possibility of someone leaving you for something immutable about yourself is something everyone has to deal with. It's a part of human experience unfortunately.yeah for sure, i understand,breakups happen all the time for all sorts of often not logical reasons. I think its more the realization that when you're a trans person dating a cis person there's often if not always gonna be this barrier that you have to fight against, that the person is always gonna not really fit into polite societal structures because the person they're with is trans, whereas if they were dating a cis person (and in their case, since they were bi, dating a straight cis man) they could simply just fitWhen you're young and just having fun its probably fine, whenever people start talking about telling their parents, getting married, then its a big problem. Sometimes i feel like if you try really really hard to be the perfect partner you can overcompensate for the problem of your birth (which is already a very unfair dynamic, but still), but the thing that hurts the most is realizing that, at least in this case, there was nothing I could've done to make up for that, in their own words.>>41047013>I think it's cool as hell you compose music. What do you play?ah it was pretty much one of the first songs i've ever made, im just fucking around with it. My ex used to be a musician so I guess i wanted to make a song about it. I play a bit of bass.
>>41050865i really needed to hear this. if nothing else, killing myself means my stuffed animals would be thrown away & that cant happen. thank you
